Chapter 25
Finn
W hat a fucking day.
Hollis and I are riding back to the barn now after spending the afternoon rounding up a herd of cattle that escaped through a broken fence in pasture three. I still don’t even know how they broke it, but herding them back onto the property and then into a pasture with a non-broken fence was a workout. This group of cows are ornery as hell, never wanting to do what they’re told, and as a result, a task that should’ve taken a half hour tops ended up taking hours, and I’m drenched in sweat.
August stayed back with one of the other ranch hands to repair the fence, and I don’t think I’ve ever been happier to have them than I am today. All I want to do is put this horse back in the stable, go home, and take a cold shower before changing into dry clothes.
“Do you smell that?” Hollis asks as we get closer to the barn.
Tugging on the reins, both horses halt as I drag in some air through my nose. “Yeah, I do,” I reply, noticing how the air smells like something is burning. “What the hell is that?”
Hollis glances over at me, his brows pinched. “Don’t know. Dad didn’t mention anything.”
Unease unfurls low in my gut as my brother and I stare at each other. I can’t explain how I know, but something’s wrong. “Let’s go,” I call out to Hollis as I gently nudge the horse and cluck my tongue at her. Hollis does the same thing, and before long, both horses are galloping toward the direction of the barn and the main house.
The closer we get, the more anxious I become. My heart pounds when the smell gets stronger. As we break through the clearing and the barn comes into view, I immediately spot it.
“Shit,” I bite out, coming to a quick stop. “The barn’s on fire.”
My brother and I jump off our horses, tying them off before we run toward the barn.
“Call 9-1-1,” I shout over my shoulder to Hollis, remembering Ash’s text telling me they were spending the day here. Fuck! “Ash! Tucker! Are you guys in there?”
My heart is clear in my throat, and I can’t breathe. Panic clutches at my chest as I pull my shirt up over my nose, inspecting the inside of the barn. The fire seems to be contained in the office area only, but I don’t see Tucker and Ash anywhere. Footsteps sound behind me, and when I look back, I spot my dad running in, wide-eyed.
“Fuck, what happened?” he growls.
“I don’t know. Hollis and I got back and found it like this. He’s calling 9-1-1.”
“We gotta get the horses out,” he yells as he opens the stall nearest to him.
“Where’re Ash and Tucker?” I need to find them. I need to make sure they’re okay.
“I don’t know, Finn, but we have to get these horses out now! It’s spreading quickly.”
“Dad, I don’t know where my son is!”
“We will find them,” he calls out as he ushers the first horse from its stall. “But they aren’t in here, and that’s all that matters. Now, move!”
Everything happens in a blur. Hollis runs in once he’s off the phone and helps us get the horses out. We’re somehow able to move them into the horse corral without any trying to run off before the fire department shows up. Once they arrive, the three of us stand off to the side, letting the firefighters do their job. I pull out my phone and call Ash, but it rings and rings before going to voicemail.
“Fuck!” I try over and over, but get the voicemail each time. “Where the fuck are they?”
“Where’s who?” Hollis asks.
“Ash and Tucker.” Thrusting my hands into my hair, I try to calm my breathing, but it’s not working. “The last time I talked to Ash, he said him and Tucker were going to the barn to hang out while Tucker did some drawing, and now he’s not answering his phone.”
“I’m sure they’re fine,” he offers, slapping a hand on my back. “Let’s not jump to conclusions. We were just inside the barn, and they weren’t in there. Wherever they are, I’m sure they’re safe.”
“Did you see them earlier, Dad?” I ask, knowing he’s been around these parts all day. When he doesn’t answer, I glance over at him, finding his eyes narrowed and his body tense. Following his line of sight, I spot Hollis’s buddy, Remi, standing at the engine and manning the hose. Why the hell is my dad looking at him like that? “Dad!” I shout, louder this time, seemingly snapping him out of whatever the hell that was.
“What?” he barks back at me.
“Did you see Ash and Tucker at all today? They were supposed to come to the barn.”
“They took Bessie down to the creek,” he replies matter-of-factly, like it’s common knowledge.
“What? When?”
“A while ago. Maybe two hours or so?”
“Why didn’t you say anythin’ in the barn when I asked?” I grit out, my heart pounding as I narrow my gaze at my father.
“It slipped my mind.” He shrugs. “I was concerned with gettin’ the horses out.”
“You’re sure that’s where they went?” Why didn’t Ash text me? And why the hell isn’t he answering?
“Yes.” My dad nods. “I helped ’em get Bessie ready.”
Hearing that eases some of the anxiety swimming inside of me, but I still wish I knew where they were. It’s not like Ash to not answer my calls or text me when there’s been a change of plans.
The firefighters move quickly, and the fire is able to be extinguished before it spreads to too much of the barn. I still don’t know what could’ve caused it in the first place; we’re all incredibly diligent about making sure everything is turned off when not in use.
“What happened?”
At the sound of the familiar voice, I spin around, watching Ash and Tucker run over to where we’re standing. Ash’s gaze flickers behind me before landing on my face. “Are you guys okay?”
“Oh, thank god,” I breathe out as my legs carry me over to them. I scoop Tucker into my arms, hugging him tightly before hauling Ash into my chest. I bury my nose in the strands on top of his head, breathing him in, my shoulders relaxing now that I know they’re okay. “I couldn’t get ahold of you guys.”
Realizing what I just did, I step away from Ash, breaking the hug as he peers up at me with a wild look in his eyes, clearly as taken aback by my show of affection as me.
“I’m so sorry,” Ash murmurs, a remorseful expression taking over his face. “I accidentally left my phone at home when we left.”
“It’s okay, I’m just happy you guys are safe.”
Tucker’s arms wrap around my neck as he squeezes me with all his might. “We’re okay, Daddy. Are you okay?”
“We’re all fine,” I assure them both. The strongest urge to wrap my arms around Ash hits me again, but I don’t act on it.
“What happened?” Ash asks, running a hand through his hair. “We saw the smoke on our way back. Are the horses okay?”
“They’re all fine too.” I nod. “We were able to get them out before it spread past the office. We don’t know what happened yet.”
“Oh my gosh. Is the barn ruined?”
“Part of it. We’ll have to rebuild at least the office.”
Ash’s gaze settles on me, concern pouring out of his beautiful mismatched eyes. “What can I do?”
My chest tightens. Fuck, now is not the time for my feelings to make an appearance.
“Taking Tucker home would be the most helpful thing you could do,” I tell him with a heavy sigh. “We’re going to have to figure out somewhere to take all these horses.”
He nods. “I can do that. I’ll take him home, keep us out of your hair while you figure everything out.”
My gaze softens as I take him in. “Thank you.”
“Of course. Once I get home, I’ll have my phone again, so call if you need help with anything else.” Ash presses a hand to my bicep, the warm touch doing wonders at calming my heart rate.
The two of them climb into his car, and I allow myself a few long moments to watch them drive away, wishing things were different and I could embrace him the way I want to. My nerves are still shot from not knowing where they were, and I have a feeling they’re going to stay that way for a while. Turning my attention to the barn in front of us, I know that today could’ve turned out so much worse. Yes, the barn is going to be unusable for the time being, but nobody got hurt, and that’s the most important thing.
It’s not long before the sheriff and the fire department leave. August and the other ranch hand come back right after, and we all get to work coming up with a plan for the time being. Hollis reaches out to the farm down the road, and they agree to hold our horses in their stables while we figure out how to repair the barn. When my brother and I load the horses up, Dad heads into his house to get on the phone with our insurance agent while August and the other ranch hand agree to take care of evening chores.
We’ve got a lot ahead of us, but thankfully, only a portion of the barn was affected in the fire. And again, nobody was hurt. Tucker and Ash are safe. I keep reminding myself about that, but my nerves are no less frazzled.
What a turn this day took.
It’s no surprise that sleep is evading me. There’s a lot on my mind, and despite the adrenaline crash from earlier, I’m too wired to even try to close my eyes and get some rest. I’ve been lying in my bed, wide awake, for hours.
By the time Hollis and I got all the horses set up down the road and I was able to go home, it was already after dinner. Ash had saved me a plate of food, and he and Tucker were playing with Bubba out back when I walked in the door. I reheated the food and ate on the back deck, watching the two of them with a tightness in my chest. Logically, I know that they were never in harm’s way, but the blind panic I felt when I first saw the fire was unlike anything I’ve ever experienced, and I’m sure for that reason alone, I haven’t been able to shake the anxiety swimming inside of me.
After I got Tucker bathed and tucked into bed, I went to the living room, hoping to find Ash out there so we could talk, but he was already in his room. It would seem even after today’s scare, things still stand where they’ve been for the last two weeks. The distance between us has been nothing short of torture. No longer does he hang out with me in the evenings. No relaxing over a drink together, no making fun of me for my music, no flirting or longing looks.
Nothing.
It’s like it never happened.
I was hoping with time I’d learn to accept it. That my feelings would diminish. Two weeks later, and there’s no end in sight. I don’t know what to do with the situation. I know I need to respect his wishes…but at the same time, there’s nothing I want more than to say fuck his wishes. Yes, I’m sure Violet was upset when I broke things off, but there’s no way she’s still hung up on it. We dated for a handful of months and only saw each other once a week, if that. And sure, I can understand where Ash is coming from, not wanting to hurt his sister more, but it’s not like Violet and I were married, or even in love. If there’s something real between Ash and me, she would surely learn to accept it, wouldn’t she? I would think she would want her brother to be happy.
Turning my head, I stare at the wall that connects our bedrooms, wondering if he’s asleep. If he’s awake, what’s on his mind? Is it me? Does he think about me as much as I think about him? Does he wish things could be different like I do, or is this easy for him? From my point of view, he seems to be handling everything fine. I never catch him looking at me, and he’s made it a point to never be alone with me. Maybe what we did means nothing to him. Maybe it’s just another hookup.
I swallow thickly against the bitter taste that thought leaves behind.
My gaze snaps to the door as I hear it creak open. I expect to find Tucker sleepily walking into my room. It doesn’t happen often, but sometimes, he’ll have a nightmare and want to sleep with me. Only, my breath catches as a shadow much taller than my son enters the room. The hallway is dark, so I can’t make out anything more than Ash’s silhouette.
Closing the door softly behind him, he pads across the space to me. Neither of us says a word, but my heart is beating so damn fast I’m certain he can hear it as he rounds my bed and wordlessly climbs in like he’s done this dozens of times before. Every inch of my skin tingles as he gets under the comforter and scoots closer.
“Hi,” he whispers. His intoxicating scent envelops me, easing the tension that was weighing me down only seconds ago. I allow myself a greedy moment to inhale it, to bask in his nearness.
“Hi.”
It’s still too dark to see him clearly, but with his proximity, I can tell he’s chewing on the inside of his cheek in the way he does when he’s nervous. Chest clenching, I roll onto my side to face him.
“Hope it’s okay that I’m in here.” His voice cracks with emotion.
“’Course, it’s okay,” I murmur, bringing my hand up to cup his cheeks. “What’s the matter?”
Ash leans into my touch, and that’s when I feel it…the moisture under my palm. “I’m sorry,” he rasps.
“You’ve got nothin’ to be sorry for, Ash. Talk to me. What’s wrong?”
He’s quiet for a moment, only the sound of a shaky inhale of breath. “When I saw the smoke earlier, I thought something happened to you.” More tears fall from his eyes, and I move my hand from his cheek to the back of his neck, hauling him into me. He rests his head on my chest as his arm wraps around me. “I don’t know why my mind immediately went to you getting caught in whatever fire it was, but for the briefest of moments, it did, and the relief I felt when I saw you were okay nearly took me to my knees.”
I swallow against the lump in my throat as I hug him tight to my chest, breathing in the scent of his hair as I bury my nose in the dark strands. “The same thing went through my head too,” I croak. “The last I heard from you, you guys were going to the barn, and it’s the first thing I thought of.”
Lifting his head, Ash peers up at me, and despite the darkness blanketing the room, I can clearly make out the tears welling in his eyes. “I’m so glad you’re okay.” The words are spoken barely above a whisper, but they puncture my heart, nonetheless.
“Me too,” I husk, voice thick with the emotion swelling inside of me.
There’s a pause as we both gaze at one another before Ash breathes out a sigh and says, “I know what I said before, but I have to do this,” before his mouth crashes down on mine, effectively stealing my breath.