5.
F ISH
“Are you okay? You look pale.”
“I haven't been out on the water lately. I guess my tan’s fading.”
“That’s not what I’m talking about,” Cat said worriedly as she readjusted Charlotte’s bib and handed her another sausage link. “What’s wrong?”
“Nothing.” I shrugged before I lied and asked, “What do I have to worry about?”
“You’re nervous!”
“I shouldn’t be.”
“That wasn’t a denial,” Cat said before she reached over and put her hand on my arm. “Farrah isn’t a stranger to you, Fish. She’s . . .”
“Call me Chai.”
“Huh?”
“My friends call me Fish, but my family calls me Chai.”
“Chai?”
“My name is Mordechai, but my family shortened it to Chai when I was a kid.”
“I like it.”
“You said I should call you Cat, and I should have told you then that the people I’m closest to call me Chai.”
Cat looked confused and tilted her head in question before she asked, “I’m one of the people closest to you?”
“I’ve never spent this much time alone with a woman unless I was related to her or prepared to spend the rest of my life with her, so I’d say that’s a yes.”
Cat looked stunned before she said, “You’re right. I spent a lot of time with Sarge and Toris, but I think I already know you better.”
“Good.”
A few seconds after Cat realized that Charlotte needed to be changed, Mackenzie started to fuss. Without thinking, I moved my coffee aside and then reached over and unlatched the belt holding her in the high chair before I picked her up and sat her on the table in front of me. She instantly stopped fussing and started playing with my beard. It seemed perfectly natural to lean forward and give her a big smacking kiss on the forehead.
Mackenzie laughed that sweet baby laugh that made everyone within hearing distance smile, so I did it again and again until she was giggling uncontrollably.
Suddenly, I realized that Cat was still standing a few feet away with Charlotte on her hip and the diaper bag hanging on her shoulder. She was watching us with a confused expression on her face, and as the baby tugged on my beard, I asked, “What’s wrong?”
“You’re just . . . I was just . . .” Cat cleared her throat and blinked rapidly for a few seconds before she shook her head. “Nothing. I’m, um, just going to take care of Charlotte’s diaper.”
“I’ve got the baby, so take your time.”
“Uh huh.”
Cat spun around so quickly that the diaper bag hit a man seated at the table behind her, and she apologized profusely before she rushed away. I wasn’t sure what was wrong, but I hoped she understood that Mackenzie was perfectly safe here with me, especially since we were in the middle of a crowded diner.
I reached over and got a bite of scrambled eggs from the breakfast Cat had ordered for the girls and tried to feed it to Mackenzie who was more focused on taking away the spoon than getting any of the food in her mouth. I sensed someone walking up but couldn’t look over because Mackenzie was convinced she needed to stick the entire spoon in her mouth and was irritated that I wouldn’t let her.
Just then, someone said my name, and I turned to find a woman I remembered from my early childhood but had only seen in pictures ever since. Farrah, my older half-sister, was standing there with a huge smile on her face, which made my nervousness about meeting her vanish.
“Farrah!” I said as I tossed the spoon onto the plate and picked up Mackenzie so I could stand. I pulled my sister in for a hug and had stepped back to smile at her when Cat reappeared with Charlotte on her hip.
The next few hours were filled with happy conversation as I finally connected with the woman who had been my sounding board for years through letters while we were both locked up and occasional calls once we were free.
There wasn’t any tension or uncertainty between us, which made sense because we’d poured our hearts out in letters for years, understanding that we had more in common than most strangers because of our incarceration and mutual anger towards our deadbeat father. Before long, we were chatting just like I did with my other sisters back home. I was really happy that Cat had taken the initiative and arranged this meeting because it was something I probably would never have done myself.
The woman was changing my life in ways I’d never imagined possible, and I thanked my lucky stars that I had the opportunity to spend so much time alone with her because that would help me lay the groundwork that might just keep her in my life.
The fact that her daughters were adorable and fun with unique personalities even at such a young age was a bonus I’d never even considered. I knew that my family would fall in love with them in the blink of an eye.
◆◆◆
CAT
“Thank you so much for letting us hang out with you while Chai sleeps,” I said again as I walked with Farrah toward the building on the far side of the property where she lived. “I know the girls are going to enjoy themselves much more out here than if we were wandering around town while he rests in the hotel room.”
“Are you sure you don’t want to take a nap too?” Farrah asked.
“No. I slept quite a bit last night while he drove.”
“Is that how you guys plan to finish the trip? Driving at night while the kids sleep?”
“Yeah, I think that’s the best way to do it. That way, they won’t end up sleeping too much during the day and then being restless at night. We should only be on the road for a few more days.”
“It sounds like a good plan.” Farrah and I watched as Charlotte hurried ahead of us, trying to balance on the uneven ground as she went as fast as her fat little legs could carry her. “The ladies are going to love them.”
“How many women live here?” I asked as I tried to count the houses.
“Not many yet. The program is just taking off, so Zoey is having to jump through hoops to get everything in order with parole officers and all the other powers that be. My house is ready, but I can’t actually move into it quite yet, so I’m still technically living at the halfway house.”
“And you work here too?”
“Yes. When Zoey first came up with this wild plan, this was just empty land. We’ve helped with everything we can, and she’s got friends who own a construction company. They took care of the building while we did all of the other things like making the raised beds and getting the soil ready for planting.”
“And you’re going to grow flowers? For florists or . . .”
“Yes, that’s part of the plan, but we’ll also have a nursery to sell seedlings of all kinds - not just flowers.”
“That’s a wonderful idea!”
“It doesn’t bother you to know that all of the women you’re about to introduce your kids to are ex-cons?”
“I have to admit that the idea would have terrified me a year ago, but then I met Chai’s friend, Ajax, and a bunch of the other guys. I was a little nervous at first, but then I got to know them.”
“Not all of the ex-cons you meet will have good intentions,” Farrah warned.
“I know that!”
“But my brother and his friends are good men. They’re . . . colorful. I’m not sure that’s the best description but . . .”
“It works,” I interrupted with a laugh. “Have you met all of them?”
“I’ve met a few men from his MC, but none of his really close friends. I feel like I know them, though, because he’s written so much about them over the years. I have this preconceived notion of what they all look like. I imagine that they’re a bunch of tattooed hotties with long hair and beards.”
“Some of them are, but some of them have short hair.”
“You didn’t argue about the hottie part.”
“They’re each sexy in their own way, I guess. I look at them like brothers, but I’m not blind.”
“You think of Chai like a brother?” Farrah asked.
I thought about it for a minute before I shook my head and answered, “I thought I did, but he’s different.”
“Oh, he’s different, that’s for sure.”
“He’s just not like . . . Well, at first he was just like Toris and Sarge. I thought of him as this protective older brother, but the longer I’m around him, the more I feel like it’s more than that. I see him differently, and I’m not sure why.”
“Differently how?”
“Can I be honest with you?”
“I can’t imagine why you couldn’t be.”
“Well, he is your brother,” I said simply.
“Yes, we share the same father, that’s true. I met him a few times when he was a kid, but then our father took off for parts unknown and we lost touch for a long time. It’s not like we were raised together or anything.”
“But you’ve become good friends.”
“I’d like to think so.”
“It all started when we dropped my kids off in Tenillo with his friends. He was so understanding and let me cry without giving me any shit about it at all.”
“Good. What sort of asshole would want to stop a woman from showing her emotion, especially when it comes to her children?”
“The one I just divorced,” I grumbled. I shook my head before I said, “He listened to all of my fears and doubts and did his best to reassure me about the people who were watching the girls and boost my self-confidence too.”
“Good for him.”
“When we got to Chicago and settled in for the long haul, he just seemed to know when I needed a hug or some space. The other guys seemed to take their cues from him, and I appreciated that, but I was really grateful that Chai seemed to know me so well instinctively.”
“I think that might have something to do with the fact that he’s got younger sisters who have always relied on him.”
“I’m sure you’re right.”
“It can only be a bonus, if you ask me, but I understand what you mean when you say that he is good at reading your emotions. For years, we only talked through letters, but he gave me so much support and friendship that it really opened my eyes to how a man should treat a woman, which was not something I learned during my childhood and formative years.”
“I know he’s a nice guy, but in the end, he probably just sees me as another job.”
“Do you think the other guys think of you that way?”
“Well, no.”
“Then why would Chai?”
“Because . . . well, because . . .”
“I think you’re hesitant because you don’t know what he’s thinking. Do you want to know the best way to fix that?”
“How?”
“It’s this new concept that hasn’t really taken off yet, but it’s been around for a while.”
“What?”
“Communication.” When I rolled my eyes, Farrah laughed. “I know it sounds crazy, but maybe you should tell him that you don’t see things with him as strictly amicable like you do his friends.”
“What if that makes him uncomfortable?”
“Then tell him to get over it while you figure out how to do the same.”
“I’ve got a lot going on right now, so it’s probably not a good idea to even bring that up.”
“I have to know what you’re talking about because you both look deadly serious right now,” Moe, one of Farrah’s friends who I met when we first arrived, asked as she held the glass door open for us to walk through. Charlotte took off inside and I started to rush after her, but a woman intercepted her before she got too far away.
As she swept her into her arms, she said, “With the amount of cuteness here today, we’re probably not going to get anything accomplished.”
“I hear children!” a woman called out from a room to our left.
“Come look at this baby, Zoey!” Moe called out in answer. “Meredith has already called dibs on the toddler, but I’ll fight you for the little one.”
I smiled when a few more women walked around the corner and started going on about how adorable my girls were. Moe took Mackenzie out of my arms and sniffed her head before she leaned toward their boss, Zoey, so she could do the same.
For the next few hours I had fun talking to the different women who came through and took their turns holding Mackenzie and giggling with Charlotte. I thought about the conversation I’d had with Farrah on the walk over.
Yes, there was something different about Chai. I’d felt it before, but it hit me like a freight train this morning at the diner when I watched him with Mackenzie. It somehow shined a light on how different I felt about him than the other men I’d met over the last few months.
It was definitely something to consider, but I made the decision to put those thoughts on the back burner for now. I needed to focus on the future and the life I was ready to make with my daughters in a new place - and luckily, that place was going to be near Chai.
That made it even more exciting.
◆◆◆
“Are you sure you don’t want to stay another day? I don’t feel like you got nearly enough time with Farrah.”
“She’s got a lot on her plate, and I don’t want to overstay my welcome. I think that I’ll be seeing Farrah regularly since we’ve finally broken the ice. It’s a long drive from Rojo to Cape Coral, but flights aren’t bad if you buy them in advance.”
“I really liked hanging out with her and her friends.”
“I’m glad. You don’t seem to have a lot of girlfriends and . . .”
“Zero other than Sandi who I think is really more of my spirit animal.”
Chai grinned before he said, “I don’t know Sandi nearly as well as you do, but Ajax being head over heels in love with her says a lot.”
“Like what?”
“If she puts up with him on the daily, she’s probably a little unhinged and terrifying, but she deserves a medal.”
I nodded and agreed, “That is mostly true.”
Chai burst out laughing before he put his arm over my shoulder and pulled me to his side. I tried to ignore how perfectly I fit beneath his arm and how good he smelled when he pulled me into his warmth. Holding me close didn’t seem to affect him at all, so I tamped down the instant arousal I felt, but then a spark of hope ignited in my chest when he said, “I can’t wait to get you home to the women in my family. They’re wild and crazy but loyal and fun at the same time. I think that you’re going to make friends for life, and as unnerving as that thought may be, I’m glad for you.”
“Do you think your sisters will like me?”
“I don’t think they’ll have any choice once they see how fantastic you are.”
“Are they nice to all of the stray women you bring home?”
“I’ve never brought a woman home to meet them . . . Well, not on purpose.”
“What does that mean?”
“And you’re not a stray! You’re . . . you.”
“I have no idea what that means.”
Chai looked at me with a bashful grin as he said, “I’m trying to figure it out myself.”