26. Shep
26
Shep
“ D o you want anymore lo mein?” I ask Tessa from the kitchen.
We’ve almost put Szechuan Palace, my favorite takeout spot, out of business. I’ve never seen so much food. There’s such a spread that it takes up the whole kitchen island. After getting her bags from the hotel, I brought her back to my place– our place –and she looked like a lost puppy. She’s got the same girl-next-door vibe she’s always had, but there’s something wild about her now. Panicked and deeply upset. She’s been faking smiles at me all night.
Maybe I pushed her too hard, but when she started crying earlier, something primal kicked in and I couldn’t let her go. I don’t know what Beau did to her, but I’m going to kick his ass when I find out. I need to find out the missing pieces of what she isn’t telling me and filling her full of Chinese food is step one. A movie night-in, step two.
After I showed her to her room, she took a shower while I ordered and came out with wet hair, sweats and no makeup. How she looks that good dressed down is a mystery to me. Her long brown hair is thick and a little wavy as the ends start to dry. Freckles dust across the bridge of her nose and those gorgeous eyes have switched from forest green to emerald, brightened by her tears.
I’m not going to pretend I’m not attracted to her or that living with her won’t be a special kind of torture. There’s a part of me that’s always wanted Tessa, but she’s Beau’s girl, even if they’re broken up. A small twinge of jealousy hits me whenever I think of them together. Usually the image that comes to mind is one of those perfect, pouty lips of hers somewhere on his body and it has me seeing red. But I could never make a move. My dick doesn’t realize she’s clearly distraught. And my brother’s ex. My brother’s very recent ex.
The real test will be whether I can make it through night one of her sitting here, fresh from her shower, embodying my every dream. She’s sitting on the floor eating off three different plates on the coffee table. Her fruity shampoo scent wafts up to me every time she turns her head to talk and I’m captivated. She’s acting out my literal dream date without even knowing.
I don’t want casual hookups, the way the guys on the team do. I don’t want one-night-stands and girls with no names, I crave connection. I want the intimacy of sitting here with someone who’s comfortable with you in just their pajamas, eating your favorite takeout meal.
She watches Fight Club and her profile is lit by the screen. Her fresh-faced brightness makes me want to pull her up on this couch and dirty her up. Shit. Get a grip, man. The only girls I’ve ever had sex with have been girlfriends and I need to keep reminding myself that Tessa can’t be either of those things. Living with her, seeing her like this every night is going to start to feel “girlfriend-y” really soon. This is going to be so fucking difficult.
I round the couch, coming back to sit above her, balancing my food on my lap. “When do you start?” I ask her.
“Monday.”
“So you’ve got some time before you start.” I’m hoping she’ll feel like explaining.
“A few days.” Ok, maybe not.
“I’m assuming your dad is more upset than you thought he’d be.”
“Why do you say that?” She looks up at me with drawn brows.
“Because when you told me about your plan to leave, you said you hadn’t told your parents yet. You show up here with a job, looking…a little hysterical to say the least. I took a wild guess.”
“Well, I wasn’t hysterical until you tried to turn down my last shot at a place to live.”
“Can I tell you something?”
“Of course.” She seems a little thrown by my pivot in conversation.
“I hate living alone.”
“What?” She’s looking up at me so innocently that it’s an effort to keep my train of thought.
“I hate living alone, so you’re doing me a favor.”
“You’re lying.” She raises an eyebrow and smirks.
“I’m not. I hate watching whatever I want on TV,” I deadpan. Her smirk widens into a grin. “It’s too easy trying to figure out dinner for one.” She huffs like she wants to laugh. “And I especially hate walking around in my underwear anytime I want.” She laughs. It’s small and tinkling, but I made her laugh and warmth spreads through me.
Her laugh ends on a sigh and she wraps an arm around her knee. “Yeah, he was madder than I expected. Said he didn’t want to see me. I couldn’t stay another week after that. I told Beau about the job and he basically said the same thing so I moved up my move. You caught me in the middle of trying to put one foot in front of the other.”
“And I fucked that all up for you. I’m sorry.” And I am, because she didn’t need me stepping in when she had it handled. She was going to make it happen, by herself, even if she had to live in that dump. I admire that about her. She always seems to get things done. I bend to steal an egg roll off her plate, my arm bushing her hair as I pass. “But I’m not sorry that I saved you from living in that shitty apartment.”
She looks around at the open space. An expansive kitchen, dining room and living area are combined to give me more room than I’ll ever need. The wall of windows to my right opens onto a large balcony overlooking downtown Houston. The city glows at night and though this apartment has every convenience, the view is my favorite part. It makes it feel like we’re a million miles away from the rest of the world.
“I do have to give it to you. This is infinitely better than anything I could have afforded.”
“I’ll tell the Tornadoes you like it. The apartment came furnished.”
“No way. But it seems so you. You really didn’t pick any of this out?”
“Not a bit. I walked in with my clothes, my gear, and my pillow.”
Not much has changed since I moved in six months ago. The team has apartments in this building for all the single guys. Even if they decide to buy something long-term, pretty much all of us have lived in this building at some time or other. It has its advantages. Besides the luxury of living in a place as nice as this, with everything I could ever need, it’s close to the stadium, the training facilities and anything else I could want in the city. It’s also only a few blocks away from Tessa’s publishing company. We passed it on our way in.
“You must be pretty important to warrant all this.”
She smiles softly and it’s beautiful. I commit this image of her to memory so I can keep it forever. I reach out to brush my fingers though the ends of her hair. I can’t help myself. The way her lips part. What am I doing? I try to pull my hand back causally.
Clearing my throat, I say, “Nah, just a two-bit pitcher from a small town.”
“Did you ever think you’d get here?” She asks.
“I knew I’d play baseball, but I wasn’t sure at what level. Getting a spot on the Tornadoes is a dream come true.”
“You’re acting like this just happened to you. You worked for this, Shep. You’re a damn good pitcher. You should give yourself more credit.”
The admiration shining in her eyes is enough to swell my ego and make me uncomfortable at the same time.
I look down at my food and chuckle. “Yeah, yeah. Tell me about your new job.”
We settle into an easy routine over the next few months. I’m home more often than usual because the minor league season ended right before she got here and the major season hasn’t started. Tessa’s been so swamped at work trying to work out the kinks of being the new girl in a new city that she’s pretty much exhausted every night. There have been a lot of nights like her first one where we sit in front of the television or on the balcony after dinner. It’s so comfortable that I can't remember a time when I was this happy.
But as great as it’s been having her around, she’s still so sad. I keep waiting for another breakdown, for her to need consoling, but that’s never been her style. Her crying alone in her room late at night is tearing me up. I haven’t asked her more about Beau and she hasn’t mentioned him. He mentioned she moved away a few days after she moved in here, but didn’t go into detail. We still text every day, but I haven’t gotten around to returning any of his calls.
He’ll hear it in my voice. Even with thousands of miles between us, he’ll know something is different. I’m going to have to tell him that Tessa is living with me eventually, but that seems like a deliberate knife in his back. He won’t understand that I was only trying to help her and he won’t get how hard I’ve worked to keep her at arm’s length.
Jesus Christ, I’ve been killing myself trying to keep her out of my head and my hands off her. She comes home from work every day and I have to stop myself from kissing her at the door. Every little thing she does turns me on and she’s not even trying. The way she piles her hair on top of her head is so effortlessly sexy. The pieces that come down to curl at her nape or the cute little anklet she wears. I see the dainty, gold chain every time she rests her feet on the balcony railing and it just makes me want to lick the insides of her ankles. But by far, the worst torture is when she gets out of the shower. Her peachy scent and wet hair drive me crazy. Just thinking about how fresh and clean she is makes me want to ruin her. That fruity scent alone, one I hate smelling at home, but somehow love on her body, is going to get me in trouble.
I can’t keep doing this. I promised Beau I’d never make a move on Tessa, but the thoughts I picture while I fuck my hand every night have crossed every line there ever was between us. I. Cant. Have. His. Girlfriend. The love of his life is living under my roof and all I can think about is getting her in my bed. God, I’m such a creep. She needs a friend, not me sniffing after her like some lovesick puppy.
That’s why I’m taking her out tonight. A few of my teammates are going to a club downtown and invited me. She seemed to like the idea when I mentioned it. Maybe she’ll talk to someone, maybe I’ll talk to someone. Who knows? But it’ll be good for me to see that other girls exist. Even though the one in front of me is the only one I have eyes for.
Breathe, Shepherd. Breathe. It doesn’t matter how many times I remind myself tonight, it’s not going to get any easier. Tessa walked out of her room and I think I had a heart attack. I don’t know if I’ve ever seen her this dressed up. She gets me there in sweats and no makeup, but this is next level. Her curvy body is on full display in a gray, halter jumpsuit. My eyes dart everywhere, taking in every feature and I honestly can’t tell which part of her looks better. The round tops of her breasts that tease the keyhole opening, her tiny waist or the way her hip flare out. I just want to get behind her and squeeze. Focus. Focus. FOCUS.
We ride the elevator down and wait in the lobby for the guys to get here. I have the strongest relationship with the single guys on the team. We’re all within a few years of each other and they live in the building too, so we just have to wait for them to get in the Uber. I steal glances in the mirrored walls of the elevator until we reach the ground floor. We haven’t said much since she walked out, but I’ve learned that one of the best things about Tessa is how comfortable she is with my silences. She doesn’t feel the need to fill every moment. She speaks when she has something to say, a trait we share.
Ray’s already downstairs when we step into the lobby. He unfolds all six-feet three-inches of himself from the plum-colored sofa in the sitting area and walks towards us. “Uber’s on its way, man.” He takes my hand and pulls me in for a pat on the back.
“Thanks.” I turn to Tessa and she steps up, sticking her hand out. “Ray, this is Tessa. My…roommate.” I should have practiced that .
Ray takes her shoulders, pulling her in for a kiss on the cheek. “Damn, man. Roommate? Where did you find her and how do I get one?” He looks down into her eyes and smiles warmly. “Nice to meet you, Tessa.”
Tessa laughs. “Georgia. We’re friends from back home.” I don’t normally notice her accent, but Ray was born and bred in Texas and the slight difference in their cadences draws my attention. I love hearing her drawl as the words roll off her tongue. It’s charming without even trying. “Nice to meet you too, Ray.”
They sit together on the sofa and I hover over them with my hands in the pockets of my slacks. I’m not sure how to act with her around other people. We’ve gotten so familiar with each other in the apartment, but this is different. This feels like a date, but they can’t think we’re a couple. Ray has eagle eyes and he’ll sense my feelings for her soon, if he hasn’t already. Hell, I know he doesn’t buy our roommate story at all. He’s intuitive. It’s why he’s so good at bat. He can read a pitch like no one I’ve ever seen. And I’ve got to convince him I’m not crazy for Tessa? Fat chance.
He’s got his arm slung over the back of the couch and they’re talking to each other animatedly. He looks good, but Ray always looks good. He’s the flashy one in our group. Tonight he’s wearing black on black, a stylish, short sleeved sweater with a single white stripe around the cuffs. It shows off his muscled arms and the tattoos that swirl around his dark skin.
Sydney and Ava come down next. They’re a gorgeous, interracial couple and damn near inseparable. They’re followed by Ty, our third baseman, who lives in the apartment directly under me. I make the introductions and everyone mills around getting to know Tessa. I don’t go out with these guys often, they’re all much more comfortable with the limelight, but they’re good teammates on and off the field.
I haven’t had a lot of time to form a bond with the team since I’m the newest player, but I clicked with these guys instantly. My number got called up after Marty Sanchez retired. He’s a legend with the Tornadoes and it’s a hard act to follow. I feel like I have to be on my game more. Have a better reputation. Play hard. Grind harder.
In the minors, I didn’t have people constantly trying to catch me out. Photographers, talk shows, fans, there’s always someone looking for a photo op. Waiting for me to make a wrong move. On the farm team, I got to be myself and play ball. That was how I liked it. With no pressure to be someone I’m not. No one cared who I was dating or what I was wearing, it was only how fast my arm was or what my stats were. Back then, I could play a game without going back over and over every little detail, analyzing my every move.
Sure, I might not have gotten into the VIP rooms like we will tonight, but that was worth not being recognized. All this fame shit gives me anxiety. I mask it so people don’t see how debilitating it is every time I have a panic attack. How close I’ve come to having them at the start of every game. I watch Tessa fit in perfectly with my friends and guilt crashes into me, hard. God, the last thing she needs is a basket case like me. She needs someone strong. Someone unapologetically himself. Someone like Beau, I think ironically. Damn.
The Exchange is packed. There’s a line out the door but Ray and the guys are recognized immediately and we’re waved through. The club is loud and dark, music pulsing and bodies everywhere. I can feel eyes on us, but no one stops us for an autograph and we head upstairs to the VIP area. Ava is already dancing to the beat of the music and she and Sydney split off from us as she pulls him onto the dance floor.
“Are they always like that?” Tessa asks.
We watch Ava’s blonde hair weave through the crowd from the stairs. Sydney walks behind her, holding her hand and even from here, I can see him smiling.
“Pretty much,” I tell her. I don’t have to touch her, but I lean down and curl my hand around the lush curve of her hip in the guise of hearing her better. We settle into seats overlooking the rest of the club downstairs and a waitress comes over to take our drink orders.
Ray must have heard Tessa because he crosses an ankle over his knee and says, “You noticed that, did you? They’re like magnets. We can barely get him out without Ava. A lot like this guy actually.” He inclines his head at me and I laugh.
“Hey, you got me here tonight,” I tell him.
Ty pipes up from Tessa’s other side. “Yeah, barely. I’ve already lost my two best wingmen. Ray is no fucking help. All the cleat chasers surround him as soon as they find out he’s here.”
Ray smiles at Ty over the top of his drink. “It’s not my fault you’ve got no game, Simpson. I’ll try to leave one or two for you.”
They bicker while I lean down to whisper in Tessa’s ear. “Don’t let them lie to you. Wait five minutes and there will be girls lined up at the velvet rope for both of them, desperate to say they’ve been with a celebrity.”
She looks up at me with a strange expression, a curtain of her dark curls falling over one shoulder. I want to brush her hair back and taste her there. I bet I could feel her pulse. But I remember where we are, who we are, and clear my throat.
“What?” I ask.
“Celebrity,” she says softly. “I’ve never thought of you as one, but you are.”
“Hardly,” I scoff, hiding my face by taking a sip of my drink.
“You must have plenty of girls lining up for you too. The Tornadoes’ hot, new pitcher? That’s got to come with some perks.”
Sydney and Ava come back up the stairs carrying a tray of shots for everyone, saving me from having to answer. We take them and order another round before going downstairs.
Soon, Ava’s pulling Tessa out on the floor to dance. She looks over her shoulder and waves at me. They go off together while the rest of the guys and I hang near the bar. Ray shakes a few hands as I watch the girls.
Ava’s great. The ultimate hype girl, but so loyal to Sydney. She’s like the team’s girlfriend. Always bringing us cookies or making sure we don’t drink and drive. I liked her immediately when Sydney introduced her at one of our practices. They have something special.
Seeing them together makes me envious. I watch Tessa dancing and all I want is to be the one dancing with her. With her eyes on me, my hands on her hips…
“Careful, 26. Your truth is showing.” Ray puts a hand on my shoulder.
I cut my eyes at him and take another sip. “Just watching, man.”
“Yeah and everyone can see your hard-on for that girl from here. Jesus,” he laughs. “What’s the real story there?”
“There is no story. We’ve known each other for years.”
“Okay.” He purses his lips. “So we ask you to come out with us and you show up with a hot-as-hell roommate we’ve never heard of. Saying she’s a friend from back home.” He uses air quotes. “Mmkay, sure.”
“I don’t know what to tell you, Ray. She’s my little sister’s best friend. I’m just looking out for her.” He stares at me for a few seconds, appraising, and making me feel fucking uncomfortable. “What?”
“She’s off limits,” he says finally, like he figured it all out in the span of ten seconds.
“No, she’s…” I’m about to explain to him why Tessa’s living with me when Ty and Syndey grab our arms and pull us onto the floor.
Ty’s got his arm wrapped around a tall girl in a black, glittery dress and Sydney makes a beeline for Ava. When the girls see us coming, they shriek and pull us into the pulsing center of the club. Tessa takes my hands and interlaces our fingers, standing in front of me and swaying her hips. Ray raises an eyebrow at me over the shoulder of a gorgeous, black girl that looks like she could be Miss America. I just roll my eyes and focus on swaying with my girl.
My girl.
Yeah, Shep. You’ve got it bad.