Chapter Thirteen
“How’s she doing?” Tracy asked as Hallie stepped back into the kitchen, leaving Audrey alone on the deck overlooking the snowy lake.
“Better, I think,” Hallie replied, still more than a little worried.
Audrey was less acutely panicked but she just seemed deeply exhausted and drained now.
She covered it well, but it was there, underneath everything.
As far as Hallie could tell, that was how these things went and the emotional hangover of experiences like Audrey’s were bad enough without the threat of having to go back there.
Tracy wrinkled her nose. “Her family really sucks, huh?”
“I don’t even know how to describe it. They put on a good show of being welcoming and the perfect family, but there’s this undercurrent that just sets your teeth on edge, and, no matter what she does, she’s always the bad guy in their eyes.”
“Psychological games.”
“Yeah, and that stuff is bound to mess you up. She’s doing remarkably well considering that.”
“She’s lucky to have you.” Tracy’s tone was a little too smug and knowing for Hallie’s liking.
“We’re just friends.”
“Sure you are,” she shot back, pulling out a bag of potatoes.
“We are!” Hallie gave her a desperate look before checking Audrey couldn’t hear their conversation.
“She’s pretty.”
“I’m aware.”
“A great start.”
“Mom…”
Tracy shrugged exaggeratedly. “I’m just saying, you drove all this way together and there’s this… energy between you.”
Hallie sighed. She probably should have known it would look that way. Her mom’s place wasn’t exactly down the street. Close enough to be a reasonable escape from the Sinclair nightmare, but it wasn’t exactly a casual choice to drive almost three hours to introduce Audrey to her family.
And, even if they’d been in a different state, she knew she’d have done the same thing.
She looked seriously at her mom. “She’s got a girlfriend.”
“No, she hasn’t,” Tracy practically snorted as she moved around the kitchen, making a stock.
“Yes, she has. Her name is Zora.”
Tracy rolled her eyes. “If she had a girlfriend, she’d have been on the phone to her at some point this afternoon, or this Zora would have been here with her.”
“She doesn’t bring her around the Sinclairs for obvious reasons, I’d imagine.”
“Still. You think her girlfriend would have just left her stranded all alone out here? You think they wouldn’t have talked today?”
It was an annoyingly good question, much as Hallie was loath to admit it. Audrey clearly cared about Zora, but they didn’t talk as much as she’d expect a couple to, especially when one of them was in crisis.
Tracy hummed. “You see my point. And that phone’s been lighting up non-stop. If her girlfriend was desperately trying to contact her, I think Audrey would show a bit more interest in it.”
As she spoke, Hallie watched Audrey’s phone flash again with another incoming message. She’d left it on the counter when they’d gone out to the balcony and she’d clearly not wanted anything to do with it.
“Well, either way,” she said, gathering up their latest round of hot drinks, “we’re just friends and she needs support right now, not someone taking advantage of her and ignoring the fact that she probably has a girlfriend.
” She had to, right? She’d literally told Zora that she loved her more than the whole sky. That couldn’t be nothing.
“There’s no way I’m letting you drive back down there tonight, and that poor woman needs a decent night’s sleep, so maybe I’ll tell her your room is the only one with a bed in it.”
Hallie turned slowly on her heel to glare at her mother. “Don’t even think about it.”
Tracy laughed delightedly. “I wouldn’t, but your face! You only get so long with her, you might as well shoot your shot.”
“I’m currently in a fake relationship with her cousin, thank you.”
“River is lovely enough but she’s only borrowing you from Audrey at this point.”
“Don’t let Zora hear you saying that.”
“I’d put good money on Zora not being her girlfriend.”
“Of course you would,” Hallie muttered, and she continued back to the doors that led out onto the balcony, knocking awkwardly with the toe of her boot so Audrey could let her out.
Audrey turned, smiling as she opened and closed the door for Hallie. The cold really was good for her. She still looked exhausted but she seemed calmer than she had all day.
“So,” Hallie said, moving to balance both mugs on the thick wooden handrail, “I figured, given the snow and the setting and everything, it was time for some hot chocolate.”
Audrey laughed, moving to cup her hands around the proffered mug. “I don’t know if I should be consuming more sugary delights today.”
“Oh, you absolutely should. You deserve them.”
“I don’t think my body would agree.” Still, she sipped the hot chocolate and hummed happily.
“You lost the cookie contest. You’re fine.”
Audrey shot her a look. “You still need to decide what you want your prize to be for winning.”
“More cookies?”
“I think your mom’s got you covered if that’s what you’re after.”
Hallie grinned widely at her. Balconies had always been some of her favorite places in the world, partly because of the ones on this very house, but balconies with a laughing Audrey on them were even better than usual.
“Only until my brothers show up. There’s a reason she makes so many.
And why I like to get in early and eat my fill. ”
Something nervous flashed across Audrey’s face. “You’re sure they’re not going to mind me crashing your family dinner?”
“Of course not! They’re gonna love you.” She cleared her throat. “And, you know, after dinner, it’s probably going to be a bit late for—”
“I wasn’t expecting you to drive me back to Lansing tonight, Hallie.”
A shudder ran through Hallie’s body—delicious and disarming—and she snuggled further into her scarf, trying to play it off as the chilly weather, rather than a reaction to Audrey, on a balcony, saying her name. “You’re sure you’re okay to stay?”
“So long as your mom doesn’t mind me crashing her house overnight.”
Hallie laughed freely. “Not at all. She’d happily keep you here forever.”
“I’m sure that’s not true.”
“It absolutely is.” She smiled softly. “She really likes you.”
“Oh. Well, uh, I’m glad. She’s wonderful, and I appreciate you bringing me here.”
“Any time.” And she really meant it. Her heart ached knowing this was likely to be the one and only time she got Audrey here.
“Do you… Um. Do you think she has spare toothbrushes?”
Hallie elbowed her lightly. “I can promise you that Tracy Fuller has got all the spare toiletries your heart could desire.”
“I’d love to be able to say I’m casual and don’t need a lot, but, I think at this point, it would be a little foolish to pretend you don’t know I have a whole thing about… cleanliness.”
Hallie turned to face her. This was important. “I know you have OCD, and I know it’s really hard feeling like things are contaminated. And I also know that being around your family seems to make it worse.”
Audrey tried to speak a couple of times before she had to shake her head, look away, and try again. “People don’t usually notice that.”
“Because they don’t want to. Because, if they did, they’d need to hold themselves accountable for their part in what your family does to you.”
“I mean, maybe. It’s not like the OCD goes away when they’re not around, so it’s not all them.”
Hallie didn’t think she needed to point out that they were likely the root of it.
Sure, she was pretty certain there was a genetic component to OCD, but it was more complex than that and they both knew it.
Audrey’s family might have given her genes that were more susceptible to OCD, but the environment they’d given her to grow up in had undoubtedly contributed to it.
Audrey sighed heavily. “But I see your point.”
Hallie put her free hand, hidden inside a thick mitten, on top of Audrey’s. “I know it’s easy for me to say, and far more difficult for you to actually live with.”
She shook her head. “No, it’s okay. You’re right. My therapist and I have talked about it a lot over the years. Their belief is that, one day, I’ll stop feeling the need to defend them all in the same way.”
“It’s okay that you need to in the interim.”
“Is it?” She laughed bitterly and in a way that told Hallie she’d asked her therapist the same thing many times.
“Yes,” Hallie said with certainty.
“Most people find it… exhausting and annoying.”
“I’m not most people.”
Audrey pressed her lips together as she looked at Hallie, and Hallie worked very hard not to look at her mouth as she felt herself heating up under the intensity of Audrey’s gaze.
She really hoped her mom wasn’t watching through the windows.
“You’re definitely not,” Audrey eventually breathed, the words feeling like they wrapped around Hallie on the wind, teasing and exhilarating.
“I’m going to assume that’s a compliment.”
“You absolutely should.” Audrey’s voice was quiet but intense, and Hallie didn’t know what to do with herself. She could barely breathe through the incredible onslaught of emotions.
She has a girlfriend. She has a girlfriend. She has a girlfriend.
Audrey cleared her throat and looked away as she quickly sipped her drink again. “Well, I’m glad I’m not annoying you yet.”
“There is no yet,” Hallie said a little too quickly. “I don’t think you’d annoy me in a hundred years, Dr. Sinclair.”
Audrey’s cheeks were definitely a little pinker than they had been as she shot Hallie a shy look. “That’s not actually my name.”
“What?”
“I changed it. Before I got my PhD. It felt like something I needed to do, you know, for myself, and I knew it would be trickier after I’d started building a professional name. I couldn’t stand spending the rest of my life as one of them. So, yeah, I changed it.”
“Wow,” Hallie breathed. Audrey worried about her family and about her reactions to them, and, probably, a million other things connected to them and what they’d done to her self-worth, but here she was, protecting and making a name for herself.
Not for them. She had no idea how amazing she was. “So… can I ask what your name is?”
“Hummel.”
“Hummel,” Hallie repeated, nodding. “Dr. Audrey Hummel. I love it.”
“Thank you,” Audrey said, amused.
“How did you pick it?”
She groaned. “It’s really nerdy. Are you sure you want to know?”
Hallie laughed, excitement shooting through her. “Oh, I’m sure. I already wanted to, but now that I know it’s nerdy? I want to even more.”
Audrey scrunched her face up adorably for one moment before she said, “Okay. Well, it comes from Middle High German and Middle Dutch.”
“A fantastic start.”
“Yeah…” She swallowed. “It means bee.”
Hallie stared at her with wide eyes, an ecstatic grin taking over her face. “You named yourself after an insect!”
“I did. And I did warn you it was nerdy.”
“Oh, my god! You’re Dr. Bee in forensic entomology.”
“I am,” she laughed. “Though, I figured, this way, people weren’t likely to realize that.”
“That’s one of my favorite things I’ve ever heard.”
“Yeah?” Audrey looked doubtful, but Hallie couldn’t think of a single reason she should be.
“Yes. Are you kidding? That’s amazing. I mean, it was already amazing that you picked a new name for yourself—became a doctor for you, not a family that doesn’t deserve you—but to be Dr. Bee undercover? Best thing ever.”
“I’m glad you think so.” She looked down at her mug before clutching it close to her chest.
"Doesn't everyone think it’s amazing?”
“I have no idea. I’ve never actually explained it to anyone. Most people don’t know much Middle High German or Middle Dutch these days so it doesn’t often come up.”
Hallie almost choked on her drink. This wasn’t a fun fact Audrey told people. This was the first time she’d ever explained her name.
It made sense. Hallie had no idea where her own last name derived from. It wasn’t something people regularly talked about. But she hadn’t expected to be the one and only person Audrey had ever discussed it with, for her name to be this sweet, private joke between them.
“Zora doesn’t know?” she asked, the memory of Audrey’s girlfriend slamming into her like a block of ice.
Audrey looked surprised for a moment that she even knew the name before she seemed to place having said it on the balcony. “No. We met after I’d changed my name, and she knows I changed it, but she’s far more interested in being glad I’m not a Sinclair than in wondering why I picked Hummel.”
Hallie was really glad she wasn’t a Sinclair too. “Right. Your, uh, phone’s been lighting up inside, actually. Do you need to check if it’s her?”
Audrey laughed and gulped her hot chocolate before it got too cold in the frigid air. “It won’t be anything urgent if it is Zora.” Her expression darkened. “It’s more likely to be my family, and I guess I should figure out how to face that whole thing, how to explain where I’ve disappeared off to.”
“Just tell them it’s my fault,” Hallie said quickly, unwilling to let Audrey put herself in the firing line for a decision Hallie had made.
She shook her head. “It’s okay. I’m used to them being… disappointed in me.”
“And we’re not letting them do that when I’m the reason you’re all the way up here.”
“You did that to help me. It’s really okay, I’m used to—”
“No. Honestly, let’s just tell them something came up with my mom and I needed your help driving up here.” She smirked. “It’ll hardly be the biggest lie I’ve told your family lately.”
“Well, yeah, I’ll give you that, but that’s probably the point. We also need an explanation for why you didn’t just ask River…”
“She hates driving in the snow.”
“Oh.” She paused, nodding. “That… is true. And I guess that does work.”
“Absolutely. All things her very real and loving girlfriend would know.”
Audrey laughed and turned back to the house with Hallie. “Completely real and not a little bit fake.”
“Exactly. Problem solved.” She grinned, satisfied, as she led them back to the door.
Her mom had turned the lights on inside and the glowing, warm interior was ridiculously inviting, but Hallie couldn’t resist one more question she shouldn’t be asking while they were alone.
“Why did you think it wouldn’t be Zora messaging? ”
“Oh, because she’ll be at work,” Audrey said easily. Then, right as Hallie reached for the door handle, she added, “Or an orgy.” And Hallie had no idea what to do with that.