Chapter 7 #4
“Easy, Toby,” said Jake’s voice in his ear, warm and fucked-out.
“Easy, take some slow, deep breaths.” Jake rested one hand over Toby’s chest, then reached across the table to snag a water bottle and bring it to Toby’s lips.
Toby swallowed, more liquid pouring over his mouth than actually entering it.
Laughing, Jake leaned down and kissed him.
When they came up for air, Toby laughed shakily. “Oh my God,” he said with the next breath he drew.
“You were fucking amazing,” Jake told him. “Just perfect, and so hot. I’m so fucking lucky to have you.”
Toby laughed a little more wildly, as he still did every time Jake said that. Jake shifted, turning onto his side, and with a jolt Toby realized Jake’s fingers were still in him. Mouth falling open, Toby stared at him for a minute before he was able to speak. “What—”
Jake smirked. Leaning close to Toby, he whispered, “Withdrawal’s one of the most important parts. Wanted you to be awake for it.” He slowly drew out both fingers.
Toby let out a half-groan, half-gasp at the ache left behind. It throbbed, not painfully, but a reminder of what was no longer filling him. “Fuck. Jake?”
Jake kissed him. “Yeah?”
“That was . . . incredible.”
Jake’s shoulders shook with laughter and, Toby was pretty sure, a little relief. “Yeah, I did try to tell you.”
“Can we do it again? Soon?”
Jake grinned, and the glimmer in his eyes was all the answer Toby needed.
* * *
That first experience with fingering had been nothing like Toby had expected and better than he could have ever imagined.
Likewise, nothing could have prepared Toby for the mind-blowing pleasure that was three of Jake’s fingers twisting inside him, while Jake’s mouth wrapped around his cock, sucking him with single-minded determination.
Toby twisted and arched his back, unable to maintain a rhythm or keep himself still, but Jake moved with him, laughed around Toby’s cock, and pushed in again.
He was fucking Toby with his fingers, and as soon as Toby connected the words and action and idea, that was it and that was all.
Climax hit him hard and beautifully, sweeping away any self-restraint or self-possession he had remaining.
He wasn’t entirely certain if he actually passed out.
All he knew was that when he next opened his eyes with awareness, Jake was wiping himself up with a handful of tissues.
Toby recognized the flush of his cheeks and slightly unfocused gaze, and for a minute he felt unable to believe the evidence before him: Jake had come while finger-fucking and sucking Toby off. He had gotten off doing that.
“Jake,” Toby said, and Jake lifted his head. “I’m ready. I want you to fuck me.”
Jake stared at him, before his mouth turned up in a grin. He leaned across Toby to kiss him deep.
“You gotta tell me at the start next time, not the end.”
* * *
It might hurt, Jake had warned him. They would both be slicked up, but there was no getting around the difference between Jake’s fingers and his cock.
Toby didn’t care. They had opened a door he’d been terrified of, but what he discovered on the other side was something he couldn’t have imagined in his wildest dreams: the all-consuming, euphoric sensation of Jake inside of him.
From the moment Jake’s finger had first penetrated him, Toby had become obsessed.
Not every moment was euphoric—some had a lot of discomfort and required steady breathing to get through—but what Toby couldn’t get enough of was trusting Jake to make it good and never being disappointed.
He loved putting himself in Jake’s hands as never before and trusting him to take on what had scared Toby speechless for as long as he could remember.
Instead of pain, terror, and the degradation Toby had always associated with penetration, Jake transformed it into something so fucking good that Toby couldn’t form the words to tell him.
That should have been no surprise; after all, Jake had been doing that for him in one way or another since the day he’d gotten Toby out.
Now Toby wanted more. Even if it brought the pain he’d always anticipated, he thought it might still be worth it, just to know afterward that Jake had been fully inside of him, his cock sheathed in Toby, and that it would feel good to Jake.
And Toby found it hard to worry when he’d gotten so fucking addicted to the prep, to the glide of Jake’s fingers working inside him.
They tried a new position this time: Toby straddling Jake’s lap, facing him so they breathed into each other’s mouths, setting the pace as he worked himself up and down on Jake’s fingers like every slutty thing he’d ever been told he was.
There was no shame now, just Jake’s wondering eyes and breathy encouragement, occasional hisses urging him on.
Jake, as always, broke and remade all the rules defining Toby’s world.
“I want you,” Toby said again, pushing his hips down to Jake’s knuckles, reveling in the feel of three of Jake’s fingers deep inside him, pressure and pleasure wrapped together until it was hard to think of anything else.
He grabbed the bottle of lube beside them on the bed, squeezed some of the gel into his hand, and wrapped it around Jake’s cock, hard and jutting between them.
Jake groaned, his eyelids fluttering shut. “Fuck, Toby. Fuck. Sure you’re ready, baby?”
“Yes.” Toby ground his hips forward, rubbing his cock along Jake’s.
Jake wrapped his arm around Toby’s back and flipped them over, Toby’s back to the mattress and his legs around Jake’s waist. Jake pulled back slightly to rip open the condom he had set beside the lube, sliding it down his dick with a quick, practiced move.
Toby felt the heavy, blunt weight of Jake’s cockhead against his hole, as Jake’s hot, breathy voice found his ear. “Breathe out—” and as Toby did, Jake breached him.
Toby breathed through it, and he could hear Jake’s ragged gasps in his ear. He knew at least that he was still there, still present in a way that mattered, even if the pressure of Jake’s cock was nothing like his fingers. But Jake wasn’t here to hurt him.
Jake was, in fact, holding himself almost completely still, their foreheads touching, and that was no good.
“Move,” Toby gasped.
Jake dragged his cheek along Toby’s before lifting his head to look Toby in the eye. “Need me to pull out?” The words came out in a tumble, difficult to separate.
“No, just—move, move like you did your fingers, c’mon.” That was the only way this could feel good, he knew that much, and the only chance of Jake hitting that sweet spot. “You gotta fuck me, Jake.”
Jake cursed, lifting himself up on his hands, and began to move in shallow, slow thrusts. Toby measured his breathing, focusing on relaxing his body, moving his hips to meet Jake’s.
“Fuck, Toby—”
“I want you,” Toby repeated, the desperate need making his voice throaty. “C’mon, Jake. Wanna feel you—” He gasped as Jake sank another inch into him.
This was it. Jake was finally fucking him, and the old crawling fear of the unknown, of someone else, was falling away, collapsing into nothing.
What was happening now between him and Jake was real, and Toby couldn’t help the whine in his throat as he locked his arm around Jake’s neck and shoulders.
They moved together in a rough rhythm, Jake’s hips canting into him.
Toby wrapped a leg around Jake’s waist as he arched up, needing more.
Jake caught his hand, locking their fingers together as he pressed it into the bed.
Their bodies were tangled together in a closeness strange and wild, slick skin meeting on each thrust, but as his climax neared, Toby felt the headiest triumph he’d ever known.
Like the vastness of the ocean, the power in this intimacy and moment was more than he could comprehend, but it filled him with that same endless awe, the knowledge that there was good in the world, and he and Jake had seized a piece of it for themselves.
Each thrust drove him higher, each panted breath mingled with Jake’s a reminder that he was not in this moment alone, never alone again if either of them had anything to say about it.
This was the realest moment that Toby had ever experienced. In that final moment, crashing into pleasure with Jake still buried inside him, he knew that no one could ever take this away.