Chapter 27
Isla
2007
B irthdays were bittersweet for Isla. She had missed so many of Blake’s that it felt wrong to celebrate her other children’s big days. But Isla knew that was unfair to them. Their three kids deserved to have the best birthday parties Isla and Vera could throw, even if Mason’s sixteenth birthday party was going to be the death of Isla.
Mason had insisted she have a sleepover with her friends at their garage apartment. There were six of them total: Maddie, Walker, Emily, and the Garner twins, Jones and Mallory. And Mason, of course. They were all great kids, but when they were all together it was a loud bunch of giggling girls, which only added to the chaos that was their house with two one-year-olds wanting to be more involved in their sister’s lives than she wanted them to be. Neither Brayden nor Ellie understood that they weren’t also teenagers.
Isla and Vera had decorated the garage apartment in varying greens and blues, at Mason’s request, and blown-up air mattresses for the girls to sleep on. They’d borrowed a projector from Maggie and Vera had been trying with little success to get it centered on the wall.
“I must be doing something wrong. I can’t get this straight.”
“It knows it’s in a gay house.”
“What?” Vera huffed a laugh as she put her hands on her hips. “What does that even mean?”
“It means you can’t make something straight that doesn’t want to be straight.”
Isla’s teasing was met with an eyeroll and a dismissive wave of Vera’s hand. But she couldn’t hide the smile that was forming on her lips. Even if Vera didn’t want to admit it, Isla knew she found her jokes funny. Most of the time, at least.
“Will you drop the comedy routine and help me? I need to finish this before everyone gets here.”
“Okay, okay.”
As they worked to fix the projector, Isla let her mind wander back to when Mason was born. She’d been early, for one of the few times in her life. Isla had called her midwife, who came right over. Ben was at work, which was just as fine with Isla. Their relationship had already started to crumble, and she’d rather birth her daughter in peace anyway.
Blake had been the best big sister the whole time Isla was pregnant with Mason. She was attentive and loving and her favorite activity was reading to Isla’s stomach. Isla could still hear her baby voice saying I love you, Mason as she kissed her stomach. When it was time to deliver Mason, Blake was still by her side along with Isla’s youngest sister, Eden. Isla would never forget the confused look on Blake’s face the first time she saw seconds old Mason lying on Isla’s bare chest.
“She looks like an alien,” Blake giggled.
“Oh, sweetie,” Isla laughed, “you did too when you were first born.”
“You okay?” It was then Isla realized she had zoned out while holding the projector up for Vera to adjust the feet. She shook her head, clearing her thoughts.
“Yeah, sorry. Got distracted.”
But Vera knew it was more than that. Isla could tell by the way her eyes softened. Vera knew her better than anyone, and she always seemed to know when Isla’s mind was on Blake. Taking the projector from Isla, Vera sat it on the small table before taking her hand.
“Talk to me.”
“I was thinking about when Mason was born,” she smiled sadly. “It’s a happy and sad memory.”
“Oh, honey.” Vera pulled her into a hug. “I know birthdays are hard for you. I wish there was a way I could make them easier.”
“I wish all of our kids were here.”
“Me, too. And they will one day. I truly believe that.”
Isla nodded. She believed Vera; she had to in order to stay sane. The idea of never seeing Blake outside a TV screen was too much for Isla to bear.
“You know, I keep thinking we’ve never had a sixteen-year-old before. But we have. We just didn’t get to spend it with her. I’m sorry.” Isla pulled back slightly and wiped her tears away, “I promised myself I wouldn’t cry today.”
“You can always cry when you need to. You don’t have to be strong for me or Mason or anyone. We know today is hard for you. And if you need some time to yourself today to process, we will understand that too.”
“Thanks.” She tried to smile. “But I really want to enjoy today for Mason.”
“Then let’s get this party started.”
And that’s what they did.
After getting the projector fixed, they went to work ordering pizzas and getting drinks and snacks set up in the kitchen. One by one Mason’s friends arrived and congregated in the living room. Ellie and Brayden were in the middle of them all, as usual, but none of them seemed to mind their presence.
From the kitchen, Isla noticed Maddie and Walker getting a little too cozy on the couch and she elbowed Vera to get her attention.
“Should we break that up?”
“I don’t think so?” Vera chuckled. “I mean, it’s not our kid canoodling with someone on the couch.”
“Not now,” Isla picked up her wine glass and took a sip. “She still doesn’t know I caught her and that softball player making out behind the school the other day.”
“I’m never telling her we know that.”
“Nope.” As they went back to dumping bags of chips into multi-colored plastic bowls, Isla smiled to herself. “You know what I just thought about?”
“That we don’t have a single vegetable here?”
“Who needs veggies?”
“Don’t say that to a doctor.” Vera arched an eyebrow at her. “What were you thinking?”
“How we have the safe house. Maddie and Walker don’t have to worry about being seen together here. Mason doesn’t have to come out to us. They can love who they want and that’s okay. I never had that growing up.”
“Me either. But I’m glad our kids have it. All of them.”
Even though Mason’s friends all had families, Isla and Vera still saw them all as their kids. She hoped that as the girls grew older, they would realize their house was a safe space to come to if they ever needed it. They wanted to be the place they never had, and obviously they were becoming just that.
“Mommy?” Ellie tugged on Isla’s pants. “Have milk?”
“Of course, Ellie.”
Opening the fridge, Isla retrieved the sippy cup and handed it to Ellie. As she often did as nap time drew closer, she held up her arms for Isla to hold her. She rested her head on Isla’s shoulder as she used her free hand to twirl Isla’s hair around her finger. It was something both Mason and Blake had done when they were that age, and it melted Isla’s heart each time Ellie did it.
“I’m going to take her upstairs,” Isla whispered as she kissed Vera quickly on the cheek. They had planned the party to start around Ellie and Brayden’s nap time to give the girls the chance to enjoy their party to the fullest.
Ellie and Brayden still shared a room as it was easier for Isla and Vera that way. There were two of everything in the room it seemed and Isla chose the rocking chair she usually sat in. Ellie snuggled up against her chest, still twirling her hair.
“Mommy loves you, Ellie.”
“Love Mommy,” she said back with a yawn. She dropped her sippy cup, which Isla quickly grabbed. But it didn’t matter. Ellie was already out.
Isla rocked her longer than usual but she simply couldn’t put her in the crib. Not when Ellie was so warm and snuggly. Of the twins, Ellie was the most affectionate. While Brayden liked to be held before bedtime, he didn’t like it any other time. But Ellie was her mommies’ girl.
The door to the nursery slowly opened as Mason stepped into the room with Brayden asleep on her shoulder. She smiled at Isla as she walked over to Brayden’s bed and laid him down. Mason ran her hands over his chubby cheeks before kissing her fingers then touching his forehead.
“I’m surprised he went down so quickly.”
“He literally walked over to me, said sissy nap , and was asleep before I could bring him upstairs.” She sat in the rocking chair beside Isla’s. Reaching out, she put her hand on Ellie’s back and rubbed it. “I love them.”
“They love you too, Mace.”
Isla, Mason, and Ellie stayed that way for a few moments before Isla finally put her down. She and Mason kissed her before turning on the white noise machine and exiting the room. Out in the hallway, Mason took Isla’s hand.
“Mom?”
“Yeah, sweetie?”
“Thank you.”
Isla’s brow furrowed in confusion. “For what?”
“For everything.” Wrapping her arms around Isla’s waist, Mason rested her head on her chest. “You and Mama are the best moms I could ever have.”
“And you’re the best kid.” Isla kissed the top of her head. “I love you, sweetie.”
“I wish Blake was here.”
Isla’s breath caught in her throat. It wasn’t often that Mason mentioned her older sister. They celebrated Blake’s birthday every year but that was really it. For her to bring it up now, on her own birthday, hurt Isla’s heart.
“I know, Mason.” She tightened her embrace around Mason. “I do, too.”
“One day.”
“One day,” Isla repeated.
As Isla always did, she let Mason decide when the hug should end. Some days Mason didn’t want hugs at all and others she could hold onto her or Vera for hours. They had kept the tradition going with Ellie and Brayden, letting them cuddle as much as they wanted without putting them to bed or giving them something to play with. Their kids came first, always.
“I love you, Mason.”
“I love you too, Mom.”
It was a few more moments before Mason loosened her arms around Isla’s waist. Isla rubbed her back a couple of times, making sure she was okay. Mason nodded, taking Isla’s hand as they walked down the stairs into the kitchen. Everyone had gathered around the kitchen Island and Vera was holding a cake with the words happy 16th birthday, Mason on it.
Everyone started singing Happy Birthday as Mason beamed with happiness. As the song ended, she blew out her candles as everyone clapped and made their way over to the dining room table. But Mason made a beeline for Vera, hugging her as the two slowly swayed back and forth. It was a view Isla had seen countless times but knew she would never get tired of.
Vera whispered something in Mason’s ear which made her laugh. As Mason joined her friends in the dining room, Isla walked over to Vera. They didn’t need words to communicate; their looks said it all. They were happy and insanely in love with each other and their beautiful family. And that was all Isla could hope for.