Chapter 12
I burst into tears as I watch him storm across the yard toward the shack on the other side of it. He must be angry because he kicks one of the rafters that’s holding up the roof and makes the whole thing collapse.
I’ve been going over and over this morning in my head, trying to think of what I did wrong, and now seeing him so angry because of me, makes me want to cry.
Fear creeps its way into my chest and grips its hold. I don’t know where we go from here because it doesn’t feel as if we can go back. Living in the bunker was hell, but at least there I knew who I belonged to.
Since I was rescued I’ve been nothing but a burden, first to the Souls and now to Mitch too.
I wipe away my tears as I stand and watch the man compose himself. Then I laugh a sad, bitter laugh that only a person who’s made a fool of themselves would know how to make.
I knew coming into this world that I’d be na?ve to it, but how could I have thought that it was possible to have a future after what I endured? How did I picture a man wanting me after the damage that's been done, not just to my body, but inside my head?
I’m not pure of sin like Mitch thinks I am, my bones are riddled with it. My skin starts to itch when I think about the way Solomon used to touch me. I got through those times by telling myself that what he did to me was his way of sharing his love. He’d wanted me to be his, and what Addison did ruined that for him.
I knew I could never have loved Solomon, even if I was his wife. But I still took pity on him and what he lost.
Which is more than he ever did for me.
“You haven’t bled in weeks?” Solomon’s cock flops out of me and he stares at me with concern etched all over his face. I say nothing, just keep my eyes focused on the floor. He’s right, I haven’t bled for weeks and I know just as well as he does what that means.
“Everleigh, are you…”
“I think so,” I answer, holding back my tears and admitting what I haven't allowed my head to contemplate.
“That’s great news.” He scrambles toward me, placing his hands over my filthy nightdress so his palm can cradle my concave stomach. His reaction may be unwelcome, but it also gives me hope. Knowing that I carry his child now might make me valuable enough for him to consider talking to his father. This baby could be my salvation.
“A blessing.” I place my hand over his and forge a smile for him.
“A blessing, indeed.” His dreamy smile remains in place while my body turns cold.
Mitch says nothing when he steps back inside the cabin a few hours later, and I take my journal and slide it under the cushion beside me. There’s tension between us now and I hate it. More than anything, I hate the uncertainty of everything.
“What did I do wrong? At least tell me that.” My voice comes out desperate and weak but I don’t care. I need answers.
Mitch turns his head to look at me and all the harshness on his face fades when he sighs a long, heavy breath.
“You did nothin’ wrong, nothin’ at all. It was me who fucked up.”
“How?” I shake my head, hoping he’ll help me understand.
“By lettin’ myself get carried away and wantin’ somethin’ I can’t have.” He comes toward me and crouches in front of me. “Everleigh, you're beautiful, and you're sweet, and despite everythin’ you’ve been through there ain’t nothin’ but good in you.”
“I know what you’re gonna say but?—”
“No, ya don’t.” He shakes his head and takes my hand in his. “I’m old, I’m stuck in my ways and I’ve found my place on this Earth to call home. You're young, you got a whole world out there to explore. You need to find your home, and I wanna make you better so you can do that?—”
“So lie with me, hold me the way you did, because that’s what makes me feel better.” I stare deep into his eyes, willing for him to understand.
“I’m sorry, darlin’ but ya have to understand. You can be the best man in the world, with all the right intentions; but when ya get that little piece of perfect that completes the puzzle, it can be very hard to let go of.” He looks sad as his thumb brushes over my skin.
“This trust…” He looks down at where we touch. “Is the greatest, most precious gift anyone ever gave me. But I can’t accept anythin’ more than that.” One of my tears drips onto his hand and we both watch it roll off. “There’s a strong woman insida you, she’s the only one who can free herself, and when that happens there’s no way I’m gonna let her settle for this grumpy, old man who’s had his day. The world’s waitin’ for ya, Everleigh.” He raises my hand up to his mouth and kisses it before standing back up and heading toward the bathroom.
I pat my cheeks to dry them before I pull my journal back out from behind the cushion and this time what I write isn’t a bad memory, it’s an all-consuming emotion that I have to get out of my head and hope I can move on from.
I love him.