Chapter Six #2
Until Ledger saw the inside of Kash’s storage unit, he hadn’t thought his heart could break for him any more than it already had.
For half a second, Ledger’s gaze landed on the old beat-up car inside, and nostalgia washed over him.
Kash had been seventeen when he came into their lives.
On the first day of freshman year, Valon had come home via this piece of metal.
Ledger had no idea how Kash kept it running.
Valon had introduced Kash to Ledger. Of course, Ledger had grilled him.
Kash was two years older than Valon with more freedom, a car, and he looked exactly like he would have Valon on drugs within a month.
Instead, Ledger met a funny guy with high intelligence who lifted Valon up to be greater than he ever could be alone.
All Kash had needed was a chance. His only sin was being poor with an alcoholic mother.
That wasn’t his fault. He had no control over his circumstances.
Ledger had quickly learned Kash got up at four a.m. every day to work for a local mechanic.
Then he went to school and bagged groceries at night.
The mechanic had made sure the car was in good running condition and gave it to Kash so he could make it to work.
Kash had bills to pay at home. He didn’t have time to get into trouble.
Yet he always made time for them. Seeing that car again brought back way too many memories.
Then Ledger’s gaze skimmed the rest of the room and emotions clogged his throat.
A few plastic storage totes were in the corner, holding Kash’s art.
There was one metal shelf. All it had on it was Kash’s mom’s ashes, and every birthday and Christmas gift Ledger had ever given him.
“I can donate the car to charity, so it’s not hogging a spot in your garage needlessly. I don’t know why I’ve hung on to it.”
Ledger shook his head. He had to swallow past a lump in his throat to speak. “If you want to keep it, I have room for it… unless you own three more cars I don’t know about.” Ledger infused as much humor as he could into the statement.
Kash didn’t laugh or look his way. “Yeah, I do, but they’re all in various storage units around the country.” Kash popped the trunk of the car and pulled out two duffel bags. He carried them to Ledger’s Navigator and stuffed them in the backseat.
All Ledger could do was watch while he processed Kash’s claim. After a moment, he blew out a sigh. “I’ll get the boxes from the SUV.” He circled the vehicle and opened the back. Kash had said they would need a couple of boxes to pack everything. He had truly meant a couple of small boxes.
Ledger carefully packed Kash’s mom’s ashes first, making sure they wouldn’t move around too much.
The sight of the box that held the ashes along with him actually holding it gave Ledger a much-needed reality check.
This was still the temporary container given to Kash by the funeral home.
Ledger should have forced Kash to accept his help, even if only to buy a proper urn.
Ledger chanced to mention it while Kash packed away the gifts. “We should get her a proper urn, don’t you think?”
“That was my plan. But I haven’t been back to California in a long time. I haven’t gotten a chance to deal with it.”
Ledger pushed a little more. “I can get it for you if you’d like. Since I’ve lost a lot of family, I’m way too familiar with picking them.”
“If you want the job, it’s yours. Just use my debit card to get whatever. You didn’t know her any better than I did.”
He couldn’t take it. Ledger stood. He held Kash’s stare, so Kash knew he meant every word he said. “You deserved better.” He motioned around the room. “You deserved a hell of a lot more than this small shelf of memories. I’m furious with myself for not doing more.”
Kash didn’t look upset by the borderline-yelled words.
“It wasn’t your place to do more. I was five months away from eighteen when we met.
All you could’ve done was have me spending five months in foster care, and that would’ve been worse.
She died four months later anyhow. I was damn near already the adult I’ve always had to be when we met.
You couldn’t change things any more than I could.
Don’t torture yourself with the past.” Kash’s entire demeanor turned more intense by the second.
“You’re looking at the man I am now. Don’t ever think of me as a weak kid again. ”
Ledger was transfixed. Tension built between them. “I’ve never seen you as a kid, much less weak.”
Kash took a step closer. “How do you see me?”
It got a little harder to breathe. There was nowhere to run. “Please don’t make me answer that.”
Kash shook his head. “You don’t have to say it.”
Ledger’s breathing turned rapid. He saw life through a pinpoint.
Kash stared at him a way Ledger had tried to forget.
Ledger hadn’t realized exactly how close Kash had gotten until Kash’s lips touched his.
He couldn’t scramble away with the car so closely behind him.
In fact, he was pressed against the vehicle with no clue how he had gotten there.
He couldn’t lie to himself and say he hadn’t seen the kiss coming.
Ledger knew exactly why he had gotten so lost in Kash’s blue eyes.
He wanted this. Ledger hated how weak he was, but then again, he didn’t.
Kash had Ledger in knots. He didn’t know if he wanted him to stop.
Kash held Ledger’s bottom lip between his and didn’t move.
Ledger knew he waited for Ledger to decide the next move.
His heart beat so loudly, there was no way Kash didn’t hear it.
Even to his ears, Ledger sounded on the edge of hyperventilating.
Ledger’s thoughts were all over the place.
Right now, he could stop and call it an innocent kiss.
If his lips parted, everything would change.
He would have to admit he wanted his son’s ex.
Ledger didn’t know if he could cross that line.
He needed Kash to choose and take the burden from him.
“Kash Humphries?”
Kash backed away and went on high alert.
His body language had Ledger spinning to see who interrupted them. A man in expensive-looking black dress pants and a perfectly pressed white button-down stood in the mouth of the storage unit. Only one detail stood out above the rest. He had a badge clipped to his belt.
“Depends on who’s asking.” Kash’s voice sounded different—harder.
“Detective Smith Avery. I just need to ask a few questions.”
Kash became someone else. His eyes swam with malicious mirth. An evil-looking smile stretched his lips. “Not without my lawyer you don’t, and why do you have a first name that should be your last and a last name that should be your first?”
Ledger couldn’t say why. It was hella bad timing, but a laugh burst from him. The spiel had been delivered with such wry humor; he couldn’t stop the sound.
Smith’s eyes swam with laughter as Ledger covered his mouth. God, Ledger had no idea why this man, standing inches from him, made him feel so much like he was the younger one and Kash was in charge.
The detective looked between them before focusing on Kash again. “You don’t need your attorney for this. The general just needs a few answers.”
Ledger was super confused by the claim.
Kash’s entire attitude shifted. He took a step toward Smith.
Ledger stopped him. “Don’t let them trick you into talking to them without a lawyer. They always say you don’t need one, and you do.”
Kash kissed his cheek. “I promise I’m good.” He walked away, leaving Ledger floundering. The general of what had questions? That was a seriously odd assertion. Did Kash do some sort of work for the government?
Ledger being Ledger, protecting his boy, circled the car to listen while staying out of sight.
“You haven’t responded to any texts from the general in a few days.”
“I told Ajax where I am. See how easily you were able to find me. If he needs any jobs done on the west coast, then we’re solid. As of right now, I have no plans to return to Atlantic City. He knows this. Everything I love is here.”
Ledger stopped breathing.
“Call him. I’m just the messenger.”
Kash sounded calm and honest. He didn’t sound as if there was anything to worry about. “Tell him I’ll call him tonight. I’m not dodging him. We’re good.”
“I’ll let him know.” The detective sounded as if he believed.
Ledger didn’t know if he should be worried. While the entire conversation didn’t feel malevolent in any way, Kash had admitted to shady dealings. But this was a cop, and he didn’t sound like Kash had done anything wrong other than not answering some general.
The sound of a car door closing pulled him from his musings.
An engine started. Ledger didn’t move from his spot.
He wanted honesty between them. Whatever was happening between them would already turn Ledger’s life upside down.
If he risked everything on lies, Ledger couldn’t handle that.
He already didn’t know what he was doing.
Kash stepped back inside. His gaze went straight to Ledger like he had never lost sight of him.
Ledger didn’t wait for the other shoe to drop. He threw it. “Who’s Ajax?”
Kash moved his way. Ledger was almost distracted by the way his body held so much confidence—the way he moved like a predator. “General Ajax is head of the Royal Guard for Prince Noir Antonsen of the Republic of Serveno. That’s who I work for.”
“Oh.” Ledger knew he sounded as clueless as he was.
Kash sat on the hood of the car and held Ledger’s stare.
“Noir lives in the U.S. as a diplomat for his country. He was sent here to be a symbol of trust, unity, and alliance with the United States. Since Noir is too far down in the line of succession to ever be king, his life is here.” Kash hesitated.
Ledger pressed. “You can always talk to me.”
Kash’s mouth lifted in one corner. “I know. That’s the problem. I can tell you anything. Sometimes not knowing is what keeps you safe.”
Ledger growled. He couldn’t stop the sound.
“I don’t like you being cryptic. You act like you intend to stay here and be a part of my life.
If you’re doing something that I could go to prison for, ignorant of those doings or not, I’d prefer to know.
For fuck’s sake, I haven’t called the cops or told you to hit the road yet.
I don’t want to be with someone who keeps secrets.
Secrets ruined my whole goddamn life. You were there for it.
I would rather spend the rest of my life never hearing from or seeing anyone else than fall in love with someone who lies. ”
Ledger was so angry, he didn’t even know what he said anymore, nor did he care.
Since the moment he saw Kash again, everything he had suppressed and hidden away came rushing back and everything was choking him—the same as it had done back then.
He had survived a terrible marriage, losing his son to fame, and watching this man—who had been his best friend, sad as that might be—vanish into the night without a word or goodbye.
Ledger didn’t want to go through any more heartbreak. He was tired. “You already—”
Ledger scrubbed his hands through his hair.
His frustration was frustrated. He wasn’t supposed to feel anything for Kash.
It was wrong on so many levels. He didn’t want this, but he did, and what did that say about him?
Ledger headed for the truck. Kash could use all the secrets he had to find a way home. Ledger couldn’t do this.
He didn’t make it three steps before he found his back shoved against the wall.
Kash didn’t look angry. He looked downright terrifying. “Say it.”
Ledger couldn’t breathe. The harder he sucked air into his lungs, the less oxygen he got.
Kash didn’t let up. He shuffled closer, boxing Ledger in even tighter, creating a bubble only they existed in.
“Say it, Ledger. Finish that thought. If you can’t say it to me, then you’re the one with secrets.
I left to save you from this. Don’t lie to yourself or me and say you didn’t know it. So tell me now or set me free.”
Ledger realized he clung tightly to Kash’s shirt. Two handfuls of the material were in his grasp like he couldn’t decide if he wanted to pull Kash closer or shove him away.
Kash managed to move an inch closer.
Ledger’s body begged to have Kash pressed against it.
“You already left once, and you’re supposed to be mine.
” He didn’t get a chance to regret anything.
Kash’s mouth covered his. He was everywhere.
They were the same size, and still somehow Kash made Ledger feel like he would always protect him.
The way Kash kissed him had Ledger’s entire body lit.
His kiss was all-consuming. He licked and sucked while Ledger hung on for the ride. Their bodies just fit together.
Kash’s kiss slowed and softened.
Ledger's eyes burned from the sweetness of it. There was no right or wrong in Kash’s arms. They simply existed for each other for a moment sliced from time. Tears rolled down Ledger’s cheeks. It took him a second to realize they weren’t his.
Ledger jerked his head backward.
Kash swiped his cheeks before resting his forehead against Ledger’s. “I gave up.”
Without thinking, Ledger’s hands found their way beneath Kash’s t-shirt. He had to touch bare skin. He needed the heat and flesh between his hands so he knew this wasn’t a dream. “I’m here.”
Kash reclaimed Ledger’s mouth in a sweet kiss. Their lips lingered, clinging. He felt the shift between them like a physical thing. This was happening. There was no going back.