Chapter 12
SHELBY
CHAPTER TWELVE
On Christmas morning, Cam is sleeping across from me. Our hands are intertwined in the middle of the bed.
I have a surprise for him. I texted Nick to ask if he could send my Serenity and Cam’s bike here. It’s so beautiful here, and I miss riding my bike. Nick told me not to worry, and he would take care of it.
They arrived yesterday while Cam was surfing, and I can’t wait to show him.
“I can hear you thinking,” he says, his eyes still closed.
“Sure, you can. Merry Christmas, Cam.”
He opens his eyes. “Merry Christmas, beautiful.”
I squeeze his hand and let him go. “I’m going to go make us some breakfast, and after that, I’d like to Facetime some friends and family.”
After we finish eating, Cam put the dishes in the dishwasher.
“Are you ready, beautiful?” he asks, nothing but love in his tone.
I shrug. “As ready as I’ll ever be. But could you please stay? Just in case?”
“Sure, let’s sit outside, and we can use the table to put the computer on.”
Cam sets everything up, and I Facetime Paige first. I haven’t talked to her since Hannah vanished.
“Shelby!” she screams, making me jolt a bit at the volume.
“Hi, Paige.” I wave.
“I’ve been so worried about you. Cin told me that you were kidnapped. You came back, then disappeared again. Where are you?” She word vomits her questions.
“I’m somewhere safe. I apologize for being a horrible friend.”
She shakes her head. “You’re not. But, Shelby, what happened?”
“I’ll tell you what I can and am comfortable with, but please don’t ask for more.”
Paige catches from my voice that this is a big deal.
I explain what happened without going into any detail, and by the end, she’s in tears.
“I left because I need time to heal,” I finish.
Now that I’ve said it out loud, it sounds selfish. I talk to Paige for a bit and promise to talk more later, then I dial home. The first face I see is Cin.
“Merry Christmas, bitch,” she says with a broad smile.
“Merry Christmas, Cin.”
She gives me an assessing stare. “How are you doing?”
I sigh. “Better. I’m sorry for the way I act?—”
“Let me stop you right there. You have no reason to apologize, Shelby. If anything, it’s me who should apologize. I wasn’t listening to you. I figured the last time you just moved on like nothing happened. But… Cam made me understand that nothing about this was the same.”
I look over at Cam.
“You didn’t just leave Roger,” Cin continues. “He took you from us. I’m so sorry for treating you like it was the same as before. I’m glad you’re doing better, even if only a little. I miss you.”
“I miss you, too,” I say as Cin looks off to her side and smiles.
Nick’s face pops into view. “Merry Christmas, Shelby. How are things?”
This time, my smile is bigger. He is such a good brother. “Good, Nick. Thank you for keeping my secret.”
“It’s no big deal. I wish you would have come to me instead of Frank. I’m your family.” Hurt leaks into his voice.
“You are, Nick, and I’m so sorry. I wasn’t thinking straight. Everything was pushing down on me like I was drowning. Plus, I didn’t want to cause problems between you and Cin. I didn’t want you to have to lie to her. Can you forgive me?” My eyes glass over with tears.
Nick’s eyes flash with happiness. “Of course, I forgive you. Once I paused to think about it, I understood why you did what you did. Are you going to call the guys?”
I bite my lip. “I’m not sure.”
Nick goes to open his mouth but pauses. He has something he wants to say but doesn’t want to upset me.
“Go ahead,” I tell him.
“I’m worried about them, Shelby.” He rubs the back of his neck. “You remember what it was like to break the tie with that dickhead. On top of that, they’re depressed about what they did to you. Dom has spent hours in their gym beating every bag to death, Luke is more withdrawn than usual, and Mav hasn’t cracked a joke in weeks. It would do them good to hear your voice.”
“I’ll consider it,” I say sadly.
“That’s all I can ask.” Nick’s gaze turns assessing. “You look better. Whatever you’re doing, it’s working. Keep it up.”
Mom and Peter are next.
Surprisingly, Peter goes first while Mom sits next to him, smiling, but it isn’t her genuine one. “Hey, Shelby, how are you?”
“I’m doing pretty well. Being here has helped out.”
“I’m glad for that.” Peter’s shoulders relax. “I want you to be safe and happy. You deserve that and so much more. Hannah wanted me to say hello for her. She’s on the phone with her aunt, finalizing everything for her move. I want to thank you once again for what you did for her. For keeping her safe.”
He pauses a moment, his face growing serious. “But if you ever put yourself in harm’s way like that again, I’m not sure if I’ll be able to handle it.”
Worried he’s mad at me, my chest tightens.
“I can’t lose you. You’re my daughter, too, Shelby.” A small tear glistens in the corner of his eye as he clears his throat.
Tearing up myself, I wipe my face. “Thank you for everything, Peter.”
My mom subtly shifts, and I brace for her to yell at me, but she doesn’t. “Oh, Shelby, the family was sitting down to dinner when you called. But I’m happy you did. I’m sorry you felt you had to leave and thought we weren’t listening to what you were telling us. But I didn’t know how to handle everything, handle you. So, I did the best I could.”
She pauses, but when I don’t say anything, she huffs. “Well, you look better, and you got some sun. Must be a nice little vacation you’re having.”
Peter’s face turns incredulous as he looks at her, shocked by her passive-aggressive.
“I gave Nick a bunch of gifts for him to mail. You should receive them tomorrow, even though you won’t tell any of us where you are.”
Peter chokes at that last comment, drawing her attention.
That fake smile returns to her lips. “Christmas isn’t as it should be. But there is always next year, right?”
“Right, Mom.” My smile is a little strained. “Peter, make sure you take care of my mom.”
He casts a worried look at my mom before he turns to me. “I will, Shelby, don’t worry.”
“Everyone loves you, Shelby. But Hannah’s off the phone, and we’re going to eat now,” Mom says.
“I love everyone, too,” I say before I disconnect and sit back on the couch, just staring at the computer.
Why did I think things would go differently with Mom? At least Cin, Nick, and Peter were happy to talk to me.
Not wanting to linger over that awkward conversion anymore, I let my mind drift toward Luke, Mav, and Dom.
Why haven’t I talked to guys? The answer is simple. Because I’ve been too chicken shit to speak to them. It still hurts that they had doubts, but at the same time, it hasn’t been that long since we’ve known each other.
They aren’t the only ones who had doubts. I did at the very beginning of our being together. I sigh. I would be lying if I said I didn’t miss them. I’ve missed them since this crap started.
“You’re thinking about the guys,” Cam says.
I try to play it off. “Huh? How would you know?”
He chuckles and doesn’t let me pretend innocence. “Whenever you think about them, you get this sappy expression. Most of the time, it’s tinged with sadness, which I understand. What happened between you had to suck. But they want to talk to you and apologize for what they did.”
“They had no control over what they did,” I reply, automatically defending them.
Cam smirks at me. “It would be nice if you told them that, then, don’t you think?”
Damn, he’s right. I’ve been so caught up in my hurt that even though I never blamed them, I never told them that either. Granted, they were still hypnotized when I left to come here.
“Call Luke first,” I huff out.
Cam smiles and calls Luke, his face coming up on the screen.
“Merry Christmas, ba—” Luke pauses, seeming unsure, before starting again. “Shelby, Hi.”
“Hi, Luke, Merry Christmas.”
“Same to you. You look good. How are you doing?” he asks cautiously.
I keep my face calm, the smile in place. “Taking it day by day.”
“That’s all you can do. I’m glad you called.” He takes a deep breath. “I want to say how sorry I am for everything that happened.”
“You had no control over what you did. It hurt seeing you with Hannah like that, but it was the doubt you had that stung.” My voice grows thick.
“I need you to believe that I didn’t do anything with Hannah,” he insists. “I couldn’t. It felt wrong and made me sick. Even… Even trying to kiss her felt wrong. What you think happened, what you saw, me down on my knees like that… I never did anything with her. As for the doubt, I’m not sure what doubts I had. I think I was just worn down with dealing with the call from the morgue and my accident.”
“It’s possible. How have you been feeling?”
Luke and I talk for about a half hour before we say goodbye. A little worn and raw, I slump back into the couch cushions.
“You okay?” Cam asks from where he had settled down on the seat near me on the couch.
I put my hand on his leg. It’s been getting easier to touch him if I initiate it. “Yeah, I’m fine. Everything is just jumbled up in my mind. It’s like this internal war between my head and heart.” I touch my head, then I lay my hand over my heart.
I suck in a breath. “Each day is different. One day, I crave touch, and the next, if you touch me, I’ll die.”
“You're doing so much better with being touched. I’m proud of how far you’ve come,” Cam praises me.
I smile at him. “It’s the same with the guys. My heart keeps saying I love them and miss them so damn bad, but my head tells me how easily they gave up.”
I turn more in my seat to face Cam. “They gave up when you didn’t.” I tilt my head curiously. “Why didn’t you?”
“My life is nothing like Mav’s and Dom’s. Their mom and dad screwed them up, big time. I only have daddy issues.” He rubs the back of his neck, chuckling lightly. “I must admit, I was surprised Luke was hypnotized so easily.”
“I’ve been thinking about that. It shouldn’t matter why they succumbed to hypnosis.” I shrug. “It happened, and trying to figure out why they did won’t make a difference.”
Glancing out at the ocean, I take a minute to think through the words I need. “Everyone is entitled to their thoughts and feelings. The main problem I have isn’t the doubts, it’s that they didn’t talk to me about them. All of you told me we had to be open and honest for this thing to work. Yet, we kept things from each other.”
I stop, inhaling to calm myself. “But if we want to move forward from this, we need to start fresh and rebuild. I love them all, Cam, but with what happened to me, I can’t have them doubting me again.”
“I understand, beautiful.” He threads his fingers with mine when I place my hand in his. “I’m here for you. I brought you a small gift. Will you open it before you call the twins?”
I squeeze his hand, which rests on my lap. “You didn’t have to buy me anything.”
He hands me a rectangle box. I open it, and inside is the infinity symbol with a diamond. “This way, you always know that I’ll love you forever. The diamond is my birthstone.”
“Can you put it on me?” I turn around and let him put on the necklace. I gaze down at it. “I love it. Your present is out in the driveway. It’s not really a present, though.”
A grin splits his face before he hops off the couch and running out the front door like a little kid on Christmas.
I laugh at the image and walk out behind him.
“You brought our bikes down! Awesome!” Cam skips around his bike. “Hawaii has some cool trails.”
“Can’t wait.” I smile, pausing to gain the courage I need. “I love you, Cam.”
Cam’s eyes widen, and I see a slight sheen of unshed tears. “I love you, Shelby. Can I kiss you?”
I nod.
He slowly steps forward, his eyes never leaving mine. His head lowers as I wait breathlessly. The warmth of his lips touch mine, and I didn’t realize how much I missed kissing him.
He doesn’t push for more, just pressing our lips together, not touching me anywhere else.
My stomach performs somersaults like it did the first time I met him, which makes me remember my goofy Mav saying he couldn’t believe Luke overthrew the ball and my gruff Dom demanding he get off me. Luke had run over, asking me if I was hurt.
I miss them so much. It’s time. “Let’s call the twins.”
We return to the couch, sit, and call the boys.
Mav comes on the screen. “Hey, butthea—” He stops, clearly expecting Cam since we’re calling from his computer. “Oh, Shelby. Hey, Princess.”
“Hi, Knight,” I reply, using my nickname for him. “Merry Christmas.”
“It is now. I miss you so much, baby. I’m so sorry for everything. Dom and I never made any bet. Even while I was under, I never had sex with anyone. I’m an ass for having d?—”
“Mav, calm down.” I interrupt his rambling. “I forgive you. It wasn’t fair for me to expect you not to have any doubts about our relationship. It’s so new… You know what? It’s Christmas, and I don’t want to discuss that today. How are you feeling?”
Mav’s shoulders relax the second I say I forgive him. “The first few days were rough, but it’s getting easier. I remember you saying you dealt with this while on the streets after fleeing Ashland. A lot of confusion and headaches. You’re tough as nails. Cam, you better be taking care of our girl. Otherwise, I’ll deprive you of my gorgeous body.”
I didn’t realize how much I missed his stupid jokes until now. They are a part of me as I’m a part of them.
“I miss seeing your beautiful face every day in school. It’s not the same when you’re gone.”
“I miss you too, Mav.”
He wiggles down on his bed and gets comfortable. “So, tell me what you’ve been up to?”
“Not much, a lot of sitting and thinking.”
“There’s nothing wrong with that.” He smiles.
I talk to Mav for a while before he hops up to get Dom.
They argue in the background, and Dom sounds like his grouchy self while Mav tells Dom to, “Shut his hole,” and that he will want to talk to Cam.
The computer moves around, the screen tilting up so I can’t be seen immediately.
Off to the side, Dom scowls in Mav’s direction, not looking at the computer screen.
“What do you… Firefly?” He drops to his knees in front of the computer.
“Merry Christmas, Grizzly,” I choke out, my voice thick with the tears I’m holding back.
“Same to you. How are you doing?” Dom stays on his knees.
“I’m doing better.” I glance over at Cam and smile. “Being here has helped.”
“Firefly, I can never say I’m sorry enough.” He does the same as the others, apologizing for his doubts and everything he did to me.
“Grizzly, I forgive you. Like I told Luke and Mav, it wasn’t you. You were made to say and do what you did.”
He’s beating himself up for everything. Unlike the other two, Dom looks rougher than usual. Not as put together.
I only wish you’d talked to me about what you were feeling. I don’t say it out loud, but he must know what I’m thinking because his shoulders lose only a fraction of their tension, and a frown is still on his face, though not as harsh.
“Has there been any news on Roger?” I ask hesitantly, not sure I want the answer.
Dom’s expression goes to his angry face, and he growls, “No, the bastard has gone to ground. But he has to surface sometime, and when he does, I’ll be there.”
After everything I endured, that tone should scare me, but my body senses that it’s Dom. I’m safe, and a slight tingle races along my spine.
I shift in my seat, wanting to change subjects. “How’s school going?”
“All right, I guess. My grades are down.” He rubs the back of his neck. “All our grades are down. Almost too low to continue football, not that it would matter. We lost the last three games.”
“Badly,” Mav says from the background.
“The coach pulled us off to the side and asked us if something was wrong. Luke kept getting sacked, and I let it play through. Mav couldn’t catch a ball if his life depended on it.” He shakes his head.
“Don’t you want to continue with football through college?” I ask.
“That was the plan.”
“Then snap out of it, Grizzly. Things are rough right now, but I’m not going anywhere. I’ll be back, I promise. Kick some ass. I love you, Dom.”
A smile forms on his face. “Thank you, Firefly. I love you, too. Take care of yourself.”
I hang up with Dom and fall back onto the couch.
“How do you feel?” Cam asks.
“Drained, but I’m glad I did it. You were right. We need to talk to each other.” I yawn. “Do you mind if I take a nap? I’m tired.”
“Sure, beautiful. When you wake up, we can have dinner, then watch a Christmas movie?” he asks.
“Sounds wonderful.” I curl up on the couch.