Chapter 26
Ash
I shouldn’t be here.
Shouldn’t have my mouth pressed to Finn’s. Shouldn’t feel his thick, coarse scruff against my chin, his hand grasping the back of my neck like he’s attempting to anchor me to him. Shouldn’t feel like the weight pressing down on my chest all evening disappeared the minute I climbed into this bed and pulled up the covers that smell exactly like him.
My boss.
My twin sister’s ex-boyfriend.
The grumpy southern cowboy who’s never been with another man before.
I meant what I said, dammit. But as his tongue parts my lips and rolls against mine, I’m finding it hard to care about what I shouldn’t do or about the empty promises I told myself. None of it matters in comparison to the fear I felt clutching at my chest when I saw that smoke earlier. Sure, he’s okay and nobody got hurt, but for those few minutes, I had no way of knowing. Every awful, tragic thought passed through my mind in the blink of an eye as I held his son to my chest on the back of Bessie as she carried us toward the barn.
Shifting us until my back is pressed against the bed, Finn rolls on top of me, and the weight of his body against mine is everything I needed. It’s a weighted blanket that clears my mind. Brushing a lock of hair off my forehead, Finn gazes down at me, and even though it’s dark, I can easily make out the look in his eyes. Desire, but also adoration. It sends a shiver down my spine, goosebumps over my arms. My heart beats faster, harder, as I realize nobody has ever looked at me the way he is right now.
I don’t know what to do with that because I shouldn’t be here. Shouldn’t be looking at him the same way.
“Your eyes are beautiful,” Finn murmurs, thumb tracing along my cheekbone. The touch is featherlight, his tone tender. “I could stare into them all day and not be any less amazed by them.”
My throat is thick, my mouth dry as I swallow roughly. “I used to hate them,” I rasp, recalling the many times I begged my parents for colored contacts. “Hated how mine were two different colors, but everybody else in my family had normal eyes.”
“And now?”
Finn’s thumb is still gently moving around my face, like he’s trying to catalog my every feature to memory.
The way he’s touching and gazing at me is almost too much for me to handle. “I’ve grown to love them,” I reply, my voice small.
“They’re perfect.” Two simple words send my heart into overdrive. “They’re breathtaking and unique, like everything else about you.” The pad of his thumb brushes over my cheeks again. “Like these barely-there freckles, and the way they get darker in the sun.”
He brings his fingers down my lips next, tracing them. “Like these lips. The way they’re the perfect rosy shade, and how your bottom lip is slightly bigger than your top. It’s an irresistible natural pout.” Finn dips his head down, pressing his mouth to mine. It’s soft and unhurried. A declaration. My eyes sting, the tip of my nose burning, at the tender way he kisses me. Maybe, like me, he knows we shouldn’t be doing this. Maybe because of that, he’s savoring it.
Because come morning, things will have to go back to the way they were. Surely, this can’t be more than one night. It can’t be any more than me seeking comfort from him after the day we’ve all had.
It can’t.
If that’s true, then why does the thought make my stomach twist?
Finn’s lips leave mine, peppering their way across my jawline and down to my neck. A shiver rolls through me as he nips at the flesh. Gasping, heat floods my veins.
“You’re irresistible, Ash,” he growls into my ear before taking the lobe between his teeth and tugging.
Having come from my bed, the only clothing I have on is a pair of athletic shorts, leaving my chest bare and available for him to continue the exploration with his mouth. After he makes his way down the column of my throat, he captures my hardened nipple, flicking it with his tongue, and sucking on it in a way that has me squirming beneath him. Moving to the other side, he shows it the same attention before tugging it with his teeth just enough to illicit a throaty moan from me.
His hand comes down, finding mine as he links them together, bringing them above my head where he presses them into the pillow. The dichotomy between his calloused, hard-working palm against the softness of mine makes my head swim. Lips finding my body again, he licks a hot, wet strip across my clavicle before doing something that lights my blood on fire. He tightens his hold on the hand above my head as he buries his face in my underarm, nuzzling his nose in the hair. My cheeks flame and my cock throbs when I hear his deep, hearty inhale.
Every inch of my body feels like it’s lit up with electricity as he continues to breathe in my scent, his free hand dancing down my side and gripping onto my hip.
“Fuck, you smell so damn good,” he groans, bringing his lips up to capture mine. His tongue hungrily delves into my mouth, making my head dizzy. “I don’t fuckin’ get it. I’ve never been turned on by the scent of a man, but with you, it’s like I can’t get enough.”
I don’t say anything, mostly because he sounds like he’s thinking out loud, but also maybe a little bit because I want to hear what he’ll say if he keeps going. I’m hanging on to Finn’s every word like an addict. Hearing all the things he notices about me, when for so long I wondered if he even thought about me at all, hearing how turned on I make him, how riled up he gets, and the way he can’t seem to keep his hands or his mouth to himself. It’s a rush. It’s heady and all-consuming, and I want to hear it all.
“You’re a surprise I never expected,” he says against my lips, voice husky and low. “Everythin’ I thought I knew changed when you moved in.”
Chest rising and falling with fast, shallow breaths, I flick my tongue into his mouth, both needing the admissions he’s feeding me and feeling like I’m scared to hear them at the same time.
Because what if it’s nothing more than pillow talk? What if the morning sun washes away every unbelievable thing he’s saying, and I’m left with the reality that this could mean nothing to him. What if he’s seeking the comfort of a warm body after the scare he had earlier, and that’s all it is? What if this is a convenience to him? What if he’s the type of guy who says things during sex, when emotions are running high and clouding his vision, that he doesn’t actually mean? And as much as I don’t really want to think about my sister right now, I can’t help but wonder if maybe that’s why she thought they were more.
I love hearing him say these things to me just as much as I hate it because I don’t know what’s real.
Then his mouth is devouring mine again, and just like that, every thought fades away. How could I possibly think about anything at all when his tongue caresses mine? When his lips feel as good as they do? When he presses his pelvis into me, and I can easily feel how turned on he is, his erection matching my own? The need to reach down and take him in my hand, to feel his velvety smooth length, the weight of him against my palm, is overwhelming, but I manage to stay still. The anticipation of what he’s going to do next outweighs my need to speed things up.
Finn lets go of my hand, wrapping his around my throat and squeezing just enough to make my head foggy as he continues to dominate my mouth. He sucks on my tongue, sending a shot of arousal straight to my balls. My dick leaks as my hips thrust up to meet his, needing friction or pressure or something . Skin tingling, sensitive to every small touch, I moan into his mouth as I wrap my arms around his neck and my legs around his waist. Holding his body to mine.
I need him in a way I’ve never needed anything or anybody in my life. Need him like my lungs need oxygen. Like my veins need blood.
I need him in every way. Inside me. Filling me. Stretching me. I need his sweat to cling to my body. His deep, raspy moans to fill my ears.
I need Finn Moore viscerally. Carnally. Religiously. I need him to turn me inside out.
To ruin me.
“Finn…” His name falls off my lips like a prayer.
Bringing his lips beside my ear, he flicks his tongue out before asking, “What, baby?”
Baby. My lungs cease to function for way too long as my mind replays that one singular word on a loop. The rasp to his voice, his hot breath on my neck, the way I can feel his erratic heartbeat against my chest.
My mouth dries. I’ve lost all train of thought. Any words I once had have vanished, evaporating into thin air as I fight to drag in air. But if I can’t tell him what I want, then I’ll just have to show him. Somehow, I’m able to bring my hands down between us, and I shove my shorts down before awkwardly kicking out of them. When I go to remove his briefs, he thankfully helps me, as eager as I am to be skin to skin.
As soon as his body is free of any clothing, I don’t waste any more time. Bringing my hand up to my mouth, I run the flat of my tongue along my palm, getting it nice and wet before wrapping my fingers around his thick, long, hot length. He groans as soon as I make contact, and it sends a thrill all the way to my toes. Then Finn’s mouth collides with mine once more. It’s messy and rough, his tongue surging past my lips, feeding me his need as he thrusts into my grip. With his hand still on my throat, he tightens his hold as he deepens the kiss. Sharp teeth nip at my bottom lip, and I cry out as I grind against his meaty thigh that’s somehow made its way between my legs.
“Fuck… More,” I gasp, pleasure ricocheting through my body. “I need more.”
“What do you need, baby?”
My lips part, a moan slipping past them as my eyes roll back. How can it feel so good when we’re barely doing anything yet?
Squeezing my throat, he breathes into my mouth, “Words, baby. What do you need?”
“Fuck me,” I beg. “I need you to fuck me.”
A growl sounds from his chest, rumbling as he thrusts harder into my fist. He’s leaking all over my hand, my mouth watering at the memory of how fucking good he tasted unloading in my mouth before.
“You’re sure?” he asks darkly, the gravel in his voice making me shiver.
Huffing out a dry laugh, I say, “Finn, not to be dramatic, but I may actually perish if you don’t get your dick inside of me soon. Yes, I’m sure.”
Finn hangs his head and buries his face in my neck as laughter spills out of him. “Well, we can’t have you die on me now, can we?”
I attempt to bite back the smile spreading on my face, but it’s futile. “Nope, we can’t. So, I suggest you grab your lube and get to work, daddy.”
Sitting back on his knees, Finn’s gaze finds mine, his whole face lit up with an infectious grin. “I can’t with you,” he chuffs, shaking his head before reaching into the drawer of the bedside table. He tosses a clear bottle and a gold foil packet—because of fucking course, Finn would wear a Magnum. His dick is monstrous.
“You don’t need that,” I say, nodding toward the condom. “I mean, unless you’d prefer to wear one.”
Brow cocked, he says, “No?”
I nod. “Yeah, I got a physical before leaving Portland—wanted to do it while I still had insurance—and they tested me. All negative. And I haven’t been with anybody else since moving here.”
He chews on his bottom lip for a moment as he grabs the lube and cracks the lid open. “I, uh… I actually got tested recently too. I do it after every partner.” His eyes widen, and he looks like a deer in headlights. “Not that there’s been a lot or anythin’.”
I can’t help but chuckle. “I wouldn’t give a shit even if there was. A high body count doesn’t mean anything, especially in this day and age when marriage to one person for your whole life is becoming more and more rare.”
“Right.” He nods. “Well, anyway, I got tested when I realized I wanted to end things with…”
He doesn’t finish the sentence, but he doesn’t have to.
My sister.
A lovely reminder of the shitty brother I’m being. That thought alone should be enough to have me put a stop to this, but I don’t. I don’t want to. I need this more than I need to ease my guilt right now, and yeah, that may be incredibly selfish, but that can be future Ash’s problem.
Clearing my throat, I say, “Then we’re good. Ditch the rubber.”
“You’re sure?”
I bite down on my bottom lip. “Yes, daddy,” I purr. “Besides, it’s not like you can get me pregnant, remember?”
He rolls his eyes. It’s fucking adorable. “Yes, Ash. I do know that.”
“Although, the idea of you breeding me is hot as fuck. Filling me up with your juices until you’re dripping out of me.”
All traces of humor vanish from his face as it’s replaced with vivid arousal. I watch as his Adam’s apple rolls in his throat as he swallows. “Tell me what I need to do,” he rasps.
My heart pounds against my ribs, my body an inferno as I realize I get to walk him through this. I get to teach Finn how to fuck a man. How to fuck me. And fuck, that has no business turning me on as much as it does. I clear my throat and swallow, trying to bring some moisture back to my mouth. “Have you had anal sex before?”
“Yes, a few times.”
“How did you get your partners ready for that?”
His eyebrows pinch together. “Do you really want to know?”
I chuckle. “Yes.”
Finn shifts from one knee to another. “I feel like you’re about to scold me for having anal sex wrong,” he mutters.
Biting the inside of my cheek to keep from laughing, I ask, “Why do you say that?”
“Because you’re gay and probably a pro at butt sex.”
“Okay, first of all, not all gay men have penetrative sex.” Sitting up, I take the bottle out of his hand and pour a generous amount onto my fingers. Lying back down, I peer up at him as I bring my fingers to my hole. “Watch what I do first,” I tell him.
Eyelids hooded and his jaw slack, Finn rakes his hungry gaze down my body before settling on my index finger as it sinks into my tight hole. I groan, never taking my eyes off him as I work the single digit in, then out, before adding my middle finger next.
“You have to get me nice and stretched,” I explain, my voice giving away how gone I already am. “I know I don’t need to tell you this, but your cock is massive.”
He smirks, rolling his eyes.
Withdrawing my fingers, I sink back in with three this time as I nod toward the bottle of lube. “Coat your fingers for me, daddy.” Moaning as I curl my fingers and graze my prostate, I add, “Get them nice and slick for me so I can replace my hand with yours.”
Finn doesn’t waste any time as he does exactly as I say, and as he inches closer, I pull my fingers out, feeling my hole clench with the loss of fullness, and I soak in the lust-drunk look on his face. I can tell he’s nervous, but I can also tell that’s he more turned on and eager.
“Start with one,” I say. Pulling my legs back toward my chest, I hold them behind my knees. “Just like you would if it was a pussy.”
His eyes lift to meet mine as he brings his finger to my hole. My lips part, eyebrows dipping as he eases past the tight ring of muscle. It doesn’t burn like it usually would, thanks to me getting myself started, but the feeling of his thick finger instead of mine lights my body up something fierce. Finn’s gaze alternates between my face and where he’s entering me, arousal and some other emotion that I can’t place splashed on his face. After a minute, he adds a second finger, fucking me nice and slow with them before inserting another.
I gasp at the stretch because his three fingers are significantly bigger than mine. “Fuck, that’s it,” I breathe. “Curl your fingers up.”
A burst of white-hot pleasure vibrates through my body as he massages that sweet spot inside of me, my cock leaking like a faucet when he keeps doing it over and over again. His gaze is on my face, brows pinched in concentration, and his cheeks flushed, lips parted. I pull myself up onto my elbows so I can get a better view of him finger-fucking me, and the sight only enhances the overwhelming pleasure flowing through me.
“That feel good?” he asks.
I nod, letting out a long, needy moan as he applies deeper pressure to my prostate. “Yes— Fuck!” I gasp, letting my head fall back. “Keep going. Feels… s-so fucking… g-good.”
Skin tingling, my whole body is on fire as the pleasure intensifies and spreads until I can feel it down in my limbs and up in my head. My thighs tremble, my abdominal muscles clenching and squeezing as sweat beads along my temples and across my chest.
“Fuck, I wish you could see yourself right now,” Finn growls. “So fuckin’ sexy.”
Even in the dark room, I can see his eyes are nearly black, and a quick look down shows me he’s still rock hard. He’s turned on doing this to me… He’s enjoying this.
“Don’t stop,” I cry out, pressure building low in my spine. It quickly ripples through my whole body like lightning, the hair on my arms and the back of my neck standing on end, nipples and cock stiff and so fucking sensitive, and then it hits me. “Oh, f-fuck. Oh, fuck. Don’t stop, daddy!”
My head throws back as huge waves crash into me, one right after another, my hole clenching around his fingers. Dick throbbing and pulsing, I’m leaking a sticky mess all over my stomach as I ride out the pleasure. Once the intensity dies down, my chest heaves as I catch my breath.
“What was that?” Finn asks, something like amazement in his voice. “Did you just come? Without touching your dick?”
Chuckling, I swipe my fingers through the mess I made, bringing them up to his lips. Without question, he opens up and sucks them into his mouth, groaning as he licks them clean. “Yes, it was a prostate orgasm.”
I remove my fingers from his mouth and reach for the bottle of lube, cracking it open and drizzling some onto his cock.
“You can come from that alone?” Finn’s palms rub up and down the top of my thighs as I glide the cool gel all over his length.
“Not every guy can, but yes. And I don’t fully ejaculate from them. It’s mostly like pre-cum, but more.” Flicking my gaze up to his, I smirk and say, “And if you’re open to it, I fully plan to show you how amazing they can be one day.”
Diving in, his mouth devours mine with fervor. It’s filled with passion and lust, and it makes my heart skip a beat. After a few moments, he rests his forehead against mine, breathing me in as I continue to stroke him.
“I need you,” he grits out, nails biting into the flesh on my thighs as he spreads my legs wider. “I need to be inside you already, Ash. I can’t take it.”
Letting go of his cock, I lie back and gaze up at him, completely unable to believe that this is happening.
“So, fuck me, daddy.”