Chapter 11
CAM
CHAPTER ELEVEN
Ichew on my lip while I consider where to start. “After Louis, the specialist, undid their hypnosis and made it so Roger can never do that to them again. Nick, Cin, Hannah, and I filled them in on everything they did between when Carrie said those words and Louis clapped his hands.”
When I glance over at her, she sits with her back ramrod straight. “They’re so sorry. They love you, and I’m sure it’s killing them not talking to you.”
“I’m just not ready yet,” she whispers.
“You understand that Roger put things in their heads.” I immediately regret the words.
Her head whips toward me, a glare on her beautiful face. “You think I don’t know that?”
She winces at her outburst and turns back to stare at the water, almost like it could save her from this pain. “I understand, better than anyone, how good Roger is at making you say and do things you never wanted to do.”
She digs her finger into the sand, trying to ground herself. I wait patiently while she gets her thoughts under control. I draw up my legs and wrap my arms around them, tilting my head toward her.
“He has this way of reaching into your mind and pulling out what you fear most, and then he twists it for his needs. Before you realize it, you’re doing shit you never would have done before. He’s a master manipulator.”
“I wish I could sit here and tell you what Roger used to twist them to make them do what they did. I can tell you it had nothing to do with you. The guys have never been in a healthy relationship.” I throw up my hands. “Just look at who they dated before. But I understand you’re hurt, and you have every right to be.”
She sniffs, scrubs her hands on her shorts, then wipes her hand under her eyes and nose. “There was a seed of doubt about something. It doesn’t matter how small it might be.
She rises and walks closer to the water, watching it wash over her toes.
I stretch out my legs. I wish there was something I could do or say to make this all go away, but I understand that she needs to think this all through at her own pace.
She turns back around and looks at me. “He will find that little doubt.” She makes the little sign with her two fingers. “And twist it until you feel what he wants, and that’s how he slips in and twists what you feel to suit him. Those things they did, those things they said… They didn’t come from nothing. Roger just made them bigger.”
She falls silent, her chest rising and falling in rhythm with the ocean’s waves.
I narrow my eyes and look at her. “So, you had no doubts about your relationship with them?”
Her head turns, her gaze locking me in place with her conviction. “No, I had no doubts. Not about any of you.”
She needs a break from this topic, so I tell her the rest. “Louis said the guys would remember what happened. Since you’ve been through this before, I’m sure you understand what they are going through. Once the guys realized how they fucked up, they figured you were mad at them, which is why you’re here.”
Shelby lets out the smallest of snorts.
“So, we told them the rest. They didn’t know you and I were taken. They never believed us when they were under hypnosis. Dom refused to hear your name, running away at just the mention of it.”
As I get up and dust off my butt, I let out a huff. “Mav behaved like everything we said was just a practical joke. Luke was the only one who seemed to realize something wasn’t right.”
She wiggles her toes in the water. “That’s because I took his iPod away from him.”
“Because you did, he started remembering on his own. There were still a lot of blank spots, so when Louis did his thing, Luke didn’t have such a drastic reaction. Hannah and I filled in the details of what happened in the basement.”
I swallow some bile at what I’m about to say. “Nick told them how he found you, and the condition you were in.”
What I’m about to tell her could trigger her fight-or-flight response. “Frank and Nick also told us about Evan, how they found him at an abandoned house nearby.”
Shelby’s body freezes briefly before returning to matching her breaths to the waves again. “And?”
“Well, Cin was pissed at Nick that he withheld that bit of information from her. Nick, Cin, and Hannah told the rest of us how you’ve acted since you were found. Everything that happened at home that led to your leaving.”
Hopefully, I don’t piss her off with this next part. “I lit into Cin for how she treated you. Once I was done tearing her a new one, she truly understood how she fucked up. And if your mother comes anywhere near you before you’re ready…” I leave the threat hanging in the air for her to decide whether I’m serious.
“The guys want to find you. Hell, I thought Dom would beat the information out of Frank before Cin stepped in, telling Frank not to reveal where you are.”
Her breath kicks up, and she twists her hands together.
Everything in me wants to hold her and tell her she’s safe and secure. Instead of doing that, I curse Evan and Roger, vowing that when we get ahold of Roger, I’ll make him pay for what he did to her.
“Hey, Shelby, you don’t need to worry. No one is coming. The guys only backed off when I told them I was coming here to be with you. Nick also pointed out how easy it would be for someone to find you if we disappeared, and they looked into our movements.”
That caused her to stiffen.
“Don’t worry, I flew commercial under a different name. It was an interesting adventure. One I will gladly not repeat.”
“Thank you,” she whispers.
“Nick also knows where you are. He’s the one that showed me the picture.” I tap the table.
She throws her head back and sighs. “I should never have sent that photo. He didn’t tell anyone else, did he?”
“No, and he won’t. He won’t even show them the photo, going as far as deleting it from his phone. No one besides me knows where you are.”
Shelby nods, her body relaxing a fraction more.
I only have one last little thing to say to her. But I also want to cheer her up a bit, so I smirk to myself. “Listen, Shelby.”
Something in my voice catches her attention, her head turning away from the waves and their semi-hypnotic pull.
“You aren’t ready to talk to the guys, but just consider reaching out to them at some point. It doesn’t have to be right away. Fuck, it doesn’t even have to be soon. Just remember, even though they had their doubts, nobody is perfect… Well, except me.” I stand and waggle my eyebrows at her.
She snorts as she rises, smacking me on the arm. “I understand what you’re saying.”
“Good. I’m going to go surfing and let you get on with your day.”
Her brows shoot up. “You know how to surf?”
“Yep. I love it.” I smile. “If you want to learn later, I’ll teach you. Also, I’m sure Frank didn’t tell you this, but the Knights have jet skis, boats, and all that fun stuff in storage. We can always break some of those out.”
“Maybe later.” Her smile toward me is a bit hesitant and sad. “You gave me a lot to consider.”
“Sure.” I blow her a kiss and head upstairs to change into my board shorts.
I hate seeing her so defeated. It’s so unlike her. She’s lost her fire, and I want her to find it again.
The surfboards are stored in the boathouse. I look through them and pick one that should work before I hike back to the beach. I take a couple of deep breaths, run to the surf, and paddle out.
Out in the water, I lose track of time, like I always do. It’s one of my happy places—the smell of brine, the crystal blue water surrounded by lush green foliage. The gentle rise and fall of the board I sit on brings with it peace and quiet. Out here, the only sound comes from the rush of water and the occasional bird.
As I wait for a good wave, I peer toward the house, and to my surprise, I find Shelby sitting on the beach, watching me.
I glance behind me, and a wave is coming, so I paddle. I pop up, the board gliding across the wave. Wanting to show off for her a bit, I try to pull a move I used to be able to do in my sleep, but I don’t execute it right. My balance shifts in the wrong direction, causing gravity to rip the board out from under me.
The force of the water sucks me into the surf and tosses me around before spitting me out near the shoreline. I grab my board, wading the last few feet, collapsing in the sand, and catching my breath.
Shelby jogs the distance from her chair to me. “Cam! Are you hurt?”
I sit up. “No, just embarrassed.”
She cocks her head to the side, her nose scrunching in that adorable way she does. “Why are you embarrassed?”
I scrub my hand on the back of my neck. “The move I was just trying to do, I used to do it all the time. I wanted to show off, and I failed.”
She sits close to me but keeps a bit of space between us, enough so I can’t reach out to touch her. “You’re good at surfing.”
“I love it. To me, it’s like riding my bike. It clears my head,” I admit.
We sit in silence for a while. It’s not awkward, exactly, but it isn’t the easy comfort we had before everything happened. I shift around, the salt water and sand drying on my skin and hair uncomfortable and chafing.
Unable to stand the sand in my shorts, I get to my feet. “I’m going to wash off. I’ll see you back at the house.”
Shelby glances at me before she goes back to watching the ocean. I stand, pick up my board, and head up to the outdoor shower by the pool.
For the rest of the night, I do my best to stay out of her way. I hate every minute, but I promised to give her space. The only time I don’t is when she’s having a nightmare. I don’t have it in me to let her suffer like that. I’ll always run down to her and soothe her the best I can.
She shouldn’t have to go through everything all over again by herself. Like last night, she grabs my hand and doesn’t let me leave.
But this time, I slip away in the morning before she wakes up.
I’ve been here for two weeks now.
Shelby wakes every morning and does her workout. We eat breakfast together, then separate. She says nothing about staying away, so I keep doing it.
I’m in my room, video-chatting with the guys, using a nondescript wall so they can’t figure out where Shelby and I are.
“How’s Shelby doing?” Mav swivels his head around, trying to find a clue where we are.
“I’ve been giving her the space she wants, but it’s so damn hard.” I run my fingers through my hair.
“Is she still having nightmares?” Dom pushes his way onto the screen.
“Yes, and it’s not going to end anytime soon.”
“Are you trying to get her to talk about them?” Luke jumps up behind Dom so he can be seen on the screen.
He wants her to see a therapist.
“Luke, we talked about this.” I scrub my face. “If she wants to go, I’ll take her, but right now, she’s not ready.”
Mav comes back on. “What have you been doing?”
“Surfing. I’m so out of shape.” I laugh. “I tried to do a move that I used to be able to do in my sleep, and I crashed.”
Mav laughs. “You’re getting old.”
“Who are you calling old?”
Mav’s face turns serious. “When can we see her or at least talk to her? I miss her so much.”
“She’s not ready, guys. She barely tolerates me,” I tell them sadly. “How do you think she’ll react if you three trudge in here?” I pause before continuing. “Plus, it’s Christmas in a few days. I bought her a gift. Should I give it to her?”
“If I were in your shoes, I would,” Nick says. “As long as it’s nothing too big, something that might help her through this, like a book?”
“It’s always a book with you,” Mav laughs.
“Any word on Roger yet?” I hate bringing him up, but I need to see if he’s close.
“No, but we’re still looking. I hacked into his banks and closed his accounts. He has no money.” Nick’s eyes gleam.
“I bet that pissed him off.” I chuckle. “All right, guys, I’m starving, so I’m going to go. I’ll talk to you later.”
“Tell Shelby we’re thinking of her,” Dom instructs.
“Tell her I say she’s the strongest person I know,” Luke says.
Nick, Dom, and Luke leave the room. At the end of every call, they give me a few moments with Mav.
His face now fills the screen. “I miss you.”
I smile. “I miss you, too. How’ve you been doing?”
“Better, still confused at how this happened.” Mav shakes his head. “The headaches are mostly gone, and I’m not getting sick anymore.”
“That’s good,” I say.
Mav squeezed his eyes closed. “I remembered something yesterday that made me sick.”
“What was it?” I wish I could be there to hold him.
“She thinks I made out with Maddy, Cam.” Mav opens his eyes, and they are all teary. “With what happened before, at the dinner, I wouldn’t blame her if Shelby never takes me back.”
“You said you think. Are you saying you didn’t?” I ask him.
He shakes his head. “The first time she went to kiss me, I turned my head, and she got the corner of my mouth. She was nibbling and kissing my chin and shit. You know how that turns me on when it’s you or Shelby. When I talked to Paige, she told me it looked like I was making out with Maddy, and I wasn’t, but I also didn’t stop it.”
Mav covers his mouth. “I’m going to be sick.”
He jumps up and disappears.
This whole thing is a mess. If I ever come face to face with Roger, I’m going to kill him for what he did to everyone. To have all these memories of shit that you did and how it hurt the person you love… I don’t know how they’re dealing with it. In their place, I don’t think I could handle it.
Mav returns and sits back down.
“You all right, babe?”
“Yeah, sorry about that. What am I going to do, Cam?” Mav sniffles.
“When she’s ready to talk to you, then tell her what happened. That’s all you can do.”
He nods and sighs. “How are you? It can’t be easy being with Shelby and not being able to touch her.”
I run a hand through my hair. “It’s not, but I’ll do whatever it takes to make her happy again. She isn’t avoiding me, at least. And every night when she has that nightmare, she grabs my hand and won’t let me leave. And if she wakes up before I leave and sees her hand in mine, she doesn’t freak out.”
I play with the brown carpet while I debate whether or not to say what I’ve been thinking. I think it would help Shelby. I run my hand down my face.
“You have your indecisive face on.” Mav has his head tilted. “Spill it.”
“I’ve been thinking… What if she initiates the touch? I can understand why someone touching her first and without her permission would upset her. But, if she’s the one who starts it, she might not freak out at being touched.” I bite my bottom lip.
Mav gives me one of his award-winning smiles. “That’s brilliant, Cam. It could work. You’ll have to talk to her and see if she’ll try.” Mav smiles gently. “You’re still giving her space, but if you want answers to things like this, you’ll have to start by being around her more.”
I sigh. “Every day, I see her sitting on the beach, staring out into nothing. Like she’s waiting for a wave to come along and sweep her away. It hurts.” I rub my hand along my chest, over my heart.
“I’m sure.” And I know what Mav will ask before he even opens his mouth. He asks the same thing every time. “Are you sure you don’t want me to come to wherever you are?”
“No, you need to say in school.”
Mav’s shoulders sink a bit as his hope of me saying yes is dashed again. “All right, go eat. I’m going to bed.”
“Bye.” I disconnect my computer.
When I get off the bed, I find Shelby standing in the doorway, causing me to jump. “I didn’t see you.”
“Didn’t mean to scare you.” She wrings her hands until they’re red. “Would you like to join me for dinner?”
I grin. “I would love to.”
We walk downstairs, and she has the table outside set up. The sun is just setting. It’s a pretty picture. I pull out her chair for her, looking up to see her hesitating.
“Sorry.” I step away and take my chair.
Shelby slides down into hers. She made chicken kebabs, sweet potatoes, and fruit salad.
“Looks good.”
We eat for a while in silence before she puts down her knife. “How are the guys?”
“They seem to be doing better. Mav said his headaches aren’t as bad, and he’s not getting sick anymore.” I look down at the plate. “How much did you hear?”
“Breaking the connection is hell.” She plays with her food. “I heard what Mav said about Maddy. The way they were turned, it could go either way.”
Her blue eyes get a far-off look in them, and a few minutes later, she’s back to playing with her food. She’s gained some weight, but she still isn’t eating enough.
“How have you been feeling?” I ask taking a bite.
“I’m not as sore, but my ribs still hurt.” She places her hand on her side. “Most of the bruises are gone, but the last ones are that yucky purplish yellow.”
My gaze roams over her exposed skin. Most of her bruises are gone, and the cuts and scrapes have healed nicely. “Your eye is back to normal, too.”
She takes a drink of her Dr. Pepper, not looking at me, but at the ocean once again. “I overheard some of your conversations. You don’t have to stay here with me.”
I have to stop myself from reaching out to her. But I make sure she can hear the earnestness in my voice. “Shelby, there is nowhere else I’d rather be.”
“If that was true, why are you avoiding me?” Tears fill her eyes.
“When I arrived, I promised to give you space. That’s what I’m trying to do,” I say softly. “I don’t want to push you to do something you don’t want, even if I want nothing more than to be near you. But…” Mav was right. I need to talk to her. “Shelby…”
She stands, making me stop what I’m about to say, and walks to the banister. This time, her gaze on the ocean is hard, less lost. She shakes her head. “I’m not making sense. I ran away because I need space, yet I’m pissed off that you're giving me space here.”
She spins around. “Do you think it will work? The idea you were talking about with Mav?”
Hope blossoms in my chest, and I lightly tamp it down. “I’m not sure, but it might. Do you want to try?”
“Yes. If you don’t mind.” Shelby’s voice is a little unsure, but still firm.
“Of course, I don’t mind. I’m here for you, Shelby. I’ll stand here and keep my arms down.” I stand up. “You come to me when you're ready.”
She swallows thickly and walks toward me. The vein on her neck is visible. My heart pumps out of my chest, and I want nothing more than for her arms to be around me again. But I stand still, with my hands at my side, waiting for her, always.
After a few more steps, she stands in front of me. “You come to my room every night to soothe my nightmares. I grab your hand and won’t let you go. I feel safe when you’re with me.”
She opens her arms and wraps them around my waist.
At first, she’s stiff as a board, then she relaxes. She lays her head on my chest, and my heart lightens.
“Can you slowly wrap your arms around me?”
“Are you sure?” I ask in my softest voice, not wanting to startle her.
Her cheek rubs against my chest as she nods. “Yes, I'll tell you if it’s too much.”
“Okay, here goes.” I raise my arms and wrap them around her.
Instead of being stiff, she settles into my arms. I want to pull her closer, but this is good for now. Suddenly, her body starts shaking, and tears dampen my shirt.
“Shelby?” Worried that I triggered her, I loosen my arms.
“Don’t!”
I freeze.
“Please, don’t let go,” she cries.
I relax and tighten my arms back around her, and she lets everything out. I don’t know what that asshole did to her, but if I ever find him, I’ll kill him.
Sobbing, she collapses in my arms. I pick her up and carry her to her room. I gently lay her on her bed, cover her with a sheet, and watch her for a while.
Once I’m sure she’s settled enough, I clean up the dinner dishes. I make it to the kitchen and grab the sink, my grip on it hard enough to snap a piece off.
It kills me inside not knowing what happened to her and that she insists on keeping everything bottled up so damn tight. But she took a big step tonight. She let me touch her, and she let out some emotions.
I can’t sleep upstairs, so I sneak back into her room and sit in the chair, watching her while she sleeps.
Her thrashing around and whimpering awakens me.
“No… Please, not him… Cam!” she screams out.
I jump up and go to her. “I’m right here, beautiful. Wake up.”
She jolts up to a sitting position. “Cam!”
She darts her head around before her eyes find me. They are huge, her pupils blown out, making her eyes look almost black.
She dives for me and hugs me tight to her. “Tell me this isn’t a dream. Please, this can’t be a dream.”
“It’s not, beautiful. I’m right here with you.” I kiss her hair.
“Roger kept on stabbing you, and you died. It was horrible,” she cries.
“It’s just a nightmare, beautiful. I’m right here.” I rock her.
“Please don’t leave me. Stay here, don’t go,” she begs, her body vibrating with the aftereffects of her terror.
I hold her tight to me. “I’m not going anywhere.”
Her body relaxes, and I adjust us, so my back is against the headboard with her head on my lap.
Light puffs of air escape her parted lips, and I sweep a piece of hair off her forehead, giving me a better view of her face.
I tip my head back and try to fight sleep, but eventually, it drags me under.
Morning light shines through a crack in the curtains, beaming into my face, causing me to wake up before she does.
Shelby’s still fast asleep. After that nightmare, she didn’t wake up again. For the first time since I’ve been here, she slept more than a couple of hours, so I don’t move a muscle until she wakes up.
Eventually, light moves across the bed and falls across Shelby’s face, causing her to rouse.
Her body stiffens before she jerks back, rolling away from me toward the other side of the bed, stopping just short of falling off its edge.
“It’s all right,” I say.
She looks at me, taking in my position against the headboard and where she lay seconds ago. “Did you sleep like that?”
“Yeah, you had a bad nightmare. You reached out for me, and once you calmed down enough, you fell asleep on my lap.”
“Oh, I’m sorry. Why didn’t you wake me or move me?” she says apologetically.
I shrug. “You seemed comfortable.” Then I wink at her. “And I enjoy you touching me.”
A slight blush rides her cheeks, so I change the subject. “I’m going into town today. Would you like to come with me?”
She chews on her bottom lip.
“I’m not planning on being out for long. I’m going to pick up something for Christmas dinner.”
“When is Christmas?” she asks.
Carefully, knowing how the holiday upset her before she left, I tell her, “Two days from now.”
“Don’t you want to spend it with your dad?” Insecurity radiates from her.
“No.” I’m still pretty pissed at him for dragging me away from everyone after I was released from the hospital, only for him to leave almost immediately back to the racing circuit. “I already told him I wouldn’t be around. He’s always in Florida this time of year and goes to his girlfriend’s house.”
“Your dad has a girlfriend?” She sounds curious.
“Yeah, I don’t know why, but he tries to hide it from me like I’m some small child who would be upset because she isn’t my mom. Honestly, I don’t care. She has two kids from another guy, and Dad has never taken me to meet any of them.” I shrug, a little hurt by the fact he’s playing happy little family with them while ignoring me unless it’s to criticize or demand I do something.
I shake my head, dislodging those thoughts and the slight frown on my face. “I normally spend Christmas with Dom and Mav.”
“I’m sorry,” Shelby says, saddened by my father’s actions.
She understands what it’s like having an absentee parent. Granted, her circumstances are different from mine, but our feelings about it are similar.
I smile at her. “I’m not. I’m here in this gorgeous place with the girl I love. I couldn’t ask for more.”
Taking a deep breath, Shelby squares her shoulders. “I would like to try to go out.”
Trying not to look too excited at the prospect, I nod. “Perfect. Just tell me, and we’ll come right back.”