CHAPTER 5 MAYA BROOKE
MAYA brOOKE
Five minutes of peace gives me enough time to wash my hair.
I don’t even remember the last time I gave it a good clean.
It’s halfway matted, and it’s starting to make me feel nauseous, so a sliver of alone time is everything I need to feel a little human again.
My hair is so long that the washing and drying process is off the cards when I’m running on limited time.
I’m almost done washing out the shampoo with my back hunched over the tub when the bathroom door bursts open, and I release a silent whimper. I didn’t even make it to three minutes.
The sound of intense crying erupts in my ears.
“Sorry, Maya,” I hear my sister, Nina, say as I peek under my wet hair. “She’s literally about to burst my eardrums. I have a presentation in ten minutes, and I can’t have that in the background.”
She’s holding Skye between her arms. Red-faced. Eyes pinched together tightly as she wails. I close my eyes and sigh before wringing out my hair and throwing it up in a towel, knowing full well there is shampoo still in it—and besides, what even is conditioner these days?
“I was two seconds away from being done,” I huff before reaching out and taking Skye, immediately attempting to calm her.
“Yeah, well.” Nina places a hand on her hip and flashes me an unamused look. “I’ve got work I need to do. I can’t focus with all that racket going on.”
My stomach churns because that racket is her niece.
Nina turns her back and walks towards her makeshift desk in the living room. I cup the back of Skye’s head and bounce her before kissing her temple as she continues to scream and cry.
“Is someone hungry?” I whisper, and she bellows louder. “Okay. Okay.”
I walk across the living room and into our bedroom before shutting the door and sitting down on the edge of the bed.
I pull up the hem of my T-shirt and unhook my bra, allowing my breast to spring free.
Skye latches, and I sink into the bed with relief that she has something to drink, given the difficulties I’ve had breastfeeding.
My eyes burn as I watch her; exhaustion doesn’t even justify how I feel.
Nina has been kind enough to let me stay with her while I bring up my baby alone, and I love her, but sometimes she definitely has our mother’s traits.
There’s no way I’d be able to raise Skye in my mum’s house with how unsupportive she’s been, and my father has a lot going on right now with his own family.
It’s been two months since Skye was born, and I feel like I’m going out of my mind. Nothing can prepare you for motherhood. Absolutely nothing.
And as much as I don’t always see eye to eye with my sister, she gave me a place to stay when I needed it the most. She has an important job and has put in a lot of effort to get where she is today, so I understand her need for quiet in her own home.
But this is the first time I’m becoming a mother, and there is so much to learn.
When Skye’s finished feeding I take a few minutes to burp her and find instant relief when she doesn’t start crying again.
The doorbell rings, and I groan silently before popping open the bedroom door to poke my head into the living room. Nina glances at me and throws her thumb over her shoulder, signalling for me to answer it.
I place Skye down into her cot, adjust my clothing, and pull the towel from my head so my wet hair trickles down my back before heading to the door. At this point, I’m over my appearance because there is no time to make yourself look presentable when you’re running on a few hours’ sleep.
The second I open the door, my heart falls out of my chest.
My fingers start to tremble at the sight of him. The last person I thought I’d see here. Especially after what he made clear the night I told him I was pregnant. He might have been drunk, but I believe drunk words are sober thoughts.
Finn blinks back at me with his bottle-green eyes, and I tense.
His blond hair has grown out a little and curls over his forehead.
He looks better than I’ve ever seen him.
There is life in his face. The black circles under his eyes have started to fade, and he looks healthy…
really healthy. And even back then, I still thought he was the most handsome guy I’d ever seen.
I still do; it hurts. God, it hurts more than I anticipated.
And I’m standing here looking like I’ve been dragged through a dirty puddle and been kept awake for the past two months.
His gaze roams me, his lips parting an inch, and suddenly, I feel rage flow through my veins.
“What the hell are you doing here?” I say harshly.
“I-I wanted to see you,” he whispers, voice cracking. “And it’s really good to see you, Maya.”
My eye twitches at his words. I’ve seen him at his lowest, I’ve seen him when he’s cried himself to sleep, I’ve seen him when he had nothing left to give. But I’ll never forgive him for the things he said that night.
“Are you kidding me right now? I don’t want you here.” I fold my arms over my chest. “Go.”
Finn’s chest quivers as he focuses on my face. “Maya, I know I’m probably the last person you want to see—”
I snort unattractively. “You’ve got that right.”
“—but I just needed to know that you’re okay. I know things ended badly between us, but I don’t remember a thing from that night. I was super messed up.”
“You were never remembering anything towards the end of our relationship,” I state.
I don’t know what happened in those last few months, but I lost him.
I was willing to fight for him with everything I had in me.
Then, as soon as I found out I was pregnant, I had a new priority.
A baby to protect, and if Finn wasn’t going to be there, then I knew I was going to choose the baby growing inside me.
“I’m sober now,” he says as he drags a shaky hand through his hair. “Or at least trying to be.”
My eyes narrow an inch, and I shake my head once. “You should go, Finn.”
His face crumbles. “Maya, please. I was an asshole, but I am not that person anymore. You know me, you know—”
“Well, maybe that night I didn’t know you,” I spit, my chest heaving. “That wasn’t the Finn I loved. You pushed me away, and you made me feel so alone, after everything I did for you and how much I helped you. You made me feel alone.”
Finn’s eyes begin to glisten, and even I can’t ignore the pain behind them. “You have no idea how much I hate myself, how much I wish I could go back in time and put it right. I know I don’t deserve you, but I needed to see you.”
My nose tingles, and I glance away. A moment later, Skye starts to scream, and every bone in my body tenses. Finn’s brows furrow as he hears the sound and shifts from foot to foot.
“I need to go,” I sigh and attempt to shut the door.
Finn puts his foot in the way and winces when it collides with bone. “How can I fix this?”
“You can’t.” I straighten my spine. “What’s done is done.”
I hear footsteps behind me, and there is my sister with Skye in her arms. My eyes bulge out of my head when she places her in my hold, and she shoots me a glare.
“I already told you, Maya,” she hisses. “I’ve got an important presentation today, and I cannot have her crying in the back. Deal with her. Please.”
Skye settles a little as I hold her close to my chest, brushing back her blonde hair that has grown exponentially in the last month. I can feel Finn’s stare on me as I finally look up.
He’s staring at Skye between my arms, and for a moment, he looks like he’s about to faint.
“Wha—” He cuts himself off as tears begin to form in his lash line.
Skye shuffles a little in my hold, and I twist her.
At the perfect opportunity, she flashes him her big brown eyes before yawning.
Nothing is wrong, she just wants to be held, and it makes me feel like I’m doing something right for once—even if I’m freaking out inside knowing Finn has laid eyes on her.
“Oh my god,” he rasps, face paling once more as he meets my gaze. “Is that my—”
I cup Skye’s head gently and rock her. “I think you already know the answer, Finn.”
He stares, wide-eyed and panting like he can’t catch his breath.
“Oh my god,” he exhales, taking a step back and pressing a hand to his forehead. “Oh my god.”
My eyes squeeze shut at the agony in his voice. He genuinely doesn’t remember, and that makes this a thousand times harder because even though I was done with him, I was still waiting for him to ask me questions about my pregnancy or labour or something at least.
I got nothing but drunk texts over the summer that didn’t make any sense, which solidified my choice of distancing myself from him.
I thought eventually he’d be able to piece it together, but apparently not.
“Maya, I—”
When I look at him again, tears are streaming down his face as he stares at our baby girl against my chest.
“I think you should go,” I murmur and take a step back. “I have things to do.”
“But—”
“You didn’t want her, okay?” I spit harshly.
My heart still vibrates from the words of that night. The way he said them. Filled with venom and disgust. His intoxication probably made it worse, but it made me see how badly he was damaging himself, and I can’t let my baby be exposed to that kind of behaviour.
Skye comes first. She’ll always come first.
Finn blinks at me as if a spear has struck his heart. “I didn’t want her?”
I scoff and poke my tongue into the corner of my mouth. “You didn’t want us.”
“No,” he heaves, his feet wobbling a little as his complexion starts to turn grey. “That’s not true.”
“I heard what you said. Loud and clear. I got the message.”
“Maya, I was fuc—” He stops and changes his words when he glances down to Skye again. “I was messed up, okay? I’m not excusing it, but I didn’t know what the hell was going on. I’d never purposely hurt you, and you know it.”
My chest throbs as devastation slashes across his face. “But you did hurt me,” I whisper with heartache. “You hurt me so badly. And I can’t be sure of your drinking habits, and right now, Skye is my priority.”
“Skye?” Finn’s throat scratches as his eyes leak more tears. “Her name is Skye?”
I silently nod.
“Oh my god,” he chokes out, turning away for a moment as he runs a hand down his face.
“I need to go,” I excuse myself. “Goodbye, Finn.”
Before he has the chance to put his foot in the way again, I manage to successfully close the door and shove my back against it before my knees buckle. I squeeze my eyes shut and tell myself not to cry, despite my new change in hormones and how easily I can break down.
After a minute, I suck in a breath and turn around to face the small window in the door. I peek my eyes through it to find Finn still standing there, his entire body trembling as he stares at the wall with tears staining his cheeks.
A pang of guilt hits me, but why should I feel guilty?
He’s the one who said he didn’t want us.
And I’ll do everything in my power to make sure my baby feels loved.