Chapter 32
Finn
S tanding off to the side, a nearly empty beer in hand and the sunset burning along the horizon, I can’t take my eyes off the sight in front of me. Country music plays from the large speaker that Dad brings out on special occasions. A handful of people from town are dancing and having a grand ol’ time, but they’re nothing but background noise to me, because all I can focus on is Tucker and Ash, and the way they’re moving to the fast-paced beat of the song, holding hands as they both wear bright, wide grins.
It’s been a whole week since everybody came here and helped us fix up the barn. As a thank you to the whole town and their selfless generosity, Dad decided to throw a huge barbecue here at the ranch today. It’s been almost a whole day production, and I must admit, it’s been nice. Hollis and I set up the music about an hour ago, and people have been dancing ever since. Days like this—and last Saturday—really remind me how blessed we are. It’s easy to forget the good when things get overwhelming, and it’s easy to take for granted the joys of small-town living when all you do is work, sleep, repeat. The fire in the barn, while small in the big picture, has helped remind me how lucky we are to live in a town full of so many caring, generous people.
“Looks like he’s having fun,” a voice that has my shoulders hiking up to my ears says beside me. I clench my jaw, annoyance filling my gut as I don’t bother to look her way or respond.
Why is she even here?
Since last weekend, Violet keeps randomly stopping by. First, it was on Saturday to “show her support” — her words—even though she didn’t do a damn thing to help or show her support other than try to glue herself to me. Then she brought over a peach cobbler she had made—which was gross, by the way—a few days after that, claiming she wanted to make sure I was doing okay after everything.
Yesterday, she dropped by unannounced after she got off work, using her brother as an excuse, saying she wanted to spend time with him, yet she spent the whole time staring at me or following me around while I got dinner ready. She rudely invited herself to stay for dinner, clearly unable to read the room even the slightest. By the time she left, it was after nine. I don’t know how I never realized how self-absorbed she was when we were dating.
I know her coming around is bothering Ash. After she left last night and we climbed into my bed, I asked him about it. He insisted he was fine, but I don’t buy that. On the surface, he wants to put on this front that he’s fine, that the insecurities he’s always held on to aren’t eating away at him this time, but I know better than that. When he admitted to me the resentment he’s held toward Violet since they were teenagers, everything clicked into place.
It’s why I made a point to tell—and show—him that night how much he means to me, how he’s the one I chose… So, I don’t get why he’s so adamant about pretending he’s fine lately. And I feel like I’m at such a crossroads. A large part of me wants to demand he tell me so we can work through this, but there’s a small, nagging part of me that says I need to let him come to me. I can’t force him to talk about it until he’s ready, and all I can do is continue to reassure him the best way I can.
But how can I do that when Violet keeps showing up? Not wanting to be rude or harsh toward her, I’ve done my best at keeping conversations short without outright telling her to go away, but she’s clearly not comprehending. It’s not in my nature to be an asshole, especially to a woman—my mother would’ve had me by the throat if she ever caught me doing that—but I’m starting to think it’s the only way Violet’s going to get it.
“How are you holding up?” Violet asks, still standing right beside me.
Ash glances over as the song changes, and even though I know he tries to hide it, it’s impossible to miss the way his face drops when he spots his sister standing beside me.
“I’m fine,” I grit out, desperately wanting Ash to look at me so I can somehow convey with my eyes that she’s annoying me and that he has nothing to worry about. But he doesn’t. Tucker pulls his attention back down to him, and they go back to dancing again. A slower song is playing now, so he hoists my son up into his arms as he sways to the beat, Tucker giggling as he wraps his arms around Ash’s neck.
“He’s really good with him, isn’t he?”
“More than good,” I murmur, unable to take my eyes off them. “Tucker loves him so much.” And so do I.
Violet breathes out a laugh that grates on my nerves. “I told you he’d be a good fit.”
Turning to face her, I cross my arms over my chest. “What are you doin’ here, Violet?” I ask bluntly.
She winces, but I can’t find it in me to give a shit. “What do you mean? Everybody is here.”
“Yeah, everybody who helped last weekend,” I state. “Last I checked, you didn’t help.”
“Ouch.” She lets out a dry laugh. “I was here last weekend, Finn. We talked for, like, a half an hour.”
“Talkin’ isn’t helpin’, Violet. We broke up, and now all of the sudden, you’re comin’ back around all the time. Why?”
Jutting her chin out, either to appear confident or in defiance, she says, “Wasn’t aware I wasn’t allowed at the ranch anymore.”
“When did you ever come here before we started datin’?”
“My brother lives here now. I can’t come visit my brother?”
“Violet, cut the shit,” I snap, my patience non-existent at this point.
Her shoulders slump, and she peers up at me, wide-eyed for a moment, brows knitted. “I miss you, okay?”
There it is. “Well, don’t.”
“How can you say that?” she scoffs, stomping her foot like a child. “We had something really great, Finn. I know you miss me too. What I don’t know is why you’re pretending you don’t.”
“I can assure you, I don’t.”
“How can you say that?” She looks like somebody ran over her dog. “We were doing fine, and then it’s like a switch flipped, and suddenly you turned into a giant dick!”
“Look, Violet…” I blow out a breath, dropping my arms to my side. “I’m sorry if our relationship was more serious to you, but for me, it was never anything more to me than two people blowing off steam. I thought we were on the same page, but I’ve realized that I was wrong. Maybe we should’ve had more of a clearer discussion about what we were to avoid this, but communication hasn’t always been my strong suit.”
“Finn,” she murmurs, placing her hand on my arm. The touch makes me want to recoil. “We could still be that for each other. I’m okay with that.”
For fuck’s sake. “Yeah, well, I’m not.”
Violet takes a small step toward me, and I grind down on my molars, taking a step back myself, putting me flush with the side of the barn. “Surely, you can remember the fun we had.”
Her hand slides up my arm, my skin crawling, and then she’s on me before I even have a chance to realize it’s happening. Jumping up on her tiptoes, she smashes her mouth to mine as both hands move to cup my face. A moan sounds from her just as my mind catches up to what’s happening. Hands flying up, I shove her away, probably harder than I should, but I don’t have it in me to care.
“What the hell, Violet!” I sidestep her, putting some distance between us. “What part of I don’t want to be with you don’t you understand? How much clearer can I be?”
Eyes flaring, she groans. “God, you’re such an asshole! You just shoved me!”
“You’re damn right I did. You kissed me after I said I wasn’t interested. Learn to take a fuckin’ hint!”
Turning my head, I notice Tucker now dancing with my brother, but no Ash. Scanning the yard, I spot him storming off in the direction of the house. My stomach sinks, thinking he may have seen his sister kiss me. Without bothering to wait for any sort of response from her, I start off in his direction. He’s walking quickly, so after about ten yards, I pick up the pace, jogging after him.
He must not hear me, because as I reach him and grab ahold of his arm, pulling him to a stop, his head snaps up, a gasp falling from his lips.
“Ash, hold up,” I murmur, walking us over to the tree just on the other side of my dad’s house. “I didn’t want her to do that.”
My heart thrashes as panic rises inside of me. Hurt is splashed on his face, and as he swallows harshly, I can see him trying to put on a calm exterior. “Don’t shut me out,” I beg. “Please, Ash. I didn’t want her here. I don’t want to talk to her.”
“I know that,” he finally says, wrapping his arms around himself.
Brows pinched, I ask, “You do?”
Ash blows out a breath and nods. “I know you aren’t trying to get back together with her, and I know you didn’t kiss her just now. I watched you push her away. I believe you.”
It’s a relief hearing him say that, yet it still doesn’t make me feel any better. “Then why did you walk away?”
He chews on the inside of his cheek for a moment, like he’s not sure what to say. Or maybe, not sure how to say it. Gaze alternating between my face and the ground, he finally says, “I believe you, Finn. I know you care about me, and I know you want to be with me, but that doesn’t make seeing her flirting with you or throwing herself at you any easier. Even though I know it’s not reciprocated, it still sucks.”
My heart aches for him. Reaching out, I grab him by the neck of the neck and bring my face level with his, making sure he really hears me. “I’m so sorry you saw that, baby. I’m sorry I wasn’t more firm with her before tonight; I was tryin’ to not be an asshole, but I see now that was wrong.”
“No, it wasn’t,” he breathes out, eyes bloodshot as they look into mine.
“Yes, it was. I should’ve made sure she understood instead of hoping she’d take a hint. You mean more to me than her feelings, and I don’t like you bein’ hurt or insecure because of this. Maybe we should tell her.”
His eyes go wide. “Right now?”
“Yeah. I mean, she’d find out at some point, right? Let’s just tell her now and get it over with.”
I can sense the apprehension rolling off him, and I get it. Telling her that we’re together is going to be a lot harder for him than for me. I don’t give a shit if she knows or if she’s pissed about it, but that’s his sister. I would imagine knowing he’s going to hurt her would be hard. If it were me and Hollis, would I forgive him? I’d like to think so, but regardless, this is a much bigger deal for Ash, and I want to be there for him. Make him feel better.
Unable to wait any longer to do this, I cover his lips with mine, swallowing his moan as my tongue licks into his mouth, rolling along his. We haven’t been able to do this all day, and fuck, how I’ve missed it. Ash’s hands fly up, gripping my sides as he tilts his head, letting me take the kiss deeper. With each brush of our tongues, I can feel the tension leave his body little by little, as if my touch alone wipes it all away.
And I love knowing that because it’s the same for me. Kissing Ash, being with him…it makes sense. Even if it was confusing at first, it feels right. Kissing him, tasting him, breathing him in, feels like something I’ve always been missing, but didn’t realize it until I found him. Until we found each other.
I want to tell him how I feel, want him to know that I’ve fallen in love with him, but I fight the urge because if I do it now, I’m afraid he’ll think I’m only saying it to make him feel better, and it’s so much more than that. My feelings for him are so much larger than both of us. But god, do I want to.
Soon. I have to tell him soon. I’m going to combust if I keep it in much longer.
I’m not sure how long we stand here, clinging to one another, but it’s long enough that the outside world fades away. In this moment, nobody else exists other than him and I. And maybe that’s how we miss it. Maybe it’s how we don’t hear the footsteps approaching until it’s too late.
“You have got to be fucking joking me.”
Violet’s shrill voice cuts through my mind, and I feel Ash freeze in my arms. He takes a step back, his eyes filled with panic.
Well, guess she’s finding out today, whether he likes it or not.