25. Tessa
25
Tessa
Houston
T he coffee shop on the corner of Poplar and 3rd Street has a smell that reminds me of my grandmother’s house. This little piece of home has pretty much made up my mind as to where I’m going to live. I stumbled upon this little gem on my first solo day in Houston. I’ve been up and down streets around here for the last two days trying to find an apartment. I have to find something and it has to be today. I don’t have any more time and I’m running out of money. I can’t afford to stay in a hotel for much longer without getting myself in a real jam. I lie awake at night in my cheap hotel room thinking about how awful it would be to implode my life the way I have and have to slink home with my tail between my legs.
This wasn’t my plan, though I can’t say I had a better one. Sure, editorial assistant isn’t the most glamorous job, but Freestone is my ticket out. I was honest on the phone about needing time to relocate, so they’ve given me two weeks before my start date. It’s generous, but leaving the way I did threw what little plan I had into overdrive. I keep telling myself it's best to make a clean break with all of Pelahatchie. I just wish my heart would get in line.
In the span of a week, my parents have disowned me, I’ve essentially been kicked out of my house, I’ve broken up with my boyfriend and moved to a new city all for a mediocre, entry-level job in publishing. Are you there, God? It’s me, Tessa. Please let this be worth it.
When my order is called, I take my coffee and turn to leave, but the most beautiful smile I’ve ever seen is blocking the door. It just so happens to be the right smile on the wrong face. My eyes run quickly up and down his frame, noting the differences. For a split second, I saw Beau’s face in the doorway and I almost lost it. But the sun shifted through the shop windows and his features rearranged themselves into Shep’s. The rollercoaster of thinking Beau followed me, only to realize it wasn’t him, leaves me stunned with a hammering heart.
“Hey, gorgeous,” Shep says.
“H…Hey,” I stammer.
“What are you doing here? Is Beau with you?” He glances around the coffeeshop, trying to spot his younger brother.
“Umm, no. Not this time.” Because I just shredded his heart with my teeth. I don’t know what stops me from telling him the truth. Maybe it’s too fresh. Maybe I assume Shep would be ashamed if he knew the whole story, but after everything, I can’t handle another blow. I muster up a smile I hope he can’t see through.
“Well then?” He raises his eyebrows and gives me a questioning look.
“Oh, sorry!” I give him the condensed version. “Actually, I got a job here and now I’m looking for an apartment.”
“You got a job in publishing?” There’s genuine excitement in his voice.
“Yeah, I’m just starting out, but it’s something.”
“I knew you’d do it.” Just the certainty with which he says it makes the pressure in my chest ease a little. Shep always seems to know how to react. At least there’s one person on this planet who doesn’t think my life is a complete disaster.
“Thanks.” My smile softens. “Listen, I’ve gotta go. I’ve got a place I’m supposed to check out at two, but text me sometime and we’ll have dinner. You can show me around.”
I touch his arm and move around him, but he spins and opens the door for me, following me out onto the street.
“I’ll show you around now. I’ve got a free day. Where’s the place?”
“Oh, no. That’s fine. I don’t want to keep you.”
He cuts in, “Where’s the place, Tessa?”
I huff a short laugh. “Off Collins Street.”
“That’s in…” He hesitates and rubs the back of his neck. “Tessa, that’s not the best area. You shouldn’t go alone. Let me come with you.” Shep takes a step closer, crowding me.
I pop a hand on my hip. “Really, Shep. I’m fine. I moved out here to do things on my own.”
He studies me seriously and I’m reminded of the look Beau would give me when he was trying to figure me out. I’m trying to keep my confident mask in place because I don’t want him to know that I’d love for him to come and distract me from the misery I’m feeling. To give me a piece of home after I’ve shoved myself out of the airplane with no parachute. But it would be pathetic to let him help me when I told everyone I could do this by myself. I may be exhausted and depressed, but at least I’m determined.
He mirrors me with a hand on his own hip. “Give me the address.”
I growl at him and hand over my phone. “You’re so bossy.”
“You have no idea.”
He opens my maps app, finds my next destination and starts walking, leaving me with no choice but to follow.
“You can’t stay here,” Shep says to me, though he’s looking out the dingy window of the cracker-sized apartment we just toured.
“It’s not that bad.”
“Besides the fact that you’ll die of mold poisoning, I’m not leaving you alone with that creep of a landlord.”
I let out a frustrated breath. “I can take care of myself.”
“That dude’s a sex offender for sure, I’d bet a year’s salary on it.” He jabs a finger at me. Okay, so yeah, maybe he’s right about the landlord, but I can always install another lock. Or seven.
“Not all of us can afford to live in luxury.” I’m trying to keep a check on my temper, but it’s rising fast.
“Luxury? This is about fifty miles past luxury, sweetheart. Please tell me that the other apartments you’ve seen have been better than this dump?”
Umm no. “ Of course they have,” I lie. “But none of them have been right either and I don’t have a lot more time. I have to settle on something today.”
“Then let’s go try another place.” He walks away from the window and towards the door. On the way, he takes my arm, trying to spin me around and lead me out. “I can’t leave you here.”
I jerk my arm out of his grasp, annoyed that he’s hijacking this trip. I can only keep up this charade for so long. “I didn’t ask you for your opinion or even for you to come with me this morning. I appreciate your help, but I can do this.” I cross my arms over my chest and take a deep breath.
He looks at me blankly. “Clearly you can’t. This place is a shithole. What would Beau think if he knew I let you live in a place like this?”
The dam finally bursts wide open. “You’re not letting me do anything! I make my own choices. Not you and certainly not Beau.” God, it’s hard to say his name. Tears gather behind my eyes. “We broke up anyway, so it doesn’t matter what he thinks. Now, please leave. I’d like to fall to pieces in this shithole of an apartment alone, if you don’t mind. I’ve fucked up pretty much everything else in my life and I don’t need another witness.”
I move away from him to stand in the kitchen, making sure not to touch any of the surfaces. He’s already glimpsed too much of this little meltdown, he doesn’t need to see the tears rolling down my face and dripping onto my neck.
There’s just the sound of me sniffling in the disgusting apartment until Shep pulls me into a wordless hug. I want to pull away, but the soul-crushing defeat of the last few days is too much and I can’t do anything but let him hold me.
When most of my tears have dried, he takes my hand and leads me out into the dim hallway. The landlord, a dumpy little man with a balding head, is standing outside, leaning against the wall. It’s obvious he was eavesdropping and my face burns with shame, but he doesn’t even look up from his phone as we pass.
“I guess it’s a no-go then?”
“Yeah. No thanks.” Shep says without stopping and we walk down the flight of stairs in silence.
When we’re back on the street, I open my mouth to apologize but he beats me to it.
“Look. I didn’t know you and Beau had broken up. I’m sorry I kept bringing him up. Something’s obviously going on and you don’t have to tell me about it right now, but you have to find a place.” I sigh, looking down at the ground. “Stay with me,” he says simply. My head jerks up, confusion written all over my face.
“What?” I squawk. “I wasn’t asking to crash at your place. I’ll be fine.”
“Don’t crash. Stay. I have an extra bedroom and I never have any company unless one of the guys from the team is too drunk to make it home. The apartment is way too big for me and I’m gone half the time for games anyway.” When I look around, trying to think of an excuse, he puts a hand on my shoulder. “Tessa, look at me.” I make myself blink up into his deep, blue eyes. There’s no master plan in them, nothing but sincerity and a sense of comfort I desperately need right now. “Stay with me. At least until you get on your feet again and then I’ll happily go apartment hunting with you. I’ll probably be sick of you by then, anyway.”
I smirk at his joke, eerily reminiscent of something Beau would say. “Okay,” I tell him.
“Okay?”
“Yeah. Just until I get settled.”
He laughs and starts walking. “Damn, I really expected you to put up more of a fight. You going soft, Jennings?”
“Must be,” I mutter, following him down the sidewalk.