Chapter 23
Palmer
“This isn’t necessary.” Ferris honestly seemed to believe that based on his sigh and the frustrated expression he was wearing, but he was so wrong it wasn’t worth rehashing. “I’m not picky.”
Okay, maybe we were going to have to rehash it.
On the pasta aisle.
“Boy?” Dropping my voice low and staying as quiet as I could, I stepped closer to the back of the cart where Ferris had been dragging his feet.
“You are not picky. That is being a pain in the butt about random things for no reason at all. I’ve got a coworker who’s picky because he thinks it makes him look quirky and sophisticated.
He drives everyone nuts commenting on every lunch the company buys. ”
He was the biggest pain in the ass I’d ever met.
“You have specific preferences that make you happy or relaxed. You are amazing in being able to deal with that and ignore it when you have to, but is there any reason you have to do that at my house?” No.
The answer was no but it took him a second to shake his head.
“You will not stress about how to hide the fact that I don’t have the right soap or pasta sauce when we can easily fix that. ”
I’d honestly been surprised over his lack of specific needs.
It turned out I should’ve asked more questions.
“You like your soap.” Frowning, he stood straighter like he was forcing himself to be perfectly still. “You probably like your pasta sauce. People buy what they like and I don’t get to tell them that they’re buying the wrong thing.”
He was beyond frustrated at me, so it wasn’t the right time to tell him how cute he was.
But he was really cute.
Oh, that foot twitched again.
“I just grab what’s on sale that doesn’t drive me crazy.
” Soap scents had gotten weird lately and I wasn’t going to apologize about that.
“I don’t like overly fruity soaps because I don’t want to smell like pomegranates or lemons.
I don’t buy Ragu because it’s watery and tastes weird. Those are my limits.”
“You’ve got four of the same soap scents. I saw them in the closet. You like that one.” His entire body twitched that time. “And you always buy the same pasta sauce. You’ve gone to the store on two short trips since we’ve been seeing each other and you bought the sauce both times.”
“I ended up at the store twice in one week and it was still on sale when I went back.” I’d forgotten a few random things on my first trip so had to go again. “That does not mean I love it.”
“The world doesn’t revolve around me.” He finally lost control and stomped his foot as he crossed his arms over his chest. “It’s not practical and demanding people live my way isn’t appropriate.”
I wanted to shake some of his foster parents.
At least a half dozen of them.
“My life does revolve around you, brat.” That seemed to have his brain coming to a halt because his foot went down slowly instead of slamming onto the very fancy floors of my new grocery store.
I was going to pay through the nose for the aesthetics but their fruits and vegetables were top-notch.
“I—” My boy’s brain stopped at that and couldn’t seem to restart.
“One more time. I am your Master.” It really wasn’t the place for this conversation but thankfully we had the aisle to ourselves for the moment. “That means unless I say otherwise, my life revolves around you.”
He blinked a few times but that was it.
“It serves no purpose for you to be needlessly stressed about simple things I can change.” He was going to explain why he was being so stubborn about this once he wasn’t being so stubborn.
“If you asked me to change the dish soap that would be harder. I really like that one. It’s objectively the best. But you’re important to me, so if you had an issue with it, I’d figure out a way to handle it. ”
There were always options but it seemed like too many people had told Ferris his needs didn’t matter.
“We buy the same soap.” Slowly coming back to life, he swallowed. “You’re right. It cleans the best.”
“See?” Shrugging, I relaxed my stance but didn’t move away from him yet. “There are lots of things we already agree on. The one thing we can’t seem to agree on is that I want my house to feel like home to you, so we need to adjust a few things.”
That was just proving to be harder than I’d expected.
“I don’t know what to say.” His admission felt like it was moving in the right direction.
“Then accept that this isn’t up to you.” Period. “I’ve made the decision that you are going to point out your products as we work through the list. If there is a conflict, I will handle it. You are going to make me happy by being relaxed in my home.”
It was the strangest fight I’d ever had with anyone I was dating.
“Yes, Master.” Something like a shiver seemed to race through him, but he got it under control before I could decide how he was feeling. “I’m sorry.”
“You can prove that to me by being helpful during the rest of our trip and following the rule.” I was hoping he could do that so I’d know what to buy going forward, but we’d see. “And be forewarned, this is going on the list.”
“Ugh.” His body jerked like he wanted to throw his arms around and stomp again, but he barely held it back. “Fine. I’ll do better.”
Such a cute drama queen.
“Show me. Don’t just tell me.” We’d see how open he could be about his preferences before we had to figure out another way to handle it.
“Yes, Master.” Looking dejected, he finally pointed to the pasta sauce. “That one. It’s not too runny or too chunky and it always tastes the same. I don’t know why but some of the brands taste different depending on when I buy them.”
Picking up two jars, I nodded as I thought about his reasoning.
“They might be made at several different factories. I’ve run into that with a few products over the years and it’s annoying.” It shouldn’t take a genius to make stuff the same every time but some companies couldn’t seem to manage that.
“That’s...” Voice trailing off, he seemed stunned at my response as I put the jars in the cart. “That’s very logical.”
We’d come back to this one.
“I watched a woman lose her mind in Walmart once because evidently every time she went in to buy T-shirts the sizes were completely different. She was very loud and very frustrated, so several aisles around her got a long lecture on how insane it was that the sizing changed every few months.” That would never be an issue I got thrown out of Walmart for, but I could understand her frustration.
“That would make me crazy.” Ferris glanced down at his clothes. “I think I ran into that before, though. This brand doesn’t do that. It’s always the same.”
Ah.
“I’m glad you found a brand you like.” I hadn’t noticed that, though, so I made a mental note to figure out where he was buying clothes from. “Alright. What are the best pasta shapes?”
Before he could finish opening his mouth, I raised one eyebrow. “Every American has insane views on the best shapes, so don’t even try to tell me you don’t care.”
He let out a huff before hunching over and giving in. “Fine. You don’t pick the bad shapes, though.”
If there were bad shapes, I needed to know about it.
“I’m glad. Let’s make sure I get the right ones, though.” I had a feeling I was going to end up saying that a lot, but I was going to count my blessings for having won the war.
A few extra skirmishes were acceptable in the long run.
“You’re very stubborn.”
If he meant that to be a dig, I didn’t see it that way and grinned. “Thank you, boy. I like taking care of you even if you don’t seem to understand you deserve it.”
And he was back to being stumped and confused again.
Hopefully we’d get through this traumatic experience before we got home because I had plans for the rest of the evening that didn’t involve arguing over groceries.
****
“I’m sorry.” Pouting, he slumped over in his chair. “I should’ve told you which rice I liked better to begin with. Dinner is better with the right ingredients.”
“There. That wasn’t as hard as you thought it would be.” And I wouldn’t have made him admit it if we hadn’t stood by the rice for nearly five minutes in the store with his arms crossed over his chest. “I like this flavor. You were right that it tastes different.”
I was a creature of habit, but not in the way Ferris seemed to see it.
He didn’t have any idea what to say to that but he let out another long sigh and stood up to walk around the table. “Can we go sit in the chair?”
“Yes, baby.” Standing up, I kissed his head. “Let’s go.”
Cleaning up the rest of the kitchen could wait, so I took his hand and led him upstairs to our talking chair.
My dramatic cutie flopped onto my lap as soon as I sat down, so I wrapped my arms around him and made a pleased sound as he started stroking my chest. “I’m proud of you for letting me know you wanted to come sit down with me. ”
His sigh that time wasn’t quite as dramatic. I knew we were moving in the right direction when he traced his fingers around my pecs. If he was using my muscles as his fidget toy, he wasn’t as upset as he was trying to project. “Thank you, Master.”
I kissed his head and stroked his back as I waited. It didn’t take him long to snuggle down until he was cradled in my arms, but I knew he was shifting into the right headspace when he rubbed his face against me. “I moved around a lot when I was a kid.”
Oh, that was an understatement, but I just nodded and waited quietly.
“I learned to adjust to what they had in their houses and I wasn’t rude.” His earnest tone made that believable but I was pretty sure it’d also been incredibly stressful as well. “I just learned to keep my opinions to myself.”
“But once you were out on your own, you could make all those decisions for yourself. I bet that felt good.” When he nodded against me and let out a pleased sound, I kissed his head again.
“You got to pick out all the right products but you still understood that people liked different things. You handled that amazingly, but now we’re a partnership, so we handle it together. ”
Oh, that longsuffering sigh.
“I’m not very good at handling things together.”
Because he literally had no practice doing it.
“We’re going to tackle one situation at a time as it comes up.” There were very few things around the house I couldn’t compromise on in some way. “Worst-case scenario we end up having two different soaps in the bathroom or using different brands of Parmesan cheese on dinner.”
His huff made me smile. “You already made me have my way on those.”
“Yep.” And now I got to relive how cute he’d been when he’d stomped his feet. “Want to argue with me again?”
“No.” Dragging out the word, he finally gave up the ghost of his drama and relaxed into me. “But getting my way might’ve been unreasonably stressful.”
Agreed.
“What do you think we should do about that?” I had an idea but I wanted to make sure we were on the same page.
“I might need to talk to someone...someone like a therapist?” The words weren’t as dramatic but they were still hard, so I hugged him tight. “I’ve been thinking about that.”
“I think it’s a good plan but only if you’re ready. Otherwise I’m perfectly happy being a pain in the ass when necessary.” His huff made me fight back a laugh. “I thought you’d appreciate how helpful I can be.”
Letting him sacrifice constantly to be polite or to just make me happy wouldn’t be healthy in the long run and wasn’t the way I wanted our relationship to work. It was just going to take him a while to accept that.
And to learn how to work together when those kinds of issue came up.
“How do I explain us?” Wiggling, he rubbed his face against my chest again and took a deep breath, soothing himself without realizing it. “I went one time years ago and she asked nosy questions about my sex life.”
Ah.
At the time, there would’ve been a combination of problems with that approach.
“What if we looked around for a kink-friendly therapist? They wouldn’t be shocked by our relationship and you wouldn’t have to worry about hiding anything.” The way he kept rubbing against me said he wasn’t against the idea but he took a moment to gather his thoughts.
“Can...can we find someone from the club?” The little shiver that ran through him felt like stress escaping. “Would Conner help you? He might not help me but he likes you.”
“First of all, he doesn’t dislike you but he didn’t understand you.
” And Ferris hadn’t actually been trying to make a good impression.
The more I thought about it the more I wondered if he’d been trying to get kicked out.
“Once you’re not butting heads and he’s not trying to figure out where you’re coming from, I know talking to him will go more smoothly. ”
His shrug told me he wasn’t ready to believe me on that but he didn’t argue about it. “I’ll be nicer next time, but will you call him about this?”
“Yes.” I was pretty sure I could explain what we needed better than Ferris could. “I’ll talk to him and look into some different options. But Conner honestly wants to help subs, so he’s going to do a good job for us.”
“And...” Wiggling nervously, my boy closed his eyes and took in a deep breath before trying again. “And you’ll come with me...the first time, I mean?”
“Yes, I plan on being unreasonably protective about you, so I’ll want to meet them and make sure they understand how to help you.” I wasn’t going to let him feel abandoned or let someone else even accidentally make him doubt himself.
I also wasn’t sure he’d be able to explain anything about his sexuality without me there to translate it.
“Thank you, Master.” Pressing a kiss to my chest, that time when he sighed it felt like he was finally letting out all the stress he’d been carrying around since our grocery store adventure. “I...I think I’d like my cage, Master.”
“I think that’s a wonderful idea, boy.”
Because I had plans for the rest of our night and it seemed like it was finally time to put them into action.