Chapter Six
After a night of drawing, Kash ran on two hours of sleep and annoyance.
He had listened to Ledger toss and turn all night.
Kash ended up giving up two hours ago. After a shower, he grabbed the first clothes he found and headed for the kitchen.
After scavenging for a few minutes, he ended up making pancakes.
Ledger padded into the room with dark circles under his eyes.
“Hey. It looks like you got about as much sleep as I did.”
A small smile touched Ledger’s lips. “What’s new, right?” He moved to stand next to Kash. “This is a lot of food. It looks good, though. I’m up for the challenge.”
Kash shrugged. He tried to keep things impersonal. “I figured between Valon’s new guards and the three of us, we needed a lot.”
“Valon left last night. He had to be at the airport by four this morning. It was easier for him to stay at a nearby hotel than try to fight traffic this morning.”
Kash was slightly relieved. He kept his heart out of it. “Well, I guess this is a lot of food, then.”
Ledger laughed. The sound ran down Kash’s spine, making his skin feel tighter. He really needed to hit the nearest club and find someone to fuck. Maybe that would be the first thing he did once Steel sent a replacement.
“What would you like to do today?”
Kash shook off his thoughts. “Just do what you usually do. I’m your guard. Not your guest. You don’t have to entertain me.”
“What if I want to entertain you?” The heat in Ledger’s every word hurt way more than he liked. Kash remembered too many things now. The way he had felt when he had left town had been polished off and shone bright for Kash’s inspection. He couldn’t keep doing this to himself.
“After breakfast, I’ll call Steel and have a replacement sent over.”
Silence hung heavily between them.
Kash refused to look at Ledger.
Ledger spoke. His voice was quiet and had Kash meeting his gaze. “I wish you wouldn’t do that.”
Kash cocked his head to one side and studied Ledger. He looked genuinely hurt at the idea of Kash leaving. “What do you normally do during the week?”
A guarded but hopeful smile touched Ledger’s lips. “I’m boring. You should show me what you’re working on.”
Everything inside Kash recoiled. His comic strips were personal. Something just for him. He couldn’t crack himself open like that. Everyone had already stripped him of everything else. Kash couldn’t taint this.
Kash poured syrup over his pancakes. “It’s just doodling.”
Ledger set his hand on Kash’s forearm, holding his attention. “I watched you for a while last night. It’s not just scribblings. You were too focused to even notice me. It was fascinating to watch. Your every emotion moved across your face. I’m a huge reader and nosy. I’d love to see what you saw.”
Kash swallowed. Ledger looked serious. “Okay. Eat first.” Fuck his entire life.
What had he just agreed to do? He suddenly wasn’t very hungry.
Kash sat and put food in his mouth. It tasted like cardboard.
All he could picture was Ledger laughing at him, or worse, humoring him.
Somehow, breakfast was gone, and it was like facing his reckoning. He tried to wash dishes to buy time.
Ledger hip-bumped him aside. “You cooked. I’ll clean. Go get your notepad.”
Kash felt like a kid being sent to his room to retrieve something he knew would get him in trouble.
He didn’t grab the one from last night. That one wasn’t finished.
If he was about to be humiliated, at least it could be over the best he could do.
By the time he finished deciding which one, Ledger already waited for him in the living room.
Kash’s anxiety got the best of him. There were very few things Kash didn’t have top-tier confidence about. To the point of cockiness, really. But his art was his and only his, and this was a nightmare scenario for him. Kash hesitated as he handed the pad to Ledger.
“Don’t laugh at me.”
Ledger looked hurt over the insinuation. “This is part of you. I could never laugh at that.”
With a sharp nod, Kash let go of the notebook. He filled the spot next to Ledger on the couch. With his feet braced on the edge of the coffee table, he shoved his hands between his knees and took slow breaths.
Ledger silently flipped through the pages. He chuckled.
Kash’s gaze shot his way. He had no qualms about ripping the pad out of his hands.
Ledger was smiling as he read. His gaze moved over each page.
Obviously, feeling his accusing stare, Ledger glanced his way.
“I’m sorry. I’m not laughing at you. The story is hilarious.
I love the way Dash uses a combination of flirting and over-the-top antics to brazen through.
” He dropped his hands to his lap, still holding the homemade comic.
“This is amazing, Kash. You know I’m a book lover.
This should be in every bookstore. You blow me away.
How long have you been hiding this talent? ”
Kash still wasn’t sure if Ledger was only humoring him.
He fought the urge to chew his nails. Kash shrugged.
“Since I was a kid. I’ve spent a lot of time alone with nothing but my imagination.
It’s not like I had video games or even the internet like other kids, but these small spiral pads were easy to steal from the bookshop at school.
I have a storage building where I keep them.
There’re a ton of them.” Kash shrugged again.
He felt exposed as hell. “It’s not like I have a home or anything to keep them in, but I can’t bring myself to throw them away. ”
With his head resting on the back of the couch, Ledger stared at him.
Kash fought the urge to squirm under Ledger’s inspection. “I guess I should get rid of them. It seems crazy to cling to something so dumb.”
“Nothing about you is dumb. You’ve just spent your entire life carrying everyone else on your shoulders.” Ledger squeezed Kash’s knee. “You’re the best person I’ve ever had the pleasure of knowing. There’s still time for life to give you what you deserve.”
He hated this conversation. Kash was uncomfortable. “Nah. I’m good. I’ve always known I won’t live to be old. Honestly, I’m surprised I’ve made it this close to thirty.” His knee bounced, proving how ready he was to run.
“Let the storage building go. Move everything here. Even if you don’t decide to stay, this is your home now. I proclaim it so!” Ledger shouted. The words were filled with laughter.
Kash didn’t laugh. He scratched the bridge of his nose.
“I can’t put you in that position. You’re Valon’s dad.
” Kash knew he should stop, but he didn’t.
He stared at the spot where the corner met the ceiling.
Kash had no idea why he couldn’t look at Ledger.
“I saw the way your entire demeanor changed at lunch yesterday. You don’t want me here.
You’ll always choose your son, as you should,” Kash added before Ledger thought he would ever expect anything different.
“I can’t watch you hate me because I am who I am and you are who you are.
That’s one thing I can’t live with. I’ve already had to lose you once. ”
“Valon told me you lectured him after I walked away yesterday. Believe it or not, yours is the only opinion that’s ever mattered to him.
He says everyone else is fake, except you.
You don’t give a fuck about how anyone feels about you, and that makes you more honest than anyone else.
I know there’s nothing left between you two, but he still respects your thoughts.
So do I, but on this topic, you’re wrong. ”
Kash couldn’t stop his eyes from turning Ledger’s way.
Ledger boldly held his stare. “I want you here.”
“Okay.” His soft agreement surprised him more than anyone. He hadn’t even thought. His mouth had simply decided. Kash didn’t know how to tell Ledger no.
Ledger stood. “Good. Let’s go get your things out of storage.”
Kash laughed. “What makes you think my storage unit is here?”
Ledger’s eyebrows rose. “Educated guess.”
Kash shook his head and stood. “It’s an hour drive. If we get started now, we can be back in time for me to take you out for the day.”
Ledger’s eyes glowed with happiness. “Won’t we technically be out already?”
“We’ll see if you feel the same later.”
Ledger shook his head, but his sexy smile was every bit as happy-looking as Kash’s felt. Kash refused to lose hope yet. As long as Ledger looked at him the way he did now, Kash feared he would never give up.