Chapter 7
“So…” Gray caressed Jack’s cheek. “Now that we have that debate out of the way, where do you want me to put my bag?”
“I…” Jack’s voice broke, like his body wouldn’t let him finish his answer. He took a breath, opened his mouth as if to speak, and then sighed instead.
Gray didn’t struggle with confidence, which was why he never hesitated to pick up men and probably at least partially why he nearly always succeeded.
But Jack wasn’t a guy he was hitting on at a bar or matching with on an app, so unlike those situations, their goals weren’t already obvious and aligned.
He was in this for the long haul, always had been, but he wasn’t going to steamroll Jack to get there.
“How about I put my cards on the table?” Again. “I’d love to be with you tonight but only if that’s what you want. If it’s not, that’s cool too.” He searched Jack’s face and didn’t like what he saw. “Why are you scared?” he asked, voice low.
“I’m not scared.” Jack wiped the back of his hand across his eyes again.
Gray raised his eyebrows. “Try again. And this time, remember who you’re talking to.”
“Damn it.” Jack sniffled, rubbed his nose, and then chuckled. “It’s impossible to act unbothered with a hot guy you’re trying to land when said hot guy already knows you’re an anxiety-filled nerd with no game.”
“The good news is this hot guy likes anxiety-filled nerds. I’m not looking for unbothered. And most critically; you already landed me.” Gray cupped Jack’s cheeks and met his gaze. “The Notebook—a movie I never saw, by the way—lied to you.”
“If you never saw it, how do you know it lied?
“Well, if it has you thinking that it’s too late for romance when you’ve got half of your life ahead of you, that means it lied.”
“There you go again, telling me things are half full when I’m focused on the half that’s empty.”
“That’s right.” Gray grinned. “And since I’m on a roll with my always brilliant insights, I’ll keep going. Yes, you’ve built a great life. You have amazing friends, a gorgeous house, a blooming business. Now it’s time for fun.”
“Fun?”
“Yes. Fun.” Gray leaned forward, his lips a breath’s distance away from Jack’s. “Do you want to have fun with me, Jack Storm?”
Eyes still locked with his, Jack pulled in a shaky breath, held it, and then chewed on his lip as he let it out. “Yes.”
Gray squatted down, picked up his bag, and looked at Jack in question.
A couple of beats passed and then Jack said, “I want you to stay with me tonight.”
“Perfect.” He pressed his lips to Jack’s in a quick kiss. “I’ll go put this in your bedroom.”
Still looking nervous, Jack licked his lips. “Do you need me to show you where it is?”
“Your bedroom?”
“Uh huh.”
Gray and Jack had first seen the house together. Gray had helped get the purchase done, given his opinion on furniture and décor, and probably spent more time there than he had anywhere other than his office. He damn well knew where the primary bedroom was located.
“Sure.” Gray’s cheeks hurt from how widely he was smiling. “That’d be helpful.”
They walked down the hall shoulder to shoulder.
“I haven’t seen the Notebook either.”
Gray laughed. “Then how can you know you’re missing out on anything by not recreating it?”
Shrugging, Jack said, “I was making a point.”
They reached the bedroom door, so Gray stopped and waited for Jack to open it before following him inside. “What point was that?”
“I don’t know.” Jack shook his head. “Something about a romance movie.”
“Well, since neither of us saw that one, how about we make our own?” He walked over to the bay window and set his bag on the ottoman in front of it.
“Make our own movie?” Jack’s voice took on a high, slightly panicked pitch.
“Make our own romance,” Gray answered, laughing. “I think both of us are past the sex tape stage of life.” He walked over to Jack and rested his hands on Jack’s hips.
“I was never in that stage.” Jack raised his hands, hovered, and eventually wrapped them around Gray’s biceps.
“Neither was I.”
“No?”
Though he had never spoken to Jack about his hookups, their friends clearly had.
He hadn’t ever wanted to talk to Jack about a sex life that didn’t involve him, but now he wondered whether that had been a mistake.
Some of the things Jack had said and the nervous way he had been acting made Gray realize there was something holding him back when it came to the physical side of their blossoming relationship.
Maybe if he was open about his past, Jack would be willing to share information about his own history.
After carefully considering his next words, Gray said, “None of the sex I’ve had meant enough to memorialize on film.”
“Oh.” Jack looked off to the side, squinting. “I guess that’s true for me too.”
He knew Jack hadn’t dated much after his breakup, but that information surprised Gray. “You were with Jaime for ten years.”
“Yeah.” Jack lowered his gaze.
“Jack?”
“Uh huh.”
“Should we talk about this?”
“No.” Jack sighed. “Probably.” He shuffled over to his bed and sat down.
Gray followed and sat beside him. “Do you make your bed every day?” He skated his palm over the paisley bedspread.
Jack nodded.
“I do too.” He put his hand on Jack’s knee and squeezed it.
They sat quietly for a couple of minutes, and he caressed Jack’s knee while he waited, knowing that during difficult conversations, Jack often needed time to mentally process before articulating his thoughts.
Eventually, Jack said, “If I ask you something, do you promise to tell me the truth?”
“I’ve never lied to you and I’m not about to start now.”
“Are you here because you feel sorry for me?”
Gray reared back. That was not what he had expected to hear. “What the hell, Jack? No, of course not. Why would I feel sorry for you?”
“I don’t know. I mean, you could be in any guy’s bedroom right now instead of in mine. I realize that.”
“Are you asking me if I’m here for a pity fuck? That’s what you’re getting at, right?”
Jack raised his shoulders.
“That’s absolutely not the case and I think…” Gray considered whether he wanted to finish his sentence knowing that however Jack responded to his question was likely to aggravate him but decided he didn’t have a choice. “I think I need to know what happened between you and Jaime.”
“There isn’t much to say really.” Jack licked his lips. “He wasn’t into me like that.”
“Wasn’t into you like that,” Gray repeated, saying each word slowly as he tried to process the meaning of the sentence. “And by like that, you mean?”
“Sexually, I guess.” He sighed and hunched in on himself. “I’m not the kind of person people want to be with that way.”
“You’re telling me your boyfriend of a decade didn’t want to have sex with you?”
“Maybe I was lousy in bed.”
He had been correct in his concern that Jack’s answer would aggravate him. Gray hadn’t thought he could like Jaime any less than he already did, but apparently, he had been wrong. His already negative view of Jack’s ex became more pronounced.
“Did he say that?”
“No.” Jack shook his head. “He didn’t explain, really. Just said it was a him thing not a me thing. I tried to…you know, at the beginning, but I could tell I was making him uncomfortable so I stopped.”
“You stopped trying to have sex with your boyfriend?”
“Pretty much.” Jack stared at the floor and rubbed his foot back and forth across it.
“Some self-help book or article I read said happiness is about letting go of what you thought your life was supposed to be and embracing where you are, and that’s what I did.
Not that I had much of a choice anyway.” For the first time in the conversation, Jack looked directly into Gray’s eyes and held his gaze.
“I don’t want to have sex with someone who doesn’t want to be with me. ”
Gray heard the unspoken question and had no problem answering it. “You’re sitting next to someone who wanted to bend you over his desk the first time he saw you, so let’s bury that worry right now.”
Jack started coughing. “The first time? What, like back in San Francisco?”
“Yes, in San Francisco.” He rubbed Jack’s back. “And pretty much every time after that. I have always been insanely attracted to you, Jack.”
“I didn’t know you felt that way.”
“That’s because I’m not an asshole, despite what opposing counsel, the firm associates who don’t want to put in hours, and most of our friends say.
You had a boyfriend and then you were healing from a breakup, so I was patient.
” Gray paused and winked. “Mostly. Look, Jack, I'm not going to pretend I understand why you stayed in a situation where the bar was so low the devil tripped over it, but I’m not him. I’ve always wanted you. ”
“You’re the nicest and sexiest man I know.” Jack twisted his upper body until he faced Gray. “And I want you too.”
Slowly, Gray leaned forward and pressed his lips to Jack’s. “Tell me what you want to do.” He placed his hand above Jack’s knee and dragged it up his leg. “No wrong answers.”
***
There was no way for Jack to answer Gray’s question when all his brainpower was being utilized to spin and worry.
“What if it’s not any good?” he asked, surprised when he realized he had spoken his concerns aloud.
Then again, he was with Gray who had already seen him at his lowest and hadn’t ever judged him.
He associated Gray with safety, so sharing his inner worries was a reflex.
“The sex?”
True to his character, Gray didn’t sound put off by his question, so Jack breathed a little easier and nodded.
Grinning, Gray said, “Practice makes perfect.”
Jack snorted. “Only you can make me laugh when I’m this anxious.”
“Laughing’s good.” Gray nibbled on his earlobe and rubbed his thumb up and down the top of his thigh.
If he moved an inch to the right, he’d feel Jack’s erection.
Nerves would normally have prevented him from being hard in that situation, but Gray was too gorgeous, sensual, and calming to resist. “Jack?”
“Uh huh.”