MAYA BROOKE
The sound of Finn’s phone going to voicemail is like a bullet to the heart.
It’s the eighth time, and it fills me with dread.
“Fuck,” I exhale as I lower my phone with shaky hands.
He said he needed to go to campus to see his professor, but he should have been back hours ago.
Now he’s not answering the phone, and I’m thinking the worst. The last thing I want is to be an overbearing girlfriend who is checking up on him twenty-four seven, but I know his mental stability over the past week hasn’t been great.
I stare down at my phone before scrolling through my contacts. My thumb presses on JJ’s name without hesitation, and I gnaw at my lip as I eagerly wait for him to pick up.
“Come on,” I mumble impatiently.
“Hey, Maya,” JJ says as the line cuts.
I pull in a sharp breath. “Hey, is Finn with you?”
“No. He’s not at home?”
“No, he was meant to be back hours ago, and he isn’t picking up his phone.”
JJ sighs, and it doesn’t fill me with joy. “He ignored my texts earlier, too.”
My stomach bottoms out, and I clutch my hand over my jumper. “I know something’s wrong,” I murmur with a shudder. “He’s either turned his phone off or it’s dead. We need to go look for him. He’s not been himself recently, and I don’t want him to relapse, or worse. I’m so scared, JJ.”
“It’s okay. We’ll find him. Let me get myself sorted, and I’ll drive to you.”
I hear rustling as I stare over at Skye, fast asleep in her cot. “Thank you,” I murmur.
After the call, I ring Jade and Alice to ask if either of them can come over to look after Skye, and for someone to be here if Finn returns home. I wear a hole in the carpet from the amount of time I spend pacing as I wait for them.
When they arrive, they ask me what’s going on, but I don’t have time to explain as JJ pulls up outside a few minutes later. They say they’ll call me if Finn turns up, and I thank them with gratitude.
As soon as I’m in JJ’s car, he glances at me, and I flash him a wobbly smile that’s all wrong. “We’ll find him, Maya,” he says in an attempt to calm the chaos on my face.
“I hope so,” I respond as he drives away from the curb.
“Silas and Ronan are out looking, too,” he informs me as he turns left onto a busy street. “I said we’d take this side of town and they take the other.”
I try to compose myself, but I can’t. I ring him again and again, but every time, it has the same result.
“Do you think he’s still on campus?” I ask as I bite down on my bottom lip so hard that I almost taste blood. “He could be at the library, or football. But it’s already late as it is, he’d usually text me if he’s running late.”
JJ sighs. “I don’t know. What’s been going on?”
“Alfie,” I grumble.
“That asshole on the football team?”
“Yeah. He started spouting shit at Finn, and it got into his head. Then he was at the house with Skye, and he must have been lost in his own thoughts because he didn’t notice Skye had a temperature, and I freaked out and probably made it worse. It’s just been a series of things.”
“Jesus,” JJ hisses as he rolls his fingers over his forehead, keeping his eyes on the road. “How’s Skye?”
“Better,” I say with relief. “She overheated a little, but Finn took it out on himself. I know he should have been paying better attention to her, but I think his mind started to take over, and he wasn’t present. I know he’s really vulnerable right now.”
JJ releases a long breath. “Shit.”
For an hour, we search everywhere we possibly can. There’s nothing from Ronan and Silas as they check campus, or from Jade and Alice at home. Fear beyond anything I’ve ever felt starts to sink into my bones.
Tears leak from my eyes as I sniffle. “What if something really bad has happened to him?”
“Hey,” JJ says as we approach his car. “We’re gonna find him, and he’s going to be okay.”
I force myself to accept his words, even if they make me want to drop to my knees and beg the universe to protect him. He doesn’t deserve this. He’s been trying so hard, and it shows.
I furiously wipe my eyes. I could kill Alfie. God, I think if I saw him this second, I wouldn’t hesitate to knock him the fuck out and pray he ends up with a broken nose.
My eyes close as I listen to his voicemail for the hundredth time.
I don’t hang up, I wait for the beep and leave a message.
“Hey,” I say, my voice starting to sound nasally from my tears.
“Where are you? Please tell me where you are. I’m not mad, no one is mad.
Just text me to let us know you’re safe, or where you are. Please, Finn. I love you so much.”
I click off the call and allow my heart to squeeze with pain I can’t even describe. It’s so excruciating. JJ squeezes my shoulder supportively. “Come on, let’s check a few more places.”
We get back in the car and start driving until JJ slows down again. I peek my eyes out the window as he parks up and we stop in front of a pub. I scan the car park, and a sob wracks my chest when my eyes land on all the evidence I need.
“That’s Finn’s car,” I murmur as I rush to open the door and step out. “Oh god, that’s his car.”
JJ is right behind me, and I’m shaking from head to toe as we glance at each other. The realisation is that he’s either inside or he’s parked his car here and walked off somewhere we don’t know. I don’t know which one I want to be true.
Without a second thought, I run towards the doors of the building and shove myself inside. JJ follows suit. It doesn’t take long to spot Finn sitting at the bar in the empty pub. His head is low, and there’s a full drink sitting in front of him.
Everything starts to slow down as I realise my reality.
My legs nearly give out as I hurry towards him. As I get closer, I notice the tears that are staining his cheeks. His hands are clasped together in front of him, and he’s trembling like a leaf.
“Finn,” I whisper as I approach him.
He doesn’t even flinch at the sound of his own name, but the second I reach for his face to wipe away his tears, he glances up at me vacantly. His eyes are burning red, and his skin is flushed, yet he’s cold to the touch.
“Finn,” I sniffle.
His mouth opens, but nothing comes out. There’s guilt and shame behind his eyes, darker than I’ve ever seen, and it’s soul-destroying to know he’s been here by himself and spiralling.
“I’m sorry, Maya,” he chokes out with trembling lips. “I’m so sorry.”
I wrap my arms around him instinctively, clutch my hand against the back of his head, and hold it to my chest. “It’s okay,” I whisper as I lace my fingers through his hair and fight back my own tears. “It’s okay.”
All I care about is that he’s safe and in one piece. Nothing else matters right now.
“I’m a piece of shit,” he murmurs hauntingly.
My eyes close at the agony in his voice. “No, you’re not.”
“I’m a shit boyfriend, a shit dad, a shit everything. I fucked up.”
I pull back and hold his face between my hands. His green eyes are dull and lifeless as he stares back at me. “Don’t say that,” I say with conviction. “You are none of those things. We are so lucky to have you, and Skye has the best dad in the world.”
Finn checks out for a moment as his eyes wander. “An alcoholic?”
“A fighter,” I say sternly, forcing his eyes back to mine.
He releases a whimper as his tears reach his mouth and slide into the crease of his lips. “I’m not a fighter. I gave in. I was drowning. I fucking relapsed, Maya. I’m so weak.”
“Relapsing is part of the journey, Finn,” I say with honesty. After reading up about it online, I learned that in the first year of sobriety, there’s a high chance of relapsing, but as time goes on, it becomes less and less. “No one is perfect. It’s okay.”
“I-I only had one,” he mutters numbly. “I promise.”
I hold him against me again, and this time he wraps his arms around my back and presses his face into the curve of my neck. My head rests against his, and I clutch onto him for a long moment as I swipe my hand over his back.
“It’s okay,” I say as tears blur my vision. “It’s okay. It doesn’t matter. I love you. I’ll always love you, and I want to support you, but I need you to talk to me, Finn. We could have solved this together.”
Finn’s body starts to quake as he sobs silently into my jacket. “I’ve never deserved you.” He gasps for breath. “I keep letting you down.”
“You haven’t let me down.” I kiss the top of his head. “This is something we can work through and get you back to where you were before. Okay?”
He pulls away from me and tilts his head to meet my eyes. “There’s no one else for me.” He sniffles. “I love you, and there never will be anyone else for me, but I’m struggling so much, Maya, and I don’t want you to have to deal with this. I’ve been trying so hard, but it’s killing me.”
“I want to deal with this,” I say a little too harshly as my heart pounds in my throat. “You are the love of my fucking life, Finn Thompson. And if you think you’re getting rid of me that easily, then think again. I don’t want anyone else either, so it’s me, you, and Skye forever.”
“W-what if I can’t get better?”
“You will.” I nod with determination. “You can. I know you want that life, Finn. And I know right now you’re struggling to believe in yourself, but I’ll always believe in you when you can’t. I’ll love all the parts of you that you can’t until you see how amazing you are.”
Finn’s mouth parts with a trembling breath. “Why are you fighting for me?”
“Because you are worth fighting for.”
“I’m sorry,” he murmurs again.
“If you apologise one more time, you’re really not going to like it.”
For a second, his face twitches into a small semblance of a smile. “Are you threatening me?”
“If I have to.”
We stay silent for a moment as I caress the back of his head, and it brings me back down to Earth, reminding me he’s safe and that I’ll do everything in my power to make sure he’s okay.
“Shall we get out of here?” I whisper.
Finn frowns. “What about Skye?”
“What do you mean?”
“I had a drink.”
“Are you drunk?”
“No.”
“Then it’s okay,” I say with conviction.
“Are you sure?”
“Yes.”
After a few moments, he stands up, and I step back. He towers over me a little, and my eyes flick to the full drink still sitting on the side.
“Do you need to go to a meeting?”
Finn swallows harshly. “I-I think so.”
“Then home after?”
“As long as you’ll have me.”
“Home is where you and Skye are.”
Finn’s eyes glisten, and he flicks them between mine. “I really, really needed you. I was too scared to call you and for you to see me like this, to hear you tell me we’re done.”
“I know, baby. I’m here now. I’m not going anywhere. And I want you to come home.”
He leans down an inch, and I push up onto my toes to press a small kiss to his lips. “I need help, Maya.”
“Then we’ll get you the help you need,” I say as I stroke his cheek. “Come on. Let’s get out of here.”
When we turn to leave, JJ is standing by the door, holding out his arms, and bundles Finn into a tight hug. I watch them for a moment as JJ murmurs something into Finn’s ear and he nods, clutching onto his best friend tighter.
All I know is I’m not giving up on the man who has the brightest future ahead of him.