Chapter 4
Chapter Four
Leo
I park my car in the mall parking area. My hands tighten around my steering wheel. Did he really mean what he said? Did Jin really want me to come visit him at work?
This feels so silly. I’ve known the guy for like a second and now I'm in my car with my heart leaping into my throat because I’m about to go inside the mall and see him? Really? Fuck, I need to get a grip.
I’m being ridiculous. Jin obviously likes meeting new people. I saw the way he talked to all those vendors, I saw the way he was with the triplets. He’s probably just new in town and trying to make new friends. Why the hell am I reading into things?
As much as I tell myself to stop freaking out, it only makes me freak out even more. There was a spark. At least on my end.
It was undeniable. Something about Jin made me feel things I’ve never felt before.
Sure, I’ve found people attractive. I’ve wanted to get to know people.
But with Jin, it’s different. It’s like there’s a pull in my gut, leading me towards him.
It feels like my instincts are doing everything they can to draw the two of us together.
I’ve learned a long time ago to trust that feeling in my gut.
I get out of my car, straightening my tie back down before heading towards the entrance of the mall. The parking garage is pretty busy. A lot of people are doing exactly what I’m doing; coming here on their lunch break to get some quick shopping in or grabbing some food from the food court.
Normally, I would just pack myself a lunch for my lunch break and eat in the break room or even at my desk. Some sort of sandwich, a bag of crisps, a yogurt, and a Pepsi. Then I have whatever fruit and vegetable I have at home as a snack through the rest of the day.
Maybe Bren is right, maybe my life is boring. I pack myself the same thing every day. I have the same routine. There’s no spark, no adventure. This is how I like things, or at least, I thought this is how I prefer things. Lately, I’m not so sure.
There’s comfort that comes with routine.
There’s safety in knowing what to expect.
I know my lunch will be good because I have it every day.
There’s no guesswork, no surprises, no disappointment.
At the same time, it means life is rather gray.
If everything is the same, how will I ever be excited?
If there’s no adventure, that means there’s never anything new.
New can be exciting but it’s also scary.
I’m a jumbled mess of nerves as I make my way up the stairs and into the main part of the mall. I walk down the way, passing The Devil’s Sweet Tooth as I head towards the food court area.
As soon as I see that shocking red hair, I feel myself smiling, my stomach swooping pleasantly. Jesus fucking Christ. I met this man once and I somehow already have a crush? Really? Maybe Bren is right, maybe I really do need to get out more, or maybe finally get laid.
Nah, I wouldn’t give Bren the satisfaction of being right.
Jin has his back to me and I can just see the back of his head over the coffee stand. He’s wearing his yellow headband again, keeping his messy hair out of his face. My heart flutters in my chest as I slowly walk around the counter, finding my way to the front.
Jin is looking down at the woman training him, I think her name is Brenda. He’s nodding along as she shows him how to use the espresso machine. His eyes are wide, taking it all in.
Gods, he’s so fucking cute I want to bury my face in my tie and scream.
Once Brenda is done with her demonstration, they both turn around. As soon as Jin notices me, his entire face lights up. My insides feel like they’re turning into lava and slowly dripping down onto the floor. Oh my gods, he can’t just look at me like that! Like he’s so fucking happy to see me!
“Leo!” Jin says, stepping over to the counter, looking at me with a grin so wide I’m sure it must make his cheeks hurt. I feel my face heat against my permission and I nervously fiddle with my tie. “I was starting to wonder if you would come see me!”
I rub the back of my neck. “I’m sure you’ve been so busy you’ve barely even thought of it.”
“That’s not true at all,” he says, putting his hands on his hips. I finally chance a glance up at him, just taking him in.
Jin is wearing black slacks, a white button up shirt with the sleeves rolled up, and a light green turtleneck under that.
Over top of everything is an apron. He’s wearing a name tag with his name on it and a little button that says he’s in training.
He’s so effortlessly handsome. I just barely keep myself from letting out a wistful sigh.
Jesus, I need to get myself together!
“I told you I would come see you,” I say softly, doing my best to put a smile on my face. “So here I am.”
“Here you are,” he says with a nod. “What can I make for you today?”
“Oh. Right,” I say, looking up at the board. It’s all so overwhelming. I don’t often drink coffee and when I get it myself, I usually just get a regular cup and add a little cream to it. When I’m with someone else, I tend to always just get what they’re getting. “Do you have any recommendations?”
Jin tilts his head to the side, blowing up at his bangs, forcing them off of his face. “What do you normally get?”
“I don’t really have a usual when it comes to coffee. I just copy whoever I’m with.”
Jin’s eyes light up. “That’s so fun! You’re so adventurous, Leo!”
I shake my head. “I’m really not.”
“Willing to try new things is a very admirable quality. I don’t have a favorite yet but I tried a peppermint mocha the other day and it was really yummy. Do you like mint and chocolate?”
“That sounds great. Can I get it hot, please?”
“Perfect! That will let me practice with the espresso machine!”
“I’m happy I can help,” I tell him with a soft smile. He smiles right back and my heart feels like it’s going to leap out of my chest with how quickly it’s racing.
I pay for my drink and leave five dollars in the tip jar. Jin notices and somehow manages to grin even wider. I move towards the side, in case anyone else comes along, watching Jin work. Brenda supervises but lets him do the whole drink all on his own.
How can someone be so much like sunshine? Everything about Jin makes me feel warm all over. His smile, his eyes, his demeanor, the way his hands move, his hair. Even his voice makes me think of the sunshine outside, melting the snowy wall I’ve built around myself.
“Hey, Jin. Did you want to take your lunch break now?”
Jin’s face lights up, turning to look at me, my drink still in his hands. “Leo! Can I have lunch with you today?”
I hold out my hands for my drink. Jin passes it over and as our fingers touch, I swear lightning races across my skin. I bite my bottom lip so hard I’m worried I might actually bite the entire thing clean off. Thankfully, that doesn’t happen.
“I’d like that,” I say, forcing the words from my dry throat.
Oh my gods. Oh my gods. Oh my gods.
This is fine. I’m totally fine. Everything is fine.
I step away from the counter, taking a sip of my mocha. I do my best to keep myself calm as I wait for Jin to take his apron off and punch out for his break using the register at the front of the coffee stand.
The mocha is really yummy. The chocolate is rich and dark while the mint is fresh. I really like it. Knowing that Jin made it somehow makes it even better.
“Okay,” Jin says, stepping out of the coffee stand. “Let’s grab some lunch. I’m starving.”
I step in line with Jin, following him over to the food court. “How’s training going so far?”
“It’s really awesome! Brenda has been so nice and is helping me learn everything I need to know.
Monday is apparently the best day to learn because it’s busy with everyone going back to work but not too busy that I don’t get breaks to take it all in, you know?
I even get to wear a little pin that tells everyone I’m new.
Brenda said when people see that they’re usually extra nice, especially if I fuck anything up. ”
My eyes widen as Jin continues to talk, telling me all about his day and how training is going and how one guy was mean but Brenda took care of him.
I’ve always been on the quiet side. Apparently Jin is the opposite. He likes to talk. He likes to share. He’s bigger than life. I feel like I’m staring straight into the sun and I can’t look away, even as my eyes begin to burn.
I guide us over to a sub sandwich spot. It’s the closest thing they have to what I would normally have for lunch.
“What about you?”
“Me?”
Jin nods his head. “How’s your day going so far? I don’t even know what you do, Leo.”
“Oh, I work in an office that handles making and shipping out industrial kitchen supplies. It’s nothing as exciting as what you’re doing.”
“Nonsense. I want to hear all about it,” Jin says right away. He bumps his shoulder with mine as we get in line at the sandwich shop.
“Nothing exciting,” I say with a shrug. “Well, one interesting thing happened, I guess. My co-worker stopped by today. She’s not working right now because she just had a baby. She came in to show off her baby and talk to our boss.”
“That sounds great!”
I like that he gets excited over anything and everything.
I wish I could see life through his eyes.
Maybe it’s the fact that this is my fourth lifetime.
Maybe I’m just getting stuck in my ways now that I’m so old.
I’ve gotten so stuck in a rut and it took seeing Jin’s excitement for me to see that things are allowed to be bright.
Not everything needs to fit in its perfect box.
Not everything needs to be dull and scheduled and boring.
“It was really nice to see her.”
“I bet! Is she doing well after having the baby? Was the baby nice?”
I chuckle softly. “Yeah, the baby was really nice. He just slept the whole time. She’s doing really well too.”
“That’s wonderful news.”
“Yeah, it was.” I turn towards the worker and place my order. Jin does the same, ordering the buffalo chicken sandwich. I wrinkle my nose and he faces me.
“Do you not like spicy food?” I shake my head. Being a phoenix, I might be fireproof but that doesn’t mean I want my mouth on fire. “I love it. Reminds me of,” Jin’s voice drifts off for a moment. “Reminds me of home? I guess? I don’t know, it’s hard to explain. It brings me comfort.”
“Oh,” I say softly. “That’s nice.”
We go through the line, adding veggies and sauces to our sandwiches.
Then I grab a bag of crisps, adding them to my order.
I see that they have Pepsi but I already have my mocha to drink.
It’s not exactly what I would normally have but it’s close enough to give me that warm, safe feeling in my chest.
I remember Jin’s words earlier. He thinks trying new things is an admirable trait. Maybe I should try new things more often. Jin makes it seem so easy. He makes me want to try new things.
After paying for our food, we make our way out of the shop and find ourselves a table to sit at. I unwrap my sandwich, my mouth already watering with how hungry I am.
“Thank you for having lunch with me, Leo.”
“It’s nothing big,” I tell him softly. “I’m glad our schedules lined up so well.”
“Leo,” Jin says, his voice a little more serious than usual. I look up at him, freezing. “Please don’t toss away my words. I’m being serious. Thank you. I appreciate this time we’re spending together and I want you to know that.”
I’m speechless, my mouth opening and closing for a few moments before I finally find myself nodding. “Okay,” I whisper, ignoring the way my cheeks are warm. “You’re welcome.”
Jin nods then, happy with my words. “What do you do for fun?”
The abrupt change throws me through a loop but I quickly follow along, answering Jin’s question. Why does being around him leave me feeling on edge but at home at the same time? Why do I want those molten eyes on me so desperately? Why can’t I stop myself from staring at his face?
Fuck, I’ve got it bad.
“I know that should be an easy question to answer but I’m having trouble with it,” I admit softly. I open my bag of crisps, popping one into my mouth, chewing it slowly while I think. “I like watching this one streamer when I’m having dinner at home.”
“What’s a streamer?”
Oh lord, how do I explain this?
“He like, live streams himself. Sometimes he’s just talking to chat, sometimes he plays games, sometimes he does random shit. It’s very comforting and he’s really funny.”
“Huh. You’ll have to send me a link so I can check him out. What else?”
“I really like going for walks. It’s finally warm enough to walk again, which is nice. I like spending time with Bren. I used to do all sorts of random stuff but lately,” this lifetime goes unsaid, “I just kinda drift through my days.”
Jin hums, his eyes very intense as he looks at me. I can’t decide if I like it or not. On the one hand, it feels nice to know he wants to get to know me better. He’s actively checking me out, watching me, listening to me. On the other, he’s perceiving me, which is scary as hell.
“I like going for walks too,” he finally says. “We should walk together. I would like that a lot.”
“Really?”
“Yes,” Jin says, the smile back on his face. “I like spending time with you, Leo. I would very much like to keep spending time with you. Would you like that too?”
Oh. He just says exactly what he’s thinking. Jin doesn’t hold back. He’s not playing coy. He says he wants to spend time with me and he means it. It’s really refreshing but also kinda terrifying at the same time. He’s like no one I’ve ever met before.
“I think I’d like that too,” I say, smiling down at my sandwich.
“That makes me really happy to hear. Here, give me your phone.”
I pass it over, watching as Jin puts his contact information into my phone. Then he texts himself so that he has my number. He passes it back over with that signature grin back on his face.
We finish eating our lunch and I walk him back over to the coffee stand. He touches my upper arm, giving it a squeeze.
“Thank you for having lunch with me, Leo. I’ll talk to you soon!”
“Bye, Jin,” I say softly, ducking my head and walking away. All the way back to my car, my heart is up in my throat. I find that maybe I don’t mind the feeling.