22. Chester
Chester
S trong arms lowered me to the floor. Arms I knew. The voice in my ear was familiar too. “Just keep breathing, Chester. Yer okay. Keep breathing. I’ve got ye.”
I was too shocked to speak. One minute, it had been just me and Buddy, and I was taking some medicine. The next, I was full-on choking and being saved by Finn.
Finn, who I was fairly certain was naked.
He held me close to him on the floor, murmuring calming words in my ear. I used the time to gather my thoughts. To try and wrap my head around how Finn had come to be in my kitchen.
How he’d saved me from dying.
There was no mistaking what had been happening. The tablets had been firmly lodged in my windpipe. Buddy had tried to help, but they’d been firmly stuck. I couldn’t breathe.
If Finn hadn’t acted when he had, this would’ve had a very different outcome.
“Where’s Buddy?” My voice was hoarse, my throat scratchy .
Finn pressed a kiss to my ear. “I am Buddy, Chester.”
Those words were English. In any other context, they would’ve made sense.
But not in this one.
“What?”
Finn sighed, keeping his arms around me. “I am Buddy. I’m a wolf shifter.”
I laughed, the sound hoarse and wheezy. It was honestly all I could think to do.
“It’s true, m’eudail,” Finn said heavily, his head dropping to my shoulder. “When you’re feeling better, I can show you.”
“Don’t be ridiculous,” I spluttered. “Wolf shifters don’t exist. Besides, Buddy’s a dog, not a wolf.”
I felt Finn smile against my neck. “What kind of dog is Buddy, Chester?”
“He’s a…” I wracked my brain. “Well, a crossbreed obviously. That’s why he’s so big.”
“Okay.” I could tell Finn was humouring me. “Can you explain how he vanished and then I appeared?”
“He must’ve snuck out as you came in.”
“Right at the exact moment to save you?”
None of this made sense. My head was throbbing at this point, but there was no way I was taking anything for it now. “I’m glad you did, Finn. Thank you.”
He leaned his head on my shoulder. “I’m just fucking relieved I was here.”
Because he’s Buddy. He didn’t arrive in time. He was already here.
But that couldn’t be true. It couldn’t. Because if it was…
“Oh my god,” I groaned, slamming both my hands over my face. “This can’t be happening.”
Finn tensed behind me. “What is it? What’s wrong? ”
“You can’t be Buddy, because if you are, then that…that means…” Mortified, my voice trailed off. “Fuck.”
“Let me guess, you’re suddenly realising all the things you’ve told me, thinking I was a dog?”
I buried my burning face in my hands. “That’s about the size of it.”
“Please don’t be embarrassed, Chester. I don’t take anything you told me lightly. You have nothing to be ashamed of. If anyone should feel ashamed or embarrassed, it’s me.”
I lifted my head. “How’d you work that one out?”
“Because I took advantage of your trust in Buddy. I knew you had trust issues, and yet I came back here as him day after day, just to be close to you.”
My breath caught in my throat. I hadn’t thought of it like that. Fuck. Fuck. I should be angry at him for that, right? I should be kicking him out for abusing my trust and never letting him shadow my doorstep again.
But I wasn’t. There was more to this. There had to be.
Assuming I was buying into the ridiculous notion that he could shift into a wolf. For the purposes of the conversation, I decided to roll with it for a bit.
I swallowed hard and asked the one question that would decide how I’d react next. Whatever Finn said would determine how we moved forward.
Together, or alone.
“Why?”
He didn’t hesitate. “You were lonely but not ready to let me in. Being Buddy meant I could be there for you without making you uncomfortable.”
I was silent. I couldn’t disagree with him, not when he was right .
The question was, where did that leave me? Us? Did I even want there to be an us?
“Okay,” I said finally. “I’m not kicking you out, yet, but can we move somewhere more comfortable? My bum’s going numb.”
“Feel grateful you have clothes on,” Finn grumbled as we got up. “Mine froze a good five minutes ago.”
I surveyed his naked frame, every inch as delicious as I remembered. “Where are your clothes?”
“They don’t shift with me,” he said. “Pain in the arse. In this case, quite literally.”
I still wasn’t sure I believed him. Had I actually died choking on those tablets and this was some warped afterlife? It wouldn’t be that bad if that were the case. At least Finn was here with me.
“You don’t believe me.”
I folded my arms. “It’s hard to wrap my head around. Werewolves are supposed to be fictional.”
“Wolf shifter,” he corrected me.
“What’s the difference?”
“For a start, werewolves need the full moon to shift, whereas I can do so on command. We aren’t controlled by bloodlust either, nor do we go around massacring entire towns of innocent humans.”
I gave a weak smile. “No bloodlust? That’s something, I guess.”
His eyes darkened as he took a step closer. “Unless someone we care for is threatened. Then we become the beings the legends paint us as.”
I cleared my throat, stepping back and giving him some room. “Can you show me?”
He tilted his head in confusion. “The bloodlust? ”
I rolled my eyes. “No, Einstein. The shift. Maybe if I see it, I’ll have an easier time believing it.”
Finn winked. That’s when I heard it; the same cracking noise that had plagued me at the shop earlier. “What the fu?—”
I cut off my own words and blinked a few times. Right where Finn had been standing, was Buddy. No. It couldn’t be.
I rubbed my eyes a few times and tried again. Nope. Still there. Wagging his tail with his tongue lolling out of his mouth.
“Holy shit.” Stunned. I was completely stunned.
There were more cracking sounds, then a naked Finn was before me once more. It happened too fast for my brain to process it.
“It’s okay,” he said urgently. “Please don’t freak out.”
“Am I dead?” I felt stupid for even asking, but it was the only logical explanation I had left. Well, the only one aside from what Finn was telling me being the truth. “Did I die while choking?”
“No, m’eudail.” Finn’s smile was kind. “You’re very much alive. There’s a whole world out there that’s hidden from humans.”
“But not all humans…” I said slowly as the realisation hit me. “Reid knows about you. That’s why he called you the ‘furry cavalry.’”
Finn groaned. “Yeah, remind me to thank the little fucker for that. Logan will be referring to us as such for the rest of time.”
“So he does know? Is Reid actually human?”
“He does and he is,” Finn confirmed. “Myself, Evan, Calan, and Logan are all wolf shifters. Reid was born into a shifter clan, but he’s human. It’s part of why he never fit in there and was desperate to leave.”
My head was spinning now, making me regret my earlier drinking choices. “This is too much to take in.”
“Come on.” He slid his arm around my shoulders, tugging me into his side. “Why don’t we go upstairs and get comfortable?”
My brows shot up. “If you think we’re about to have sex you’ve got another think coming.”
“I don’t think that,” he said gently. “Nor do I want it.”
“Oh.” I was embarrassed again. Why was I assuming Finn still wanted me? “Sorry.”
Finn kissed my head. “Sex is the last thing on my mind because I’d rather answer your questions. I don’t want to do anything with you until you’re comfortable with me again.”
“Oh.” The word was softer this time, more understanding.
“I do want ye, Chester. Believe me, I do. But not until you’re ready.”
“Thank you.” I twisted to drop a kiss on his cheek. “That’s incredibly understanding.”
He gave me a lopsided grin, and suddenly, I could see Buddy there. “That’s me. The most understanding person ever.”
We headed up to my bedroom together. I riffled through my drawers until I found some joggers. Finn raised a questioning brow as I held them out.
“They’ll be a bit short in the leg and probably too big in the waist, but you can’t sit there like that.”
Finn winked as he stood and pulled them on. “Does my nudity offend ye?”
“No, but it’s distracting as hell,” I muttered, dropping onto my side of the bed. I didn’t lie down, not wanting to fall asleep until this conversation was done. “I can’t concentrate on what you’re telling me when you’re naked.”
“Good to know that if I ever want to distract ye in future, all I need to do is drop trou.”
“All you need to do is smile,” I said honestly. “That’s distracting enough.”
Finn froze, his fingers stilling on the waist tie. “Thank you. That’s one of the nicest things anyone has ever said to me.”
I ducked my head to hide my blush, glad we’d opted for the bedside lamps instead of the big light. “Guess I need to make a habit of telling you nice things more often then.”
Finn slid onto the bed beside me, mimicking my position. We were cross legged and facing each other. “That’d make me the happiest male on the planet.”
Male. Not man. Because Finn wasn’t human.
I wanted to reach out and touch him, but if I did that, nothing else would happen. And Finn was right, I needed to be comfortable with him before we took this any further.
“Where would you like me to start, Chester?”
I thought hard and settled on the thing that was bothering me the most. “Tell me more about why you decided to be ‘Buddy’ around me.”
“The first time was unintentional,” he said.
“I heard you hit the floor and start hyperventilating. I knocked on the door but you didn’t answer.
Then, when I came around the back of the house, I realised you might feel more comfortable if I was in my other form.
People often feel safer around animals than humans. ”
“Because animals aren’t complicated. There’s no hidden agenda.” I paused, my brow furrowing. “Hang on, did you just say you heard me collapse from outside? ”
“Aye. My hearing is significantly better than most humans’.”
I winced. “And your eyesight?”
He inclined his head, a mischievous twinkle in his eye. “That too. So yes, I could see the delicious blush you tried to hide earlier, even in the low light.”
Fantastic.
“All my senses are stronger than a human’s. I’m also stronger and faster, even when not shifted.”
“Good to know,” I said faintly. “So you heard me go down and decided to come in as Buddy.”
He nodded. “Do you remember what you said to me that day?”
“Not really.” Most of it was hazy, which was common following a panic attack.
“First you told me that you would’ve let me eat you. Unfortunately, not in a fun way, more of an ‘I’m ready to escape this life,’ kind of way.”
I flushed. “I did?”
“Aye. Then you told me some stuff about your ex. Things that made me glad I was already shifted, because my wolf would’ve tried to force it.”
“Does that happen often? Your wolf forcing the shift?”
“Almost never,” Finn said. “Recently though, he’s tried a few times.”
The strange cracking noises. “Is that what happened in the shop? Your wolf was trying to force the shift?”
“Aye.”
“Why?”
“Because you’d been threatened.” His eyes were dark as he held my gaze. “My wolf didn’t like that. Neither did I, for that matter.”
I didn’t know what to say to that. Secretly, I was thrilled that he felt that protective over me, to the point where he almost lost control. But deeper than that, I was frightened by it. I’d been hurt and broken by a man not in control of himself. I couldn’t let that happen again.
Finn would never hurt me.
“That’s why you decided to come back another day? Because I trauma dumped on you about my ex?”
“No,” he said softly. “It’s because of the other thing you said.”
The memory hit me so suddenly, it was like a flash of light.“ I’m so miserable. And so fucking lonely. But I can’t change that. I can’t let anyone close. ”
“I knew you wouldn’t let me close,” he whispered. “I wanted to be there for you, but I didn’t know how to be. You were just so happy to see me as Buddy, I couldn’t help myself.”
My gut tightened. He was right. I wouldn’t have let him in. And I was so happy to have Buddy around. “I’m guessing you knew this was my house before we slept together.”
“Aye.” He winced. “Remember that day in the woods? When you were picking flowers?”
“Yes. You’d been swimming in the loch.”
He inclined his head. “After you walked away, my wolf was pissed. He didn’t want you to leave us.”
“Why not?”
“Because he already knew you were special.” Finn splayed his hand on the bedspread, his pinkie brushing mine. “It took me a little while to catch up, but Buddy? I think he knew from the moment we first saw you.”
I exhaled shakily. Finn was saying all the right things, but it was difficult to believe them. It fucking sucked too, because it wasn’t him.
This was all on me .
“You talk about your wolf, about Buddy, like you’re two separate entities.”
“We kind of are.” Finn pursed his lips as he considered it further.
“But we’re also not. I’m made up of two halves—myself and Buddy.
One wouldn’t be able to exist without the other.
Buddy’s instincts are different to mine, more primal.
He can force the shift and take control if I lose it.
But he’s also just a part of me. We’re two beings, but we’re also one and the same. Does that make sense?”
“Kind of. He can influence you, but you’re ultimately the one in charge?”
“Yes. Unless someone I care about is in danger, or he perceives there to be danger. Then he can take over.”
“Like in the shop?”
“Exactly.”
I bit my lip. “You care about me?”
His gaze softened. “Aye, m’eudail. I would’ve thought that was obvious by now.”
I fidgeted with one of my leather bracelets. “I care about you too.” Was Finn holding his breath? He was so quiet. I glanced up to see him smiling, but he was very tense. “Are you okay?”
“Aye.” His chipper response was at odds with how he was holding himself. “I’m grand, m’eudail.”
“Then why do you look like someone just shoved a poker up your bum?”
A laugh burst from him and he finally relaxed. He shot me a rueful look. “Just trying to keep my hands and mouth to myself. Hearing you say you care about me…it just makes me want to touch you.”
My chin hit my chest as I grinned, turning his words back on him. “I would’ve thought that was obvious by now too. ”
“Maybe. But it was nice having it confirmed.”
His pinkie brushed mine again. The simple touch had all my nerve endings firing, and the walls around my heart crumbled a little more.
And, for once, my brain was completely silent about it.