Chapter Five
Damn. That was all Ledger could think. Just, damn.
Kash did all the right things, very obviously working as Ledger’s bodyguard.
Yet somehow Ledger also spent the day with his friend.
It became immediately apparent Kash could afford anything he wanted.
It was a tad unnerving, considering he had no idea what odd jobs Kash did when he wasn’t keeping people safe.
Ledger couldn’t think of a tactful way to ask.
Kash spent fifteen hundred dollars without blinking, including two new pairs of shoes for Ledger.
Ledger had argued vehemently over that one.
Kash had simply walked to the counter and paid for them while completely ignoring Ledger.
He had used a debit card for every purchase.
Ledger finally broke when they sat down inside a restaurant for lunch.
“Okay. You’ve spent a ton of money today and have plans to spend more before the day—”
While still staring at the menu, Kash cut him off. “Don’t ask something you’ll regret.”
For a full minute, Ledger stared at Kash’s profile. For nowhere near the first time, Ledger thought about Kash’s hard body, the scars he had seen when he walked in on Kash changing, and Kash’s overall demeanor now. He had to know. “Is it drugs?”
A bright smile exploded across Kash’s face. His eyes danced with laughter as they focused on Ledger. He was breathtaking. “I’m sorry. I know it’s not funny, but the way you asked that was hilarious. ‘Is it drugs?’ You sound like one of those dads in commercials.”
The way Kash mimicked him was pretty damn funny. Maybe he needed to lighten up. Truthfully, if he were Kash, he would be offended that anyone’s mind went to drugs first. Just because Kash had a hard life, that didn’t mean he fell into anything shady. “Sorry.”
Kash shook his head, still smiling like an idiot.
“Don’t be. It is drugs.” Kash obviously gave no fucks about Ledger’s shock.
He just kept talking. “Well, partly. I’ve also been sent to shake down money from people who owe debts and worse.
There’s a whole world of underground crime, and I’ve done every job I’ve been hired to do. The last few years have been a ride.”
“Please tell me you’re joking.” Even Ledger heard the way he held very little hope it was a tall tale.
Kash was entirely serious and unashamed.
His lack of worry showed in every line of his body.
“No. You’d be amazed at what you’ll do when you don’t care about anything, and you have nothing to lose.
Most of my life, I haven’t had much of anything tethering me to this world.
So…” He shrugged again and went back to reading the menu.
Ledger wasn’t fooled. Kash said one thing, but the way he gripped his hands into fists and the focus he visibly forced on what the restaurant had to offer said a lot.
He might not have anything to lose. Kash very well might not give a single damn what happened to him, but he cared what Ledger thought.
He had ripped off a Band-Aid and exposed himself, expecting rejection.
Ledger searched his heart. At the end of the day, he knew Kash.
Kash was an amazing human. And what had Ledger expected, really?
Kash had disappeared into a harsh world with no money and only a high school diploma to his name.
Life hadn’t given him many choices, and Kash hadn’t lied.
Kash had nothing to lose. He expected everything to hurt. Ledger couldn’t be on that list.
He picked up his menu and flipped it open.
“Honestly, that’s kind of hot.” Ledger kept his gaze glued to lunch offerings.
He never wanted to know Kash’s reaction, but he felt the way Kash’s stare bored into him.
Ledger waited until he saw Kash look down before he sneaked a peek.
Kash was back to being completely unreadable. Ledger hated it.
“You only look at me when you think I’m not paying attention.” Kash’s gaze lifted and collided with Ledger’s stare. He was too intense for Ledger to look away. “Why?”
Ledger took the question seriously. Kash deserved the same honesty he always gave Ledger, no matter the outcome. “I don’t know.”
Kash still never broke eye contact. “I know I’ve changed. It’s not like I’m unaware of who I am now. Is it because I scare you?”
Ledger had never been more lost in someone’s eyes. Kash was an eerily deep person. Ledger wanted to dive in. “No. At least, I’m not frightened in the way I think you mean.”
“Keep talking.” The hungry growl in Kash’s voice had Ledger’s body on fire.
“It’s—”
“Thank fucking Christ. You’re worse than a teen. I had to follow your location on the family app to find you.”
The entire restaurant went silent as Valon loudly dragged a chair to their table and sat. He had two bodyguards in tow. Kash obviously recognized one. They nodded at each other in greeting.
The pair kept Valon blocked in, securing him from anyone who wanted to rush him. Valon was a huge celebrity. He would be lucky if they weren’t mobbed, but Ledger was glad to see him.
A waitress appeared from thin air and handed Valon a menu. “Can I get you something to drink?” No one else at the table existed.
“Iced tea.”
“Right away.”
Valon wore sunglasses and never looked the woman’s way. “I haven’t eaten here in years. Is the menu even the same?”
Ledger was fucking flabbergasted. Valon never showed up. Was it because Kash was here? Did he want him back? A pain sliced through him at the thought. Ledger needed to take a huge step back. He had let himself forget who Kash was.
He swallowed the growing hurt. “Um. We just sat down. I haven’t had time to check. I don’t think I’ve eaten here either since the last time we came.”
“It was my birthday, right? I don’t remember which.” Valon moved his sunglasses from his face to his head as he asked the question. His eyes were surprisingly clear.
“I’m old. Don’t count on me to remember.”
A bright smile lit Valon’s face. A weight lifted from Ledger’s chest. It was the first time Ledger had seen his real son in years. He kind of wanted to cry.
“You’re not old, Dad. You had to get a bodyguard to save you from the crowd of people tripping over themselves to get a piece of you. It’s too soon for you to play that card.”
Ledger couldn’t stop smiling. “It’s good to see you. You’ve been gone too long.” He absolutely meant the words figuratively and literally.
Valon didn’t seem bothered. “I know you think I’m dodging you. I’m not. This job honestly is nonstop. If I ever sit still, someone better will take my place. There’s no such thing as legends anymore. There’s someone new around every corner, just one internet sound bite away from stealing my spot.”
Ledger could see that. He already knew he was a passing internet fad. That was one reason he had fought so hard against hiring security. Give it six months. No one would remember him.
“Not everyone is you.” Kash said the words with his gaze still locked on that goddamn menu. “You’ll be a legend.” There was no flattery in the statement. Kash sounded exactly as if he stated a known fact.
Valon’s gaze moved Kash’s way for the first time. Something akin to sadness passed over Valon’s features. “You’ve always believed in me more than I believe in myself.”
Kash never looked up, and the moment passed as quickly as it came.
Then Valon was focused on Ledger again, and Ledger had never been more torn in two in his life.
Throughout Valon’s entire life, Ledger had happily made every sacrifice for him.
There had never been a choice to make. His son came first, full stop.
This one time, Ledger wasn’t sure what to do.
Whatever was happening between Kash and him, Ledger didn’t think he could quit it.
He knew exactly how shitty that made him.
The day had taken a sharp turn at lunch.
Kash wished he could leave, so Ledger could enjoy some time with his son.
Except he was Ledger’s bodyguard now, and he had no choice but to be subjected to more of Valon and how the world revolved around him.
Always had. While he had once been happily inside that orbit, he wasn’t that guy anymore.
He was beyond fucking relieved when they made it home.
Not only did Kash have a lot to put away, but his goddamn luggage sat on the front porch.
Now he had extra baggage to lug around when he moved on, and he would move on.
He was glad Valon pulled his head out of his ass and showed up for Ledger.
But Kash saw Ledger’s face at lunch. He was done with Kash.
Kash took the tags off his new clothes and grabbed the whole pile.
The laundry room was on the opposite side of the house from where father and son caught up with each other.
Kash smashed everything inside the washer.
He didn’t give a fuck if anything got ruined.
Only the strong survived in his life. He picked a setting that seemed fair and threw in all the soapy, smell-good shit.
It was like being at a laundromat. He had spent a lot of days as a kid sitting inside a rundown laundromat, watching clothes go around in a circle.
He had gotten pretty good at entertaining himself for hours doing absolutely nothing.
Who knew that practice in patience would help him later in life when stalking targets?
While unpacking his bags, he found the only thing he cared about losing.
His tiny sketchbook with the comic strip he had drawn.
He had a new idea. He had shoved his pencils and notebook in his back pocket to keep him company while he waited.
Kash settled on the floor. He scooted his large frame between two oversized hampers so he could lean against the wall.
Using his bent knees as a writing surface, he flipped to the first blank page he found.
Kash turned inward and let the visions in his head pour onto the page.
Occasionally, he caught himself chuckling at his character’s antics.
His character Dash was always the same, finding trouble everywhere he looked.
Things always worked out in the end, though.
Everyone deserved a happy ending. Before he knew it, the washer chimed, alerting him to the end of its cycle.
Kash set his things aside and switched the clothes to the dryer before disappearing again.
Time moved at lightning pace when he was in the zone.
He saw three drawings ahead, and he couldn’t get them on the page quickly enough.
Kash knew he would have to go back later and fix the parts that looked rushed.
Sometimes he wished he could just open his head and pour out his visions onto paper.
He couldn’t draw anywhere near as fast as he could think.
The dryer chimed, and Kash didn’t move. He was too engrossed to notice.
When he lifted his head again, his neck popped.
Kash blinked in surprise at the sight of his clothes neatly folded in a basket. He glanced around. No one was there.
Curiosity and a backache brought Kash to his feet.
He gathered everything and headed for his room.
The house was silent. As he neared his room, he spotted Ledger’s open door.
He slowed and peeked inside. The bedside lamp was on.
Ledger slept peacefully with his glasses on and an open book resting on his chest. Kash dropped his stuff in his bedroom doorway and slipped inside Ledger’s room.
He moved in total silence. Kash set the book aside, open and facedown so Ledger wouldn’t lose his page.
With that out of the way, he carefully removed Ledger’s glasses and set them beside the book.
He took a moment to memorize Ledger’s face before turning off the light.
In his entire life, nothing had ever been meant to be his.
This dream was no different. Ledger was a solid person.
He would always only see Kash as his son’s ex.
Too young. Off limits. Kash went to his room and closed the door.
He rubbed his chest. Tomorrow, Kash would call Steel and get a replacement.
Kash had never been meant for good things.
He had to stop pretending he could be anything else.