Chapter 15
Faith
Waking up to the sun shining through the windows was a pleasant break from Seattle’s gray skies. It must have been around 3 a.m. before Faith could finally sleep. The sound of adrenaline-infused raucous laughter coming from Bessie and Enid made sleeping before then impossible.
Faith rolled over and stared out of the window. As much as she wanted to process meeting her aunt, there was something else on her mind. Nathalie.
After their brief conversation yesterday, the pair had continued to message throughout the day and night. Even when Faith was being entertained by Courtney and Lisa, her mind and often her gaze wandered at the thought of her girlfriend. That’s what they were now—girlfriends. They’d labeled the relationship last night.
Out of their many messages, one of them kept Faith up, thinking. Discussing the book Faith read seemed to have propelled them to another level in the relationship.
So far, Faith didn’t know when they would get to see each other again, so calls and messages were all they had. Something new and exciting was stirring in Faith and after last night’s string of texts, she wanted to do something about it.
However, it wasn’t that easy. Well, not for her. A lifetime of being taught that a woman’s pleasure was sinful tended to make a lasting impression. But Faith couldn’t ignore her body any longer. Every time she closed her eyes, she saw Nathalie. Her dreams were becoming more and more vivid. This morning Faith had woken with a start. Her skin was flushed, and she was panting. If she’d just stayed sleeping for a second longer, she would have surely experienced her first orgasm.
Wiggling her butt, Faith felt the evidence of her arousal between her thighs. Her mind was warring with her body. Warring with that voice, she always heard repeating how wrong it was to want to touch herself. Grabbing her phone, Faith opened the last message Nathalie had sent. It was a picture of Nathalie’s torso. A sliver of Nathalie’s pink lace bra was visible at the top of the picture. Faith hadn’t felt confident enough to send one back, but that was okay. Nathalie said she didn’t have to do anything. She said she’d wanted to show Faith what was waiting for her when she got back to Seattle.
Faith’s breathing hitched at the sight of Nathalie’s tanned abs. Looking from the picture to the bedroom door, Faith made a decision. Scurrying over to the door, she flipped the lock. The bed was warm when she got back in, pulling the sheet up and over her head. “It’s natural,” she whispered to herself as she slid her panties down. “You’re not a sin,” she said, a little stronger. Faith had come such a long way. She was damned if she was going to listen to that godforsaken voice in her head for a second longer.
Propping her phone against her leg, Faith let her hand wander. Closing her eyes, she took a couple of steadying breaths. Before her fingers could move past her belly button, her phone rang. “Crap,” she hissed.
“Hi, hello,” she answered.
“Hey, sorry, did I wake you?” Nathalie asked.
“No, nope, I’m awake.”
“Are you alright? You sound flustered.”
Faith was flustered. She was about to do something to herself for the first time, thinking about Nathalie, and Nathalie had called. How else was she supposed to feel?
“I’m fine.”
“Shit, did I freak you out with that picture?”
Faith smiled. She should have known Nathalie would worry about that. A burst of confidence washed over her. If Nathalie could put herself out there again, so could Faith.
“I was… I was just thinking about that picture,” she whispered.
“Oh, um, were they good thoughts?”
“Very, I… I was about to…” Oh damn, this was difficult. Faith desperately wanted to be sexy and alluring, but she felt far from it. What in the world did Nathalie see in her?
“About to what, Faith? What were you going to do?” Nathalie’s voice was low and gravelly.
“I was going to touch myself,” Faith stuttered.
“Oh fuck,” Nathalie growled. “Are you still in bed?”
“Yes.”
“Hold on, give me two seconds.”
Faith listened. It sounded if Nathalie was running, her breaths were coming faster. Faith heard a door close and then there was a lot of rustling. “I want to do it with you,” Nathalie panted.
Faith closed her eyes and bit her lip. Yes, this was much better. “Okay,” she gasped, her excitement already building. Was that normal?
The sound of Nathalie popping a button and sliding a zip down made Faith’s heart pound. “I… I’ve never done this before.”
“That’s okay, I’ll guide you.”
“Yes, I’d like that.”
“I think you would also like it if you closed your eyes and imagine that I’m there with you.”
“Yes,” Faith sighed.
“My hand is your hand, okay? Every time you touch yourself, it’s my hand,” Nathalie purred.
“What about you?” Faith asked.
“I can feel you here with me, Faith. Your hand is running over my nipple.”
Faith groaned. “Yes, I want to feel you.” Lost in their imaginary world, Faith let herself drift into pleasure, Nathalie’s voice guiding her. The first time her fingers dipped into her folds, Faith almost cried in sheer relief. The soft tones of Nathalie’s voice and moans urged her on. Nathalie told her what to do, and yet Faith didn’t feel instructed. Instead of being in her own head, worrying about the act she was performing, Faith basked in the knowledge that Nathalie was there, doing this very intimate thing with her. And, by the sounds emanating from Nathalie, she was enjoying it as much as Faith.
“I want you to rub a little harder, Faith,” Nathalie panted. Faith, happy to oblige, picked up the pace.
“Oh, oh…” Faith mumbled. There was a storm gathering in her abdomen. Electricity surged through her clit as she continued her ministrations. “Nat,” she gasped.
“Yes, that’s it Faith, feel me touching you.”
“I’m… Oh, wow. Oh…” Faith’s back arched, her head slammed into the pillow as an all-consuming force of pure pleasure unleashed itself upon every part of her body. The distant cries of Nathalie’s orgasm added wonderful background music as Faith rode her climax.
Minutes must have passed before Faith fell back to earth. Everything felt different. “Faith?” Nathalie whispered, her voice sounding awestruck.
“I’m here,” Faith replied, panting.
“Are you okay?”
“I’m wonderful,” she sighed. “Thank you, Nat.”
“It was literally my pleasure,” Nat chuckled, causing Faith to giggle.
“I can’t believe we did that,” Faith mused.
“Do you regret it?”
“No, it was perfect.”
“Perfect will be when we can do it together, in the same bed.”
“I can’t wait.”
◆◆◆
Was the sun brighter? The air clearer? The birds were definitely singing louder, right? Faith was floating on an orgasm-shaped cloud as she descended the stairs to join Carmen and the gang in the kitchen for breakfast.
“Morning all,” she singsonged, earning confused looks from Carmen, Mateo and Enid. Molly offered her a sweet smile.
“Sleep well?” Molly asked.
“Like a log. Where did you sleep, Enid?”
“On the porch with Bessie. Got a little sozzled and couldn’t crawl into the house. Was a great night. I can’t remember the last time I saw so many stars. Plus, I was high enough to see other stuff too, so that was cool.”
Faith stood for a second and let that conversation sink in. “Well… um, that’s awesome.”
“Hey, are you coming to the high school with us today?” Micah asked, their mouth full of bacon.
“Micah, seriously, keep your trap shut when you’re eating.” Courtney grimaced.
“What’s going on at the high school?” Faith asked, helping herself to a glass of OJ.
“Molly’s doing a talk,” Lisa answered.
“Oh cool, yeah. I’d love to go along if that’s okay?” Faith directed her question at Molly, who beamed back.
“Absolutely. You’re all welcome to tag along.”
“Carmen?” Bessie chirped, “Are you up for it?”
“Oh, um… yeah, sure.”
Faith narrowed her eyes. Something was off with Carmen. They may not have known each other for long, but Faith was pretty attuned to Carmen’s body language. Why were Carmen’s eyes flicking from the table to Molly? Hm, Interesting. Faith regarded Molly, who was hellbent on avoiding looking at Carmen.
Now, Faith was a sexual novice of the lowest order, but even she could recognize sexual tension and if she wasn’t mistaken, that tension was bouncing all around Molly and Carmen.
“I’m going to stay here and prepare for this evening,” Mateo announced, pulling Faith back to the room.
“What’s happening tonight?” Faith had clearly missed everything while she’d been upstairs… Faith shook her head, willing her cheeks to remain pale. Sitting at the kitchen table with a bunch of people was not the time to be reminiscing over her first foray into masturbation.
“Makeovers for everyone,” he squealed. Carmen rolled her eyes. Courtney, Lisa and Micah cheered. Liam looked horrified. Molly laughed along with Bessie and Enid.
“Awesome,” Faith cheered.
“Can you be ready in half an hour?” Molly asked.
“Sure, no worries.”
Cramming breakfast down her throat, Faith ran upstairs, showered, and dressed. Her fingers itched to message Nathalie, but now she knew where those messages could lead, she restrained herself, vowing to call her girlfriend as soon as they got back from the high school.
Sitting in the passenger seat of Carmen’s car, Faith smiled as they traveled. It really was a wonderful day. “You look happy, kid,” Carmen remarked, her eyes flitting from the road to Faith.
“I am.”
“So, meeting Molly is everything you hoped it would be?”
Molly, right, of course. That’s why Carmen would think Faith was as happy as a kid in a candy store. “Yeah, Molly seems great,” she spluttered, feeling guilty. Carmen, Mateo, and Enid had all given up their time to help Faith find and connect with her aunt, and here she was thinking of her girlfriend and all the things she wanted to try with Nathalie. Selfish, you’re selfish, Faith!
“Hey, what’s that look about?” Carmen’s eyes crinkled with concern.
“Nothing, I’m fine.”
“Faith?”
“I was feeling guilty because as much as my happiness today is over finding Molly, it isn’t completely about that.”
“Okay, why would that make you feel guilty?”
“Because you guys took time away from work to help get me here and I’m in my head thinking about…”
“Ah, thinking about a cute girl, right?” Carmen laughed.
“Yeah,” Faith chuckled.
“Sweetie, you don’t have to feel guilty for being happy. No matter what the cause of that happiness is. I think you know as well as I do that in this life you gotta take what you can get where happiness is concerned.” Faith mulled over Carmen’s words, wanting to question her friend’s ability to take her own advice, but she didn’t.
“Things with Nat… um… progressed.” Surely average teenagers wouldn’t be caught dead trying to have this conversation with an adult, but Faith needed it. There had never been someone she could open up to and ask the awkward questions.
Carmen felt steady. A person Faith knew she could talk to about anything. Molly was the same, although their relationship still needed a little more time to develop before she felt able to go there with her aunt. Thank God Faith and Carmen were following behind Molly in a separate car.
“Progressed as in…”
“Um, well… we did some stuff over the phone.”
“Stuff? Are you saying you had phone sex?” Carmen’s voice squeaked a little, but Faith could see the woman was trying her hardest to remain cool and collected.
“I suppose so, yeah.”
“And… um… how do you feel about it? You weren’t pressured, were you?”
“God no, I started it.”
Carmen laughed. “Well, alright then.”
“We’ve been getting closer recently. Um, our chats have become more intimate, and I started having dreams.”
“It might have been back in the Stone Age, but I remember those times,” Carmen winked.
“Did you find it embarrassing?”
“Well, I was living with Mateo. What do you think?” she laughed. “I think we all feel that level of embarrassment when we begin to feel sexual. It’s a weird transition.”
“Before I did that with Nathalie, I hadn’t even… um, masturbated before.”
“Not everyone feels comfortable doing that, Faith. It’s nothing to be ashamed of.”
“That’s not what was making me feel ashamed.” Faith’s teeth worried her bottom lip. “I was told it was a sin to do that.”
“Ah,” Carmen sighed. “So, how is it sitting with you after that fact?”
“Better than I thought. Before Nathalie called me, I was thinking about it and I had this voice in my head telling me I was wrong to have those urges. But… then I talked to her, and we did it together. Nothing felt wrong to me.”
“That’s because it wasn’t, Faith. I know how experiences in your past can leave scars. It still takes me a little time to move past certain things. Maybe I will never fully leave it all behind, but I will keep trying. That’s all you can do. Your parents did a number on you. There’s no denying it, but you aren’t them. You’re not their beliefs. I’m proud of you, I think I’m gonna be saying that a lot in the future. You’re a kind and loving young woman. Keep moving forward and keep talking. Whether that’s to me, Mateo or Molly. You have people now, and we’ll do our best to guide you.”
“Does it make you uncomfortable talking about… sex stuff with me?”
“A little, but that’s okay. You’re being vulnerable with me, so the least I can do is return the favor. I had Mateo to talk to, which wasn’t always the easiest. I’d loved to have had a queer woman who understood what I was going through back then. I mean, I had Rita, but we didn’t have a close friendship until later on. If I can be that for you, that support, I’m happy to put a minor discomfort aside to talk these things through with you.”
“Thank you, Carmen.”
“Anytime.”
They fell silent for the rest of the trip into town. Carmen had given her what she needed. Only a few minutes passed before Carmen pulled into a parking space next to Molly.
“Okay, gang, are we ready to go talk about all things queer?” Molly smiled.
“Always,” Courtney sang, skipping off in front.
Faith smiled and slowly walked alongside the group, who were chatting animatedly. Apart from Carmen, that is, who was happy to meander silently a step behind Faith.
Stepping through the doors to an actual high school felt surreal. How many times had Faith wished to attend a school with other kids? Not just any school, but one that made her feel welcome. How different her life may have been if she’d had friends and learned more than the Lord’s Word.
“So, we’re going to go into the main hall. I’ll do my thing and then we can grab ice cream after,” Molly announced. “You guys just take a seat near the back.”
The group filtered through a set of double doors. The hall was packed with adolescents chattering away amongst themselves. A pang of envy ricocheted through Faith’s body. Stop, focus on what you have now.
Settling down next to Carmen and Lisa, Faith watched in awe as Molly spoke. Her aunt had everyone’s attention as she skillfully answered questions and spoke of her own experiences. Faith understood why Courtney, Lisa, Liam and Micah loved Molly so much. She was warm and open. The passion she had for helping queer youths was evident in every syllable she uttered.
“How was that?” Molly asked after they gathered in the parking lot.
“Wonderful,” Faith answered. “They loved you.”
“They’re just happy to have someone to talk to,” Molly shrugged.
“No,” Carmen began, her voice commanding. “They love you because you understand them and connect with them. Don’t sell yourself short, Molly.”
“Yeah, what she said,” Lisa nodded.
“Can we get ice cream now?” Liam mumbled, already opening the car door. Faith laughed. She’d never met someone as grumpy as Liam before.
“Sure, let’s go.”
Thankfully, the ice cream parlor was only a few minutes away. The day was hot and Faith hadn’t hydrated herself enough. Sitting in a booth, Faith finally gave in and checked her phone. Nothing could stop the smile that bloomed on her face when she saw several messages from Nathalie. Each one was sweeter than the next. Is this what love feels like?
“Is that Nathalie?” Courtney asked from across the booth.
“Yeah,” Faith sighed. She was such a sap, and she knew it, but equally didn’t care. She had something good for once in her life, and she wasn’t about to feel bad about it.
“I’m a little jealous,” Courtney chuckled, but Faith knew it was a mirthless laugh. Courtney was pining after Lisa, hard.
“Tell her, Courtney. You’ll never know if you don’t.” It was nice that Courtney confided in Faith last night.
“I can’t,” Courtney sighed. “I’d be gutted if she rejected me.”
“You’re not giving her a chance to do anything,” Faith argued.
“I won’t get hurt that way. None of us know how long we will be at the ranch. She could be gone tomorrow if she decided she wanted something else.”
“All the more reason to give her something to stick around for.”
Smiling gently at a forlorn Courtney, Faith let her eyes wander around the parlor. Her mind was buzzing. When had Faith become the bearer of advice? And why had she not noticed Carmen checking out her aunt’s ass?