4.
F ISH
I couldn’t remember ever being as exhausted as I was right now. I knew I shouldn’t be driving, but there was no way Cat would let me stop for a nap when we were so close to Marlboro and a reunion with her daughters.
In any other circumstance, it would make sense to hand the keys over to the other adult in the vehicle since she’d been napping off and on throughout our drive, but Cat had taken the wheel for a short distance yesterday. After that experience, I felt like maneuvering my truck along the edge of a cliff during a blizzard wearing a blindfold would be a safer bet than letting her get behind the wheel ever again.
Looking back, I should have known there was a problem when she couldn’t figure out how to start the damn truck, but at the time, I chalked it up to my truck being a newer model with a push button start rather than a key for the ignition. A surefire sign that she didn’t know what she was doing should have been the cheering and clapping when the engine turned over. There was more excitement when she figured out how to put the truck in gear and lurched out of the parking lot onto the street.
I gave her some grace when she blew through the first red light, but the second and third had me holding on to the dashboard with my fingernails, which just made her laugh maniacally.
By the time we got on the highway that would lead us out of Springfield, I was texting Magda and Rachel, letting them know how to find all the paperwork they’d need to settle my estate after my death in a fiery car crash. When I was finally able to unclench my jaw and form actual words rather than scream in abject terror, I found out why Cat was such a horrible driver.
“The cars up there are slowing down, Cat.”
“I see them.”
“You’re not slowing down,” I pointed out. I couldn’t stop myself from squealing in panic when Cat jerked the wheel to change lanes, never once looking over to see if it was clear, then passed a few cars before she veered back into the middle lane and over to the left again. “Where the fuck did you learn to drive? Talladega?”
“This is my first time!”
“Your first time doing what?”
“Driving!”
My voice was so high-pitched that it hurt my throat when I screamed, “What?”
“I’ve never needed a license because I’ve always lived in the city. It doesn’t make sense to have a car when everything is within walking distance or you can easily hail a . . . Holy shit! That was a close one. Anyway, I used to play this driving game on Joseph’s Xbox that was so much fun. The cops would chase you and all you had to do was find this garage and they’d change your car so the cops wouldn’t recognize you.”
“What?” I yelled again.
“It was called Grand Theft something or other . Really fun game.”
“You’ve never driven an actual fucking car before?”
“No! It’s so much fun!”
“Pull the fuck over right the fuck now. Oh my god! What the fuck were you thinking? Hit the brakes, Cat! Let me out of this goddamn . . . pull over right fucking now!”
“I’m getting the hang of it!” Cat argued.
“Pull over and stop the goddamn truck!”
“Jeez. I didn’t realize you were such an uptight person, Fish.”
“Pull the fucking truck over, Cat!”
I broke out in a cold sweat just thinking about it, and when I shivered, Cat asked, “Do you want me to turn down the AC?”
“No, I’m good.”
“I think you’re still mad at me.”
“It’s not anger so much as . . . The fact that you’d never driven a vehicle before should have been the first thing you told me when I asked if you wanted to drive.”
“So, you are mad.”
“Well, I think that the terror of having my life flash before my eyes is what’s got me on edge.”
Through her sinister cackling, Cat choked out, “You were screaming like those people I’ve seen online on the slingshot rides.”
“What in the hell made you think that learning how to drive on the highway at 70 miles per hour was a good idea, Abbie-Cat?”
“I’ve never really done anything reckless before.”
“And you decided that it was okay to make me a victim of your first foray into insanity?”
“I don’t think my driving was that bad!”
“Really?”
“I was a little offended when you threw up in the grass and then started chanting in another language. People were looking at us, Fish. It was embarrassing.”
“Oh, you were embarrassed?”
“You’re getting all worked up again.”
"Oy vey. She’s meshugge."
“You’re doing it again!”
“Doing what?”
“Speaking in tongues. Are you trying to cast a spell or something?”
“I’m trying to remind myself that prison really sucks and I don’t want to go back!”
“Why would you go back to prison?”
“For killing you and leaving your body on the side of the highway!”
“Are you being testy because you're tired?” When I couldn’t do more than growl at her question, Cat asked, “What language is that?”
“It’s Yiddish.”
“Really?”
“Yes, really.”
“You’re Yiddish?” When I shot daggers at her, she leaned back so quickly that her head hit the passenger window. “I’ve never met anyone from there.”
“From where?”
“I don’t know exactly, but you speak a different language so . . .”
“I can’t even . . . You just . . . Holy shit.”
“What? I’m trying to figure it out. Give me a second. It’s been a while since I took a geography class.”
“I’m Jewish, Cat.”
“Oh! That’s cool. Where are you from?”
“Florida.”
“I think I’m going to ask Google the rest of my questions because you need some quiet time until you calm down.”
This time it was my turn to laugh maniacally, and I was still laughing when Cat slowly moved her hand toward the stereo and turned it up to cover the sound. She snatched her hand back as if I might bite her, and that made me laugh even harder.
At some point, I might find this entire situation funny and may even be able to laugh about my near-death experience, but right now was not that time. Maybe I could find the humor in it after I’d had a very long nap.
◆◆◆
“I’d be enjoying this visit with you a lot more if you’d stop fucking laughing at me.”
Dante Pardo, a friend I’d briefly met in prison and then reconnected with at Pop’s compound in Tenillo, tried to stop laughing but couldn’t seem to help himself. He’d catch his breath and then start giggling like a kid again until it was an all-out cackle. Dante’s brother-in-law, Quinn, was having the same problem.
Finally, Dante was able to pull himself together enough to explain, “I’m not laughing at you, Fish. I swear.”
“Really? Seems a lot like you may be.”
“Our girls . . .” Quinn laughed. “They’re learning to drive and . . .”
When Quinn lost it again, Dante chimed in and said, “You described the terror perfectly!”
“My daughter, Colbie, and his daughter, Nica, are both fifteen, and we’ve been going through that same hell for months now,” Quinn managed to choke out. “Colbie’s driving is so bad that I thought about buying a tank for her first vehicle because that’s the only way she’ll survive.”
“But the town would look like a war zone because the girl can’t stay off the damn curb!” Dante chortled.
“Okay, I don’t feel so bad now. I remember what it was like teaching my sister Rachel how to drive. I must have blocked those memories out, but they’re coming back to me now.”
“Did you teach Magda how to drive?” Dante asked as he rubbed the tears from his eyes.
“God, no. Her dad had that bit of parenting joy. By the time I came home, she’d been driving for about a year. She was still terrifying, but not nearly as bad as Cat.”
“I’m confused. I thought her name was Abigail.”
“That was the name she was going by when she was in witness protection. Obviously, it didn’t work since her ex found her, but that could have more to do with the Feds on his payroll.”
“Jolie and her sisters are already planning a trip to Florida to visit,” Dante informed me. “Prepare for an invasion.”
“Bring it,” I said cheerfully. “I’ll take you guys out on the boat and let the women do their thing on shore.”
“My sisters have all become good friends with Abigail . . . Cat . . . during their phone conversations. Kyla loves her sense of humor too,” Quinn said, referring to his wife.
“She was burning up the phone lines while we were in Chicago, but I’m glad all of you humored her because she missed her daughters so much she almost made herself sick. We had to almost force her to eat because all she wanted to do when we weren’t at the courthouse was sleep unless she was on the phone with one of the women taking care of her kids.”
“That trial took forever,” Dante said with a grimace. “I’m glad they found him guilty. What’s his sentence going to be?”
“His sentencing will happen next week sometime, but the prosecutor was sure he’d get no less than fifty years. He’s still got another trial in DC for espionage and a few other charges, so that will just add to his time.”
“Do you think he’s going to send someone after her in retaliation?” Quinn asked.
“Fucker better not,” Dante muttered.
“Wherever she decides to land, we’ll make sure there’s someone nearby if she needs help.”
“I thought she was staying in Florida.”
“She said she may, but I’m not sure where she’ll end up settling,” I replied.
“She’s staying in Cape Coral. While you were sleeping, she got a call from her grandmother and was surprised to find out that she bought a house next to your grandmother.”
“Really?” I chuckled before I said, “I know Bubbe and Aunt Dodie have really enjoyed her company, but I didn’t realize that Cat’s grandmother liked Cape Coral enough to stay.”
“I guess it will be up to you to make sure she stays safe,” Dante pointed out.
My thoughts were racing at the thought of being able to see Cat all the time, something that I hadn’t dreamed would actually happen. My feelings for her had grown while we were in Chicago, but I never acted on them because she had way too much on her plate. But now . . .
“I can see the wheels turning,” Dante teased.
“She’s staying in Cape Coral.”
“It’s sinking in.”
“I don’t even know you, but I can tell by the look on your face that you’ve got it bad,” Quinn said with a grin. “Looks like fate just stepped in and dropped the woman of your dreams right into your lap.”
“Holy shit,” I whispered as it finally computed. I wouldn’t have to say goodbye. Better yet, while she got her sea legs and established herself in Florida, I’d have time to figure out exactly how to make her see that I wasn’t just another one of her new “big brothers” as I’d heard her refer to me and the guys.
No. What I wanted from Cat had nothing to do with brotherly love and was starting to edge on obsession. The news that she’d be living nearby - maybe even next door, gave me a sense of calm I hadn’t experienced since I was sixteen and ready to conquer the world for Dawn.
Of course, I didn’t do that. I went to prison instead, and she found a good man who was more than happy to step into that role and become a father to our daughter Magda.
I had never been jealous of their relationship and was happy to say that Ari and I had become really good friends since I’d moved back to Florida. It probably helped that I respected our boundaries and didn’t try to step into the father role with Magda, who was already eleven when I was released and then seventeen when I finished my parole in Tenillo and returned to Florida. Luckily, Dawn and Ari were both very encouraging when it came to Magda and I developing a relationship.
And we had done that. It was admittedly more of a friendship than a father-daughter relationship, but more than I ever hoped for, all the same. Magda had even given me a special nickname since none of us ever considered asking her to call me dad. No, I was Bub, a shortened version of Bubbe, one of our mutually favorite people.
Thoughts of my relationship with Magda gave me pause. Yes, I loved her and had done my best to be a good father to her during infancy and into her toddler years. Dawn and I quickly discovered that there are consequences to taking risks when we became parents at sixteen. Magda was almost four when I was arrested, so I had missed out on the majority of her life after making a shitty decision.
And although it had taken me from my daughter and the woman I thought I would be with for the rest of my life, I didn’t regret it because it rid my family of the vermin that only brought pain into our lives.
“What are you thinking about right now?” Dante asked.
“I’ve never really gotten to be a dad before.”
“I thought you said you have a daughter,” Quinn asked in confusion.
“I do, but I went to prison when she was four, so my ex’s husband raised her.”
“And Abigail . . . Cat has two little girls who don’t have a father because he just went to prison,” Dante pointed out, immediately seeing where my mind was going.
“Hmm. That sounds like the perfect chance for redemption to me,” Quinn mused.
“I’ve never thought about having more children.”
“That’s something you have to consider if you’re going to start something with Cat,” Dante said gravely. “Jolie and I blended our families together, and then Donovan came along and sealed the deal.”
“I haven’t spent as much time with the kids as the other guys, but you really get to know someone when you spend days in the car with them.”
“God, don’t even get me started on that misery,” Dante grumbled.
“You need to play it safe,” Quinn warned. “She’s freshly divorced and might not be ready to even consider dating yet.”
“She split from her husband before she found out she was pregnant with Mackenzie.”
“Well, that changes things,” Quinn said cheerfully. “The baby is what? Six months old or so? That means they broke up well over a year ago.”
“Considering she just testified against her ex in federal court, my guess is that she’s not exactly filled with heartbreak at the moment.”
“I guess we’ll see,” I said as I stood up to go find Cat and the girls.
“Look at him go!” Dante cheered.
“Hey, one thing you might need to think about.” When I looked at Quinn in question, he said, “If you’re gonna start a relationship with their mom, that means you’re the one that’s going to have to teach them how to drive.”
“Run like the wind, man,” Dante warned.
“If things work out like I hope, teaching Cat to drive and then teaching the girls will be a small price to pay.”
Dante snorted before he said, “I’ll remind you that you said that in about thirteen years.”
◆◆◆
“I took the liberty of mapping our route back to Florida,” Cat said as I turned the corner to take us to the highway and out of Marlboro.
We had eaten dinner with Dante, Jolie, and their huge extended family before we got in the car for the first leg of our journey. It seemed to be easier to travel while the girls were sleeping, so I spent most of the afternoon in bed preparing for the drive tonight. I thought that we’d just go as far as we could before they started getting cranky in the morning and then stop at the nearest town so I could get some rest while Cat entertained them somehow.
“I want to stop in that town you mentioned the other day.”
“Which town?”
“The one where the sister you barely remember lives.”
“Really?” I asked.
“Think about it, Fish. When are you going to be this close to her again, and what are the odds that she’ll be near your home in Florida anytime soon, if ever?”
“I haven’t talked to her in weeks, Cat. I can’t just appear out of nowhere.”
When Cat didn’t argue, I looked over and found her biting her lip with a wrinkled brow. I knew her well enough to understand that meant she was feeling uncertain about something and was wondering what to say, so I asked, “What?”
“I found her on social media and sent her a message.”
“You did?” I asked in shock. “What did you say?”
“Well, it was a long rambling message, but I managed to explain that you and I were friends and our route home would put us near her and wondered if she’d like to meet up.”
“And she agreed?”
“Yes! She said that she’d love to meet you in person and gave me her address and phone number.”
“Oh.”
“You’re not mad are you?”
“No.”
“What are you thinking right now?” Cat asked.
“I was just thinking that I never would have considered asking her to meet.”
“Why not?”
“She’s sort of just a voice on the phone or words on paper, you know? Yes, I know she’s my sister, but she’s not like my other sisters, so . . . I don’t know. I’m kind of nervous. Is that normal?”
“Perfectly normal.” We were quiet for a few minutes before Cat asked, “You’re not mad that I butted in, are you?”
“No. Why would you think that?”
“When I was a kid, I wished with all my heart that I had a big family of brothers and sisters to play with. When I found out who my father was and that he had a family, I was confused but excited at the thought of finally having siblings.”
“And that didn’t work out.”
“Not at all. They hated me and still do. We had nothing in common. We were just strangers who were thrown together at a very tumultuous time in our lives.”
“From what little you’ve told me, they sound like complete assholes.”
“Oh, they are, but the little girl in me still wishes that they liked me. I kind of thought that I’d live vicariously through you and make a new friend in the process.”
“A new friend, huh?”
“Yes! When I left Joseph, I realized that the people I thought were my friends weren’t really friends at all. Since I met Ajax and all of you guys, I’ve established connections that I know will last forever, especially since I’ll be living next door to your grandmother when I get back. I might not be able to see Toris, Sarge, Ajax, and Sandi all the time, but I can keep in touch and we’ll visit whenever we can. I’ll be able to hang out with you whenever you’re free, though! Isn’t that great?”
“Yeah, that’s great,” I agreed, trying very hard to sound more cheerful than I felt.
I was quickly coming to hate the word “friend” because the longer I spent with Cat, the more I realized the friend zone was a real place and apparently my new home.
When Charlotte started fussing, Cat crawled over the console to sit in the back seat with the kids, which gave me ample time to devise a way to make Cat see me as more than just a friend.
I’d been caged in prison for years and wasn’t fond of the feeling. Turns out the friend zone felt a lot like that. I hadn’t tried when I was locked up, but right now, I felt like breaking out was the right move.
Luckily, I had a week alone in the car with Cat to start the process.