Chapter Four
Ana
Three weeks later…
I don’t take my eyes off my father. Every day, I sit with him. When I first arrived, I had spent a few days helping clean the home to help out my mom as I know that cleaning just got away from her with all the things she was going through. Following that, however, sitting with my dad was my primary focus.
We both said words out of anger but, now that his time is almost up, I wish for those five years back. I could have spent time with him instead of hating him because he didn’t like Maverick.
Now I will never get that time back.
I watch every day as the life slowly drains out of him. I know the time is coming. I can feel it’s close.
I close my eyes as the tears fall. I wish that I had Maverick here to hold me. I feel like I can’t do this without him.
Why do I still need him so much?
Every day, I grab my new phone to type “tacos” to Dani to tell her I need them; my other family, but I chicken out. I walked out on everyone. I just didn’t know I would be walking into this.
Is this something I can go through alone?
I shake my head. I already know I can’t. I need my other family.
“Baby girl,” my father rasps weakly.
I get up and immediately come to the side of his bed.
“I-I don’t w-want you t-to g-go,” I cry and lay my head on his chest as his arms weakly wrap around me.
“I wish we had more time. I’m so sorry for everything I put you through,” he says through heavy breaths.
I shake my head. “I can’t lose you after I just got you back,” I sob.
“I’ll always be watching over you,” he says softly.
“It’s not the same,” I whisper.
He smiles sadly at me. “I know, baby girl. I’m proud of you, and I know you and Viking will make it through this.”
I shake my head in denial.
I have spent three weeks away from my husband. Not hearing him or seeing him is harder than I thought it would be. Of course, lately I had only seen him when I went to the clubhouse. I often went there because the quietness of our house was horrible. I felt so lonely and was glad that Viking still let me come to the clubhouse as that is where I received the support from my club friends that helped me push through these past years.
I sob into my father’s chest and just let everything I have been holding inside go.
My sister and mother come in during my cries and climb onto the bed with tears in their eyes.
“The three most important women in the world. My shining stars,” my dad rasps, his voice getting weak.
My sister grabs my hand as the tears fall from her eyes, and my mom lets out a heartbreaking cry.
“Don’t cry, my dear. You gave me a lifetime of love. I’ll be watching over all of you,” he rasps.
“I love you so much, my sunshine,” my mother chokes out as my father’s breathing slows down.
I don’t know how long we lay there, but we don’t move.
When my dad’s hand holding my hair weakens, I look over to see he’s not breathing. I know his time is up.
“You can’t leave me. My sun, don’t leave me. I don’t know how to live without you,” my mother cries out in pain.
I couldn’t stop the tears even if I wanted to. I look at my sister who looks like she’s having the same problem.
My phone buzzes in my pocket and I grab it. My heart jumps when I look at the screen.
My love: I miss you so much, baby. I will do whatever it takes to make it up to you. I’m not going to let you go.
Dani must have given him my new number, or maybe Whiz found it.
Another sob leaves me. I need him so much right now, but I know I can’t count on him.
No matter how desperately I want to.
I hold my mother and sister tightly as my father’s body gets taken away. My mother falls to her knees bringing us both down with her.
At some point, my three aunts come rushing in and see the state of my mother before they take her from us.
“We’ve got your momma. You guys just take care of each other,” my aunt Helen says.
I grab my sister and head towards my room.
We don’t say anything. Instead, we just lay there in our grief. One of my aunts brings us food and drink, but we barely touch it.
After what could be a few hours or another day, I’m not really sure, my sister finally speaks up.
“You know, dad regretted the things he said the moment you left. He broke down. I had never seen him looking as lost as he looked the moment the door clicked shut. He spent every day trying to figure out a way to get you to forgive him but, as the years went on, he figured it was too late,” she tells me.
I think over her words for a moment. “I missed you guys every day. Then, when things started getting hard with Maverick, I had only wished I could call you guys, but I was afraid of an ‘I told you so’ response.”
“What happened?” she asks, turning to face me to give me her full attention.
I let out a long sigh. “I guess it just started off small. Every month, when my period came, it was just another disappointment that we didn’t get pregnant. We both slowly pulled away. The pet names we called each other stopped; the light touches were fewer and farther between. Then, he was always staring when the club whores would be fucking or sucking a brother. After a while, I guess the silence came and he stopped coming home.” I give her the brief version. I don’t think I could handle telling her everything.
“So, you are just walking away?” she asks after a few minutes.
“How could I not? I heard him say I was letting myself go, that he was tempted by club whores, and that I was boring. When I told him that I had overheard what he said, he told me that he didn’t mean it. I just couldn’t believe him, so I cut off what he was saying and told him I wanted a divorce. It didn’t take me long before I walked out of there. I’m sure if his brothers weren’t there, he would have stopped me,” I say, feeling myself getting defensive.
“You know, mom and dad fought a lot after you left. He hated himself for everything he said, and mom was mad at him for driving you away and mad at herself that she did nothing to stop it. They started snapping at each other for everything. One thing I have noticed was that it takes two to make a relationship work,” she replies.
I open my mouth to snap at her, but she covers my mouth with her hand. “Now I’m not defending your man, but it sounds like you both stopped communicating and distanced yourselves from one another because you both felt guilty about not being able to get pregnant. He probably thought he was a failure too. Everything near the end sounds like it was his fault but, in the beginning, you both were slowly giving up.”
“I know you’re right, but I just don’t know how we could work after everything that has now happened,” I admit.
“Try and picture falling in love with someone else and making a life with them. Picture him doing the same. If those thoughts break your heart, I know you still love him somewhere deep down,” she says with a sad smile.
Thinking about all that hurts. It breaks my heart at the thought of Maverick with anyone else. That’s why him staring at the club whores all the time hurt. I wouldn’t ever be like them. Everyone is welcome to do what they want with their own bodies. I just mean I would never be skinny, nor would I ever be showing off my body like they do.
I was comfortable in my own skin. Maverick always had made me feel like he loved my body. I was so confused when I overheard him saying the things he had said at the club. Why would he stay with me if he thought so lowly of me?
I don’t think this is something we can just overcome.
Maverick “Viking”
Three fucking weeks since I have seen my wife. It’s a different feeling than when I would sleep at the club to ease my guilt. Staying in this house without her in it feels so much worse. I can’t imagine how she did it for all this time.
Ice has been staying here every night.
Most days, I am so busy fixing up the place that I can ignore the attraction I feel to him.
Then there are the days when he’s working on a room and doesn’t have a shirt on, and I see every muscle on display.
I’ve been attracted to a lot of my brothers through the years, but the amount that I want Ice is insane. The only other person I have wanted this much was Ana.
Then that thought brings me back to her, and I feel guilty for thinking of someone else.
Fuck, I need to find her and get her back.
I have this feeling that she needs me, but how would I go about that when I’m trying to give her space?
My phone buzzes. It startles me since I was staring at Ice, and I actually fucking jump. When he turns around, he smirks at me and gives me a knowing look like he knew I was just checking him out.
I grab my phone to avoid any awkwardness and read the text sent.
Button: My dad passed away. I feel like I can’t breathe.
I let out a curse and run down the stairs and out the door.
“Viking, man, what’s going on?” Ice shouts running after me.
“Ana’s dad died. I need to go to her. She just messaged me,” I say before climbing into Ana’s car.
Ice gets in the passenger seat. “I need to fly there. It will take too long to drive,” I tell him absently. My heart feels like it’s pounding out of my chest.
Ice slaps a hand on my thigh. “It’s okay, brother. I’ll take Ana’s car back and take care of the house while you are with your wife. Let us know if you need anything.”
I nod my head, but my mind is on Ana. There is only one additional thought in the background of my mind, which is that Ice having his hand on my thigh feels warm and heavy but very right.
“Thanks for everything,” I rasp.
It takes way too long for him to move his hand. He also gives my thigh a gentle squeeze before letting go.
When I pull up to the airport, he slaps me on the back. “Go take care of your woman. I’ll cover everything here,” he says with a serious look in his eyes.
Deep down, a part of me wants her to be “our woman,” but there is no way Ana would go for that. Heck, she would be better off just being with him and leaving me for good.
I’d let her go to him, but I can’t imagine my life without her.
I rush into the airport to find out that there are still a couple hours before the next flight, but I don’t mind waiting because it would still be faster than driving there. My woman needs me as soon as possible.
I’m anxious the whole time, but I manage to find their address from Whiz before I head over there. Now that I knew for sure that she was at her parents’ place, it was easy for him to find the information.
I catch a cab and practically fall out of it to run to the door.
When I knock, Ana’s mother answers the door with red rimmed eyes. She gives me a soft sad smile. “Oh Viking. I’m so glad you showed up.”
I look at her confused, since the last time I saw her she said I was going to ruin her daughter’s life. Which, to be honest, I pretty much have.
I’m going to change that.
“We have plenty of time to talk,” she says softly. “Ana is upstairs. First door on the left,” she says while opening the door for me to walk in.
“Thanks. I’m so sorry for your loss,” I say before running up the stairs.
I don’t bother knocking on the door. I throw it open and see my wife on the bed; well, I think it’s my wife. I’m sure she’s under that lump of blankets.
“Ana?” I whisper loudly.
“I must be hallucinating. I thought I heard my asshole husband,” my wife whispers.
“Then I must be too because that sounded like a man with a very deep voice,” her sister whispers back.
“I’m real,” I say loudly, since I know now that they both are awake.
The blanket drops from their heads, and I see two women who have red eyes, puffy faces, tear tracks on their cheeks, and messy hair from the blanket
“What are you doing here?” Serena asks, narrowing her eyes at me.
I get the feeling that she and my wife had talked. I feel so much anger coming from her, it’s a wonder I can fucking stand right now. If looks could kill.
“And what happened to you?” my wife asks, looking at me in shock.
I look down at myself and I’m covered in spots of paint. I’m sure there’s even some on my face. “I came because my wife messaged me, and I knew she needed me. I look like this because I’ve spent the last three weeks renovating our house. I was painting our bedroom when I got your message. I left without changing or grabbing clothes.”
“What do you mean, you are renovating our house?” Ana asks suspiciously.
“The brothers have been helping. Mostly Ice. We have gutted the place. I only kept the personal stuff and dishes. I threw out all the furniture. I tore down some walls and extended some of the rooms. It’s basically going to be a new house,” I tell her.
“Why would you do that?” Ana asks with tears welling in her eyes.
“I’ve been a shit husband who pretty much let you live in a shit hole while I avoided my problems and talking to you while you basically had the house falling apart around you,” I admit.
“Just because you are fixing up the house doesn’t mean I forgive you,” Ana tells me. I can tell by the look in her eyes that she’s serious.
“I know that, Button. I’m willing to work hard to earn your forgiveness. I know we eventually need to have a long talk but, right now, I just want to be here for you. I know this couldn’t have been easy for you,” I say while walking closer to the bed.
I wouldn’t be surprised if she turns me away, but I hope she doesn’t. I know this doesn’t mean she forgives me.
“You can be here for me only if you go get me tacos and coolers,” Ana says with a stern look in her eyes.
“And Tequila!” Serena shouts from beside her.
“Alright, I’ll go pick that up along with some clothes for myself, since I didn’t bring anything,” I tell them.
“We will be here,” Ana says softly.
I look her in the eyes for a moment before I turn around and head back downstairs.
“I’m heading out for tacos and alcohol if you ladies want anything,” I tell all four ladies in the living room.
“Oh, we could use some whiskey and vodka. It would be good to have tacos too,” one of them says, and the rest nod their heads in agreement.
“Take my vehicle. I noticed you pulled up in a cab,” my wife’s mother says to me before bringing me her keys.
I take them without hesitation. “I’ll be back in an hour or so. I need to get some clothes.”
“Lots and lots of tacos!” one of them shouts.
I shake my head. If it’s alcohol and tacos they need, I’ll happily be their errand boy.
I’ll take care of all of them tonight too.
I call my Prez while I’m out since I kind of just left in a rush, but he was understanding. Thankfully, we were in friendly club territory so he would just explain it to the Vicious Snakes why I was here and why I forgot my cut at home. I had originally not wanted to get paint on it, and all I could think of was getting to my wife.
I’ll do whatever they need of me right now.