Chapter Fourteen
Hallie’s brothers were not what Audrey had been expecting. Of course, she’d been inadvertently imagining something like her own brother, but the three she was now sitting around a dining table enjoying soup and herbed focaccia with could not have been further from Cal.
Wes, the biggest and clearly most outdoorsy of the sibling group, grinned across the table at Audrey. “So,” he said, his voice rich and deep, “now that we’re all done eating, can we ask about your job?”
Isaac leaned across the table too, also interested, while Luca looked around Hallie from where he was sitting on her other side.
Audrey wasn’t used to attention at family dinners feeling particularly safe or wanted.
Of course, she wasn’t used to all of the other people at the table being interested in what she had to say either.
Still, it was nice, even if she had to push back on the jolt of fear that seemed to dart between her stomach and her mind, radiating out through her limbs.
She was safe. It was okay.
Tracy laughed. “Leave the woman in peace to have one meal. How would you like it if she started quizzing you on your job the second you were done eating?”
Wes looked directly at Audrey. “I’m a tree surgeon. You can ask me whatever the hell you want but I guarantee yours is more interesting.”
“Firefighter,” Luca said.
“Office manager at an assisted living facility,” Isaac added with a grin.
Audrey smiled as Tracy shot her a sympathetic look and rolled her eyes at her sons.
Her fingernails ran over her thumbs again.
She needed to stop. Her hands were aching and raw from everything she’d put them through today, but she couldn’t.
If she didn’t do it, something terrible would happen and it would be all her fault.
Everything that had happened today would only be okay if she tapped and counted and scratched.
Luca gestured to Hallie. “We’re going to assume you know what she does.”
“I do indeed,” Audrey said. “And, yeah, you can ask about my job. I won’t be offended if anyone doesn’t want to listen to it, though. Especially right after eating.”
“Nah, we’re good.”
Wes beamed. “So, Hallie says you work with dead bodies.”
“That is not how I described it,” Hallie said quickly, her hand wrapping briefly around Audrey’s upper arm.
Her touch was so gentle but so solid, grounding. Still, part of Audrey’s mind was circling on the idea that if she said something wrong, this family would reject her too. Then, she’d be left in the middle of nowhere, all alone and destitute.
She smiled at Wes and counted mentally as she tapped her fingertips together. The muscles of her hands throbbed with stress and overexertion, but she could handle that. She just had to do this right and everything with the Fullers would be fine.
“It’s pretty much how she described it,” Wes said.
“She said forensic entomologist,” Luca added, “and we knew what that meant.”
Tracy snorted. “No, you didn’t.” She shot Audrey a look. “We had to look that one up.”
“But,” Isaac laughed, “we know now. So, tell us what it’s like. It’s definitely one of the coolest jobs we’ve ever met.”
Audrey could feel Hallie watching her softly as she smiled at her brothers.
They were so… friendly. So interested and curious.
Sure, they were asking about a potentially dark topic, but Audrey felt respected.
“Well, I go out in the field to collect specimens, spend a decent amount of time in a lab, and appear in court when necessary, but, obviously, my main job is to understand the insects.”
“I read online that forensic entomologists recreate weather conditions to grow insects, is that true?”
“Yeah, sometimes. It can be important in understanding exactly how long someone has been deceased, since, of course, the climate is going to impact how active insects are.”
“Are blow flies cool?” Luca asked, looking skeptical. “They’re, like, the first bugs after someone dies, right?”
The topic wasn’t funny, but Audrey almost laughed. These guys, who didn’t know her and weren’t required to show any interest in her at all, had heard what she did from their sister and immediately done more research on her job than anyone in her family ever had.
She nodded, jumping very slightly when she felt Hallie’s knee press reassuringly against hers under the table. “I mean, I think so, but I’m an entomologist. As a group, we tend to be pretty pro-fly.”
The others laughed, and everyone seemed genuinely interested. On the few occasions she’d ever tried to talk about her job at the dinner table, her family had shut it down so fast she’d simply gotten used to brushing the topic aside. Except with Hallie. And her very sweet family, apparently.
Audrey hesitated, wondering whether they’d want to know the point that came to mind. But, hey, they’d asked for information on her job. “Blow flies are actually more important in pollination than most people think too. They get a bad rep.”
Wes laughed and reached across the table to whack Hallie. “You sure you should be hanging out with this one? She’s out here defending death flies.”
“Yeah, death flies that are pollinating your food,” Hallie shot back, and Audrey wasn’t truly worried about his comments. He didn’t mean it. He was just teasing.
Although, Audrey’s mind wasn’t so fraught that she didn’t realize it would be weird to tease your siblings the way he was over just a friendship.
The place Hallie’s knee still rested against her own seemed to glow bright and warm and attention-grabbing.
Wes chuckled. “Really, though? Pollination? Like, I see a lot of bugs in my job and they don’t bother me exactly, but I definitely don’t love them like you do.”
Audrey’s smile was wide and genuine. “Yeah, it takes a very specific kind of person to love them like I do. Especially given that I spend a lot of my time around necrophages.”
“It’s so fucking awesome hanging around a doctor,” Luca said, bafflingly impressed. “Like, have you seen how smart she is? Dropping words like that? I don’t even know how to spell that word!”
“Right?” Hallie breathed, and her gaze was impossibly mesmerizing as she looked at Audrey like she was the only person in the room.
Already overwhelmed by Hallie’s family thinking she was cool for knowing words like that—and not simply accusing her of showing off or trying to make them feel unintelligent, which she absolutely wasn’t trying to do—Audrey wasn’t sure how to process Hallie’s look or the feelings that shot through her.
She really liked being here, around Hallie and her family.
Wes laughed and nodded. “Yeah, I definitely didn’t know they were called that.”
Audrey shrugged. “It’s just about what they eat, but a lot of insects are much more instrumental in pollination than people realize. Bees obviously get a lot of the credit.”
“Bees are very cool,” Hallie said, shooting Audrey a secret, knowing smile.
“What’s a fun fact about bees?” Isaac asked excitedly.
“They have five eyes,” Audrey said with a laugh. People tended to like that one. “Or, more technical, they have about one hundred and seventy odorant receptors, compared to about sixty on a fruit fly.”
“Odorant? That’s for, like, smell?”
“Yeah, exactly.”
“How many do blow flies have?” Luca asked, clearly having taken a liking to the little creatures.
“About fifty.”
“You teach classes, too, right? About bugs?”
Audrey laughed again. “I do, yes.”
“Shame you’re not closer. I’d sign up for that.”
“That’s very sweet—”
“Pretty sure we all would,” Hallie said, and Audrey barely registered the way the rest of the table was agreeing through the sweet look she was giving her.
She had no interest in being Hallie’s professor, though. “I mean, you can just ask whatever you want to know while I’m here,” she said, looking around the table at the others.
Tracy smiled, standing up from the table. “Are you busy for Christmas, Audrey? Because I don’t think this lot will have finished asking questions by then.”
Audrey laughed politely, not really considering that a proper offer. Though, she couldn’t deny that Christmas with the Fullers sounded nice.
But she wouldn’t even be in Michigan by that point…
“Ma, what are you doing?” Wes asked, standing quickly. “You made dinner, we’ve got this.”
Tracy winked at Audrey. “See how well I’ve got them trained?”
Audrey smiled but stood up too. She could handle dishes. They weren’t forcing her to do them, it would be fine. “I can help.”
“Sit your ass down,” Luca laughed. “You’re a guest. We’ve got this.”
“Oh… I…”
“Nope.” He shot her a wide grin that looked nothing like Hallie’s but felt equally real and safe. “We’ve got this. You can think about whether there are any good bug-based Christmas movies we can watch tonight.”
Tracy followed the guys into the kitchen even though they weren’t letting her clean up, and Audrey couldn’t help but think she was trying to give her and Hallie a moment together.
“How are you doing?” Hallie asked, voice hushed when they were alone at the table.
“Good.”
“You sure? It’s okay not to be. Today has been a lot.”
Audrey nodded. “It really has, but this is… nice. Thank you for bringing me. I didn’t realize how much I needed…” She trailed off, unsure how to explain all of the things she needed, but Hallie nodded seriously, like she understood all of them.
“You’re always welcome here,” she said softly. Her eyes were brimming with emotions Audrey didn’t even know how to begin to parse. “And you don’t have to give us lectures about bugs in exchange.”
She laughed. “It’s actually nice, you know? My family’s never once been even close to that interested in my job. And you’re not at all required to be interested in it, but it’s… good.”
“Everyone here likes you and is interested in who you are, Audrey.”
Her chest felt tight, and, while that generally triggered her brain panicking and locking down in fear, the part of it that felt pleasant just about managed to push back and feel okay.
She clasped her hands together, trying not to start another cycle of tapping, and realized just how cold they were. That tracked. She didn’t make it through days like today without that happening.
Hallie reached under the table towards Audrey, her hand hovering momentarily. “Can I touch you?”
Audrey nodded, swallowing hard as a warm, soft hand was placed over both of her own.
She saw the moment Hallie registered how cold she was from the tiny furrow in her brow.
“Thank you,” Audrey said, sounding more breathless than she’d have liked.
“Any time, Dr. Bee.”
Audrey laughed, loving the way Hallie’s expression cracked with amusement when she did. “Your brothers might not like me when I tell you I can’t think of any bug-based Christmas movies, though.”
Hallie squeezed Audrey’s hands a little tighter. “Don’t worry, we can watch a regular Christmas movie. Which one’s your favorite?”
“Uh, The Holiday, probably.”
“Nice choice!” She stood and held out a hand to help Audrey up. “That’s mine too. I think we’ve got about three different copies of it here.”
“You do?” Audrey didn’t really need help standing, but she’d needed help getting through the day and she couldn’t begin to thank Hallie enough. And, maybe there was a little part of her that just wanted to hold Hallie’s hand for a second. So she did.
Hallie nodded, heading off towards the others. “Mom had a copy, I had a copy, and Wes had a copy. It’s a popular choice around here.”
“Glad to know I fit in,” Audrey said, only realizing what she was saying as the words left her mouth and she choked on a lump that took root in her throat.
She fit in. Here. With Hallie and her family. In Michigan. She’d finally found a place she could fit in here. And she wasn’t sure what the hell she was going to do with the fact that coming back here to see her family was never going to feel like this.
Every part of her never wanted to go near them again. Definitely not near that cabin. It wasn’t… clean.
She was going to have to figure that out. But not now. She pushed hard at the panic trying to join the emotional knot in her chest.
As Hallie turned back to smile at her like having her here was the best thing ever, all Audrey needed to concentrate on was that, here, she fit. And, for tonight, that was enough.