Chapter 12
Faith
Faith felt sick the entire drive to Yolo County. After another disappointing trip, she didn’t know what she would do if Molly wasn’t in California anymore. Carmen, Mateo and Enid had done their level best to keep the atmosphere positive, but Faith knew that, until she laid eyes on her aunt, nothing would make her feel better.
As they traveled dirt roads, sunflower fields flanking either side, a feeling wound itself around Faith’s heart. A sixth sense, which told Faith that she was finally going to find Molly Parsons. When the large ranch house came into view, Faith’s gaze met that of a woman Faith knew instantly. Yes, her hair was slightly darker than Faith’s, but her face… well, it was like staring into a mirror.
When the car came to a stop, Faith slid out of the car in a trance. The only thing on her mind was meeting Molly. If Molly’s shocked features were anything to go by, Faith would guess Molly knew they were related. “Hi, I’m Faith, Um… I’m your niece.”
“Niece?” Molly gasped. Tears pooling in her eyes. Faith hadn’t known what to expect. How could she? It’s not like she went around meeting long-lost family members every weekend. At the sight of Molly’s tears, Faith’s eyes misted over. For months on end, Faith’s only goal was to find this woman and hope she would keep Faith safe.
The journey hadn’t been that simple, and Faith had met some wonderful and unexpected characters—that she now deemed family—along the way. But even now, after having Carmen, Mateo and Enid looking out for her, Faith’s instinct was to rush to Molly. A woman she didn’t even know, yet pulled her like a magnet. The last vestige of home, running through Molly’s bloodstream.
“I… I’ve been searching for you.” Faith’s brain struggled to form full sentences. There was so much to say and discuss, but the sight of her aunt rendered Faith almost speechless.
Staring at each other, Faith wondered what to do. Should she carry on talking or fall silent, allowing Molly to process what was happening? “Faith,” Molly sobbed, lunging forward, scooping Faith into her arms.
Nothing could have prepared Faith for the tsunami of emotion that overtook her body. Tears flowed freely between the two women. Faith gripped Molly hard, scared that if she left any amount of space between them, Molly would slip away.
“I didn’t know,” Molly cried. “I didn’t know you existed. I’m so sorry.”
Faith shook her head against Molly’s shoulder. “It’s not your fault.”
Minutes passed with neither woman willing to let go. Only when a hand landed on Faith’s back did the hug break apart. Carmen stood, her eyes watering, and a soft smile on her face. “Sorry, Carmen,” Faith chuckled. She’d completely forgotten there were other people standing around.
“Don’t apologize. Maybe you and Molly should sit and talk properly. I need to get Mateo a bathroom before he disgraces our family name by peeing himself, and Enid could do with some water.”
Faith laughed. “Molly, this is Carmen Ruiz, her brother Mateo, and you know Enid.”
“It’s a pleasure,” Molly replied. “It’s wonderful to see you again Enid, you look fantastic.”
“Of course I do, dear. We’ll catch up later.”
“Carmen and Mateo took me in when I arrived in Seattle.”
“Seattle?” Molly asked. “You thought I was in Seattle?”
“It’s the last address I could find. My dad…” Faith cut herself off before another sob tore from her throat.
“Alan, he kept my letters?” Molly gasped, a hand coming to her mouth.
“He did.”
“How is he?”
Faith hated the look of hope in Molly’s eyes. How could she tell her aunt that her father was a brutal monster? Did Molly really not know who her brother was, or what he was capable of?
“I… we need to talk, catch up,” Faith offered. A few minutes to unscramble her thoughts were needed.
“Well, hello there,” a kind older woman said. Nobody noticed the other car pull up.
“Bessie, this is Faith, my niece.”
Faith surmised that Bessie was the owner of the ranch and the one that had offered Molly a job. Standing alongside Bessie was a girl, probably around Faith’s age. Her long brown hair hung over her shoulders in waves. Faith liked her ripped jeans and tank top.
“Niece?” Bessie asked, raising her eyebrow.
“Long-lost niece,” Faith answered.
Bessie took in the group of people. “Okay then. How about we all head inside for a drink and snacks? Maybe you and Faith could sit out here and have a chat?”
Faith looked from Bessie—who gave Molly a little wink—and Molly, who nodded in agreement, squeezing Faith’s hand.
Mateo almost sprinted into the house, which made Carmen roll her eyes and Faith laugh. Molly seemed to be amused by Faith’s companions, which was nice. If she and Molly were to get along, Molly had to like Carmen and Mateo. At least Enid was a sure thing. The old woman might be nuttier than squirrel poop, but she’d become like a grandma to Faith.
Molly led Faith to the bench on the front porch. Both had grown quiet, each happy to spend a little time looking the other one over in awe. Faith really felt like she was looking at herself twenty years in the future.
“I don’t know what to say,” Molly laughed.
“Weird, right?” Faith smiled.
“So, your parents…” Molly trailed off, giving Faith the space to take over the conversation.
Puffing out her cheeks, Faith tried to find a place to start. “When I mentioned my dad,” she began. “I saw this look in your eye, like you were hoping he wanted to talk. Because he kept your letters.” Faith had to just rip the band aid off. “That’s not the case.” Molly stiffened slightly but remained silent. “It’s difficult for me to talk about. Living with him, with them, hasn’t been easy.”
“Tell me,” Molly said, her face full of concern.
Faith drew every bit of confidence Carmen and Mateo had instilled in her and let her mouth do the talking. Nothing was skipped or watered down. Faith knew Molly had to hear it all. Maybe then her aunt could forget the idea of a joyful family reunion.
It felt cruel of Faith to be this honest, especially when she could see the light in Molly’s eyes dim. Faith had to remember that her experience and Molly’s were different. The way Alan Parsons behaved now was the only way Faith had ever known him. But that didn’t mean Molly’s life with him had been the same.
“Faith, I… I really, I just don’t know what to say.”
“It’s a lot, I know.”
“Alan, your dad, wasn’t always like that. Maybe that’s why I kept sending him letters. I hoped one day he would snap out of it, and be the brother I grew up with.”
“Would you mind telling me about him, about you and what happened?” Faith couldn’t imagine a world where her parents were anything but what they were.
“I suppose I should start before it all went to shit,” Molly chuckled mirthlessly. “Our parents, your grandparents, were the best people I ever knew. God, they loved us so much. Your grandad was a mechanic and your grandma worked in the library. We had little, but what we lacked in money they made up for in love.” Faith wanted to wipe away the tears falling down Molly’s face. “Your dad was the best brother, too. He didn’t mind having his baby sister following him around, even when he was with his friends.”
“It’s just so hard to believe,” Faith replied, the earth shifting beneath her feet.
Molly nodded. “When our parents died, that’s when things changed. I honestly believe that if they’d still been around, your father wouldn’t have cared about my sexual orientation.”
“Really?”
“Really. I think he was just so angry that when he turned for guidance to the church, to the Pastor, he couldn’t see the poison being spewed into him. He started changing. He was always angry and short-tempered.”
“That’s the man I know,” Faith muttered.
“When he caught me with my best friend in my room, I thought he would get angry but then calm down. I didn’t think he would…”
“Would what? What did he do to you?”
“It’s not something I like to talk about,” Molly conceded.
“He hit me and mom,” Faith admitted. If she wanted Molly to be vulnerable and trust her, she needed to open up.
Molly shook her head and drew Faith into another hug. “God, I wish I’d known you were alive. I would have done something.”
“It’s not your fault.”
“How… how did you find out about me?”
Faith explained about her mother’s slip-up and the conversation she had with Mrs. Baker in the library.
“I thought that if I could find you… I don’t know, I just needed someone…”
“You needed someone to understand.”
“Yes, and make me feel a part of a family.”
“Your grandparents would have adored you, Faith. I promise you that. It’s cruel that you never got to have that with them.”
“Can we take a walk?” Faith asked. Her emotions were running wild and the urge to move became unsurmountable.
“Sure, let’s go.”
◆◆◆
Walking through the sunflower fields offered Faith the peace she needed to continue with the deep dive into a shared family history. She’d learned more in an hour talking to her aunt than the entire sum of her existence with her parents.
Her brain was finding it impossible to reconcile the father and mother she knew to the ones Molly described. As well as her father being completely different, Molly said her mother Maureen used to be an outgoing, free-spirited young woman. Apparently, Faith’s parents dreamed of traveling the world.
“They’re looking for me,” Faith sighed as they strolled lazily. The sun caused sweat to drop down Faith’s back, but she didn’t care. Moving and breathing in the fresh air helped.
“How do you feel about that?”
“Scared.”
“You’re safe here Faith. I won’t let anything happen to you.”
“You sound like Carmen,” Faith smiled.
“Ah, yes Carmen and Mateo. Tell me about them.”
Faith’s smile brightened when she thought of them. Mateo was her fairy godmother—his words—and Carmen was Faith’s anchor. “They live at the address I had for you, in Seattle. When I turned up, Carmen could see I needed help. They took me in and… well, it’s hard to explain what they’ve done for me.”
“I’m glad you had them.”
Faith’s phone buzzed from her back pocket. Nathalie’s name scrolled across the screen. As usual, Faith lost the ability to school her features. Her face heated when she saw Molly giving her a sly smile and side eye. “I just…” Faith pointed to the phone.
“Go ahead. I’ll mosey on over there,” Molly chuckled, causing Faith to blush harder.
“Hey,” she sighed down the phone. Nathalie’s voice had a way of calming and exciting Faith in the same breath.
“Did you make it to Cali?”
“Oh crap, I’m sorry. I said I would message you. I totally spaced.”
“Is she there?” Nathalie asked eagerly.
Faith smiled and looked over at her aunt, who had her face in a sunflower. “Yeah, I found her, Nat. We’ve been talking for the past hour. It’s been intense.”
Nathalie let out a long breath. “Oh, thank God. I was so worried you’d be disappointed again. Faith, I’m so happy for you.”
“Gosh, me too. I don’t think I could’ve coped with another road trip, especially with those motley lot,” Faith laughed. “Enid spent the entire trip… well, tripping,” Faith grinned. “Mateo made all our ears bleed with his renditions of every Cher song ever released and Carmen, well, I think she was as nervous as me.”
“Those crazy cats,” Nathalie laughed. “I miss you.” The change in Nathalie’s tone made Faith’s voice hitch. Their messages had grown more intimate over recent days. There hadn’t been a particular catalyst to the change, just their ever-growing closeness.
One particular conversation stuck out. Faith was recounting the book she’d just finished. They were laughing because the book was one of Carmen’s and they were still teenagers, embarrassed to talk about sex. But then, Nathalie asked Faith if there was anything in particular in the book she’d enjoyed.
There were one of two ways for Faith to interpret the question. First, Nathalie could have been asking about the plot. Faith was an avid reader and enjoyed storylines with complex characters. Second—and secretly what Faith hoped Nathalie was asking—if any of the sex scenes appealed to her. Taking a risk—because it was usually Nathalie that did that—Faith answered honestly. She said she enjoyed the scene in the shower, and that she thought it would be something she would enjoy.
Faith had come a long way in her lesducation. The idea of kissing a girl didn’t send her into a panic attack. Nathalie was so open and caring that Faith had no problem talking about her lack of experience. To Faith’s surprise, Nathalie confessed to only ever having one girlfriend, and they’d never got as far as the bedroom. So, if she and Nathalie wanted to take it there, they would be each other’s first. Still, Faith would like them to have a first kiss before even considering taking their relationship to the next level.
Unfortunately, the timing was always off. Faith traveling around the country didn’t help, and when they did have time alone, they were never really alone. Messaging and video calls were all they had at the moment, which was becoming increasingly frustrating.
“How’s your day?” Faith asked. It felt dangerous to tell Nathalie just how much she missed her.
“Good, it would be better if you were here.” Okay, so Nathalie wasn’t going to make it easy for Faith.
To hell with it, “I miss you too, Nat. I…” I want to kiss you so badly, feel your body close to mine.
“I want to kiss you, Faith. I can’t believe I haven’t been able to do that yet.”
Oh boy. Faith peeked over her shoulder to check where Molly was. No way she wanted her estranged aunt listening in on this conversation. Plucking up the courage, Faith dropped her voice, hoping it sounded sexy. Ha, as if you know what sexy sounds like. Faith rolled her eyes at herself. “There are a lot of things I can’t believe I haven’t got to do with you yet.”
The tiny gasp from Nathalie was a victory worth savoring. Faith had to bite her lip to stop herself from laughing when Nathalie stuttered and cleared her throat. “Faith, you… you can’t say things like that, not when you’re so far away.”
“Why not?” Faith asked innocently.
“Because… because… I can’t do anything about it.”
“Would you… do something about it?”
“Would you want me to?” Alright, so they still had a way to go in the communication department. Faith hoped they’d get to a point where neither of them felt so self-conscious and nervous.
“Yes, I would.” Faith wanted Nathalie. She’d wanted the girl since spying her at the back of the bus.
“Well, hurry home then.” A bucket of ice would’ve served as less of a shock than Nathalie’s words. Home. Where was that now? Faith had spent so long focused on finding Molly, she hadn’t given a lot of thought to the after part.
Several months ago, Faith would have said her home would be with Molly, but now? Carmen, Mateo, Nathalie and Enid’s faces swam in front of her eyes. They were a mishmash of people, but they were Faith’s people. But what about Molly? They’d literally had an hour together, but Faith needed far more than that.
“Hey, where’d you go?” Nathalie’s voice echoed over the line.
“I’m here,” Faith replied weakly.
“Did I say something wrong?”
“Not at all, I suppose it just hit me that I have some decisions to make.” Nathalie must have understood what Faith was thinking because she went silent. Faith’s decision affected Nathalie too.
“Whatever you decide, I support you, Faith. You deserve to be happy.”
Faith closed her eyes and willed herself not to cry. “I miss you so much.”
“I miss you, too. Will you call me later?”
“Of course.” They said their goodbyes and Faith’s heart cracked ever so slightly. The last thing she wanted to do was hurt anyone.
The ping of her phone drew Faith out of her head. Alice had sent a message asking if she was okay. Faith tried to keep Alice updated, but everything had been such a whirlwind she’d forgotten to let her best friend know where she was. Firing off a quick reply, Faith shoved the phone back in her pocket. There was plenty of time for her to decide. Right now, Faith needed to take advantage of having Molly to herself for a little longer. They had so much to catch up on.
“Hey, sorry about that,” Faith called, jogging over to Molly, who was sitting on the ground, her face raised to the sun.
“No worries. Someone special?” Molly grinned.
Faith scratched the back of her neck and scuffed her shoe across the floor. “Yeah, she’s special.”
“Girlfriend?”
“I’m not sure we’re official,” Faith laughed. “We met on a bus when I was traveling to Seattle. I think we spoke for like five minutes.”
“Wow.”
“Yeah, and then we met up again, completely by accident, at a Pride party. Nathalie is Rita’s niece, and Rita is Carmen and Mateo’s friend.”
Molly laughed, “Jeez, small world, right?”
“Yeah,” Faith smiled. “We just hit it off. She’s so sweet.”
“And cute, I’m guessing by your blush.”
“She’s gorgeous.”
Molly laughed. “Ah, to be young and in love.”
“We can’t be in love. We haven’t even had a first kiss.”
“Hey, the heart wants what the heart wants.”
“I’m not sure it’s my heart that’s doing the talking,” Faith muttered under her breath.