Chapter 4
Slightly Less Confused Sub
“Can I ask what you’re thinking first or do I need to answer the question? Are there etiquette rules around this?” There were rules about manners when it came to nearly everything but these hadn’t been spelled out neatly online.
I’d seen other things, though. “Did you know there are online communities of BDSM people who fight about the rules? Some clubs are trying to convince other ones that subs need to be nearly naked to be a sub in a club like this.”
That was ridiculous.
My Dom’s snort said he knew it too. “Can you imagine anyone telling Conner he had to dress a certain way in order to be a sub?”
“No.” I knew I’d been right about that. “Other people aren’t that smart, though.”
“Agreed.” Petting my head, he made a pleased sound. “But back to your question. I was imagining different ways you might explain penis-based decision-making and some of those thoughts led to more erotic ones.”
Oh.
His chuckle said I’d given away my surprise, but he didn’t seem to mind and didn’t get distracted. “Based on how you would define that idea, I thought about jerking off to it later.”
“Because you find the idea of control erotic.” It wasn’t really a question but I appreciated it when he nodded and made sure I knew I was right. “That’s fairly common in Doms.”
“I’m glad you know that so I didn’t surprise you.” His fingers combed through my hair as he made a pleased sound. “Was my explanation thorough enough or did you want to know the options I found most erotic?”
“Yes, please.” Guessing on my own would have me going in circles. “As long as you don’t mind.”
“I don’t.” Still stroking my head, he made a pleased sound like whatever he was thinking about was nice.
“Let’s see...I think I liked the idea of your penis being caged the most for control reasons and because I think you’d look sexy that way.
I also think you’d like not having to worry about it, and I like the idea of making you happy. ”
That was nice of him.
“I thought that sounded interesting too.” Low stress at the very least. “My thoughts on penis-based decision-making also put things like ways touching it are allowed and orgasm control in the same category. Most Dominants I found online have very strong preferences about those things. Do you?”
“I can, based on my partner’s preference, but it goes back to liking the things that make my sub happy, content in some way, or aroused.
” He seemed to be enjoying being cuddled and petting me, so it wasn’t hard to understand.
“But those all fall into activities I’d enjoy in a variety of ways.
Like when I told you about the cockwarming scene.
..having a sub naked and caged during that activity would make it even better. ”
“That doesn’t sound stressful or difficult to understand.” Some of the things I’d seen online had been much more complicated. “Why wasn’t that listed higher in the online articles about easy ways to explore BDSM?”
My Dom made a thinking sound as his hand shifted to stroke my back, but I liked that he was thoughtful. “I think giving up that kind of control makes a lot of men uncomfortable. I think it might be the idea of erections and things having to do with a penis being very tied to manliness.”
Oh.
“That’s interesting and explains the lists better.” Things that didn’t test manliness as much were probably higher on the list to ease nervous people into the lifestyle. “I don’t see it that way if you’re wondering.”
“I wasn’t. I knew you didn’t see it that way.” Because he was smart and that was so nice I couldn’t help snuggling against him. “I also know you’re curious, though, so we can put it higher on our list.”
“Would it be odd to tell you that I like the way you understand me?” Being held was nicer than I’d expected but the understanding part was amazing.
“No. We all want to be understood but some people are more complicated than others.” Tracing his finger around my ear, he smiled. “I like complicated. It’s much more interesting.”
I didn’t mind being interesting...I’d been called a lot worse and his tone was...warm, maybe.
“I’m glad.” For a variety of things. “I wasn’t sure I’d find anyone I could relate to tonight. I was actually expecting to have to go back to online searches or try to date.”
My shudder had his chest jerking but he managed not to laugh. “We won’t have to do anything terrible like that, but I’m glad you seem to want to see me again after tonight?”
Nodding against his chest, I decided he needed confirmation and possibly some kind of emotional connection I didn’t quite understand. “Yes, I would like to continue our time together tonight and I would like to see you again.”
Hmm.
“I’m enjoying our time together and not just to keep my house.” That was probably important too. “This has been more educational than I expected.”
“Thank you for letting me know.” My Dom made a pleased sound but the hug I got was very nice too. “And thank you for making your thoughts on the things you’d like to explore clear. I appreciate having a place to start as we move forward.”
“How are we going to move forward?” I liked what we were doing but I had to admit to a certain level of curiosity. “I didn’t expect this part to go so smoothly.”
“Well, I knew I’d like holding you, but I’m glad you’re enjoying it too.
” My Dom continued to stroke my back and let out a quiet sigh as I continued to stroke the back of his neck.
“One option would be to continue like this but we go through questions to help establish your initial limits. I think you’re ready for something more hands-on than that, though.
The top of my mental list was to request a private room so you could explore my body more. ”
“With your shirt off?” His chest was quite broad.
“What would you say if I told you I’d be completely naked?” His tone was very even but it seemed more of a what-if situation than a firm decision based on how it was worded.
“I would ask if that’s within your limits because those are very important, especially when we’re talking about your body.” Most people had very strong views on being naked.
“Yes. With you that would be within my limits.” For a moment I worried he’d stop there, but I should’ve known better. “The fact we’ve connected as well as we have makes a difference for me and I find the idea of being the first man you’ve explored like that incredibly erotic.”
Oh yes, we’d touched on that.
Ha.
Touched.
“But that brings up an issue of how comfortable you would be seeing my arousal either through my underwear or while I’m naked.” I appreciated his matter-of-fact tone, but I wasn’t sure how I felt. “Which was why I needed feedback from you.”
“Yes, but my feedback isn’t helpful. I’ve spent my entire life making sure I’m not in a situation where I have to be around other naked people. They’re weird.” People made strange decisions when they were naked.
“Explain weird in this context.” My Dom gave me a firm hug. “I want to make sure we’re on the same page with that word.”
Probably not...it hadn’t been a specific enough description.
“Teenage boys in high school were either so shy I didn’t know how to react around them or so.
..outgoing that I didn’t know how to act around them.
There’s no good way for a sixteen-year-old to respond to another teenager who’s trying to helicopter his penis in the locker room.
” All I could do was sigh as my Dom’s chest jerked.
“Adult males stop doing that eventually but then they want to have conversations while they’re in the locker room, but if they think you’ve noticed they’re naked they get angry.” They had ridiculous reactions. “The rules for how to behave when people are naked change entirely too often.”
My Dom made a thinking sound before nodding. “You’re right.”
At least he realized that...most people were stupid.
“In this situation, I would like for you to notice me and my body. That would be the goal. Not a specific reaction but just to test how it made you feel.” He must’ve felt me tense because his hug got tighter again for a moment.
“Neutral is a reaction. But I think you might actually find some kind of enjoyment touching my muscles and exploring my body.”
Maybe.
“You’re not like other people.” For a variety of reasons. “I’m liking being with you this way.”
That had to mean something.
“I’m glad.” He made another soft, happy sound and rested his head on mine. “I’m also looking forward to showing you more of my body, so please feel free to tell me if it makes you feel neutral or pleased in some way.”
He wanted to be appreciated.
“I can do that.” At the very least, telling him I was neutral didn’t seem like it’d upset him. “And the idea of seeing your chest makes me curious.”
I wasn’t sure I could picture his penis but the rest of him was easier to visualize.
“My limits are going to include you touching me anywhere on the outside of my body. This is a learning experience for you and I’m going to enjoy it. That doesn’t mean you have to touch me, though. Do you understand the distinction?”
“Yes.” I could but that didn’t mean I had to. “And we both know that you’re going to enjoy being my first in this situation, so it will give you additional feelings of arousal.”
Just because I couldn’t relate to it didn’t mean I couldn’t understand it.
I was smart.
People were just confusing.
“That’s correct.” My Dom stroked the back of my head as he straightened. “Now, how do you feel about my kissing your head?”
Confused.
“That would signify warm feelings but not necessarily erotic ones, correct?” It’d be easier for me if people only kissed for one or two reasons, but they didn’t.
“Exactly. When I wanted to kiss your head, I was thinking about how sweet you are and my thoughts were warm and content, but not specifically erotic.” He chuckled before I could respond. “Those are there too, though.”
He felt a lot at the same time.
Did all people?
Maybe that was why they were so confusing?
“I think we can try a head kiss and see how it feels.” I was mostly prepared for feeling nothing but his tight hug had me starting off just better than neutral.
Oh.
“That’s nice.” Warm, maybe? “I don’t know why, though.”
“We don’t have to know why we like something.” My Dom shrugged as he went back to running his hand over my head. “Just knowing we like it and being able to tell someone how we like it is enough.”
“I liked the head kiss and I like tight hugs.” I was definitely more educated about what I liked than I had been when I’d come into the club. “I also like being cuddled on your lap.”
“You’re doing amazing.” I could hear the honest pleasure in his voice and knew I’d read the situation correctly when he kissed my head again. “Are you ready for us to find a private room?”
“Yes.” What else was I ready for? “And I’m ready for you to...to start out with your shirt off. Once we know how I’ll react, you can decide how we go from there.”
“You’re not worried, but...”
Sighing was not polite but I did it anyway.
“I don’t want to hurt your feelings if we discover you being naked is more stressful than I think.
You might end up feeling bad about your penis.
I’ve heard stories of things like that. Men get traumatized and I don’t want that to happen to you.
” Even I’d heard stories of men struggling with their self-image, so it had to happen on a regular basis.
“You are the sweetest sub I’ve met in a very long time.”
Really?
“You need to meet nicer people.”
There was no way I was as sweet as he seemed to think—or as funny.
“Are you laughing?”
He was but being cornered on it had his chest jerking again. “Silent doesn’t count.”
He was ridiculous...but since I might find that to be an attractive quality, I wasn’t going to complain. “We’re going to have a talk about that once I figure out if it’s cute or not.”
That didn’t help his laughter problem, but I didn’t seem to mind.
Especially because it got me another head kiss.
“Alright. Time for attention from my boy.” My Dom shifted so he was looking down at me. “And some privacy so we can try out another lap position.”
More cuddling.
It was entirely possible that finding things that made me happy wasn’t going to be as hard as I’d thought.