Chapter 33
Ash
M y heart drops into my gut as I turn my head and find my sister standing there, her brows furrowed and a scowl on her face.
Shit.
I’ve accepted that she was going to find out, but I’d planned to tell her gently. There’s nothing gentle about her catching me kissing her ex-boyfriend minutes after he rejected her. My chest is tight and constricting as my body stays frozen in place. I part my lips, meaning for words to come out, but I…don’t fucking know what to say.
I can feel the weight of Finn’s gaze on the side of my face. Not once has he looked over at Violet. I desperately want to look back at him, but I can’t. I’m stuck.
“Are either of you going to say something?” my sister snaps, planting her hand on her cocked hip. I know she’s been drinking tonight; I saw her throwing them back when we were all eating, a fact that’s probably not going to help the situation right now. Violet scoffs when neither of us responds. “Hello?”
“Violet…” I croak, my throat thick and my mouth dry. “This isn’t… I didn’t want you to find out like this.”
“Find out what?” she snaps, eyes narrowing into slits. “That you’re making out with my boyfriend behind my back?”
“I’m not your boyfriend,” Finn growls, finally shifting his gaze toward her, but she doesn’t listen.
“Is this the thanks I get for getting you this job?” she goes on. “What a shitty thing to do, Ash. No fucking wonder you’ve been distant. Feeling guilty much?”
Finn takes a step forward, positioning his body partially in front of mine like he’s trying to shield me. “Watch your fuckin’ mouth when you speak to him.”
Violet barks out a humorless laugh. “Oh, this is rich.” Crossing her arms over her chest, her gaze slices from me to him, and I can tell by the way she gives him a once-over, whatever she’s about to say isn’t going to be nice. “And since fucking when are you gay, Finn?”
Jesus Christ.
It’s not lost on me that this is the first time Finn’s having to face his sexuality in front of anybody besides me. His shoulders tense, and I wish I could see his face from where he’s standing so I can gauge how he’s handling it.
“Not that it’s any of your business, Violet,” he bites out, tone low and dangerous. “But bein’ with a man doesn’t automatically make me ‘ gay.’ I think the term you’re lookin’ for is bisexual. And my sexuality is none of your damn business.”
My sister’s eyes cut over to me. Oh, god. Bile rises in the back of my throat as my stomach twists painfully. “And exactly how fucking long has this been going on, Ash?”
“Violet, please…”
“Fuck you, Ash! Don’t ‘Violet, please,’ me. How long have you, my twin brother, been stabbing me in the back?”
My limbs are trembling, and my palms are sweating. I think I’m going to be sick. “It’s not like that!”
“Oh, yeah? Then explain it to me,” she bites out. “Explain how you aren’t stabbing me in the back like a piece-of-shit brother.”
“Watch it!” Finn roars, garnering the attention of people around us. “You don’t fuckin’ talk to him like that.”
Her gaze snaps to him, fury painting her features. “Who the fuck do you think you are, shouting at me like that? He’s my brother, and I’ll talk to him however I please.”
“No, the fuck you won’t.” Finn takes a calculated step toward her, but before he can say anything else, Gentry jogs over.
“What’s goin’ on over here?” he asks, flicking his gaze between the three of us. I want to disappear, to crawl into a hole and hide. This is so fucking embarrassing.
I wince as Violet huffs out a laugh. “What’s going on,” she starts, “is your son and his nanny are getting real fucking cozy.”
Gentry’s thick, dark brows furrow. “Ma’am, respectfully, what the hell are you talkin’ ’bout?”
Silently, I beg the universe or whatever god there is to keep her from answering that question. To have her drop it and leave instead. But of course, why would it be that easy?
“I’m talking about your son apparently fucking my brother.”
I knew it was coming, but hearing it come out of her mouth punches all the air from my lungs. My hand comes up, covering my mouth as I watch Gentry turn and look at his son, clearly caught off guard. A tense, uncomfortable moment passes between them before he returns his gaze to my sister.
“Alright, I think it’s ’bout time you leave,” he mutters.
“Excuse me?”
“You heard me. It’s time to call it a night and go home.”
Violet scoffs loudly, folding her arms over her chest. “You can’t do that.”
“Like hell I can’t,” Gentry bites out. “This is my goddamn property. Look, I’m sorry your feelings were hurt tonight, but I won’t tolerate you causin’ a scene and talkin’ to either of them that way. This ain’t the time nor place for this conversation. Now, I suggest ya leave before you embarrass yourself any more than you already have.”
My jaw hangs open as I listen to the giant, intimidating rancher stand up for not only his son, but me too.
Violet juts her chin out and narrows her gaze on him. “I’ve been drinking,” she mutters. “You really going to let a woman drive home under the influence?”
“No worries, darlin’,” Hollis cuts in, sauntering over from who knows where. “I’ll drive you home.”
Face screwed up, she glowers at him. “You absolutely will do no such thing.”
Hollis smirks, shoving his hands into his pockets. “Either that, or you can walk. Choice is on you, but you won’t be stayin’ here, so I suggest you make up your mind.”
My chest is tight as I attempt to fill my lungs with oxygen. This wasn’t how I was supposed to tell her. Head swimming and skin tingling, I spin on my heels and walk away, not waiting to hear what she decides. My heart hammers against my ribs, the thunderous beat reverberating through my whole body, and no amount of clutching my chest or deep breathing helps. I fold at the waist, hands going to my knees as the world spins. Footsteps pound behind me, the sound of leaves crunching somehow reaching my ears over the whooshing flooding my head.
A steady hand presses down on my shoulder, and I don’t have to look behind me to know it’s Finn. “Hey, breathe, baby.” His other hand comes up, rubbing soothing circles along my back. “It’s goin’ to be okay.”
No, I don’t think it is.
As if Violet catching us like this wasn’t bad enough, she outed Finn in front of everyone here. The minute she came over and raised her voice, everybody who was dancing stopped and came over to witness her out him. She had no right to do that, but she didn’t even hesitate, and now everyone knows. His family, the town folks who are still here, Tucker… Oh, god.
I stand up and spin, scanning the people surrounding us. Nausea churns in my gut. I will never forgive her—or myself—if Tucker finds out this way. “Where’s T-Tucker?” I ask, feeling like all my air is getting trapped in my throat.
“He’s not out here,” Finn assures me. Taking a step closer, he cups my cheek with his calloused palm. “I don’t see Tripp either, so I’m guessin’ Tripp took him somewhere when all the commotion started.” His green eyes hold mine as he adds, “He didn’t hear her.”
It’s like he somehow knows exactly where my mind went. I let out a breath I’d been holding as I nod. None of this is okay, but at least Tucker wasn’t a witness to the trainwreck. Chancing a look back over at the crowd, I notice Violet is missing, as is Hollis, meaning she must’ve agreed to let him take her home. I should’ve tried to talk to her more before she left, should’ve tried harder, but if I know anything about Violet, she wouldn’t hear a thing I said tonight. When she’s pissed off, nothing anyone says will make any difference. It would be better for both of us if I give her space and let her cool down before I try, even if that goes against every fiber of my being.
“Let’s get you home,” Finn offers, his voice gruff but quiet.
“But the party…”
“Screw the party.” With his hand on the small of my back, Finn guides me toward his truck. Once he gets me situated on the seat, he closes the door and saunters to Gentry. I don’t know what exactly he’s telling him, but whatever it is, Gentry’s gaze cuts over to me before he looks back at his son and squeezes his shoulder with a nod. Behind the wheel, Finn starts the ignition and takes off toward the house. He reaches over, interlacing his fingers with mine, and the contrast between my soft hand and the roughness of his sends a flurry of goosebumps all over my body.
The drive from Gentry’s to Finn’s doesn’t take but a few minutes, but neither of says anything the whole time. My mind won’t quiet down, and all I can think about is how Violet so disrespectfully outed Finn, and how this is probably too much for him. He’s figuring out who he is, exploring this new side of himself, and I’m sure the last thing he needs is the entire town knowing his dirty laundry.
Pulling up to the house, he puts the truck in park and turns it off, but I don’t make a move to get out. My chest is constricting and it’s hard to breathe. The skin tingling feeling from before comes back with a vengeance as words tumble out of my mouth before I have a chance to even know what I’m saying.
“I love my job, love Tucker more than I can fathom, but I completely understand if everything that’s happened is too much or too real for you. I understand if you want to break it off with me, if you want to fire me and find someone with less baggage. I wouldn’t fault you for that, Finn.” I turn my head, meeting dark, wild eyes and thick, furrowed brows, and as his lips part to say something, I cut him off before he can. “I should go. Should stay somewhere else for the night, or maybe for a while, until you can figure out what you want to do. I can give you space.”
My hand is on the doorknob and I’m outside in the next breath, already starting toward the stairs. I can vaguely hear Finn’s door slamming shut.
“I’ll pack a bag, then be out of your hair.”
He stops me with a tight hand around my forearm, forcing me to spin around and face him. “Absolutely not,” he growls. “You’re not goin’ anywhere but inside that house with me. In no world am I about to let you leave when you’re this upset and spend an entire night alone. You’re out of ya mind if you think I would do that.”
“Finn…” His name falls off my lips, cracked and quiet. Barely a whisper.
Shaking his head tersely, his hand slides down, fingers linking with mine again as he says, “No. Get that outta your head. You’re comin’ inside with me, end of story.”
I go to argue or insist, but the words die in my throat as Finn turns, walking up the steps, his grip on my hand tight enough that I couldn’t get away even if I wanted to. Once inside, hand still holding mine, he leads me into the ensuite in his room. Leaving me to stand with my arms hanging heavy at my sides, he turns on the shower. My heart’s in my throat, witnessing the care and gentleness he uses as he undresses me; the concern and the affection swimming in his gaze as he does so is staggering.
“Get in,” he rasps once I’m fully naked, his hand cupping my face, thumb brushing along my cheek. “I’ll be right behind you.”
Feet remaining frozen in place, I shake my head. “I don’t think we… Not tonight. Not after what happened.”
Finn presses his lips to my forehead, his scent surrounding me and filling my lungs. “That’s not what this is, baby. Now, get in, please.”
The water is hot and soothing, cascading down my back as I wrap my arms around myself. It doesn’t take but a minute before Finn joins me. His arms surround my body, holding me tightly for a few minutes before he begins washing me. First, my hair, tilting my head back enough to let the water drench it before he massages shampoo through the strands. His touch is gentle, and the intimacy in this moment has thick emotion clogging my throat.
Once he rinses all the suds out, he grabs his navy-blue loofah from where it’s hanging on the wall, drizzling a decent amount of his body wash onto it before bringing it to my body. He’s intentional as he cleans every inch. When he kneels to wash my legs and feet, he ignores my semi bobbing in his face, and he continues to ignore it when it comes time to wash my groin and my butt.
That’s not what this is. His words circle my mind and wrap around me like a warm hug. Tears prick the backs of my eyes, my heart thudding against my ribs, watching this rugged, grumpy cowboy take care of me, knowing what I need even when I don’t. Once he’s finished washing the soap off my body, he turns the faucet off and rests a steadying hand on the small of my back as we climb out. Wrapping me up in one of the softest, plushiest towels I’ve ever felt, he hugs me again, pressing a kiss to the top of my head.
Not bothering with clothes, he flicks off the light switch before we climb under the covers. As he pulls me into his chest, he begins threading his fingers through my messy, unbrushed hair while his other hand rubs along my back. It doesn’t take long for the tears to spill over and run down my cheek, soaking his warm, fuzzy chest. If he can tell I’m crying, he doesn’t say anything, and I’m grateful for that. Mostly because I’m not sure what has me crying more; Violet finding out, and the scene she caused, or the way I feel so safe and loved in his arms.
This feels different from any other time we’ve cuddled. It feels far more intimate than anything sexual we’ve done. My chest feels cracked open, heart exposed, and instead of panic at the vulnerability, I feel nothing but overwhelmingly safe. I feel protected and taken care of. I feel cared for. And even if nothing ends up being okay in the end, even if my sister never forgives me, and even if my whole world just imploded before my eyes, at least I’m able to feel the warmth settle in my bones in the comfort of Finn’s arms.
He has me, truly has me, and I’ve never felt a sense of security like this before.