Chapter 32
Denver
Itap my pen against Ronan’s desk, gazing at endless paperwork, a mix of invoices and delivery slips, unfinished to-do lists and scribbled notes.
It’s a mess, and I’m trying to organize it, desperate for anything monotonous.
If I think too hard, I’ll think about him, and I’m too tired to replay last night.
Lewis listened as I ranted about Wilder. How he showed up, tried to talk to me, to do what … apologize? Explain himself? As if that would change anything. I finally came face to face with the man I’d searched for, and I walked away. For the same reason I stopped searching for him.
For Holly. For Colt.
“Your flight booked?”
I lift my head and meet Alistair’s eye. He’s holding a laptop, as always. His silver hair is freshly cut, gray suit impeccable, but his light brown eyes are heavy with exhaustion.
“It is.”
He’s not a big talker, not to me at least, and I sometimes get the impression that he isn’t my biggest fan.
“I’ll be busy over the next few days, so this is probably goodbye,” he says. “So … goodbye.”
How warm and fuzzy.
“You’ll look out for him?” I ask quickly. “When I go? You’ll … you’ll make sure Colt’s okay? And Holly, too?”
Something cold crosses his expression. “I’ve looked out for Colt since I was eleven years old, Denver. I don’t need to be reminded how to be a friend.”
Somehow, I hold back a blanch. “I didn’t mean—”
“I know what you meant. This is my family, not yours.”
It isn’t a total shock to see him this way. He’s warm around everybody else, but is reserved with me, for whatever reason. I never really cared—his opinion of me doesn’t matter.
But for some reason, today it does.
“Why don’t you like me, Alistair?”
He hesitates, and I expect him to leave, but instead, he takes a seat in front of the desk I’m using.
The cold in his expression is gone, replaced by total neutrality.
He places his laptop on the desk as he gets comfortable.
“I’ve run Colt’s businesses for a long time.
I’ve been with him through everything. I’ve always looked out for him, and I don’t trust your intentions. ”
I drum my fingers against the desk. “What do you think my intentions are?”
“I think you have feelings for Colt, but not strong enough to let his brother live for what he did to you. I think you’re manipulative, I think you’re calculated, and I think the moment the chance arises to kill Wilder, you will. You have nothing to lose and everything to gain.”
“Gain? What do I gain from—”
“Colt Harland is in love with you. Finn McEwan said he’d go to war for you. Samuel Lok Shun Lau is willing to team up with you. That’s quite the army, don’t you think?”
This is an interesting turn of events, but at least I’m distracted. It’s been over a year since I sat across a desk from a man who challenged me without fear, and he ended up dead in my nightclub.
“So, what do you think my plan was?” I ask. “My husband sabotages my casino, I decide that if I can’t control Ranger Luxe, then I’ll do one better and get a McEwan. So, I cozy up to Finn and Helena. Colt is a bonus. I get close to him by miraculously discovering my son is alive—”
“What happened with Theo isn’t—”
“No, let’s play this out,” I say, and he falls silent.
“I bond with Colt over our grief, my son reappears, and Colt is willing to kill Ranger for little old me. And now I’ll somehow kill off Wilder, marry Colt, dip my little fingers in all the businesses and hope for the best?
” I cross my legs. “You forget, Alistair, that I’m a McEwan by marriage.
I didn’t need to do any of this. I could have knocked on Finn’s front door and asked for his help, and he would have given it to me, because he’s a good man and sees me for who I actually am. ”
“And who is that?”
“Someone who wants out,” I bite back. “I don’t know whether you’re threatened because you love Colt or you love this business, but either way, I don’t give a shit.
My life has been destroyed these last few months and you’re lucky I’m letting you walk away after claiming I used it all to fatten my fucking bank account.
” He stares at me, jaw tight. “You may have seen me weak, Alistair, but believe me, it’s a rare sight.
Don’t mistake me for a broken woman, because I have my name and my reputation for a reason.
Remember who I fucking am before you ever say shit like that to me again. ”
Alistair keeps his gaze locked on mine, fire behind honey brown, and when he eventually stands, he says, “I trust my gut. And my gut says you aren’t as innocent as you make yourself out to be.”
He leaves and I exhale, my breath shaky. There’s always one who assumes the worst, and I can’t blame him. I swept in from nowhere and started working at businesses that I have no right to be in. If anything, I envy Colt having someone so loyal they’re willing to bite for him.
My hand trembles as I brush back my hair. A few months ago, a confrontation like that wouldn’t have rattled me—I’d take it in my stride and go about my day. But I wasn’t lying when I told Alistair my life has been destroyed.
I stand and grab my purse as someone appears in the doorway. The office chair rolls behind me as I step back, and Wilder raises his hands.
“Get out,” I whisper.
He steps into the room. “I just need five minutes.”
“Get out before—” My gaze lands on his raised hands, on the bracelet around his wrist. One Holly probably made with me. I glance between the jewelry and him.
“Please,” he says quietly.
My chest is too tight to respond, so he slowly lowers his hands and takes the seat that Alistair just vacated. I remain on my feet, my purse in my grip. My gun is in there. Loaded. Safety on, but I’m fast.
“I’ll find the man who did it, Sebastian.”
“And then what?”
“I’ll kill him.”
“What’s the fucking point? It won’t bring them back, and it won’t make any of us feel better.”
I blink back tears as Wilder places his hands on his lap, the bracelet still in view.
He looks like he did last night: a shell of the man who had his hand around my throat and promised to kill me.
His cheeks are hollower, hair longer, and in a year he’s aged ten.
I take no pleasure in that. I get no relief from his pain.
Why not? Don’t I deserve that?
“I’m sorry I just dropped by. I knew you wouldn’t see me if I called.” I remain frozen in place. “I’m not armed, Denver. I haven’t held a gun since—”
“My wedding day.”
His jaw tightens, his blue eyes shining as he nods. His eyes are the same shade as Colt’s. But when I look at Colt, I see warmth, and life, and laughter, and caring.
Wilder is … empty.
“I won’t insult you by apologizing,” he says.
“I know it isn’t enough. It’s never enough.
But I want you to know I regret what I did.
Every day. And if I could change it, I would.
” He looks at his hands. His fingernails are bitten down, the skin around them red and torn.
“I can’t change what I did, but I can do something about you and Colt. ”
I frown gently. “What about us?”
“He loves you,” he says, meeting my eyes. I take in a small breath, and my swallow is painful. “And I’m guessing by your reaction that you love him, too.” I don’t speak because I can’t admit that, not to him. “He’s a better man than me, and he deserves to be happy. So … please stay, Denver.”
It takes a second to absorb the words. “What?”
“Don’t go because of me,” he says. “It won’t be easy, I know that, and I’ll do everything I can to limit our contact—”
“Limit our contact?” I say, unable to curb the bitterness in my voice. “You think that will help?”
“It’s only an idea,” he says gently. “We can work on it. I can compromise if you can.”
The rage is hot across my skin. “Compromise.” My body is trembling as I rest my hands on the desk. “Wilder, if you weren’t wearing a bracelet that made me think of your daughter, you’d be dead already.”
“Then keep thinking of her, and how much you love my brother, and work with me to figure this out.” He stands and I straighten. “I just … I just had to say my piece.”
He turns but stops when he hears me pull back the hammer of the gun. My hand shakes as I point the weapon at him, but the safety is off, and all it would take is one squeeze of the trigger.
Ethan would be avenged.
So would Harley.
This thing I’ve been fighting for would finally be over.
Wilder releases a small breath, his shoulders relaxing, and I wonder if part of him wants me to do it. If he’s actually tortured over what happened, and it would finally be over for him, too.
Maybe Wilder’s death is for the best.
But I lower the weapon.
And I put the safety back on.
And Wilder Harland walks away.
A large envelope is on my bed when I get home. I open it, emptying the contents onto the comforter—it contains everything for my new life. Passport, birth certificate, and details of a new home rented and waiting for me and Wesson.
A fresh start.
“How was your day, kid?”
I face Finn and force a smile. “The same as always. I was somehow able to organize the mess at the bar. How do you not have a filing system?”
He leans against the doorframe. “I’m old fashioned.”
“A fancy way of saying stuck in your ways.”
I sit on the bed, and he watches me, a small smile on his lips. “You being here has been a little like having Cara back.”
“Is it my sass? It’s my sass, isn’t it?”
He laughs and comes to sit beside me. “Yes.” We’re quiet for a moment, maybe each lost in our own memories or the busyness of our days. “I’ll always regret not fighting harder for you.”
Tears immediately fill my eyes. “Please don’t say that. You’ve done so much for me—”
“I could have done more. I should have.”
“I wouldn’t have left,” I say, and he meets my eyes. “Ranger was too deep in my brain. Even if my dad had begged me to leave him, I don’t think I would have.”
Time. Distance. Context. The space to see that Ranger had branded my heart and made me believe I only deserved him. No one could have pulled me away. Even Ethan, a good man, couldn’t.
I had to leave to realize it was what I wanted.
“I want you to be happy. I want Colt to be happy.” He shakes his head. “It kills me that you’re both walking away from this.”
“I watched someone I cared about die,” I say, focused on my hands.
“I had the chance to set him free, and I didn’t, and now he’s dead.
My choices led him into Wilder’s path, and I’ll never forgive myself for being selfish and allowing myself to fall for a man who deserved so much more than to die like he did.
” A tear falls, and I breathe deeply before wiping it away.
“I know what Ranger is capable of, and I know what he’ll do to Colt.
And even if he somehow let this go, I can’t forgive Wilder. ”
I want to. I wish I could be the bigger person and look Wilder in the eyes, but seeing him today was a reminder of the hate that’s taken root in my heart.
If I leave now, Colt can be a memory. A wonderful part of my life that made me realize that men can be good, and fathers kind, and husbands loving.
Colt is proof that goodness exists even in the men pushed closest to the edge, and I needed that from him. A reminder. A snapshot. A reason.
Finn kisses my temple. “There will always be reasons and fear standing between you and love. A different country and a different man won’t change that.” He stands and goes to the door. “Are you coming tonight? Christmas lights and ice-skating.”
Wesson wanders into the room and hops up onto the bed.
I did want to go tonight, even if it was just to see Holly, but after seeing Wilder and the tense conversation with Alistair, I think I need a break.
“I might just have a movie night with Lewis and Wesson,” I say, stroking Wesson’s head as he pants. “Have fun, though.”
Finn nods and knocks his knuckles against the doorframe. “You know where we are if you change your mind, kid.”