22. Shep
22
Shep
T his is the first time I’ve seen the two of them as a couple. As excited as I am to see Beau, I underestimated how excited I would be to see Tessa too. And what it would do to me.
When they push through the doors to the arrivals area, they don’t immediately spot me and I have a chance to watch them together. Even freshly off a two-hour plane ride, Tessa looks beautiful and relaxed. She’s wearing a pink, cutoff sweatshirt with the strap of a small bag between her breasts. Every place I look is better than the last. My eyes trail down her high-waisted workout pants and the small ring of her waist. Her curvy hips in the tight, black fabric and the tennis shoes that give her a few inches of height.
Beau swats her ass playfully when she bends to pick something up and she laughs as he turns his hat backwards to kiss her cheek. They say something I’ll never hear to each other and the happiness radiating from both of them makes a muscle in my jaw clench. I’m planning on ignoring these simple interactions all weekend, but my muscles are already tense from the effort.
Tessa shields her eyes with a hand and finally spots me. She waves and motions for Beau to follow her to my truck in the pickup line.
“Hey little brother. Tessa,” I say when they reach me.
Beau throws their suitcases in the bed and tries to give Tessa the passenger seat beside me, but she crawls into the back instead.
“You been waiting long?”
“Nah, just a month or two,” I tell her. When she looks confused, Beau chimes in.
“He tried to get me to come back here with him last time he was home. After the fair.” He turns in the seat to talk to her. “I didn’t want to leave Dad during the harvest. You know how he gets.”
“Bullshit,” I cut in with a grin and hook a thumb towards the back seat. “You didn’t want to leave her.”
“Yeah, that too.” He smiles back at her before turning around to me. “So howya been?”
“Good, man. Good. Just playing and waiting. The game’s tomorrow.”
“The Tornadoes haven’t said anything?”
“Not yet. They’ve sent final scouts out to Sinclair and I the last few games, but a decision hasn’t been made yet.”
“You’ll get it. You know you will,” Tessa pipes up from the backseat. I grin at her in the rear view and she adjusts the ponytail high on her head. “Who are you playing tomorrow?”
“Grizzlies,” Beau answers for me. “No worries there, they’re playing like trash this season.”
“You been keeping up with farm team scores?” I ask him, a bit surprised.
“Of course I have,” he says, like I should know better than to ask. “If it concerns you, yeah.”
Beau’s a trouble maker, but he loves hard and he’s never made a secret of how much he loves his family. We’ve never had much of a sibling rivalry, that’s why my feelings for Tessa are so confusing. I cover the emotion by knocking his hat off to ruffle his hair.
“Hey!” He shrugs towards the window and I pull away from the curb.
“I had no idea Houston was this pretty,” Tessa says as she spins in a circle, taking in the view of the city from the top of the stadium.
“And this is just the ballpark,” I tell her.
I brought her up here at just the right time. I can’t wait to surprise her with this. She’s got this adorable, wide-eyed look like she can’t take it all in fast enough. “Yeah, but look!” She points at the skyline in the late afternoon sun. “You don’t see that every day.”
I turn my head where she’s looking and wish I could see it through her eyes. I can admit after living here for a few years that I’m probably a little jaded. When I first got to the city, everything looked new and shiny the way I’m sure she sees it, but now the allure’s faded. Traveling with the team is what excites me more than anything.
Being on the road, going all the time keeps me moving, feeling like I’m doing something with my life. It helps me shake off the restlessness that constantly creeps up when I’m home. I hate feeling stagnant and that’s what I am in Pelahatchie. No forward motion, no growth, like I’m living the same exact life everyone who’s ever been born there has lived for hundreds of years.
The only thing that got me through my teen years, before baseball gave me a reason to leave, was Beau. It’s impossible to be restless around him. Whenever I go home to Georgia, I invite him back with me. He talks endlessly, but it keeps me out of my head and grounded. The way he makes everyone laugh keeps the focus off me.
Tonight, I’m taking them to a few bars downtown, but Tessa wanted to see the stadium first. I’m glad she asked because the view from the nosebleeds is something I’ve been dying to show her. That’s one thing that hasn’t lost its luster. The sunset from up here is unreal. They spent millions on this complex and this view beats out any other attraction the city has to offer. The sky is awash with shades of orange and pink and it stretches for miles. Texas has an endless kind of sky and I know she’ll appreciate it as much as I do.
When I glance at her, a frown creases Tessa’s forehead before she catches me looking and covers it up with a smile.
“Come on, tourists. I want to shower before we head out,” Beau calls from a few rows down. He’s sunning himself on one of the benches, laid out on his back with his eyes closed. He sits up and I turn back around to find the silver skyscrapers just beginning to turn gold.
“Just a little longer. She’s gotta see this.”
“Come on, Shep, I’m starving. Can we just go already?”
“Come on.” Tessa holds out a hand to me and I take it. “You know how he gets. I’m sure you have great seats for us tomorrow, but I might sneak up here and look at the view of the city some more.” She pulls me down the steps behind her.
“You gotta get out of town more often.” I hide my disappointment with a smirk.
She laughs as we make it to Beau’s row. “You’re telling me.”
“Telling you what?” He lifts his sunglasses to peer one-eyed at us.
“How ridiculous it was of you to bring her. When she sees me play, she’s gonna forget all about you.”
I don’t joke often but having my little brother in the same place again brings it out, even if it’s only for a few days. It’s fun to ruffle Beau’s feathers, especially about her. And as long as he’s been into her, I have plenty of practice.
“Fuck you,” he laughs.
When he stands, he reaches for her and gives her a quick kiss. There’s a pang of irritation I try hard not to think about as I lead the way down the stairs and they follow.
“I don’t know, Beau. He’s got a point,” Tessa teases.
That’s my girl.
The thought pops up out of nowhere, but deep down, I wish it were true.
We took it easy tonight, I reflect as I’m laying in bed later. Beau usually drinks himself stupid when he visits. I don’t blame him because working for my dad, he doesn’t get a chance to cut loose that often. But tonight was something else.
I had more fun than I’ve had in a long time. It had everything to do with Tessa going out with us. She looked incredible tonight. She’s stunning no matter what she wears, but beneath the city lights, she’s a whole different person. Bubbly and charming, but loose in a new way. Carefree.
If I had to hazard a guess, I’d say it’s probably because nobody knows her here. It’s easy to be who you want when no one is holding you to any kind of standard. At least that’s how it was for me when I moved away. Out from under the watchful eyes of people you’ve known your whole life, you can act however you please. Be whomever you please. She took full advantage while we were out and I couldn’t keep my eyes off her.
We went from bar to bar, stopping at any place that had live music and the farther we went, the brighter she became. She danced at every place, sometimes before we had even fully gotten in the door. She’d make her way to the floor while Beau and I ordered drinks or stood watching her. It didn’t matter what was playing, she moved and flowed like she was powerless against the pull of the music. Sometimes it was enough for her to move by herself, but more often than not, she pulled both of us out to dance with her.
It’s easy between us, comfort born from long friendship, but she’s always been flirty with me. It’s been a part of her personality for as long as I can remember. It never mattered that I was older or that she was my little sister’s best friend, there’s always been a casual attraction there. But now that they’re together, I expected that to change. Halfway through the night, I was utterly surprised when it didn’t.
While I was worried about whether I’d have to stop kissing her on the cheek or reaching for her hand during a song, it didn’t stop her. She went right along touching me the way she always has. Her dancing in my arms or us squeezed together in small, corner booths seemed to have no effect on Beau at all. She effortlessly looped me into their relationship. Like we were both hers.
I don’t like to be in situations where I don’t know the rules, but perhaps there are no rules with them. Warning bells go off in my mind as they do every time I realize I’m overthinking.
Turning on my side, I try to quiet my mind and clear all thoughts of her so I can get some rest, but I’m startled by a noise that sounds like a cry. A few moments pass and I think I must have imagined it when I hear it again. My heart sinks because I know exactly what that sound was.
Beau and Tessa.
My apartment isn’t huge. The two bedrooms are right next to each other and I’ll be able to hear them through the wall if they get any louder. I wince at the distaste coating my tongue. There’s nothing wrong with them having sex, but I can’t lay here and listen to it. I’m not going to fight my jealousy each time I hear her panting. If she moans his fucking name and I have to hear it, I’m going to break something.
Fuck this, I think as I fling off the covers. Maybe if I turn the TV up loud enough, it’ll drown out the thoughts that are burrowing under my skin. My room is at the very end of the hall and as I stalk past on the way to the living room, I catch a glimpse of skin. Did they really leave the door open? Jesus Christ. Are they trying to taunt me?
I stop just past the door because I hear Beau’s voice. I can’t make out what he’s saying, but Tessa’s answering laugh is breathy and sensual. I swear I try to make my feet move in the opposite direction, but the pull is so strong, it’s like I’m being dragged behind a semi-truck. It’s so wrong, but I have to know.
When I peer through the crack, at first all I can see is Beau’s back rising above her. But as he moves, the blanket slips and a shapely, tanned leg hooks around his hips. I can tell he’s inside her by the way he keeps sinking his hips down slowly as they kiss.
They’re quiet, but their breathing has picked up and small noises keep coming from Tessa, though I can’t see much more than her legs and her pretty, red-painted toes. My dick aches in my shorts, hard enough to bust through a brick wall, but I force myself not to touch it. I can’t. I’m punishing myself because this is so wrong, but goddamn, the same semi couldn’t rip me away from their door.
All of a sudden, they switch positions and I’m rewarded with a sight that’ll be burned into my brain forever. Tessa rolls on top of Beau and presses him flat underneath her. She reaches back to pull the covers around her hips, but every beautiful inch of her body is on display, silhouetted in the light from the window. The curves of her full breasts, the waist I cannot stop thinking about. When she puts her hands on his chest and begins to move on him, I almost lose it in the hallway. I have to bite back a groan of frustration and look away to get my shit together.
I hear more from Beau on the other side of the wall than I do Tessa and when I sneak another peek, it’s her picture-perfect ass I see first. The way she rides him has made the sheets gather underneath her and she moves harder with every whispered word of encouragement. I catch him calling her his “good girl” as his hands caress up her sides.
She continues to bounce, but her head drops back on a moan and I have to move or risk her catching me watching them like a creep from the doorway. I don’t know how, but I tear myself away and move down the hall.
In the kitchen, I grab a water bottle and chug it as I try to get my heart rate to slow down. I’m hot and itchy, angry and frustrated, still sporting a ridiculous erection in the darkened room.
What the hell is wrong with me?
I must have fallen asleep on the couch because I wake to Tessa uncapping her own water bottle on the other side of the small breakfast bar.
Our eyes meet and after she takes a sip, she winces. “Sorry. Didn’t mean to wake you.”
I clear my throat and sit up. “It’s fine. Beau awake too?”
“No, he’s passed out cold.”
She doesn’t seem edgy, so I doubt she saw me earlier, but something seems off. She seems sad. She comes around the bar and sits on the couch with me, the light from the TV illuminating her face. I pass her a blanket and she spreads it on both our laps.
“Something on your mind?”
“Maybe.” She sighs. “Can I tell you something?”
“You’re choosing me after all, aren’t you?” I tease, bumping her shoulder with mine.
She chuckles and bumps me back. “How did you figure it out? But really, if I tell you something, do you promise to keep it a secret?”
“Of course.”
“I think I want to move.”
“Move where?”
“I don’t know yet, maybe here, but that’s the problem.” She shakes her head and dark hair falls in a curtain.
“Why is this a secret?”
“Because I haven’t told anyone yet. Well, besides Pey.”
“You mean you haven’t told Beau?”
“Correct.”
“That does sound like a problem. He’s obsessed with you, Tessa.”
“I know,” she says sadly. “I’m pretty obsessed with him too, but I can’t stay in Pelahatchie forever.”
“Why are you telling me?”
“Because I need to get it off my chest. Tell someone who knows how it feels to be put in a box that’s too small.”
I nod and lay my hand on her blanket-covered knee. “You’ve come to the right place.”
“I’m scared, Shep.”
“Of what?”
“Of losing Beau. Making my parents hate me. Everything. I’m scared of everything.” She runs a hand through her hair and says to herself, “I fucking hate this.”
“Growing pains suck, don’t they?” We’re quiet for a minute before I continue. “What are you going to do? When you move, I mean.”
“Try to find a job where I can work with books. I’ve got applications in at all kinds of publishing houses, big and small.”
“Wow, okay. That’s a complete one-eighty.”
“From running the General Store? Yeah, I know,” she huffs. “But nothing would make me happier than being somewhere I could love what I was doing.” She’s glowing with inner light. “We passed a place I thought about applying to today.”
“Yeah?”
“Yeah. Right downtown. I saw it on the way back from the airport and wrote it down in my phone.”
“You could be in my city.” I try to keep the enthusiasm from my voice. Nothing’s set in stone.
“Yeah, maybe.” She smiles, but then sighs. “If I could ever get the courage up.”
“You know how I make big decisions?”
“How?”
“I weigh which thing is more scary. If I’m more scared of not doing the thing than I am of doing it, then the decision is already made. No one wants to live with regret.”
“I just don’t know if I want to live with the consequences of going, you know?”
“Yeah, but you’re human. It’s not a bad thing to want.”
“And if I break everyone’s heart on the way out?”
I shrug. “You were always too big for Pelahatchie anyway.” It’s a lame response, we both know it, but she leans her head on my shoulder and we sit together for a long time.