Chapter 18
LAINEY
We slept in separate rooms last night, and it was horrible. I was spoiled with that night together when he slept wrapped around my body like my own personal blanket, and waking up alone felt lonelier than ever, especially when I remember that I stormed off to bed.
I had known he’d want to talk about it, and I’m just not ready. I want to tell him soon, but there are so many other things I need to talk to him about first, like the baby growing inside me.
I needed fresh air this morning, which is why I’m out for a run before I’m meeting up with Morgan and her friend Chloe for coffee.
Guilt hits my chest as I turn the corner back to Jensen’s place. I’ve already drunk alcohol and had an exuberant amount of coffee while I’ve been pregnant. Granted, I didn’t know, but that doesn’t make me worry less.
I called the doctor yesterday when I got to Jensen’s and set up an appointment to be seen and check everything out.
I need to establish care with someone here anyway since this will just be the beginning of a slew of appointments.
Thankfully, I was able to quickly find someone in my network.
My first appointment is scheduled for next Friday at four p.m. Depending on the status of my job when I get back tomorrow, I might not have to work it out with the schedule.
Hopefully, my job is just fine, or I’m going to have a whole new problem to sort out.
Caitlin didn’t seem too upset during the game when I interfered. I think if anything, she was just mad I’d kept her in the dark. I should’ve disclosed it sooner, but it’s too late for that.
When she pulled me aside after wrapping Jensen up, she reprimanded me for letting my feelings get the better of me. At that moment, I was thinking more about the emotions and less about the medical needs. But I can’t look at Jensen objectively; he’s my weakness.
The doorman opens the door for me as I approach, and I thank him as I step through before getting in the elevator and using the spare key card Jensen gave me to move the lift up to his penthouse.
He’s at the arena this morning to watch practice, and I’m happy that I can avoid him for a short while longer until dinner tonight.
I need to find a time to talk to him about everything, but anytime I feel like I have an ounce of courage, he does something so sweet that makes me want to grab my bags and run for the hills because he deserves someone so much better than me.
Maybe Cole was right about no one else ever being able to love me. I know he’s an asshole, but maybe his words aren’t completely wrong. Jensen may think he wants me, but he probably won’t feel that way when he learns the truth.
I’ll talk to him after the dinner tonight. Putting it off for too long will just drag it on, and that’s not fair for him. But before I can face that mountain, I have a girls’ date at The Little Dove.
Chloe and Morgan are the epitome of best friends, literally two peas in a pod. They are so funny and entertaining; I could laugh with them for hours.
“What are you wearing tonight?” Morgan asks me, and my blood runs cold.
Oh God, I haven’t even thought about it. What the heck?! How has this not crossed my mind? The only dresses I have are all tied to Cole, and wearing something tainted by him is not happening.
“Don’t panic.” She reads me and tries to calm my worry. “There’s a few boutiques on this street that Chloe and I have been to before. They would totally have something perfect for you. I have time now if you want to run to some.”
Checking the time, I relax ever so slightly, knowing that we have, like, eight hours before the event. “That’d be great actually. Would you mind?”
Chloe kicks her chair back and grabs her purse, beaming. “We would be honored!”
“I apologize in advance for her.” Morgan laughs. “Shopping is sort of her domain.”
“Please don’t.” I grin, feeling warm and fuzzy at the instant connection the three of us have together.
I don’t know that I’ve ever had this dynamic with anyone before. After Luca and Jensen left for college, I honestly kept to myself, aside from a few shallow friendships to pass the time. But with Chloe and Morgan, this feels like it can be something special and real.
We clean up our table and head outside, Chloe leading the way to the first boutique. Hopefully, we don’t have to go to more than one. Shopping isn’t exactly my favorite thing in the world.
A quick trip? Yeah, sure. But not hours upon hours of trying on clothes that I’ll end up hating when I know I’ll grab a sweatshirt or T-shirt out of my closet in the end.
On the short walk, Morgan tells me that it’s not an all-out suit-and-tie event, but just something a little bit dressy.
I’m hoping to find a jumpsuit to fulfill my two requirements—comfort and style.
She also assures me that there is guaranteed to be one of the guys in their sweats so I shouldn’t stress too much.
The first boutique is a bit too frilly for my liking, but good God, it is perfect for Chloe, who ends up walking out with two full bags of cute clothes.
Thankfully, the second shop is much more my vibe.
The girls assure me that I’ve found the one when I step out of the fitting room and their jaws fall to the floor.
“Jensen’s going to freak,” Morgan scoffs, scanning me with hearts in her eyes.
My cheeks warm as I step in front of the floor-length three-fold mirror.
For a split second, I can see her vision, and then my mind starts shredding every tiny detail.
My arms could look more toned. My waist tighter and stomach smaller.
I know I shouldn’t be this way, but it’s been worse the last couple of years.
The slightly opaque scar that runs along my neck is in full view with my hair in a high ponytail, not shielded by the delicate lace straps nor the V-surplice navy-blue satin top.
“You look incredible,” Morgan murmurs, standing up and stepping beside me as she finds my stare. “Seriously.”
I swallow hard, trying to force the insecurities away. “Thank you.”
They continue to hype me up for the next few minutes, insisting I get the strappy black heels, which I’m easily sold on, given the only pair I own are years old and quite worn.
Somehow, I leave the store, feeling a little taller than before, a confidence brewing inside that I haven’t felt in a long time.
“Okay, but, like, if I crashed the party, would it be the end of the world?” Chloe asks Morgan, who chuckles.
“You have plans!” Morgan smiles.
“Ugh, I know. But it’s not my fault I’m engaged to my dad’s business partner and not a pro hockey player. Now my best friend has all these cool dinners without me.” She pouts playfully, and Morgan shoves her.
We continue joking with one another on the way back to the café, and in a moment of reflection, I realize that taking this job in New York is turning out to be the best thing I’ve ever done.
My heart is hammering in my chest as I descend the stairs to where Jensen is waiting in the living room, feeling exposed and vulnerable under his intense stare in the best of ways.
His eyes soften, his lips parting as he scans my body tenderly, taking in every inch with intention.
“Lainey …” Jensen breathes out my name like a dying word, his head shaking ever so slightly, like he’s in disbelief. “You are so beautiful.”
I smile softly, unable to form a single word as I step onto the wooden floor and walk over to him, taller than usual in these three-inch heels.
He looks too good in a relaxed button-up and slacks. My God. The top few buttons are undone, his white gold chain doing something to me as I briefly imagine it hanging between us with him on top of me.
Stop it.
“Thank you. And you look great,” I stammer through my words, clearing my throat. “Are you ready to go?”
He nods, biting down on his bottom lip. His eyes darken, dropping down to my Cupid’s bow. “We totally don’t have to go.”
A light chuckle slips past my lips. “Yes, we do.”
Because if we stay here and he keeps looking at me like that, I’m going to do something I might regret.
He groans, slowly rolling his eyes and head back. “Fiiiine.”
We make our way to the car, slowly but surely as Jensen crutches just behind me. I feel his stare on my body the entire way, making me feel like I’m actually catching on fire.
I still need to talk to him tonight about what I’ve been hiding. But it’s going to be hard to ignore the growing tension between us that I’m not ready to act on. At least for the next few hours, we’ll be surrounded by other people, which will help keep my feral side at bay.
“Come on, Limpy,” I call out behind me. “Hurry up.”
The closeness of his voice startles me, and a shiver runs down my spine. “I’m right here.”
I freeze in place just feet from the car as his finger brushes the satin on my hip, igniting embers deep in my core.
“Did you really just call me Limpy?”
“Yeah? And? What are you going to do about it?” I regret my words instantly as his fingers wrap around my hip, holding me firm and still, his lips pressing against the shell of my ear.
“Is this a moment you’re being playful or a moment you want to really, truly find out? I’m happy either way, baby, just tell me what you want.”
Oh fuck.
The sound of him offering the choice to me changes something fundamentally in my mind.
I murmur, a slight shake to my words, “We’re going to be late.”
“Then you’d better unlock the doors,” he whispers, pressing a tender kiss to my ear before crutching ahead of me toward the back passenger door.
I press unlock and stride past him. Without breathing. Without blinking. With my thoughts racing uncontrollably.
I’ve imagined what the turning point moment will be like between us countless times over the years, storing that fantasy in the depths of my mind.
What if I’ve imagined too much? What if I romanticized it so intensely that the reality will never compare? What if I’m not going to meet his expectations?