Chapter 3
Still a Confused Dom
How was he shocked?
My being turned on surprised him so much he frowned and shook his head like he might have water in his ears. “Really?”
His dating history must’ve been spectacularly bad for that to be what truly confused him.
“Yes.” What was the best way to explain it logically, though?
“I’m enjoying holding you and when you combine that with the way I’m getting to caress you and how good our conversation is going, it’s making me hard and I’m mentally reminding myself of the boundaries we’ve set because that’s very important to me. ”
My new friend blinked a few times before he seemed to process what I’d said. “I’ve been doing my best not to wiggle on you. It seemed rude.”
His brain was a wonderful place.
“I appreciate you thinking of me, but an erection never killed anyone.” My response got a grin from him and I couldn’t resist stroking his head. “Do you want to wiggle and deliberately turn me on? Some people would enjoy the...the fucking with someone aspect.”
“Hmm.” He took the question seriously before doing one little wiggle and shaking his head.
“No. I’m not on the ‘fucking with people’ side of the spectrum.
I like being right, and if I had to guess, based on what I’ve read, I think I’ll be the type of sub who likes being well-behaved or at least following the rules. ”
Before I could respond, he let out a dramatic sigh and rested his head against my chest again. “As long as I’m not being a pain in the butt, of course.”
I managed not to laugh out loud, but my chest jerked earning a long exhale from him. “Laugh. It’s okay. It’s silly but I can’t always control it.”
Like when he’d wanted to stomp his feet and pout when he’d first sat down.
“Even if I did laugh, which I’m not agreeing to at the moment, it would’ve been because I thought your explanation was funny and your delivery was cute.
” He knew his weak points and his strong suits, even if he didn’t like admitting the weakness.
“I’m also enjoying your personality even if you don’t always understand why. ”
He didn’t pull away, but he hid his face against my chest. “What do you think about that?”
About what?
No.
It was probably the obvious answer.
“About you not always understanding why I might react a certain way?” When he nodded, I snuggled him tighter against me and trailed my fingers over his head and around his ear to help soothe him. “I didn’t really think about it emotionally one way or the other.”
It seemed like I needed to, though.
Okay, what had I been thinking when I said it?
“I was taking what I knew from our conversation and projecting it forward.” He liked logic, so I wasn’t surprised when some of his tension eased.
“I want to make sure we’re both on the same page, so I guess at most, in the back of my head I was thinking about making sure I explained my thoughts and emotions clearly to you in more complicated scenes. ”
There were a lot of reasons he might not understand what I was feeling and not just because he seemed to have spent his entire life avoiding intimate contact with other people in any and all ways.
I wasn’t even sure he’d ever had some kind of deep friendship that would’ve felt intimate on an innocent level.
“I bother people sometimes when I can’t relate to what they’re feeling.
” His admission was probably hard for him, but he was being careful to deliver it as neutrally as he could.
“When I’ve asked questions to make sure I understand why they’ve laughed or why they’re angry, it’s only made the situation worse. ”
They were dicks.
“Okay. I’m going to say logically I can picture the situation and I’m smart enough to guess what might’ve led them to that point, but on a personal level, I will never get upset with you for asking me why I’m feeling a specific way.
” I’d be a terrible fucking Dom if I did.
“I will also never get upset if you ask me why I’m aroused or why I’m giving you the impression I’m feeling something. ”
Had I covered all the bases?
“This lifestyle, no matter which variation, is built around trust and communication. You can’t submit to someone you can’t trust and you can’t trust someone you don’t understand.
” Hoping I was breaking it down in the right way, I kept the tight hold on him.
“That means I’m going to do my best to break down how I’m feeling and anything I think you might be confused about. Like what turns me on.”
I wasn’t sure if he was ace, confused, or a straight guy who was severely touch starved, but what I could do was explain how I was feeling.
“I’m glad you like my personality, but you were right, I don’t understand why.
” He seemed to think his personality was all negative, and I could only assume that was because of what other people had said.
“I think I should also reinforce that I’m enjoying your personality and being held, which is actually a surprise. ”
“I’m glad it’s been a good surprise.” Because I was a touch person and I wasn’t sure I could have a relationship where I couldn’t hold him.
Sexual contact aside, this was the part I couldn’t live without.
“I’m also glad we’re able to talk through how we’re both feeling.
That’s going to make moving forward a lot easier. ”
And he went still again.
“You...you still want to help me explore...myself?” He didn’t seem to know how to word the question, but he hadn’t said happiness that time.
“Yes.” There was no question about that...at least on my part. “Do you still want to explore it with me?”
He nodded without having to think about it. “Yes, but...but I don’t have a frame of reference for what that looks like.”
Then we’d figure out one for him.
“I do and I’ll help walk us through it.” One step at a time. “Tonight we’re starting with figuring out where you don’t mind being touched and where you like being touched. Emotionally or physically. This isn’t just about what your cock responds to.”
Because it might not respond to anything.
“It works.” His immediate assertion had me fighting to keep a straight face. “It’s hard in the morning when I wake up.”
There was a lot he hadn’t said but I stuck with what he had said. “We could’ve taken that into consideration if it didn’t, but I’m glad it does.”
For a variety of reasons.
“What if it didn’t?” His question seemed more logic-based than personal, so I thought he wanted a very factual-type answer.
“Then we would’ve figured out what kind of touch it liked but getting hard wouldn’t be the goal.
We’d have just focused on it like it was intimate skin with a lot of good nerve endings.
” Sex was ninety percent mental anyway. “A lot of men can orgasm from prostate stimulation without having an erection, so as long as you were open to exploring that, we’d see if you could enjoy it. ”
“A lot of straight men online said they enjoyed prostate stimulation.” He said it so calmly I couldn’t decide if he had any reaction to the idea. “I found a group of men online who didn’t like stimulation there at all, but they seemed to be a minority. At least that’s how it looked.”
“I’ve never taken a survey but that lines up with what I’ve seen in my life.
I’ve met guys who don’t like anything going near their ass for a variety of reasons, but as long as they don’t mind playing in that part of the body, most men I’ve known like having at least mild prostate stimulation. ” Everyone was different, though.
“I’ve never played with mine.” In true logical fashion, he reached behind him and poked his ass. “There didn’t seem to be a reason to.”
“I can understand that. If you were focused on women as a primary dating source you might not have ever thought of exploring that part of your body.” And I wasn’t sure the way he was poking said he knew how to play with it anyway.
“What are your first thoughts on the idea of having someone touch your anus?”
His thoughtful sound and little hip wiggle made me wonder what was going through his head, but I knew he’d tell me eventually. He just needed some patience and cuddles, so I kept stroking my hand over his head and back and wished the chair we were in rocked.
“About the same as someone touching my penis or other parts of me?” That seemed to be only half his thought, so I hummed and waited, hoping he’d give me more. “It’s got more functional associations for me, but I’m not embarrassed about having an anus if that was what you were worried about.”
“So a neutral place to start.” We’d already addressed that idea, so I got a pleased sound from him. “We can see what you think of being touched there eventually, but enjoying prostate stimulation is different from anal sex. Small toys or fingers work well for that.”
“That’s good to know.” He did his ass shimmy again, making me think he was still thinking about his. “You really like my butt?”
“Yes.” Full answers. No confusion. “I will always respect your limits but I’m enjoying looking at yours and you make me harder every time you wiggle it.”
“Oh.” I could hear the thoughtful frown in his voice even before he inched back enough for me to see it on his face. “Should I apologize?”
“No. I enjoy being aroused and I’m enjoying your company.” And we were at a BDSM club. “If you weren’t here, I would’ve gone to watch some of the demos and scenes and enjoyed getting aroused that way, but I would’ve probably taken care of it at home.”
We were back to thoughtful processing, so I waited while he turned the idea over in his head. “Are you going to jerk off thinking about this later or are you just going to use the erection and think about something else?”
“Would either of those bother you?” I didn’t think they would but we needed to establish a new limit.
“It’s not my penis, so I don’t think I have any say in this.” His eyes darted down like he was looking at my dick even though he was currently lying on it. “Do I?”