MAYA BROOKE
On the weekend, Finn asks to spend time with us. I don’t usually do much on the weekends, I tend to stay in or go for a walk, depending on what Nina is doing. But now she’s not here, the house is a lot quieter and isolating.
Especially on a Saturday when people are going out and being productive.
When there is a knock at the front door, I quickly brush through the ends of my hair and hurry over to open it. Finn’s hand is resting on the arch of the door, and sunlight glows from behind him as his blond hair curls around his forehead.
Green eyes find mine, and he smiles so bright it almost blinds me. God, he’s devastatingly handsome after a full night’s sleep. I forget what I look like without these dark bags under my eyes. I’m starting to think this might just be me forever.
“Hey, sunshine,” he says softly.
“Hi.” I smile back, but my eyes are slightly achy from being up the majority of the night. “I think I should be the one calling you sunshine.”
Finn grins as he steps inside. “Nah,” he says before swiping his thumb over my chin. “You’ll always be my sunshine girl.”
My heart thumps crazily in my chest. Always? That sounds like dedication.
“Here, these are for you.” He pushes a bouquet of pink roses and tulips in my direction. I blink in surprise, freezing for a few seconds. “I saw them and thought of you.”
“Thought of me?” I’m a little breathless.
Finn’s eyes glitter as I wrap my hand around the stems. “They’re not quite cherry blossoms, but they’re pink and pretty. So I had to buy them. They reminded me of us.”
There’s a lump forming in my throat as I gaze over the beautiful flowers. “Thank you,” I say with gratitude. “They’re stunning.”
“You’re welcome. How are you?” he asks.
I swallow around the dryness of my throat. “Tired,” I admit. “But fine.”
“Was she up all night?”
“More or less.” I sigh as I shut the door behind him and head to the kitchen to prepare the flowers in a vase. “Of course she’s sleeping now.”
Finn turns back to me, and my fingers fly through the ends of my hair that’s still slightly knotted. “I should be here to help with the night stuff,” he says slowly. “It’s not fair that you have to do it every night.”
I shrug. “I’m used to it.”
I’m insanely sleep-deprived and nearly delirious most of the time. I don’t know if it’s something I’ll ever really get used to. You never realise how much you take sleeping for granted until you have a baby.
Finn licks his bottom lip as he watches me. “Is it because you don’t fully trust me?”
“No.”
“Then what?”
“I-I don’t know.”
“Let me help, Maya,” he says as he steps forward. “You deserve a peaceful sleep for once, and I want to be here more. We don’t have to sleep in the same bed or even talk. I just want to be here.”
I stare back at him. “It’s a big commitment.”
“And I’ve already committed to both of you.”
“Okay,” I whisper. “We’ll sort something out.”
Relief covers his eyes, and I wonder if he even realises what he’s signed himself up for.
When Skye wakes up, Finn says that we should get out of the house. I agree as long as we stop off somewhere for coffee. I’m in need of something caffeinated to keep me awake today.
Finn holds Skye to his chest as I start loading up the pram with everything we need for the day. I sterilised all the bottles this morning and placed her milk into a cool bag as I know she’ll be hungry soon.
“Ready to go?” I ask Finn as I push the pram towards the front door.
“Yeah,” he says as I reach the stairs.
I step to the side and attempt to grab the pram underneath the legs.
“Whoa.” Finn steps forward and presses a hand to my shoulder. “What are you doing?”
“What does it look like I’m doing?”
He frowns at me as I place the pram back down. “Take Skye,” he says as he slides her into my arms.
“Why?”
Without another word, he grabs the pram and slowly brings it down the steps until the wheels are resting on the pavement.
“I could have done that.” I quirk a brow at him.
Finn glances up at me. “I know, sunshine. But we’re a team now, right? You’ve been carrying everything on your back for three months. I think it’s time I actually start to put my back into something.”
“It’s just a pram,” I say as I walk down the steps. “I do it every time I leave the house.”
“And when I’m here, you’re not going to do it. Ever.”
I blink at his bold statement. I’m all for female empowerment because there is no one stronger than a mother. If you want something done, you’ve got to do it yourself. But remembering he’s here and I don’t have to do it alone anymore makes my heart weep.
We head down the road towards town before we stop in a coffee shop. Finn orders and pays without hesitation, and the second the taste of coffee hits my lips, I hum in delight.
“Here,” Finn says as he hands me a paper bag.
“What is it?”
He grins softly. “I know they’re your favourite.”
I peek my head inside to find an almond croissant. My cheeks heat. We used to head down to the bakery after our classes on a Thursday, and I’d always get an almond croissant while Finn told me I was a weirdo for not liking chocolate.
“Thank you,” I say gratefully.
We perch on one of the tables near the window as Skye wriggles in her pram; she’s awake but quiet. Probably enjoying the change of scenery as much as I am.
“Can I ask you a question?” Finn asks as I look up at him before taking a bite of my croissant.
I tilt my head. “Sure.”
“Do you breastfeed Skye?”
My eyes immediately narrow. “Sometimes. When I can.”
Finn nods once.
“If you’re going to get angry at me for it.” I lean back in my chair. “Then save it, I’ve had enough trouble with trying to breastfeed as it is.”
He presses his elbows into the table. “Why would I get angry at you about that?”
I shrug. “Everyone wants their kids to be breastfed, but sometimes mothers can’t or don’t want to.”
“I was just asking because I’m curious,” he says honestly. “I don’t care how she’s fed as long as she’s fed. I’d never dictate what you do with your body, Maya.”
I lower the croissant as Finn leans over and drags his thumb over my bottom lip. For a moment, I’m stunned as he gently sweeps away residue on my face, and my blood vibrates in my ears.
“You made a mess,” he says with a kind smile.
“I haven’t had one of these in ages.”
We fall into silence as I finish the sweet treat.
“I can’t always breastfeed because sometimes I don’t produce enough milk. I don’t know why, but I’ve tried everything from extra stimulation and trying to pump whenever I can,” I sigh. “So when I don’t produce enough, I have to use formula.”
Finn frowns. “I didn’t know.”
“Guess I’m embarrassed,” I whisper. “I don’t want anyone thinking I’m less of a mother because of it. People always have something to say about formula, let alone not being able to supply enough milk. My doctor said it could be down to stress and hormonal factors.”
He takes my hand over the table and brushes his thumb across my knuckles. “It doesn’t make you less of anything. What’s important is that you’re doing the best for Skye, and if formula is what’s best, then that’s all that matters.”
I suck in a breath. “I went to a baby and mother group once and felt very humiliated when a few of the mothers found out. It just made me feel inadequate. Like I’m not doing my best.”
“You are doing your best.” He takes my other hand and clutches it tight. “Some people just love to put others down, and they’re the type of people you want to distance yourself from. You’re doing perfect. And hopefully helping out might take away some of that stress.”
My teeth sink into my bottom lip. “Perfect is a stretch.”
“Na, it’s true. Our little girl is perfect, she’s fed, she’s happy, she has the best mother on this planet,” he says with confidence
The heat from my cheeks starts to make my skin hurt.
“Do you know how much I admire you? Your strength, your determination, your passion.”
“I’m just doing what every other mother does.”
“Yeah, and mothers are in a league of their own. Do you think us men could do what you do and keep sane?” He curls a brow.
A small laugh bursts from me. “Not many.”
“Exactly,” he says as I meet his eyes. “You’re doing great, Maya. You’ve taught me everything I need to know.”
When I stare back at him, I get glimpses of our relationship. All those times I had wobbles with university, or whatever was going on in my life, Finn was always there to uplift me and remind me that I am capable of anything. The only person holding me back is myself and my thoughts.
“I went from thinking I was going to do this alone forever, to having you by my side,” I murmur. “And it’s still hard to wrap my head around.”
Finn raises our hands and kisses my knuckles. My eyes sting at the gentle connection. “Like I said before. I’m not going anywhere.”
Skye wriggles and makes a sound. We both look over at her.
“Think she’s getting restless,” Finn says as he starts to push the pram back and forth. “Should we head out?”
“Sure.” I nod. “Where shall we go?”
“How about we head to campus?”
I tilt my head. “Campus?”
“Yeah.” He grins. “Show Skye where we go to university.”
“She won’t remember.” I snort.
“No, but we will.”
“Okay.”
When we head back to the house, Finn manages to fit Skye’s car seat into the back of his car. I offer to help, but he tells me to leave him to it. I do, and once it’s fitted, he places her inside, along with the pram, and we drive towards campus.
Despite the colder weather, it’s another sunny day, boosting my mood. We stop by one of the benches near the SU bar, but far enough away we’re not close to the people who are already day drinking and probably getting prepared for a night on the town. Oh, how times have changed.
Finn takes Skye from her pram and holds her close to her chest. She rests her face against his chin.
“Hey, baby,” he murmurs before kissing her temple.
“This is where we go to university. This is where your mummy is going to graduate and get a degree and be the best journalist there is. Because she is one smart woman, and I hope you get her brains, not mine.”
I frown and stand up to meet them. “That’s not true,” I say dismissively. “You’re smart.”
Finn snorts. “Oh, please.” He rolls his eyes. “I’ve got nothing on you. If anyone is going to be successful, it’s always going to be you.”
“Are you playing football this year?” I ask, changing the subject.
He shakes his head. “No.”
“Why?”
“I’d rather be here with you two.”
“Do you miss it?”
“Yeah,” he says after a few beats. “I do miss it; it gave me an escape last year. But with exams and classes, and looking after you guys, there is no time. I’m kind of happy about it because it means I have other priorities.”
My mouth opens to respond, but I hear, “Thompson,” instead.
We both glance over our shoulders, and I freeze to find Reese strolling towards us with one of his football friends Finn used to play with on the team. Good god. Get me the hell away from here.
Finn visibly stiffens and holds Skye tighter. “What do you want, Reese?”
Reese pokes his tongue into his cheek as he studies our daughter. I want to claw his eyes out for even looking at her. But then he glances at me, and his gaze glows with amusement.
“Shit.” He laughs. “The baby really is his. Why were you getting so uptight when I saw your phone?”
Finn glances at me, confusion written all over his face. I didn’t tell him for a reason. He didn’t need to know. I didn’t want him getting into trouble or doing something he’d regret. Reese is an asshole, we all know it. No point trying to give in to his kind of energy.
“It’s none of your business,” I state. “Leave us alone.”
He snickers before looking directly at Finn. “Try not to be a deadbeat dad, Finn. I hear some alcoholics beat their children.”
I step between them, tightening my fists. I’d never actually punch him, not with our daughter right here, but it might cross my mind if we were alone.
“Fuck off, Reese,” I say heavily. “You keep harassing us, and I’ll make your life hell.”
Reese snickers and steps back, holding his hands up in defence. “I’m not doing anything.”
“Leave. Us. Alone.”
After a few moments, they finally back away, but I’m shaking all over. I glance back at Finn, but he’s already staring at me. “What was he talking about, Maya?”
My lungs constrict. “The first day I came back to uni, we were in the café between classes, and he came over to us. He grabbed my phone and saw the picture of Skye and started asking questions.”
Finn’s face turns to a look of frustration. “Why didn’t you tell me?”
“It wasn’t important.”
“It’s important to me.” His voice is filled with severity. “I don’t want that asshole messing with you or thinking he can talk to you like that. If he comes up to you again, I need you to tell me the second it happens.”
Fear flashes through my eyes. “I don’t want you getting in trouble. You need to stay stable, Finn.”
“I’ll be stable when I know he’s not harassing you. I can’t live with the idea of that.”
I glance at Skye, who is oblivious to everything. “I will, but I can hold my own.”
The corner of his lip tilts. “I know, sunshine.”
“Are you okay?”
“Am I okay? Yeah.”
“Don’t listen to what he said.” I shake my head. “He’s nothing but a narcissist.”
“Trust me, I’ve heard worse.”
And that makes my heart sink.
I walk towards him and place my hands on his face. “You keep telling me that I’m doing great, but so are you. And I’ll say it every day if I have to.”
Finn’s eyes glisten, and he groans softly. “With you by my side, I can do anything.”