Chapter Five
Hallie grabbed River’s hand the second they made it back to the… lodge? Chalet? They both felt like grand words, but they didn’t not fit. Cabin, maybe.
“Oof,” River spluttered, allowing herself to be towed towards their shared room. “Is everything okay?”
Hallie smiled as serenely as she could manage.
There was nothing unusual about someone wanting private time with their partner.
There was nothing unusual about holding their hand.
And she was not going to think about the grin Cal sent in their direction as the group from the car Audrey was in arrived right after them.
“Yep. All good. Just need your help with something.”
“I’m sure she does,” he muttered to Delaney.
Delaney laughed. “Maybe I need your help with something too.”
Hallie shook her head, leading River up the stairs and away from the crowd.
River was laughing too by the time they made it to their room. It was cute—festive, warm, cozy. And their shared space for the next week. At least it had that gorgeous balcony right outside, shared with only one other room.
Hallie didn’t know who was in the room, but that was not her highest concern. “I think we have a problem,” she whispered to River, shutting the door sharply behind them.
River stared at her with wide, innocent eyes, and Hallie suppressed the urge to groan. She’d always known River was sweet and naive. It was fine. But maybe that was not the ideal personality type to attempt to con an entire family for a whole week with.
“What’s wrong?” she asked, looking for all the world like her dreams were about to be crushed.
“You don’t drink coffee,” Hallie said pointedly.
“I know.”
Hallie stared back. “And you don’t like peanut butter.”
“I know.”
“But I didn’t know.”
“Okay.”
“River. Oh, my god. I had a conversation with Audrey where she had to tell me you don’t like coffee, and another with your mom where I suggested we liked Saturday morning pancakes with peanut butter.”
“Oh.” What Hallie was saying slowly seemed to fully register, and she looked shocked that they’d find themselves in such a situation.
Hallie was no longer convinced River had fully thought this thing through. It was only the first whole day and they were already fucking it up.
“What do you think we should do?” River asked, completely at a loss.
Hallie sighed heavily and dropped into the chair in the corner of their room.
“I don’t know. I think your mom bought it when I laughed and clarified that I like peanut butter on my pancakes, but Audrey…
” She tried not to wince at how much she’d fumbled that whole conversation.
She’d never been so slow on her feet before.
River smiled. “Oh, I’m sure Audrey wouldn’t mind.”
“That we’re fake dating or that I don’t know you dislike coffee?”
“That I dislike coffee, of course!”
Hallie narrowed her eyes. “Which, like, how? You’re always drinking caffeinated drinks. It hadn’t once occurred to me that you wouldn’t like coffee.”
“When have you ever seen me with coffee at work?” she laughed, as if the whole thing was fine.
“Well, never, but when have I ever not seen you with soda or energy drinks? How do you not drink coffee? And how do you not like peanut butter?”
“Coffee’s too bitter. Peanut butter’s too… dry.”
Hallie laughed, mostly despairingly. That tracked. All of River’s drinks were incredibly sweet. And she had heard people describe peanut butter that way before. It really was all her fault for having assumed.
She took a slow breath and stood back up, looking seriously at River. “Any other likes or dislikes I absolutely should know about?”
“Um… I really like sweet things?”
“Yes. Thank you. I did notice that.”
River laughed. “You asked!”
“I know, I know. I’m sorry. I’m just trying not to blow your entire cover on our first day.”
“Hm.” She chewed her lip as she thought. “I don’t like cabbage.”
“Cabbage. Okay. Got it. Much less likely to come up in conversation than coffee or peanut butter—”
“I honestly wasn’t expecting you to bring up peanut butter with my mom.”
“Yeah. Maybe I should stop talking to her,” Hallie grumbled.
Not talking to Jill wouldn’t be a loss, but it seemed like an unlikely to succeed plan with several long days ahead of them living in the same home.
The cabin wasn’t quite big enough that she could reasonably avoid the woman for a whole week.
River laughed. “You don’t need to do that, silly. But… what do you think we should do?”
Hallie’s face scrunched up. “I don’t know.”
She did though. If they wanted to sell this thing and distract from all the parts she was messing up, they needed to be more…
coupley. Things were very platonic between them.
River had promised they wouldn’t need to be too intimate, that her family didn’t operate like that.
And, while Hallie had noticed they weren’t exactly…
cuddly, the couples definitely had an energy between them that was different than whatever she and River were doing.
River narrowed her eyes and leaned closer to Hallie. “You do know. You have an idea but you don’t want to tell me.”
“It’s not that I don’t want to tell you. It’s that… we’ve already been over this and I thought we were on the same page.”
River cringed. “You think we need to be more… romantic with each other.”
“Not quite the word I’d have picked, but, essentially? Yes.” She shook her head, feeling exactly like she was going to Hell. “I’ve been watching your family all day and things are just… different between couples. We’re not selling it very well and people will start to notice.”
River looked horrified as she glanced around before whispering, “We’re not not going to have to kiss, are we? Like, I like you and I’m really grateful, but…”
Hallie laughed. This whole thing was absurd. “I don’t think things are quite that dire yet.”
The second they weren’t on the same page about not kissing would be the moment this entire thing actually fell apart.
“Okay,” River said, eyes wide and relieved. “So, what, then?”
Hallie sighed. She’d never done anything like this, and it wasn’t like there were a lot of guides on how to fake date someone for a week around their family.
It had sounded so simple when River asked.
A week. Nothing too intimate. Christmas spirit.
Sure, there was the weird family, but Hallie worked in a hotel.
It wasn’t like she was unfamiliar with weird.
But, of course, they needed to be closer, to gravitate towards each other, to get… wrapped up in conversation with only each other a little more. That would probably be fine. They could fake all of that. Right?
River frowned as Hallie explained. “Yeah, I guess that makes sense. I figured it wouldn’t matter, that nobody was very…
touchy in front of everyone, but I guess you’re right.
They do have their little moments together.
I usually do that with my partners, even.
It’s just… you, you know? Well, us. You’re not the problem. But I don’t want to date you. Sorry.”
Hallie laughed in relief. “I’d be more upset if you did want to date me, don’t worry. As for trying to sell this whole thing to your family… Pretend I’m someone else?”
“Like who?”
“I don’t know. Who are you interested in right now?”
River blushed and looked away, walking over to the window. “Nobody.”
Hallie smiled, more genuinely than she had since accidentally poking holes in their whole ruse. “Right. That’s how I always react when I don’t like anyone.”
River groaned and turned back to face her. “Okay. Fine. There’s this person at the gym.”
“You go to the gym?”
“Not as a general rule…” Her cheeks were getting redder by the minute. “I went with a friend for emotional support one time and, well, the person in question helped us figure out one of the machines. They’re really hot and cool and… muscular…”
Hallie nodded, watching her in amusement. “So, you joined the gym in the hope of running into them again?”
“No! Maybe. Just a tiny little bit. But it wasn’t weird! They said they’d like to see me back. That they were always around if I needed a hand. It was sweet.”
It did sound sweet. And maybe that was the kind of person River needed. Bold, forward, disciplined. Maybe they’d be good for her in the face of all this chaos.
Hallie clapped her hands together. “Okay, well, every time you look at me, just picture them and do what comes naturally. Well. Do some of what comes naturally. I don’t actually want you doing whatever you’d want to do to them.”
River laughed and covered her mouth like the notion was hilarious and horrifying in equal measure. “Okay. I’ll… try it. I might be bad at it, though.”
Hallie thought she might be too. “That’s okay. It’ll hopefully still be better than what we’ve been doing so far. And it’s only a few days. We’ll be fine.”
River nodded and considered for a long time. Eventually, something curious took over her expression and she looked at Hallie more confidently. “Who will you be picturing?”
“What?”
“To be able to flirt with me. Who’s your person? Who do you like?” She grinned widely. “You can tell me. We’re friends and I just told you mine.”
Hallie shook her head. She couldn’t knock a woman for trying. “I don’t have one. I’ll just be imagining… a revolving carousel of gorgeous celebrities.”
“No, you won’t!” River squealed, clearly thinking she knew Hallie better than Hallie knew herself. “Tell me who you’re interested in.”
“Nobody. Not interested in anyone right now. And I don’t see that changing for a while, do you?”
“Why not?” River asked, frowning and disappointed.
“Oh, probably because I’m here pretending to date you.”
“But that’s not real. You can’t let that get in the way of finding someone.”
Hallie laughed and prepared to head back out to the masses. Dinner was quite the family affair here. “Oh, you mean amongst all of the couples in your family? You think there’s someone here looking to ditch their other half for me?”