Chapter 10
T he sun peeking through the gap in the curtains warms my face and wakes me up. Warm breath and something bristly tickles my neck, and when I look down and see the forearm wrapped around my middle, I smile. Taking a look over my shoulder I realize Mitch is still sleeping, and although his hold on me is tight and constricting, I don’t mind it at all.
I lie with my eyes open, with his chest rising and falling against my back, and take comfort in how it feels. Being close to Mitch is something I’m rapidly getting attached to, and I don’t know if it’s a good thing.
The world beyond these walls is vast and scary. I’m detached from it but he’s not. I don’t want to be the reason he misses out on doing all the normal things his friends do.
“Mornin’.” His low, raspy voice whispers into my ear and I breathe it in like it’s fresh air.
“I didn’t mean to—” He goes to move his arm away.
“It’s fine.” I rest my hand over it to keep it where it is, and when I feel him tense I wonder if it’s out of frustration or fear.
“It’s Sunday. You don’t have to rush off, do you?”
“No, I don’t.” I don’t turn around, but I can imagine the smile on his face. The half amused, half trying not to be, smile that always warms the pit of my stomach.
“I slept again last night, no nightmares.” I spin around so I can see what his reaction to that is.
“That’s good to hear.” His Adam’s apple sticks out as he swallows heavily, and I can’t help noticing how his eyes are fixed on my lips.
“Look, Mitch, I know this arrangement is odd. All of it is, but?—”
“If it's what ya need, I’m here for it,” he interrupts me.
“I’d just hate to think that there was a person out there that I was taking you away from.” I don’t even want to imagine that could be the case but I have to be sure.
“There ain’t no person.” His jaw tenses.
“But there could be.” I turn my body to face him properly. “Mitch, you're a good man. Every night, you come to me when you could be out?—”
“I’ve had my days of bein’ out. I can promise ya that comin’ home to you is exactly where I wanna be. One day, who knows, we might go out together.” I see a little sparkle of hope in his eyes, and even though the thought of it terrifies me I like the idea of making him happy.
“Maybe.” I shrug, knowing that day is a long way off. I don’t feel comfortable stepping out into the yard to hang out washing, let alone face up to civilization.
“Everythin’ at your pace, you know that,” he assures me.
“What is this?” I shake my head and laugh nervously. “We lie together like a master and his wife, but we’re not…” I trail off, not knowing what I’m trying to get at.
“What we have here, Everleigh, is a man who cares greatly for a woman and wants to save her from her past. You had no choices where ya came from, here you have nothin’ but choices. I’ll lie like this with ya every night for as long as you need me to, and I expect nothin’ for it.”
“You're a good man,” I tell him, wondering if the butterflies I get in my stomach every time I hear his deep, gravelly voice will ever fade away. “I want to give you more.”
Suddenly he looks panicked and he quickly slides away from me to climb out of bed.
“Where are you going?” I sit up.
“I just remembered Wade wants me to take the horse he’s trainin’ out for a stretch alongside JD. I won’t be gone long, but I could call Josie. I’m sure she’s better.”
“It’s fine, I don’t need her, not if you won’t be long.” I feel a little disappointed that he has to leave, and I can’t help wondering if it’s because of what I said. Lying beside him felt nice, and not at all awkward like it should have. I wanted to give him some indication of my feelings so maybe I could get a clue about what he’s thinking.
“You want me to make us some breakfast?” I climb out of bed myself, suddenly desperate for him to stay a little longer.
“No, sooner I can get gone, the sooner I can get back. I just… I should get goin’.” He picks up his jeans from the floor and rushes out the room. Seeing him so eager to get away from me puts a sick feeling in my stomach and makes me want to chase after him.
I hear the front door click five minutes later and when I step out into the kitchen and see my journal resting on the table, I open it and see my handwriting staring back up at me. I don’t want to read the words that I wrote yesterday, it would be a step backward. I have to focus on moving forward. My therapist was right, writing them down is clearing my head and allowing some space. Space that is currently being occupied by a certain cowboy who I want so badly to be normal for.
I sit at the table and pick up the pen, deciding to free up a little more space for him.
The door opens and when Solomon treads carefully down the stairs, I see the tray balanced on his hand and my stomach instantly grumbles. Abraham feeds me twice a day, and it's always stale bread or tasteless gruel. I see fresh fruit on a plate that’s on the tray and what looks a lot like a slice of cake.
“Morning, little dove.” He smiles as he places it on the floor, just out of the bounds that my shackles allow me to stretch to.
“Please, can you empty my bucket?” I refuse to look at the food he’s brought down here to tease me with. I’d much rather focus on the bucket that's overflowing with my body waste.
“All in good time.” He steps up in front of me.
“My father and a few of the elders have gone teaching, he’s left me in charge of the home,” he explains, sounding mighty proud of himself.
“This was left over from supper.” He steps aside so he isn’t blocking the tray. “I was thinking you might like it.” I resist the urge to charge at it like a rabid dog and remain still.
“Would you like the food, little dove?” he asks me softly, and I nod my head as my mouth becomes dry and desperate.
“Of course, you do. My father treats you so poorly, you’ve lost all the color from your cheeks.” His thumb slides over my face and makes me hold my breath.
“You’ve lost all those pretty curves you had.” He uses my hair to drag me up onto my feet. “I used to imagine squeezing those juicy, round tits you had in my palm, but now…” He looks down at my chest and sniggers to himself.
“I want to give you the food, Everleigh, I want to give it to you so badly.” He forces me back against the wall and lets me feel the weight of his body against me. “But you have to give me a little something first.”
“Please, don’t.” I shake my head because I’m exhausted. Abraham comes down here at least every other day and he ruts into me from behind like an animal. My back hole constantly throbs from his assault, and no time seems to have passed at all since he last took me.
“My father tells me how you hate it. He says he has to gag you because your screams are so deafening.” He laughs as if my misery is a joke between him and his father.
“I don’t want you to hate the things I do to you. I want you to take pleasure in them.” He slowly starts to raise my nightdress.
“No, please.” I shake my head.
“He tells me you're still unbroken. It can be both of our first times, just like it was supposed to be.” He reaches into the front of his pants and takes out his manhood, pulling it through his fist and ensuring the tip of it touches against me.
“You feel that, little dove? It’s all for you.” He rubs it against me as his tongue slides over my cheek.
“Please, don’t.”
“I’ll make it nice for you, you can take pleasure from it. The screams Nancy makes for Dad, sometimes, don’t sound painful. The other wives whisper about her behind her back, they say she enjoys him, and you will enjoy me.” He shoves his free hand between my legs to force them apart.
“We can’t, your father said I wasn’t chosen. I’m not to bear a child.”
He ignores me as he gets himself in line with my entrance, and with one hand gripped under my jaw, he uses the other to steer himself inside me.
I scream when he uses all his force to penetrate me, his face distorted and frustrated as he struggles to get past my barrier.
“Loosen up, you're too tense,” he growls in frustration.
“I can’t.” I shake my head as he lifts my feet off the ground and anchors them around his thick-set hips. He spits onto his hand and uses his saliva to coat his cock before he forces it inside me again, and I scream as he prods into me, over and over until I feel a sharp pain rip through my stomach.
“That’s a girl,” he grunts as he continues pumping himself inside me.
The pain is just as excruciating as when his father takes me, and all I can do is look over his shoulder at the plate of food and watch the flies settle on the juicy fruit.
“You’re mine, Everleigh. He may come and take you, but this part of you belongs to me.” Solomon moans and I’m grateful that he doesn’t last anywhere near as long as his father does.
His soft cock eventually slips out of me and after he wipes my blood off it, he examines his hand proudly.
“We must keep this our secret. I’d hate to think how father would punish you if he found out.” He smiles as he wipes his hand clean on my dirty nightgown.
“You enjoyed that, didn’t you?” He backs away, tucking himself inside his pants. “I hear it only hurts the first time. Next time, you’ll feel nothing but pleasure.” He kicks the plate forward to me so it’s within my reach and I’m too hungry to be stubborn. I dive for it, lifting a slice of apple to my lips, but he stops me with a shake of his head.
“No hands. I want to see you eat like a dog, while my cum drips out of you.” He walks around me and lifts my hips so I’m on all fours. And I close my eyes in shame.
I want to cry. I want to scream. I want to hurt the ugly bastard who feeds on my humiliation. But I’m hungry and so I do as he says. Lowering my head and eating his offerings like an animal.
“You look so pretty,” he tells me, crouching down beside me and tilting his head back to look between my legs. Just like he said, I feel his seed running out of me, and it takes the sweetness out of the strawberry I’m eating
“We’re going to have many secrets together, little dove,” he tells me, stroking my hair as I continue to force down the food in front of me.
“Hope I’m not interrupting anything?” The door barges open and Savannah strolls in, carrying with her a stack of books.
“Not at all.” I slam the journal closed.
“I’ve been thinking about those awful books you’ve been stuck reading, and I hooked you up.” She places her pile on the table in front of me.
“What are they?” I lift up the top one and blush when I see that the guy on the cover has his shirt open. He’s got strong chest muscles like Mitch, but he’s missing the hair that covers them that I like.
“Maisie calls it romance, I call it smut. But the stories are good. These men know how to treat their women, and there's nothing like a good, old love story to restore your faith in humanity,” she points out.
“Well, I appreciate it.” I smile up at her, realizing that I’m genuinely happy to see her. It feels like another step forward.
“You’re welcome. Once a month, me, Leia, and Maisie get together and talk about a book we read together. We started off with Little Women but after I had my turn to make the selection, we never went back.” She winks as she heads over to the stove and picks up the kettle.
“Are you staying?” I ask, hoping that she is. Savannah’s company makes the time pass much faster.
“I only got half an hour, I promised Leia I’d look after Dalton while she goes out to lunch with her mom and sister. Her and her mother don’t really get on. If I was her I wouldn't go at all, but she does it for Karina.” Savannah bustles around the kitchen and makes me a coffee while I sit and listen to her ranting.
I wonder if this is what normal is like. It doesn’t feel as if Savannah is here because she has to look after me, or because she’s been told to. I really think she chose to come out here and spend time with me. I can’t help feeling disappointed when she realizes that she’s lost track of time and has to go.
I see her to the door, then notice what a beautiful day we’re having and I decide to push another one of my boundaries. Picking up one of the books she brought me, I take a deep breath and head on out to the porch so I can read it.
I never venture out here unless I have to put out laundry or hang the lantern for Mitch when he’s home late. It sounds stupid considering the man has spent his whole life living on this ranch, but there is nothing but hills and fields surrounding this cabin. I worry every time he leaves that he won’t find his way home to me, and that fear has me stepping out the door and lighting the lantern, even if it’s dark.
I take the bench seat that's under the kitchen window and get started on the book, feeling proud of what I’m achieving, even if my steps are small.