Chapter 28
Vera
2010
I n the fifteen years Vera had known Isla, not a single day had gone by that she didn’t think of Blake. Although she had never personally met Isla’s oldest daughter, Vera still felt as if she knew her. She saw Blake’s eyes in Brayden; saw her smile in Ellie. She felt the pain of her absence from Isla and Mason. Everywhere Vera looked, she was reminded of the daughter she never met.
Especially with Blake being on a popular TV show now. Isla and Vera had watched every episode of every show she had ever been on. They watched her interviews and kept cutouts of articles she was featured in online or in magazines. Pictures of Blake also were in every room of their home. Although she wasn’t physically there, Vera liked that her presence was always around.
But birthdays were still hard for Isla. With Blake’s twenty-first birthday approaching, Isla had been mourning the years she hadn’t spent with her daughter. They had tried numerous times to reach out to her, but each attempt was met with the loudest silence. However, that didn’t stop Isla and Vera from continuing their tradition of writing letters to Blake.
Vera was unsure how often Isla wrote her own letters, but Vera made sure to write one at least once a month. She included photos of the kids and of her and Isla. In the letters, she would tell Blake what had happened in their lives since the last letter. But most importantly, she always told Blake how much her mother loved her and how Vera desperately wanted to meet her someday.
Writing the letters was never easy. Vera preferred to write them alone in her home office after everyone else was in bed. It gave her the perfect time to collect her thoughts and share her heart with Blake. Picking the pen from the desk, Vera poised it over the yellow legal pad of paper and began writing.
Blake,
Happy twenty-first birthday, sweet girl! I hope you have the best day possible and have a blessed new year of life. I wish with my whole heart that your mom and I could be there to celebrate with you. When you are back in our lives, we will celebrate all the birthdays we have missed together.
When I met your mom, I felt her pain at your absence in her life. Over the years, I have carried that same pain although we have never met. You are my child, Blake, whether you understand that or not. I knew loving your mom meant loving Mason and you as well, and it has been my honor to do so. Not a day has gone by these last fifteen years that your mother and I don’t think about you. And Mason as well.
Even your new siblings ask about you. We all watch your TV shows together, and Brayden always comments how much you, Mason, and Ellie look alike. And you do; especially Ellie. She’s you and your mom made over. Her and Brayden are four now. They’re in preschool three days a week and will be starting kindergarten next year. Brayden has learned how to ride a bike, and Ellie loves to perform for the family. I think she gets her acting skills from her big sister.
Mason is nineteen, can you believe it? I can’t. I still see her as the little four-year-old girl I met many years ago. She misses you, Blake. I know she doesn’t reach out, but she doesn’t know what to say. None of us do, really. Somedays it feels as if I’m writing letters to the wind. But I have faith that one day, you will read these letters. You will read them and know how much we love you and want you back in our lives.
I know a lot of time has passed, and there are pains from the past that we all will have to work through, but we want you in our lives, Blake. Please, if you are reading these, call me or your mom. Or show up, honestly. Our house is your home too. You are always welcomed here.
As always, I’ve included a couple of new photos for you. I hope you see yourself in your siblings. Seeing you in them makes me smile every day. I love you, Blake. I miss you, and I pray one day we can meet in person.
Until we meet,
Vera
Sighing, Vera sat the pen down on the desk and folded the two sheets of paper three times. It was a routine at this point; something she had done so often she could do it in her sleep. She pulled one of the envelopes out of the top drawer, tucked the letter inside, and added the couple of photos she’d printed off earlier. One was of Ellie and Brayden on a sled out in the snow, and the other was of Mason, Vera, and Isla building a snowman.
Vera carefully licked the envelope to seal it before filling out the address. They had found the address via a forum online years ago. It was to the agency Blake was represented through, and their website said all mail would be forwarded to the person addressed. As they had never received returned mail back, Isla and Vera assumed someone had been getting the mail.
Carrying the envelope into the kitchen, Vera sat it with her bag to drop off the following day on her way to work. She was about to head up the stairs when Ellie came down the stairs, her blanket held in her fist and trailing behind her. Ellie held her small arms up to Vera, and she picked her up. It didn’t matter she was almost too big to pick up; Vera would do it until she was physically unable to.
“Hey, baby girl. What are you doing up?”
“I’m not sleepy,” she yawned. “Can you read me a story?”
“Of course.”
Vera carried her into the living room where she picked up a Christmas book off the end table. Although the holiday was still weeks away, they had decorated their house the day after Halloween thanks to Ellie and Brayden’s insistence. Neither Isla nor Vera cared; they enjoyed the warm glow of the multi-colored lights on the artificial tree that made their living room seem more cozy than usual. Sitting on the recliner, Vera smiled as Ellie snuggled into her, twirling Vera’s blonde hair around her fingers.
They read Mickey’s Christmas Carol twice, at Ellie’s prompting. Vera knew she was delaying having to go back to bed, but she didn’t care. She’d read to Ellie as they stayed cuddled up together forever.
“Mama?”
“Yes, Ellie?”
“Do you think Santa’s going to bring us a puppy this year?”
Vera chuckled. “I don’t know, sweetie. I guess we’ll have to wait and see.”
“Maybe I’ll write him another letter.”
“You can do that.”
“I’m gonna ask for Blake too.” Ellie’s words hung in the air as Vera held tighter onto her. She sat the book down on the armrest and kissed Ellie’s soft cheek.
“That’s a great idea, Ellie.”
Taking the blanket off the back of the recliner, Vera covered them both up as she popped out the foot rest. Ellie rearranged her position, cuddling even closer to Vera. When Vera was pregnant with Ellie and Brayden, she often slept in the recliner because she couldn’t get comfortable in the bed. Then when Ellie was younger, she had a hard time falling asleep. Some nights the only thing that worked was sleeping with her in the recliner. Although it didn’t happen nearly as often anymore, Vera was more than willing to sacrifice a good night’s sleep in her own bed to spend it snuggled up with Ellie.
“I love you, Ellie.”
“Love you, Mama.”
Vera had no idea how long they’d been asleep until she felt Isla tenderly kiss her cheek the following morning. She stirred awake, careful not to also wake Ellie. Smiling up at Isla, Vera fell in love with her wife all over again.
“Hey.”
“Hey. I wondered where you slept last night.”
“She said she wasn’t sleepy,” Vera laughed softly. Slowly, Isla knelt down and rested her head on the recliner beside Vera’s. She ran her hand over Ellie’s cheek as Vera leaned her head onto Isla’s. “I’m sorry I didn’t come up to bed. I just couldn’t send her back to bed.”
“I don’t blame you at all. I would have done the same thing.”
Turning her head, Vera kissed Isla. It was soft and quick, but still had all the passion in the world behind it.
“She asked for a puppy again from Santa.”
“Of course, she did,” Isla chuckled. “Did she mention Blake again?”
“Of course.”
“I wish that one would come true.”
“Me, too, love.” Vera kissed her again. “Me, too.”
Isla stood back up, crossing her arms over her chest. “I’ll get Brayden up. We can go get breakfast at Carlson’s.”
“Okay.” As Isla turned to go, Vera grabbed onto her hand. “Babe?”
“Yeah?”
“I love you.”
Turning back around, Isla smiled and squeezed Vera’s hand. “I love you more.”
“Impossible.”
“Whatever,” Vera waved her off with a laugh. “I’ll bring Ellie upstairs in a minute to get ready.”
“Take your time. I’m going to try to squeeze in some Brady snuggles if he’s still asleep.”
Vera watched as Isla headed back into the kitchen and up the stairs. Although she hated to wake Ellie, the clock on the cable box told her it was almost eight. Typically, the kids were up well before seven. And with needing to be at the office at nine, Vera wanted to have breakfast with her family first.
“Ellie,” Vera whispered into her ear as she rubbed her back, “wake up, sweetheart.”
Reluctantly, Ellie woke up and stretched her arms out, nearly missing Vera’s head. She grinned up at Vera with her way too cute sleepy smile.
“Morning, Mama.”
“Good morning, baby.” Vera kissed her forehead. “Do you want to go to Carlson’s for breakfast?”
“And get pancakes?” She was suddenly more awake than the second before.
“Of course,” Vera tried to match her enthusiasm. “Let’s go get ready and go, okay?”
“Okay!”
As Ellie scampered up the stairs, Vera slowly stood from the recliner and popped her back. Sleeping in the chair wasn’t nearly as comfortable as it used to be and her bones and muscles were protesting hard.
Her eyes fluttered across the four identical picture frames set along the fireplace mantle. Vera studied each of them; each one containing a picture of each child. They replaced them every few months with an updated photo of the kids.
But it was the last one she focused on. It was the last picture of Blake Isla had taken. She was five, smiling up at Isla with a goofy grin on her face.
As much as Vera loved the photo, she hoped one day soon they could change it out for an updated one.