Chapter 2
TWO
BLUE
Were it not for Lara coming in clutch, Asher would’ve made it out of the house. But she stopped him in front of the back door, her big furry body blocking the way.
“I swear she’s more couch potato than she is dog,” I said, sliding up next to Asher. Reaching past him, I ran my fingers through Lara’s fur. “Are you okay?”
Asher sniffled. “Yeah. Great.”
“Sorry, it was a dumb question.” I winced and tried again.
“For what it’s worth, I really hope you don’t change your mind about the scene.
I really liked kissing you.” I loved kissing, and cuddling, and sex, and being close to people.
What I didn’t like was the way I fell so easily for people I got physically close too.
It was like there was part of my brain that was mis-wired into thinking that prolonged physical and sexual contact meant I was falling in love with them.
I’d had my heart broken more times than I cared to admit, but I wanted to confess them all to Asher so he’d believe that I knew how he felt.
Asher turned toward me, his brow wrinkled, a mask of pain and disbelief on his face. “You did?”
“Of course I did.” I stepped a little closer. “You’re a great kisser, Ash. You’re sweet, and hot, and I really want to film with you.”
“You do?”
God, this kid was going to be the death of me. He was all bruised heart and hopelessness, but that only made me want him more.
“I do. I’d even fight Jax for it, but if you’re game for that threesome, Jax and I would take good care of you.”
Something in Asher’s gaze shifted when I said we’d take care of him, but before I could think too much about it, he shuttered his expression.
“I want to do the shoot,” he announced at the same time Jax appeared. Asher flicked his gaze to Jax, who had put a shirt on, covering the broad swath of tattoos across his chest, but not the ones on his arms. “With both of you,” Asher added.
“That sounds good. How about the three of us go grab something to eat and hammer out some of the details?” Jax said. “My treat.”
There were other studios I’d worked with who didn’t let the talent have much of a say in what the scenes they were going to do were or how they would go.
I’d been on other sets where you showed up, you fucked who they said, how they told you to fuck them, and then you left.
I should have liked the distance that created between me and my scene partners, but it had never sat quite right with me and I tried not to book those gigs anymore.
Ash looked torn but eventually nodded. “Okay.”
Jax pulled his keys out of his pocket but before he could offer to drive us all, I interjected.
“I took the bus here, so how about I ride with Ash, and we’ll follow you to… where were you wanting to go?” It wasn’t subtle, but I wanted a few minutes with Ash on my own.
Jax nodded. “My car is a mess anyway.” He reached up and scratched the back of his neck. “We could go to Bennett’s.”
“Sounds good to me. Ash?”
“Sure, whatever.” Then it was like his brain caught up with the conversation and his body jerked. “Wait. We’re going to a restaurant and sit around and talk about how the two of you are going to fuck me?”
The blush that spread up his chest and neck was pure mortification, and I realized my mistake.
Ash might have been around the work, but he hadn’t been in the work.
The transition had to be a bit strange for him.
I made a mental note to do a better job of remembering that he was new to a lot of this.
“Well, when you put it like that, it sounds crass,” I said, feeling a touch sheepish that I’d suggested a public place for the meeting. “We could go to my place. I live near there, so it’s easy to find.”
Asher shrugged. “Sure.”
Jax nodded at me and then called Lara. With a groan, she heaved herself to her feet and lumbered over to Jax for ear scratches.
“Quick,” he said. “Make a clean getaway while she’s distracted.”
Ash reached back and scratched her rump. “Later, girl. Be good.”
“Lara doesn’t have the energy to be a bad dog.” I pulled the door open and waited for Asher to walk through it before looking back at Jax. Jax pulled his gaze away from Asher’s retreating form. Neither one of us knew exactly what happened or how bad Asher was taking it.
“See you at my place,” I said to Jax.
“Text me your address. I’ll grab some food on the way over to give you two a chance to talk.”
“Okay, uh. Yeah, that’d be great actually.” Whipping my phone out of my pocket, I texted him my address.
“You still vegetarian?” he asked, glancing at the message I’d sent.
My stomach did a funny swooping thing when I realized that he’d remembered. Jax and I weren’t close, but that was more my doing than his. And he might be inked like a biker and built like a jock, but he was more like a regular guy. The kind of guy you’d bring home to meet the parents.
Not my parents. They were pieces of shit who disowned me. But normal, loving parents.
“Yeah. Uh. Thanks. I have to…” I motioned to the door and then practically ran from Jax and his kindness and his stupid good memory of people’s food preferences. Asher was waiting in his car for me, the engine idling when I slid into the passenger seat.
“Sorry.” Buckling my seatbelt, I gave him what I hoped was an apologetic smile. “I was giving Jax my address. He’s going to stop and grab food for us on his way over.”
“Not sure I’m hungry, but whatever.” Asher put his car in reverse and backed out of the driveway.
It dawned on me then that I knew this car.
This had been Leo’s. Most of Leo’s money had gone to looking after Asher, but the car had been his one indulgence.
It wasn’t anything fancy. Actually, it was sickeningly practical, but that was Leo.
I told Asher where I lived, and we drove in silence for a few minutes. Then Asher’s shoulders slumped. “What did Lukas tell you?”
“Me? Lukas didn’t tell me anything. He said you left.”
“That’s it?” Asher’s voice was strained and small.
“He probably wanted you to decide what to tell us, if anything.” I waited a beat, then another. “Do you want to talk about it?”
He groaned. “It’s stupid and I’m stupid.” He sniffled.
“Hey, you’re not stupid. Trust me. I happen to have a lot of experience with unrequited feelings for people."
Asher looked at me like I’d grown a second head. “But you’re so hot.”
“Hot doesn’t mean lovable, apparently. I know right now you feel like shit, but you need to understand that there’s nothing wrong with you.”
Asher sniffled again. “Sure feels like there is.”
He managed, through increasingly watery eyes, to get us back to my apartment in one piece.
Killing the engine, he made no move to get out, and I was afraid that he’d drive away if I got out of the car without him.
Reaching over, I pulled the keys from the ignition then motioned to my building.
“Come inside and hang out with Jax and me for a while. We’ll eat whatever it is he foraged for us, and we’ll talk about your very first scene.
You can make a wish list, and I’ll see that you get whatever you want. ”
Asher nodded and climbed out of his car.
We made our way through the building, walking down the hallway, and we didn’t speak until we were in my apartment.
I lived on the ground floor and my patio door opened up to a shared courtyard in the center of the building. I liked being shielded from the street.
“Do you want something to drink?” I asked him as he collapsed onto my couch. He leaned his head back and covered his face with his hands.
“Only if it will get me drunk.”
I narrowed my eyes. “Are you twenty-one yet?”
Asher pulled his hands away from his face and looked at me imploringly. “In a month.”
Letting out a sigh, I grabbed two cans of hard iced tea from my fridge and handed one to him.
“You’re not getting trashed though. For starters, no one ever solved a problem or mended a broken heart by getting wasted.
And I don’t have enough of these to get you drunk anyway.
” I cracked mine open after he opened his and knocked my can against his. “So what happened with you and Lukas?”
Asher brought the can to his lips and took a drink. His eyes skirted away, unwilling to look at me while he spilled his guts. That was fine. He was vulnerable enough as it was.
“I kissed him. I—He—”
“Take your time.” I sat next to him on the couch, crowding him a little. I wanted him to feel my presence. I wanted him to know he could lean on me, emotionally and physically.
“I kissed him. And I—God. I’m going to die.
I wanted to—I always thought maybe he was dragging his feet about letting me do a scene because he couldn’t find someone suitable for me, because maybe he wanted to be that someone.
And when he pawned me off on you and Jax, I thought…
. I don’t know what I thought. But I kissed him and I made a complete fool of myself.
I need a new job. A new home. A new identity in a new country.
” Asher tried to laugh, but it came out as a sob.
“Hey, hey. It’s okay.” I gathered him close and wrapped my arms around him, squeezing him tight as he cried on my shoulder.
“It’s not.” He sniffled a few minutes later. His breathing was finally coming under control and he pulled back, wiping furiously at his tear-stained face. “Wow, yeah, so sexy, Asher. Fucking cry all over the hot guy who is supposed to pop your porn cherry.”
“Trust me, tears are by far the least offensive body fluid that I’ve had to deal with.”
Ash laughed like he was startled by the sound of it, or the fact that he’d laughed at all. A twinkle of life returned to his eyes. “I know. I’ve seen all your stuff.”
I leaned back and took a drink of my iced tea and pondered my next move. I could steer the conversation back to Lukas, or I could say fuck that guy and give Ash the distraction he needed.
“See anything you like?” I purred, dragging my gaze over Asher’s body, letting him feel the heat of my gaze. I watched the way his throat bobbed when he swallowed, and I knew I had him interested. “If I’ve done it, you can request it,” I told him.
Asher let out a slow breath. “That’s a long list.”
“We have all night,” I reminded him with a smile.