Chapter 6
“D o you think Nana made any cookies?” Nat’s sweet voice came from the passenger side of my truck. I glanced over and met her sparkling blue eyes. I couldn't not grin back at her, even if I tried.
“Kid, now that you’re in her life, she’s making enough cookies to feed all the kids in town,” I assured her, “If she doesn’t have cookies made for you I’ll fall right over. She makes cookies more often for you than she does me anymore.” I pretended to be offended.
She laughed at me softly, looking out the window and shaking her head. I loved bringing her here. My Nan had adopted Becks and her daughter like they were her own. Becks had fallen in love with her feisty ways and Natasha was always a giggling mess at my Nan’s shenanigans.
Natasha soaked up every bit of grandmotherly affection she could get and oftentimes seemed like she was making up for the childhood where she’d grown up missing these things. I would see Becks watching them together with tears in her eyes and I knew she regretted Nat never having this before. Not like they could help it with the cards they’d been dealt.
I knew Becks and Nat were looking forward to Nan’s Christmas dinner this year. She always made a whole spread with turkey, ham, and all the trimmings. Becks hadn’t had a meal like that since she was in high school and Nat had never had a huge family meal. It was going to be a huge year of firsts. Monica and the girls were coming too so they weren’t alone on Christmas night. Paul and her two families had always done things on Christmas Eve.
I threw the car into park as Nat unbuckled, hopping out of the truck, and taking off running for the door as I followed more slowly. Becks hadn’t been able to come with us tonight, having picked up some extra hours suddenly. She was going out for coffee and dessert with Monica afterwards.
We had done some more talking last night before falling asleep and while I’d set her mind at ease in some aspects I knew she was still filled with self-doubt. She’d been through a lifetime of having to question whether or not she was worth anyone’s love. It was going to take a bit for her to feel like she was.
Natasha had no such problem.
She was throwing herself into whatever relationship she could. It terrified the shit out of Becks. The little girl suddenly had a grandparent, a father, aunt and uncle figures, and a sisterhood and friendship to thrive in.
Walking into the home, I caught up with Nat at Nan’s door, knocking excitedly.
“Well, if it isn’t my favorite great-granddaughter!” exclaimed Nan, opening the door to greet the exuberant teenager.
“I’m your only great-granddaughter,” laughed Nat, wrapping her arms around my Nan in a huge hug.
I watched her return the hug, running her hand over the back of Nat’s head gently, holding on as long as Nat would let her and not letting go until she was ready. My heart grew every time I witnessed something like this. Everything settled within me, telling me this was right.
“Where’s our Becks?” Nan’s voice drew me back as she held the door wide for me to follow Nat in.
“She had to stay late at work tonight. Everyone’s needing something extra clean and organized for the holidays.”
She nodded understandingly as she shuffled over to her chair and sat.
“How’s the surprise?” she asked, eyes twinkling.
“Mom is going to flip out!” Nat shrieked, “Everything looks amazing. It’s almost done and she doesn’t have any idea.”
Nan caught my eye and raised a single eyebrow with a knowing grin.
“That sounds amazing, sweetheart. You’re a wonderful daughter. Honey, why don’t you run to the kitchen and get some of the cookies I just made for you?”
“YES!” she exclaimed, sprinting from the room.
“How is everything really?”
I sighed, sitting on the couch, and stared at my Nan, the woman who’d raised me and loved me. She was more of a mother to me than anything.
“Becks thinks I’m cheating on her or something.” I blurted out, throwing my hands up into the air.
“What?” she stuttered, gaping at me.
“Ugh. Maybe not that extreme anymore. She had a moment of doubt. She’s been dealing with extra stress, just learning to live with another person and be in a normal, functioning relationship. Her anxiety is at an all time high and with me telling her I’m working extra shifts at night, she’s convinced herself I’ve decided she’s not worth it.”
“Oh, my poor girl,” Nan shook her head, her hand covering her mouth. “Is she still seeing that nice therapist?”
“Yes.” I nodded, running a hand over my trimmed beard. “Becks and I had a good talk yesterday actually. She even admitted she knows I’d never do that. It's just everything messing with her. It's all an adjustment. She hasn’t had anything good in so long. I’m considering showing her the gift on Christmas Eve, instead of waiting. Nan, I worry I’m fucking everything up,” I sighed.
“Showing her the gift early may be best. The poor dear. I cannot imagine everything flying through her head. Living with that kind of stress for so long and then having to teach yourself to be calm. There’s nowhere for all that adrenaline to go anymore. You’re not fucking anything up, young man.”
I gaped at my Nan’s language.
“What? You can say it and I can’t?” she cackled.
“Jesus,” I muttered.
Then something she’d said came to me. Somewhere for adrenaline to go.
“Uh-oh. You’ve got that look in your eye,” chuckled Nan.
“Maybe she needs to take a class,” I questioned out loud, “Self-defense, gun safety, kick-boxing or something. Everytime she hears something that sounds like a gun going off she’s a nervous wreck.”
“Or maybe she needs her man to teach her gun safety,” said Nan softly, looking at me. “Having never fired one before and then having to do so twice? She took a life both times too-” her voice trailed off, “That’s quite a lot, Lucas. Just give her time. You two will work things out.”
“I know. It's just frustrating that I can’t take it all away.” I ran my fingers through my hair, letting my head fall onto the back of the couch.
“Patience. You’re a good man. I know, I raised you.” she proclaimed, winking and rising slowly. “I’m going to make sure Nat isn’t eating the entire batch of cookies.”
I nodded, glancing over to watch her shuffle out of the room. Taking a deep breath I just let myself rest within the moment. Hearing my Nan’s familiar voice mixing with Nat’s cheerful one. Being around all of my Nan’s things and even the smell that was just her. It was home and comforting. She was the mother figure in my life. Everything was going to be okay. I knew that. I think Becks was realizing that. We had such a support system we couldn’t help but make it.
Nat came back into the room holding a plate of cookies while Nan followed with some cold sodas and a deck of cards.
“Nan Vi said we could play rummy again!” Nat announced with excitement, plopping down beside me. “She beat you good last time, Dad.”
I grinned and glanced over at my Nan, seeing her eyes water at what Nat had called me. She smiled at me warmly and shuffled the cards.
“Well I’ll just have to kick both your butts this time, won’t I, Peanut?” I challenged.
“We’ll see about that,” sniffed my grandmother.
“Can we get this one too?” Nat handed me another book. I glanced at the stack in the shopping cart and back at her expectant face. We already had boxes of books hidden at the house too.
“Fine,” I conceded. I was too much of a push-over when it came to her. Becks was telling me so, regularly, but even I was starting to see it. “Three more and that’s it though. I mean it this time.”
We were in the local bookstore and I was letting Nat pick out her part of her mom’s Christmas present. Books. So many new books. Becks had always bought them used and then donated them to the library when they had to run again. She’d never owned any because it would’ve been too much of a hassle to move them. She was in the habit now of trading them out when she was done even though I had a bookcase in the living room for her.
Old habits die hard.
Our surprise was going to change things though. She was going to be able to keep whatever book she wanted and loved. I would buy her signed copies. She could treasure them and read them again and again. I was going to spoil the hell out of her.
“Okay.”
I watched Nat take off to find the rest of her present and grinned.
“Lucas?”
I jumped, turning around and seeing Monica standing there.
“Oh! Hey, Mon.”
“What are you and Nat doing?” she asked, definitely suspicious.
“Just letting Nat shop for Becks’ Christmas present.” I said, trying to appear nonchalant.
Monica leaned around me, taking in the books in the cart, her eyes nearly bugging out of her head.
“LUCAS!” she exclaimed. “Those will fill up that bookcase you bought her for the living room and then some.”
“Oh…” I trailed off, “You think?”
“Yes. Jesus. What are you thinking, you goof?” she walked closer to the cart, looking at the titles we’d been picking out. “Are you nuts?” she laughed, looking up at me.
I sighed. I was busted. It was time to fill someone else in on my secret.
“Listen, Monica. If I tell you what’s going on, you cannot breathe a word of it to Rebecca” I said.
Monia raised an eyebrow, “Now I’m even more intrigued,” she grinned.
I leaned over, speaking softly to her, relaying everything that had been happening the last month, watching her eyes get huge, then start watering, until she was full-fledged crying in the bookstore. We were definitely drawing some attention to ourselves.
“Do you think she’ll like it? Are these good tears?” I asked, unsure, patting her shoulder.
“Yes, you idiot. She’s going to die when she sees what you’ve done for her, Lucas. Oh my God.” said Monica, wiping her tears. “I’m going to go help Nat grab a few titles she may not know her mom likes.”
“Oh yeah?” I asked, raising my own eyebrow now.
“You’ll definitely like them too. Y’all can reenact scenes from them,” she threw back her head, laughing as she walked away.
I laughed with her as she went off to search for Nat, feeling like a weight had rolled off my shoulders. If I told Becks’ best friend what I was doing, surely she could help hold Becks off a few days.
“Don’t think we need any help in that department!” I called after her, shaking my head. Maybe I could get Monica to help me with the decor part of the surprise. She knows what Becks likes.