13. Tessa
13
Tessa
H e’s almost out the door but I can’t let him go. Not with defeat like that on his face. I can’t keep hurting him, not when all I want to do is rush into his arms. I have to think of something to make him stay, so I blurt out the first thing that comes to mind. It just so happens to be the truth.
“It’s a game I’ve been playing.” He stops, but doesn’t turn. “The offering. I put it back.”
His head swivels to look at me over his shoulder and he nods in relief. “Thank you.”
“No, I mean I put it back. Every time I do it.”
“Every time?”
“I come back in the morning and put it back where I found it.” I can't meet his eyes. “I don’t want to get anyone in trouble. I just want to…feel.”
“You’ve done this before?” I can’t tell from his puzzled expression whether he wants to get away from my brand of crazy quickly or for me to explain further.
“A few times.”
“Why do you do it?”
I take a deep breath. “You know how I feel restless being home?”
Beau shrugs. “Yeah, you’re antsy, like Shep.” He turns around and I feel a little lighter. That’s a start.
“Yeah, but it’s more than that. Nothing changes here. It’s exactly the same. Every. Single. Day. And I hate it.”
As honest as Beau is, he expects it of everyone else, but telling him the truth is terrifying. I’ve never been this open with him. Hell, I haven’t even told Peyton what I’m about to tell him. But offering him this secret is about the only thing that’ll take the pained expression off his face. And I put it there, so it’s only fair.
“Since I came home, I’ve been doing things. Small things,” I clarify, “that will shake up the consistency. Stupid things, really. I’ve been reckless for the hell of it because I’m fucking bored here.”
He sits in one of the chairs in front of the desk and my eyes are drawn to his strong forearms where he’s rolled his sleeves up in the heat. When I gather enough courage to look him in the eye, I wish I hadn’t. His eyebrows are drawn and I’d give anything for him not to be so disappointed in me.
“What kinds of things?” he asks.
It’s my turn to shrug. “I have a whole list, how stupid is that?”
“That’s why you were naked at the pond, isn’t it? So someone could catch you?”
“Someone did catch me.” He makes a face and looks away. “I know you think it’s childish. And it is, but now I can’t stop.”
“You’re lucky it was me that caught you.” He shakes his finger at me and for once I relish the little spark of irritation. His reproach lights me up.
“I don’t regret it. The thrill of that alone lasted me a week. I remembered one day how I caught you stealing from the offering plate when we were little. You remember? We both got in trouble. But then a few weeks ago, I thought, what if I do it? Will anyone catch me? Will they care? I mean, of course, they would, right? That would certainly shake things up. For sweet, little Tessa Jennings to be caught stealing from the church. Her parents must be so disappointed. ”
Beau is silent, staring at me like he wants to crack open my brain and take a look inside. Sometimes I wish he could figure me out so I’d know what’s wrong with me. I look out the window to avoid his heavy eyes.
“Are you trying to give them a reason to hate you as much as you hate this town?”
How does he hit right to the heart of the matter every time? He’s more observant than anyone gives him credit for. They see his jokes and his lopsided grin, but he sees everything else.
“You’re not all good looks, McAbee. Something is going on in that pretty head of yours after all.”
His eyes harden and he stands. I think he’ll leave, insulted, but he stalks closer with his hands in his pockets. His face comes so close to mine, I can see the stubble from where he shaved this morning. Beau’s thumb comes to rest in the center of my bottom lip and my breath stalls in my throat. Menacing isn’t a look of his I’m used to, but a small pang of fear runs straight between my legs.
He steps impossibly closer, nudging my legs apart with his. “We need to break you of this bad habit.”
“And how do we do that?” I whisper, caught in his spell.
“You want to feel alive, Tess? That’s why you’re doing all this?” He stares straight into my soul. I nod and swallow, looking straight back at him. “I thought so. So we’re going to end this here and now. No more stupid risks.” He leans forward and his breath fans across my earlobe. Butterflies swoop around in my stomach, dragging their wings just low enough to excite me. “Not unless I’m in on them.”
My head turns toward him sharply. It was unexpected, but my heart’s leaping at the thought. After a moment, I breathe, “No.” I can’t be crazy enough to let Beau McAbee in on my little secret, can I?
“You want to do something dangerous? Cause trouble? Good. Because I’m always down for trouble. Turn around.”
My voice shakes with barely concealed excitement. “What are you going to do?”
“Give you what you deserve. Now bend over the desk and lose the church-girl skirt.”
“What?” My limbs go loose and it’s an effort to stay standing. He waits casually with his hands in the pockets of his khaki pants. When I don’t move, he inclines his head and motions at the desk. Ordering me to get to it. “Anyone could walk in,” I say, stalling.
“That’s the risk you run, isn’t it?” I almost roll my eyes out of habit, but his fingers grip my chin, hard. “Don’t push me, Tess. I’m barely hanging on as it is. Now bend over or I’ll tell Reverend Harris what you’ve been doing with the offering. And I doubt his punishment will be as enjoyable as mine.”
What is he doing to me? The need to obey is taking over my whole body, but it’s still Beau, I remind myself. I can’t make it too easy for him. I turn slowly so as not to seem too eager and do as he says. Thankfully, there’s not much on the desk so I lay on my stomach between the two plates that got me into this mess.
I look over my shoulder and raise an eyebrow. “Well?”
He was staring at my ass, but at my question, he moves over me. Planting his hands on either side of mine, he pushes into me from behind and I can feel how hard he is between the layers of our clothes. It’s impressive. Thick and heavy against my backside. How is it that I used to find him revolting and now all I can think about is getting his clothes off? I haven’t been able to think of anything but him all week.
“Skirt, Tess,” he whispers against the shell of my ear.
His gruff voice has me trembling. I know it and he knows it. But suddenly, there’s cool air where he’s backed up and I would do just about anything to have him pressing me down again.
This is crazy . I’ve gone insane. Our parents, our friends, are still right outside. I can hear the buzzing of their chatter. Any minute, someone’s going to come around the corner and find us here. That thought should terrify me enough to get me off this desk. I should slap the audacity out of Beau and go home to Sunday dinner.
But we both know that’s not what I’m going to do.
Instead, I reach shaky hands behind me and pull. The silky fabric of my skirt slides up slowly, baring the backs of my legs and finally, my ass to him an inch at a time. I wiggle my hips until it’s bunched around my middle. I want to sneak a peek back at him so badly. The anticipation is killing me.
“Promise you’ll stop unless I’m with you.” I nod as best I can against the tabletop. “Words,” he orders.
“I’ll stop,” I say, a little ashamed of how quickly I agreed.
“Tess,” he growls.
Hearing his voice become so stern, I’m caught between wanting to simultaneously obey and disobey. Maybe I am the brat he’s always said I was. “I promise.”
Beau’s fingers come down on either side of my hips and he smooths the skin with his thumbs. It’s so quiet in the room, I can hear myself breathing raggedly. One of his big hands rubs my ass while the other holds me in place by my hip. He nudges my feet apart and I gasp. Is he going to fuck me right here? I should be afraid, but excitement about the wrongness of this moment leaves me giddy and breathless.I’m still thinking about it, trying to convince myself I don’t want this when a sharp slap makes me jump. I suck in a gasp and my fingers tighten on the wood. Beau McAbee just spanked me.
And I want him to do it again.
He purrs, “Be as loud as you want. You want someone to hear you, don’t you?”
I do. I really, really do, but I can’t tell him because my mouth doesn’t work. It’s too dry, though I can’t say the same for the rest of me. He delivers another slap, harder this time and I have to bite my lip to keep from crying out.
“That’s for skinny-dipping.”
Another punishing blow, this time on the other cheek. My hips wiggle against the wood, searching for friction that isn’t there.
“That’s for getting yourself caught.”
The spankings hurt and something tells me he intends for them to, but while my ass is starting to ache, my clit is steadily throbbing in time to my heart. I’ve never been treated so roughly before.
“This is for doing it without me.”
I try to think of all the things he knows, tallying the slaps he’ll give me in my head, but the sting of the next one steals my breath. He follows it quickly with one more to the other side and I’m grinding my pubic bone against the desk. I don’t know where the next blow is going to land, but I have the insane hope that he’ll strike a little closer to center, a little further down next time.
“Those two are for stealing.”
I’m past caring about how obscene this is. How deliciously wrong. I arch my back for him and everything feels slippery when I move, but the blow doesn’t come. After a few seconds of longing, I feel his lips on me. His barely-there stubble rasps against my sore skin and I feel myself grow wetter from the anticipation of his fingers, his mouth, or his cock touching me next.
“This one’s for playing with my heart.”
The softest tap lands against my cheek and all the breath I’m holding whooshes out as his words register.
No , I think. No, no, no, no, no.
He pulls my skirt down gently, careful to avoid the stinging handprints he’s left. I feel his absence before I hear his boots thump on the polished wood floor. And from farther away, like he’s moved out into the hall, he calls, “Come find me when you think it over.”
I stay there for a long time after he leaves, too stunned to move. My mouth feels sticky and thick with shame, but the sad part is, it’s not for any of what just happened.
He was right. He gave me everything I deserved.
My ass is bruised, but so is my heart. Beau has left me alone since the incident in church. No text, no calls. He doesn’t even look my way when I see him around town. I know what he’s doing. He’s going to make me come to him. Arrogant ass. I’m pissed because he knows I can’t resist the curiosity. But I’m even more annoyed I didn’t think of it first. Why shouldn’t he help me with the list? Beau’s a lot of things, but boring isn’t one of them. And I can’t deny that it would be fun to get into a little trouble with him. Hell, he might even come up with better ways to cause a stir.
But it’s his parting words that have me hesitating. The look on his face as he was yelling at me. Even if I say yes, it’s an apology first. He’s owed that much. After we kissed that first time, I’ve craved being near him as much as he does me. Thoughts of how I treated him on the porch, at the fair, and after Anna have been haunting me ever since he walked out of the office.
If I agree to not doing anymore stupid shit without him, there won’t be anymore back and forth. I’ll have to let him in. I’ll have to be all in. It’s not fair to jerk him around and even I can see the way I’m hot one minute and cold the next is damn near impossible to follow. He doesn’t deserve that, not when I’m the one who started this in the first place.
Maybe I shouldn’t have told him anything. I’ve gone over and over how different things would be if I had let him walk out of that room. He’d be so much better off if I went back to ignoring him, but I can’t ignore the new side of himself he showed me. I can’t forget how domineering he was as he pinned me to the desk. How hot it was to have him take control. Nope. I don’t regret it one bit.
When I walk into Hal’s Bar and Grill, Beau is sitting with the guys around a table in the corner. Thankfully, Beau and Nathan going off to college didn’t alter their routine much because they weren't hard to find. I’m trying to put on a brave face, but this is more terrifying than all the stupid things I’ve been doing lately.
Hal’s is small, so when the bell rings over the door, everyone hears it. I take a few steps inside and spot them immediately, but Jesse’s face makes me pause. He and Connor exchange a look and my stomach bottoms out. Great. They were talking about me. I can’t imagine they’re happy to see me here. Surely, Beau has told them something about our…encounter. I steel myself against the nerves fluttering in my stomach, but the side of their booth appears too quickly.
“Speak of the devil,” Connor says, smiling.
“Hey guys. How are y'all doing?” I push my hair behind one ear nervously and throw a quick glance at Beau, but he stares straight ahead.
Jesse turns to me. “Hey, Tessa. We were just–” He’s interrupted by a swift smack to the chest from Connor.
Nathan inclines his head and covers for his friend. “Are you here for dinner? We can make room. Get lost, Jesse.” He hooks a thumb over his shoulder.
“Hey!” Jesse frowns.
“No no, that’s okay,” I answer quickly. “I was actually looking for Beau. Can I talk to you for a minute?”
He doesn’t answer immediately, making everyone uncomfortable in the silence while my eyes bore into the side of his face. When Nathan elbows him, he says softly, “We’re a little busy here.”
So he’s going to make this harder than I expected. Ok. I guess I deserve that. Do I want him bad enough to humble myself in front of all his friends? I guess so. I plaster on what I hope is a polite smile. “Fine,” I say. “In that case, I will pull up a chair. Are you sure you have room?”
I look around the table and everyone but Beau nods. Nathan slides out of the booth to get me a chair. Beau’s blue eyes are stormy, but he stands before Nathan comes back. “I’ll see you guys later,” he says to the table.
The three of them agree and say goodbye while I stand awkwardly beside their table. He motions for me to walk ahead of him.
I smile. “Bye, guys.”
When we’re out on the street. He keeps walking and I have to pick up the pace to walk at his side. “So. I haven’t heard from you in a while,” I offer.
“Come to beg?” The smugness of his tone has me gritting my teeth before I remember why I went looking for him.
“I’ve been thinking.”
“Good for you,” he says shortly.
“And they say I’m stubborn,” I mutter, stopping on the sidewalk.
He doesn’t notice for a few steps, gets ahead of me and then whirls around. “What do you want, Tess? Have you come to say you’re in or are you here to toy with me some more?”
My head drops as a resigned sigh escapes. “I actually came to apologize. Can we go somewhere to talk?”
He blinks in disbelief, like that was the last thing he expected me to say. “Sure, my Jeep is…”
“Over there,” I point. “I know because I asked after you at the grove and when you weren’t there, I came into town. I spotted it at Hal’s.”
“Are you stalking me?” he asks with the ghost of a grin.
“Nope. Just making a fool of myself. Everyone can tell I was looking for you.”
“You mean everyone knows you want me.”
I roll my eyes and he grins. Finally. “Can we just go already?”
“Sure. Come on.”
We walk across the street in silence and he puts himself between me and the cars, holding out a hand unconsciously. He probably doesn’t even notice, but the gesture tugs at my heart. “After the way I acted, I thought you might let me get run over.”
He pulls a disgusted face, as if the thought of harm coming to me is abhorrent. “You know me better than that.”
“Maybe not. You didn’t tell the guys about us.”
“How do you know I didn’t?”
“They think the sun rises and sets out of your ass,” I tell him haughtily. He smirks and I say more softly, “If you’d told them, they’d hate me and they didn’t seem mad.”
We come to his car and he walks around to my side, opening the door for me like it’s second nature. When I sit, he regards me seriously. “It’s none of their business. What happened in church was between you and me, Firecracker. Just like everything else.”
He shuts the door and rounds the car, but he called me Firecracker again. I bite down on my smile. Not yet, Tessa. Not yet.