NICHOLAS
THE BALL HAD gone better than I’d expected.
Gabriel had played my part with frightening precision, restraining the outgoing side of himself and giving off nothing more than polite interest. It was impressive to watch.
Other than Baxter’s knowing, and only because he’d gotten us both ready, I had no doubt we’d pulled off the switch.
And somehow, I’d felt a freedom being in Gabriel’s shoes that made it easier to smile and even joke. I’d thought it would be difficult, given where I was in my life, but it was like putting on a character I knew all too well and being able to set my worries aside for a few hours.
It had been a relief…and over too soon.
Gabriel and Alejandro, with his dramatic, impossible-to-ignore presence, had done the job of selling a possible future together, and the guests had devoured every moment of it.
The king and the prince. Valoria and Solterra. A match that would strengthen both countries and be splashed all over the news.
I had to admit, watching them both together, I could see why everyone would be thrilled about it—until I remembered that it would be me and not Gabriel, and my heart sank.
The same way it did when I thought about the look on Noah’s face when he’d been watching who he thought was me with Alejandro.
There had been an ache in his eyes, one I’d only caught because I’d spent weeks learning every nuance of his expressions, and that look had gutted me.
I hadn’t been able to stop myself from approaching him as Gabriel, even though his eyes had continued flicking past me to where my brother sat in my place. When I said “Nicholas” wasn’t a monster, he’d been quick to agree, saying it as though he knew the real me.
God help me, I’d almost undone the entire masquerade right then and there.
The sounds of the final guests leaving filtered upstairs as I headed to my bedchambers.
Gabriel was still there, shaking hands and saying goodbye while I got to escape a little early.
Maybe I should’ve felt bad about that, but knowing my brother, he didn’t mind the social aspect of the crown at all.
Maybe I’d have Baxter run a nice, relaxing bath, I thought, as I opened the door to my bedroom—but then immediately went still.
Still in his formal livery from the ball, Noah was in the middle of turning down the bed, and as much as it was a shock to see him there instead of Baxter, it seemed to be more so for him.
He straightened. “Prince Gabriel, is there something I can do for you?”
Oh.
Oh no.
I was still in Gabriel’s outfit.
And why would Gabriel be entering my bedchambers?
And where the hell was Baxter?
“I…” My mind went blank as I tried to come up with a reason that made sense. “I was just looking for Baxter.”
“He had a few things to handle before the king retires for the evening. I can help you with whatever you need.”
Great. Just great. Now I was stuck with my lie.
The best thing to do in that moment would be to walk out the door and down the hall to Gabriel’s bedroom, then wait for Baxter and my brother to arrive to undo the switch. Then Noah would never be the wiser about what had happened tonight, and nor would anyone else in the palace.
But that was the problem. It was lying to Noah, and even though the logical part of my mind was screaming at me not to do it, I stepped inside and shut the door behind me.
I didn’t miss the tiny line that formed between Noah’s brows, or the way he blinked when I pulled one end of the bow tie at my neck, letting it unravel.
Noah gestured toward the door and started toward me. “Why don’t I join you in your room so—”
“This is my room.”
He went still, his mouth parting slightly. Then his eyes traveled over me, assessing every inch, looking for what he’d missed. When his gaze met mine again, the fire in it could’ve burned me.
Noah was mad.
No, Noah was furious.
“All night?” he bit out. “You were acting as Gabriel all night?”
“Yes.”
He stared at me in disbelief and then shook his head as he started to pace, muttering, “I knew it.”
“Did you?”
“No… Yes. I should’ve.” Noah gripped the back of his neck and spun back around to face me. “Why would you do that? Why?”
“Because I can,” I said, taking a step toward him. “Because I needed one fucking night without the pressure of the crown on my shoulders. Because I needed a moment to just breathe. Gabriel offered, and I took it.”
“And this is why you sent for Baxter instead of me. So you could deceive me too.”
“It had nothing to do with you,” I said, and then stopped, because that was a lie. I shook my head. “I didn’t do this with the intention to hurt you. But I also didn’t want this.”
“This?”
“This…hope I can see flickering in your eyes.”
Noah jerked back as though I’d struck him. “Sir?”
“I’m trying to do what you want here, Bennett.”
“What I want?”
“For me to leave you alone, to forget you.” I spun away from him, unable to stand the contempt creeping into his face. “But there was no way I could go out there tonight and dance with someone else in the same place I’d held you the night before.”
Silence fell. The truth of what we’d both been dancing around was finally out in the open.
“Is that what you wanted?” I said, and slowly turned to face him. “To watch me smile at someone else? Laugh with someone else? Touch—”
“No,” Noah finally said. “I hated it. Every second of it.”
“It wasn’t me.”
“No. But you let me think it was. And I don’t know what’s worse.
” Noah swallowed and moved a step closer.
“It’s easy for you to do and say what you want.
I have to worry about every word out of my mouth.
And tonight, you played with me. Like some puppet.
Tell me, did I perform to your expectations, Your Majesty? ”
His words were sharp, biting, and well deserved.
I hadn’t even thought of how this might appear to him.
I’d only been thinking of how I could get out of a night of expectation and speculation.
Gabriel’s plan had gotten me out of the spotlight and allowed me to imagine a different life for myself for a moment.
A life where I could choose the man I wanted to spend the night talking to.
Even if he was holding a tray of champagne.
“I never meant for you to feel that way—”
“No, you never meant for me to find out. That’s very different. Why did you speak to me tonight? Why seek me out?”
“Because I couldn’t stay away,” I said, the words falling from my tongue before I could pull them back.
“I tried. I told myself whatever this was, is, between us can’t happen.
I need to just let it go. But then you walked into the room and every intention I had to stay as far away from you as possible vanished. ”
Noah shook his head and took a step back. “Don’t do that.”
“What?”
“Say things like that. You’re the king.”
“I know.”
“And I’m just—”
“Noah.”
“—your footman.” He swallowed, and when I took a step forward, he took another back. “You shouldn’t have come to me.”
“I couldn’t help myself.” I angled my head a fraction, trying to see his eyes, but they were pointed on the ground. “You were watching Gabriel and—”
“Your fiancé?” he said, finally looking back up.
“Yes. And you looked miserable. I wanted to make you smile.”
“You wanted it.” He gave a soft, humorless laugh. “You know what I wanted?”
“Tell me.”
“I wanted to be a prince for a night.” His eyes welled up, but then he blinked away the softer emotion until it was replaced with something harder. “But unlike you, I can’t have what I want. I have to be happy with what is. I can’t just switch places with someone and take a night off from my life.”
“Noah—”
He held a hand up. “You lied to me, asked me questions about yourself, to…what? Make sure I felt the same? That I was, in fact, feeling as miserable as I looked watching you with someone else? Then let me make it clear: I hated every minute of it, almost as much as I hate the fact that I wish I had the right to be jealous over it. But I don’t.
So stop inviting me in. Stop looking for me in every room. ”
My temper flared, my frustration over the situation reaching its boiling point. “And just, what, pretend you don’t exist?”
“Yes.”
“Impossible. That’s impossible. You’re my footman.”
“Exactly—sir.”
“Nicholas.”
“No.”
Noah stubbornly shook his head, and I marched up to him. “So I’m just supposed to forget the way you make me feel?” I asked. “To forget the way your eyes sparkle when you smile? The way your laugh makes my entire body come alive?”
Noah refused to look at me, his attention fixed on something beyond as I brought a hand up and gently stroked his cheek.
“I’m supposed to just forget how you respond to my touch, put my longing aside?” I moved in and put my lips by his ear, and a soft sigh left him. “Impossible.” I closed my eyes and took a deep inhale, his scent filling my lungs. “What you’re asking of me is impossible.”
Noah slowly turned, and I saw the turmoil swirling in his eyes. The want, the desire, the conflict.
“This can never be.”
I held his face as I leaned in and whispered across his lips, “Then stop me.”