14. Margo
CHAPTER 14
Margo
T he way Fish is looking at Jeannie right now seals the deal. Jeannie drove me to The Gardens this morning because she has a large SUV. She is keeping the old apartment to herself. The second she locked eyes with Fish in the living room of my new apartment, it was wildfire attraction. It was only odd because I’ve never seen my friend have such an immediate fascination with a man before. She’s careful, calculated, and thoughtful when she’s diagnosing them in her mind.
“I’m taking your SUV back to our place to get the last load of stuff,” I announce. Fish merely glances at me, nods, then continues his flirty conversation with my best friend. “Hello, Jeannie? I’m leaving with your vehicle.”
She startles like she’s forgotten where she is and who I am. “Oh, yeah, okay, that’s fine. Remember you have that Rubbermaid tub of winter clothes in my closet.” I groan when she doesn’t say anything else and check my phone one more time for emails from Tommy. Nothing. It almost feels counterintuitive to be moving into this place that he’s evidently paid for without knowing how he feels about me. Jeannie couldn’t convince me otherwise even though the memories of him and I together cloud my thoughts. They’re perfection. Maybe they were the calm before the storm, I rationalize.
There’s a car trailing me, about four vehicles back. I first noticed it when I turned onto the main road and then made an another loop to make sure it didn’t know where I was coming from, and to confirm it was indeed trailing me. I pray it’s him. I know Fish and Jeannie are so far away from worrying about me, so they can’t thwart my attempts to deal with this.
I pull into the spot next to my car and watch as the smaller SUV swoops into a spot at the building next to mine. I wait for five minutes, pretending to be on my phone. No one exits the car. I get out, my stun gun keychain in my hand, fingers wrapped so tightly around it, my knuckles are white. There’s no way to know who or what to expect, and if I’m going to be stupid, I need to be tough. No one gets out of the car, but from my angle on the stairs, I can tell it’s a man from the wide shadowy build.
I put the first load of stuff in the car, still able to keep hold of the keychain, then I’m heading back up for the second load when I hear his voice. Hollis is standing at the bottom of the stairs. My heart leaps, and my stomach sinks and spins. There are too many conflicting emotions to settle on one.
“Hey,” I reply to his greeting. I’m too far away to see his eyes. Sometimes that was the only giveaway he was on something. He hid the addiction so well. “You aren’t supposed to be here,” I say. My voice is unrecognizable, like a robot. Fear forces the next words. “I’ll call the cops.” With shaking hands, I hold up the stun gun in one hand and my phone in the other. I hold down the two side buttons and the SOS pops up on the screen. I know he can tell what that is from a distance. I wanted this to happen, but even as he’s standing in front of me, the shock is big.
“Margo, I would never hurt you on purpose. Put down the phone. Can we talk for a few minutes?”
My hand wraps around the stun gun, I lower the phone. Hollis holds both hands out in front of him showing he means no harm. Doesn’t he know that’s not the type of harm I’m worried about? “Please, just let me apologize to you. I haven’t seen you this close in forever.”
I shake my head, taking a few steps down to the halfway point of the stairwell. “There’s nothing to apologize for. We’ve both moved on in life.”
He shakes his head, gaze landing on my arm. “There’s everything to apologize for. I’m sober now,” he explains. “You’re in some trouble, and I wanted to tell you, but it’s been hard with what’s going on.”
“What’s going on Hollis?” My voice cracks on his name. He looks older, the wrinkles around his eyes deeper, the hollows of his cheeks more shadowed. “Tell me what’s going on.” I take two more steps down until there’s only one step between me and where he’s standing at the base.
“There’s a man, who found me at the halfway house I’m staying at who wants the guy you’re with gone.” He swallows hard. His neck is so thin. “Like gone, gone, and I told him I couldn’t help with that. I don’t need any more trouble. But he knows you are dating him, and he somehow found me because of you.” His eyes dip down in the corner like they always have when he’s sad. “And he said you are the key to getting to him.”
“Who would want Tommy dead?” My voice sounds hysterical because this whole scenario is insanity. Tommy isn’t a man anyone wants dead. “He’s literally at war right now, what could he possibly have done to warrant this?”
“He took something that belonged to this man.”
“He doesn’t steal,” I grind out. “What did he take?”
Tommy doesn’t need anything. He doesn’t want for anything. Money isn’t an issue. He doesn’t have to work. Through my overhearing conversations, I know he has a large trust, and the ranch is doing more business than I could possibly ever guess. I never gave it a second thought because money doesn’t matter. Love matters, and so does loyalty. Hollis is looking at me like I’m an illusion. His favorite illusion. He shakes his head as tears start to fall. “I don’t know, Margo, but I owe you this warning. If he’s earned your love, I know it would hurt you to lose him.”
My tears reciprocate, and I hate that I can’t control them. The man standing before me doesn’t deserve an ounce more of my emotion. “Oh, now you care about hurting me? Now you do?” It leaves my mouth like a curse. “How nice of you to extend your kindness now after you destroyed our lives by becoming a drug-addicted cheater.”
He shakes his head and leans against the banister. “I’m so sorry. You deserve more than me. More than anything this world has to offer. I wasn’t myself when I hurt you. When I cheated on you and our beautiful relationship. I had a problem, and make no mistake, I take full responsibility for my actions, but that’s not me now. This is me trying to save you an ounce of heartache if I can. Before it’s too late. This man doesn’t play.”
I laugh, but it’s an evil noise. “Who could possibly think they could off a Navy SEAL? You realize how laughable it sounds, right?” It’s easier to ignore all the parts that scream at my heart and to target the problem at hand. If he’s giving me accurate information, it makes sense. Hollis was stalking around to warn me, and the other men are the ones who are looking for information, or me, to get to Tommy.
“He has a lot of money and connections. He’s a smarmy-looking dude, always in a suit, open collar, when I see him. He has a southern drawl. Worse than yours.” He smiles, trying to garner one from me, but I shake my head to urge him to continue. No pleasantries right now. Hollis nods. “He’s paying a guy you work with, too. He wants any and all information about you and your man. He wants to make it look like an accident.” He hangs his head. “You have every reason not to trust me, but Margo, I’d do anything to atone for the hurt I caused you.”
“What am I supposed to do, Hollis? Are they wanting to kidnap me?” I quirk a brow. “I’d like to see them fucking try, but I have some news for them. Tommy doesn’t care about me like that. There’s no way I’m enough to catch him.” I think about the emails that went unanswered, the phone calls that got more infrequent as time passed. How Tommy feels a bit like a stranger to me these days.
His gaze rises to meet mine, and for a moment, I’m transfixed and transported back in time. “You are enough to catch anyone, Margo Reiz. I had you, and I lost you, so I can speak to that.”
My heart flutters, like it used to, but I shut it down. Frowning I say, “You’re right you can speak on losing me, but you can’t speak on Tommy’s feelings. We are on the outs. If they want to ‘kill,’” I use air quotes on the word, “Tommy they’re going to have to do it the old-fashioned way. A shootout or something, I don’t know. If he stole something, which I find crazy, maybe he can give it back.”
“It’s not easy like that. He’s angry, but I’ll tell them you guys broke up if that’s the truth. I’m not trying to make any more trouble for myself either. I passed my drug screening, and I got a job down at the boardwalk. I want to be done with this, Margo. I need to start living again. I’m not about crime or anything that will get me into trouble. It’s the straight and narrow for me from here on out.” I think about something I’ve never allowed.
“What would our life look like if you hadn’t been in the accident? Right now,” I ask the question to think about it, but I say it out loud.
Hollis sniffles. “It would look perfect. We’d have that house with the yard and the white picket fence. Those big flowers that are pastel up front that would cause me strife trying to keep them alive.”
“Hydrangeas,” I add helpfully, envisioning it all.
“Yes, those. Southern California is in a drought, so they’d be trying to die. I wouldn’t let them though. We’d probably have that howling dog you always wanted. A baby on the way, maybe we’d be parents already. You’d be a great mom.” More tears fall down his face. “I’d have my dream job at the marina, and you’d take private training clients on the side working around the baby’s schedule. We’d have friends who lived next door, and we’d host game nights.” The images are so vivid that I can let them live for a second or two in my mind. I was so close to having everything I thought I wanted. But Hollis, the man standing before me, isn’t who I see by my side in the vision. It’s Tommy Towne. His big arms wrapped around me from the back, his warmth spreading through my body like my favorite blanket.
I hold up a hand to stop him. “Hollis, tell them I’m not seeing Tommy anymore.”
“Are you moving?” He gestures to Jeannie’s SUV.
I shake my head and wipe my face on my sleeve. “I’m not. Jeannie is. With her new boyfriend.” I don’t know why I lie, but something inside me tells me it’s the right decision. Like Tommy’s whisper from far away even though I’m pissed. Why does he care if I’m moving if he’s only come to deliver this news once?
“Stay safe, Margo. I’m sorry. I really am.”
“If you’re sorry, just stay away from me and let me live my life. One more question, though,” I say.
Hollis looks hopeful. “Which man at work is being paid off to rat information?”
“Glasses, weird hair, opened a protein bar with his teeth when his hands were free. Saw him do that twice when he was meeting with the big dude.” The big dude. I have no clue who that is. At least not yet. I know protein bar dude is Nathaniel. I cannot wait to get him off my ass. If he’s sharing records, that is one strike, you’re out. There are logs on every computer on the base. One anonymous tip to tell our bosses information is being shared externally, and it’s game over for him. Career over. I hope he got paid well by the big dude because he’s about to be his only employer.
I exhale noisily and sort my emotions. “You should go before the Jeannie and her man get here. The order is expired but let’s pretend it’s not from here on out,” I say. I got exactly what I needed from him. I knew he had some spot of goodness left in him. I let myself believe for half a second that he is rehabilitated. He leaves without saying another word. I stand on that stair for so long, that I grab onto the railing to keep from falling. Where do I go from here? I have to tell Fish. They need to know this isn’t what they initially thought it was, better for me, worse for Tommy.
I pack the rest of my room into the SUV and head back to The Gardens, careful that this time I’m not followed. It’s fully furnished with beautiful furniture I would have picked if I was in a store, and I have to wonder if this is how every apartment comes standard. I know at our current complex, furnished isn’t even an option.
Running up the stairs and into the apartment I see Fish and Jeannie making out, half naked on my sofa. “Oh my god, Jeannie!” I squeal, drop the Rubbermaid box I’m holding, and then cover my eyes with both my hands.
They both move to dress quickly, but I can tell this was round two or three from the state of my best friend’s hair. “What has gotten into you?” I yell.
Fish chuckles under his breath. “Me.”
I wince and turn around while they giggle like giddy high schoolers in love. “Absolutely disgusting. I can’t believe you were doing that on my new couch.”
“We didn’t do it in your bed,” Fish deadpans.
Jeannie laughs but stops herself. “I’m sorry. Gosh, yeah, this was not in the plan, Margo.” She clears her throat like a guilty ho. “Did you get the rest of it, or do I need to go get another load?”
Fish licks his lips. “You want another load?”
I look between them in absolute horror. “Oh my god, I’m going to be sick.” Bile rises in my throat. “The queen of Five Dates is over here doing the exact opposite. You don’t even know this man, Jeannie. What if he’s an axe murderer on the side? If the roles were reversed, you would be laying into me right now. You’d be grounding me for life!”
“I know him enough to know,” Jeannie says, looking at Fish with a lusty haze. “I know.”
I throw up my hands. “I can’t believe this right now. This is the pot calling the kettle black. I don’t know what to think anymore. I should have had sex with Tommy before he left, Jeannie. Maybe that’s why he’s not fucking calling me.”
Fish spins toward me, mouth agape. “Wait, wait, you guys haven’t had sex?”
“My best friend and psychologist over here, your sex partner,” I sneer, “Said that I should wait at least five dates before sealing the relationship with sex. She told me it would weed out the bad men who only wanted my body, that it would make our connection stronger, but it’s not stronger,” I shriek. “I don’t even know if he wants to be with me when he gets home.”
“He wants to be with you when he gets home,” Fish and Jeannie say in unison, like it was a practiced speech. But it wasn’t. I look between them, and it’s odd. They just go. They’re in sync with how they’re standing up to their matching expressions.
“He is literally bending over backward, sideways, in between, dick in the air, balls out the belly button for a chick he hasn’t even bed tested?” Fish is awestruck.
Jeannie smiles. “Is that what that was? Bed testing?”
“Oh my gosh, could we please focus here. This isn’t about your sex life. I need some reassurance here.” I stamp my foot like a petulant child. “Because right now, I’ve had more conversation with Hollis than I have with my own boyfriend in months.”
“Hollis?” they both say again, perfectly in tune.
I groan. “Stop doing that!”
“Stop doing what?” they say again together.
“That,” I deadpan. “Speaking like one person when you just met. It’s unnerving.”
“He was at the apartment,” I say, lowering my tone. “He told me how some big man with a southern drawl wants Tommy dead.” I pause for effect. “Dramatic, I know,” I tell them what Hollis told me about him approaching him at the halfway house and how my coworker is being paid to pass information along. “And the most fucked up part of all of it is I trust him. He was sober, and he’s not that one we need to be worried about.”
Fish shakes his head. “I don’t know about that. I wouldn’t be so hasty with coming to conclusions. But did he say what was stolen? Why all this fuss? Tommy is a good ole boy. He ain’t taking anything that doesn’t belong to him.” Fish abruptly stops talking, and his eyes turn from me to the clock on the wall. It looks like he’s doing math. Hell, maybe he is. I don’t know him outside of the gym, but the way my best friend is looking at him, I realize she does.
“He was sober?” Jeannie asks, reserving harsh criticism merely because I caught her fucking some stranger minutes before. At least she’ll be off my back for a while if I find myself back in the damn dating pool.
“He was, and he did seem like himself. He told me he wanted to save me from any more heartache. If something happens to Tommy, he knows it would destroy me. He knew a lot. Too much. Whoever this is has money and power. Fish,” I say.
He doesn’t say anything back as he takes out his phone.
“Fish,” I cry.
“What? What?” he asks.
“Everyone thinks he’s so good, so perfect, but this man is angry, so whatever this is about is valuable. They might use me to get to him, but I told Hollis to tell them that we aren’t together anymore so I’m not the key to getting him. I don’t know what this is about, but I’m here, in my new apartment that you both christened so fully, and I’ll be safe. You need to make sure Tommy knows.”
“He was getting letters sent to his place before he even dated you,” Fish says. “I need to talk to him, but it’s the middle of the night there so he’s sleeping right now. The threat is here, not there, so he’s safe until he returns soon.”
“Soon!” I holler.
“You didn’t hear that from me,” Fish says.
I pace with passion. I pace with anger. I pace with lust. “And you’re sure he wants to be with me?”
“Yes!” Jeannie and Fish wail in unison.
“You guys and your harmony need to leave. Let me unpack and stress organize this whole place.” He’s coming home. Tommy will be here soon. Does soon mean days, a week, two weeks? Butterflies and dread. What if he doesn’t look at me the same way he used to? What does he want to talk to me about? “Thank you for helping me, Fish. You’ll tell him what I told you? I don’t want to send that over email.” He told me before he left it was monitored. I know the teams have a system he can use to message him safely and without being tracked.
He nods, but he’s staring at Jeannie. I close my eyes because it seems too personal to witness. “And help me find out who this man is paying Nathaniel and trying to pay Hollis?”
He nods again. “Did Hollis say he didn’t take any money to help get to you?”
Yes is on the tip of my tongue. Always wanting to believe the best in him. “No, he didn’t say that.”
I blow a breath out. “Why did I move here if he was going to be home soon anyway?”
“He wanted you to,” Fish says. “Is that not enough for now?”
Nothing is enough. I haven’t gotten laid in a year. I haven’t seen his face in months. Or had a real, meaningful conversation. I didn’t know it was possible to be this self-conscious. Where do I stand? “Yes, that’s enough.” Fish wraps Jeannie in a side hug.
“Call me if you need anything, Margo. I mean anything. Leftovers are in the fridge, remember? We will talk tonight,” Jeannie explains.
“The gate code and fob are on the counter. You still have the cell phone, right? Keep that on you at all times,” Fish says. It’s in my hoodie pocket.
They leave, and I stare at the closed door for a beat or two before locking it. I spin, pressing my back to the door. This complex is gated. You need a fob or a passcode to get in. I’m safe, I tell myself. I repeat that over and over while I unpack everything I own. In between being bewildered about Fish and Jeannie on my sofa, excitement about his deployment ending, and dread for the situation with Hollis and Nathaniel, I pass out from mental and physical exhaustion.
My cell phone, which is almost dead, wakes me to my alarm.
Two missed calls from Jeannie and texts from Tommy.