15. Tommy
CHAPTER 15
Tommy
I ’m back on American soil. It’s early on the extreme East Coast, which means it’s basically the middle of the night in California. I switch on my personal cell phone for the first time since I left and watch as all the apps update and populate with missed emails and messages from folks who didn’t know I was deployed. This should be a time to celebrate. Instead, I feel trepidation and dread. I’m not the man who left. This experience has changed me—morphed me into a man I don’t recognize inside.
They hid the deaths of Commander Reynolds and Hank from the media until yesterday which was a huge feat, so the mood is somber as my team relives the fateful fucking mission that stole not only our two brothers but the two pilots in the Black Hawk that went down. The funerals will be this week, and their caskets are on our flight. “You ready to fucking party, man? It’s what they would have wanted,” Lipman says, rifling through his bag to find his cell. He turns it on, and I watch as message after message pops up from his ex-girlfriend. They’re sweet text messages she sent before she broke up with him days later.
His mood dims, and the excitement leaves his body. I slap him on the shoulder. “It’s going to be okay, man. She lost a good one,” I reassure him. Even as I say that, I don’t know what I’m coming back to with my own relationship because I haven’t allowed myself to think about her or us after the mission.
I had to stay sharp. My head would explode if I added one more worry or let my love and emotions for her seep in. I wasn’t prepared for how all-encompassing love and loss were. It was my first deployment, and I learned. The messages I sent were brief just to make sure she knew I was still hers, but I know they weren’t enough, they were all I could offer her at the time.
I click her name in favorites and debate calling her this late and settle for a text instead. We have to stop
TOMMY: I’m in Virginia. I’ll be landing at our base at 2:30pm your time. The tarmac is behind the gym. Follow the road all the way back, and that’s where I’ll land. Can you meet me?
I don’t know why my heart is hammering. The adrenaline forces me to sweat as I look at the stupid small screen. “Fuck,” I whisper when I realize what’s happening.
The switch. The one I had to turn off. Yeah, it’s coming back to life. Back to the moments when all I lived for was to hear her voice or see her smile. The last email she sent was as dry as they come. I wore her down with my lack of effort. Will she or won’t she still be mine? What if her situation has changed completely since I left? I know she lives in the apartment I secured for myself to live in when I returned, but I don’t know how willingly she went.
Fish wasn’t explicit when he told me anything about Margo. He sensed I couldn’t worry about her and do my job at the same time. That’s a shitty excuse, and I’m a shitty fucking human for not being able to be more. He did unload some messages a day or so ago about how Margo’s ex confessed to him that he was only trying to warn her and didn’t have any intent on harm. They were trying to get to her to get to me. Come the fuck on. That is all I have to say about that. I’m angry, and not only am I grieving my teammates, I’m grieving the person I was before I left. That man is no more. I didn’t take anything from anyone, and I challenge a good time, as long as Margo is left out of it.
Leaning my head back on a pallet, I blow out a breath. We’re on a cargo plane gassing up and getting ready to take off for home. My phone chimes, and I jump at the familiar yet unfamiliar sound.
MARGO: Of course I’ll be there, Tommy. I’ve missed you so much. Do you still love me?
My heart shatters when I read the question. She had to ask. There is no one to blame but myself.
TOMMY: Yes, more than anything I’ve ever loved on this planet. I can’t wait to hug you and apologize for being so distant. This deployment has been a lot. So much to tell you. I think the real question here is, do you still love me?
The bubbles appear almost immediately but disappear after a minute. No text comes through. “Fuck,” I whisper again, but then realize Lipman has tears running down his face.
Through a clenched jaw, he says, “She cheated on me with my best friend from back home. They’re still together now. It wasn’t just a one-night stand like she said in the email.” He shows me his phone and her social media post of them kissing. “She loves him, dude. How could he do that to me? She was my first.”
I’m telling him that she’s a worthless piece of shit not worth the dust on his boot when a realization hits. Something you stole from me.
No, it couldn’t be. There’s no way. I shake my head and close my eyes. Lipman doesn’t want to talk anymore, and I understand the feeling completely. Rest, I need some real shuteye before I see Margo and grovel for her forgiveness. She needs to be my focus now, nothing else. Not the failed mission that replays across my eyelids every time I close my eyes, not some creeps leaving messages or breaking and entering. Not even the person I had to become to do my job to the fullest. I have a new place with security and my woman. I would do anything to keep her, anything, I guess, except think about her while I was deployed.
Fuck.
The C-17 lands a few football fields away from the base buildings and the metal fences where family and friends are waiting. People are waving American flags behind a fence. There’s no way I can see her from this distance, and there’s no way she can tell which tiny, camouflaged dot I am from here.
As we walk toward them, there’s an intense disconnect. I’ve been living a completely different life devoid of emotions and everyday interactions. My gaze sweeps all the smiling faces, arms in the air, children waving—sitting on top of the metal fence—and I’m grateful to be home but terrified about blending in after what I’ve experienced. We’ve been checked out by doctors already, and we’ve spoken to shrinks, but I don’t think anything really prepares us for integration back into our lives.
“There are so many people here,” Chief Hawke remarks as he briskly walks by me. It’s a lot for all of us, even the veterans, so that’s a relief.
“Way too many fucking people,” Lipman exclaims on my other side, salty because he won’t have anyone here waiting for him.
“I’d say we can hang tonight, but I’ve had enough of you for a little while, so I’ll catch you in the gym,” I tease, knocking my shoulder against his.
He nods. “Yeah, I just want to get black-out drunk on my sofa and fall asleep in my bed after taking a real hot shower and eating a big ass burger.”
That sounds divine, except I want to add one more thing to my schedule. Her.
She’s even more beautiful than I remembered. She doesn’t have a sign, and she’s off to the side, out of the way of the children who are clamoring for their dads, but her big, white smile is beaming as she stares at me. Margo has on a light-blue dress that’s blowing in the wind and her cowboy boots. Her hair is down around her face and shoulders. I’ve never seen a more beautiful sight in all the world. Any and all of my reservations leave my body as I start to jog toward her, toward a normal life I know will be okay if I have her.
I stop short in front of her, taking her in. Her big eyes are glassy as she looks me up and down. I can smell her perfume intermingling with her shampoo, and my whole body responds. What to say first? What profound statement can I make that tells her how much she means to me? How she consumes me so fully that I couldn’t bear to think about her while I was gone. It was too painful, too heartbreaking to think of her, looking like this, out in a world without me next to her. “My god, baby, I’ve never loved something more.”
A tear drops down her cheek when she blinks. I reach out to wipe it away, but she leaps in my arms instead, wrapping her legs around my waist and clutching me around my neck. She’s so small and light. Her heartbeat is hammering into my chest, and mine is hammering right back, dancing with hers. This is where I belong. I understand. With Margo. “I missed you so much, Tommy,” she cries into my neck. Even though she’s crying, a calm sinks into my soul being close to her.
She pulls out of the hug and leans back to look in my eyes. I can’t wipe away her tears because I’m holding her ass, a fact I can’t be too aware of, or else I’ll embarrass us both right here and now. “I’m so sorry, Margo. I missed you too much,” I explain. “Being away from you was the single most difficult thing I’ve been through, and let me tell you, I’ve been through it these days.”
Cupping my cheeks, she nods. “I know. I felt the same way.” She kisses me, pressing her mouth to mine, letting her lips spread and her tongue dip into my mouth just a little. Just a taste. A tease. A fucking relentless assault on my willpower. I let a small moan slip into her mouth before I realize this is more than a kiss. This is a damn precursor of what’s to come later. I’m acutely aware of the crowd of families behind us so I walk a few steps until we’re near the building and let her slide down my body slowly. I want her to feel exactly what that kiss did to me.
She’s panting when her feet hit the pavement. “Margo, please forgive me for who I was when I was gone.”
Taking my hand in hers, she presses it against her chest. “You’re forgiven.”
“I need to ask you an important question right now.”
She smiles. “I have been waiting to see you and touch you and talk to you face-to-face for what feels like forever. Ask me anything.”
I stutter for a moment, tripping over what I want to ask and what I should ask right this second. “Will you go on date five with me tonight?”
Pressing her lips together she angles her head to one side letting her lashes flick up and down. “I thought you’d never ask, although I’m beginning to think Jeannie lied to me about the whole five-date thing. She just wanted me to find the right person.”
“Yeah?” I ask. “Why do you think she lied? I’d say the five-date rule really did work for us.”
Margo licks her lips. “Jeannie and Fish christened my new apartment before we could,” I explain. “The first time they met.”
Shock. “You’re kidding me.”
Her laugh is melodic, a salve to my poor broken soul. “I wish I were, but I think love is just you know when you know, and there isn’t some formula that makes it better or right.” She pauses, her smile slipping. “I thought maybe if we had, you know, before you left that maybe you’d miss me more.” Her gaze meets mine and pain crosses her features. “I blamed the stupid game for the fact that you didn’t seem to want to talk to me.” Her voice lowers, not wanting anyone to hear our conversation.
I shake my head, leaning down to kiss her neck because I can’t help myself. “The opposite is true. I felt guilty for leaving you to begin with and thinking about you and us only made it worse. I’m sorry for making you feel like you weren’t the most important thing in my life.”
“It didn’t make sense,” she whispers. “How fast we fell for each other. I thought the newness wore off, and I was just somebody that you used to know.”
I grin. “Isn’t that a song?”
A weak smile appears. “It is. I’m glad I was wrong, but I waited for you, and I’ll always wait for you, Tommy. I hope when you look at me right now, you see how much love I have for you.”
“I do,” I say. “Do you have to go back to work?”
“Yes,” she says, voice cracking. “Very unfortunately. In forty-five minutes. But I only have one more client, and then I’m free.” She brightens. “Why? Do we have plans?”
“Yes, but first, I have another question,” I say. She nods. “Do you mind if I stay at your new apartment with you?”
She bites her bottom lip. “I was hoping that was the plan. I’d love that.”
“Meet me there after work, and date five will be ready.”
She’s giddy, bouncing up and down on her toes, as I walk her back to her car. My big bag fits in the trunk, and as soon as both the doors are closed, I look at her. She looks at me. “I am down to forty minutes before I have to be back. Do you want to go somewhere?”
Her tongue sweeps across her bottom lip, and the motion makes my dick jump. “Yes. Yes, a million times yes.” I lean across the console, wrap my hand around her neck, and bring her lips to mine. This time I let myself get caught up in feeling it. I taste her breaths with my tongue and relish every move of her lips. My stomach tightens when the urge to claim her comes to the front of my mind. I need her. Want her. In all ways. But I can’t fuck this up like I did the first time. I let my dick be the guide, and my entire life blew up. With good reason. She wasn’t the one for me.
Margo is. Rules don’t matter with her. I pull her head away enough to speak. “I want to fuck you, Margo.” My teeth clash against hers. “Fuck like I have never fucked. Make love to you for hours. Taste every square inch of your body. Keep you. Cherish you. Fucking live inside you.”
She gasps, losing her breath. “Yes,” comes her reply. “That’s what I want.”
I tighten my grip on her neck, and she moans. I might come in my pants at the irrational way her turned-on noises get to me. “Right now.”
I exhale in her mouth and she does the same, eyes closed, hands down by her sides. “Go to the apartment.” It’s close. Not close enough because I want to be in her this second, but doing anything on this base will put her career in jeopardy.
She pulls away, and she’s panting, eyes staring into mine. “I’m going to cancel Fish.” Margo picks up her phone and calls him. I could have done that. “He owes me after deflowering my sofa,” she says. When Fish answers the call, she tells him she picked me up, and she needs to cancel his scheduled workout.
I can hear him cackling on the other end of the line. “Go work out by yourself, you fucking pansy!” I yell.
He laughs again, then clicks off the call. Margo drives home, and I don’t take my hand off her bare leg the entire way. Goose bumps cover both her legs, and I can tell the anticipation is getting to her as much as it is me.
“Will this always be our apartment?” she asks, as she hands me the key to unlock the door.
“Eh,” I say. “Until we buy a house. I was thinking of one of the cottages in Coronado. With the fences out front.”
Her whole face lights up. “That sounds absolutely perfect. I wanted this to feel like home, so I unpacked everything as soon as I moved in. The gated aspect makes me feel safe, but have you figured out who has some weird vendetta against you?” The apartment is nice. One glance around tells me everything I need to know. I’m home.
“We’ll figure it out.” I drop my bag and lock the door. “Right now, there is one vendetta I need to fight. The dust and grime on my body. Then I only want you.”
Margo laughs and leads me to the bathroom in the master bedroom. I undress, put everything in the washing machine, and get under the hot water. Margo lingers in the bathroom, watching me wash the grit from my body. “You’re so much bigger than you were when you left. What program were you on?” She swallows hard. “I mean, your biceps are the size of my head.” Her appraisal doesn’t stop on my arms, and my cock jerks when she looks there.
“I just jacked steel, baby. Nothing else cleared my mind. There were no programs. There was just rage. Why don’t you come in here now that the dirt is gone?” It’s large enough for two people with shower heads on both sides. I turn the second one on.
“We’ll have to get you back on a normal program,” she says, but her words are breathy. “Even though this looks nice too, it’s going to be bad for your joints.” Her neck works as she swallows. Grabbing the hem of her dress, she lifts it over her head to expose her full naked body. No bra or panties. She planned this, and my excitement level rises to a fever pitch.
“Will we? Or do you like how I look just like this? While we’re talking bodies, yours is looking certifiably perfect in every way.”
Her gaze drops to her body then back to mine. “I did too much cardio so I’m leaner than usual. Running helped me clear my mind.” She steps in, and the water wets her hair and runs down her body in clear rivulets. I watch as they disappear between her legs. “You must have been through a lot,” she whispers. “I’m sorry you had to go through that.” Hand splayed, she traces my abs with her fingertips. It feels good. Everything about her comforts me in a way that banishes second thoughts or fear of not doing something right.
I kiss her lips, then her ear, then her neck. She leans it over to give me better access. “I don’t want to talk about that right now. Right now,” I rasp at her ear, “I want to feel you. I wanted you every second. Wanted this.” Gently, I slide a finger inside her. She’s tight and so wet. “You’re dripping for me, Margo.”
She goes a little limp when I move the pad of my finger over her G-spot. “Because I missed you and wanted you every second you were gone.” Margo’s hand goes out, and her fingers wrap around my cock as I finger fuck her slowly, seductively. Even as minimal as the contact is, I know it’s going to be quick, so I grab her wrist and stop her from touching me. “Let me play,” she moans.
“Baby, if I let you play, this will be over in seconds. Let me play with you right now, and I’ll get mine after.” My stomach tightens. Half from nerves, half from anticipation of burying my dick into this tight pussy. My life has been rough, gritty, and dirty for nearly half a year. There were no pleasantries. No soft skin. No emotions. No love. The current sensations are overwhelming in the best possible way.
“Okay,” she says, but it’s more of a moan because she’s moving her hips to fuck my finger. “I wish it wasn’t your finger inside me.”
My dick jumps. “Me too. That’s next,” I snarl, mostly for my own benefit.
“I want to taste you.” The words have barely left my mouth when I pull my finger out and lift her under her arms until her pussy is in my face. She wraps her legs around my neck, pressing her back against the tile wall. There was a reason I wanted this apartment layout with the double high ceilings in all rooms. I slide my tongue across her clit and let it dip inside her. “Mmmmmm.” It comes out like a growl as I feast on her. She tastes delicious, and it makes my head swim when she starts thrusting her hips to fuck my tongue.
Pressing my tongue flat against her clit, she circles her hips. “Tommy,” she says, her breathing haggard. “This feels so good. I don’t want to come yet. I want to come with you inside me.” She pauses her hips, and I pull her ass so my mouth is covering her cunt. I sit there just a moment or two, the pressure from my lips and tongue quieting the harried pace.
I let my gaze flick up. She’s watching me, her fingers tangled in my hair as the hot water slides down my back. “You sure?” I ask, just for fun. I know the answer.
“I’ve literally never been more ready,” she says, a lilt of laughter in her tone.
She slides down my body and the wall until my erect dick stops her. “I could put you on it right here,” I growl at her ear. “But I want you in the bed.”
Margo’s breaths are loud at my neck. She sucks my ear. “Or I could just push myself onto you right now.”
Every muscle in my body coils. I’ve never felt so turned on, throbbing, pulsating, my whole body only wanting one thing. To be inside her. “Yeah?” I freeze. There’s no possible way for me to be more still than right now.
She scoots down so the head of my cock is at her entrance, hot and ready. “All it would take is one little wiggle. Do you want to feel me?” Margo writhes her hips, and the tip slips into her. I hiss in fucking delight. “There we go. You’re stretching me open.” The words coming out of her mouth rile me up just as much as her fucking body. “Does that feel good? It feels amazing to me.” Her words are broken up and lusty—a sex-fueled whisper.
“This feels better than good.” I still don’t move. I let her control every single breath, every movement. This must be her doing. I need for it to be her. “Let’s get out of here, Margo,” I say gently, my whole body shaking to hold myself back.
She licks a trail from my neck to my ear to my mouth. We make out, with the tip of my dick in her as I feel her cunt tighten around the head. I groan loudly into her mouth. “Fuck.” It’s a curse and a pleading beg. “Please.”
She slides up, and my dick is bereft and cold. “You don’t have to ask twice.” Margo hops out, towels off, and leaves for the bedroom. Fuck does she drive me crazy. My body wants to immediately repopulate the world when she’s naked, but my mind just wants to love her crazy good. I do a quick soap up and off and turn off the water. After I towel off, I see her kneeling in the center of the bed. She has her comforter set on it. It’s beige with light-blue flowers. I fantasized about the vision in front of me from the first time I made out with her on her bed. Margo crooks a finger.
“Come here, big boy.” She sits back and teases her knees open and closed. She slides her hand between her legs and rubs her clit with two fingers as I approach slowly.
“Do you know how fucking beautiful you are? I just want to lock this memory up and keep it forever, Margo.” When I’m close enough I lean over and grab her ankles and pull her to the edge of the bed. I replace her fingers with mine, and she arches her back, pleasure ripping through her body.
“Do you know how close I’ve been to coming within the past ten minutes?” she breathes. “When I finally come, it’s going to be rockets’ red glare,” Margo pants.
I chuckle under my breath, but the smile doesn’t meet my eyes. I’m too feral for that right now. “When I finally come, there’s going to be so much it may well choke you,” I rasp.
She opens her eyes and looks at me. “Is that where you want to come?”
“Do I have an option?” I say, swallowing hard.
“I’m on birth control,” she says, taking my hand that’s between her legs and using my finger to fuck herself. Watching her take charge is making me shake with need. I want to be in charge. “You can come wherever you want. I wanted to be ready for this, so I started on birth control when you left. No barriers. No limitations. I’m fully yours, Tommy.” With her free hand, she pulls me down onto the bed. “Tell me how you want it. What did you fantasize about most?”
My mind is fuzzy because all the blood in my body is inside my dick, which just went into her mouth. “Ahhh, god, every single way,” I grind out, pushing her head down so she takes all of me down her throat. “Not that I’ll make that. Fuck, I’ve missed you.”
She pops off, spit connecting her mouth to my cock. “I missed you too. I’ve been dreaming about the barn. I want to ride you first with nothing between us. Can we start there?”
I exhale noisily. “Good god, did you think I’d say no?”
Margo wastes no time. There’s an urgency to her actions. She needs this as much as I do. Placing her knees on each side of my body she slides down on me slowly, keeping her hands on my stomach. Tilting her head back, Margo whimpers in ecstasy—circling her hips as she slides up and down. I cup her tits and watch the most visceral, tantalizing show. She’s taking what she wants from my dick, and with nothing between us, it takes all my concentration not to come inside her tight fucking body every time she makes a noise.
“This feels better than I imagined,” she breathes, hanging her head forward. She pants as she slams down once more and comes, her pussy wrapping my dick like a warm, wet hug over and over. She cries out my name, and it’s then I realize how tightly coiled I’ve been trying to let her take what she needs before I flip the script.
I flip her over, keeping my dick ensconced in her cunt. “I love you,” she says a moment before my lips crash into hers. The kiss is harried as I thrust into her, feeling her from a new angle. No condom between us makes this immeasurable pleasure. How will I ever leave this bed or this apartment if this is on the table as an option?
“I love you,” I reply, the words cascading into her mouth as I fuck her wildly.
Every inch of my dick feels like it’s going to explode any moment so I slow my pace and thrust into her slower, changing it so I can hold on to this feeling a little longer. Margo breaks our lips and kisses my neck. She licks my ear and says, “How much do you love me?”
I lose my breath trying to focus. “So much. Too much,” I reply, strained.
“Fuck me from behind,” Margo says, pushing my chest up a little to initiate the switch in position.
I take her from behind and notice the mirror to our side perfectly placed. Ah, this was a planned attack. She meets my eyes in the mirror, then closes them, reaching between her legs to rub her clit as I pull her hips back to slam into me.
“Keep that up, and I’ll come again,” she utters.
I watch the mirror as I fuck her, and her breathing grows wilder, and she hangs her head as I burrow deep inside her. “I’m going to come,” I say, watching her ass cheeks shake every time they thump against my legs. I don’t know what I did to deserve this, but I’ll make sure I’m worthy of it from here on out. I blow my load inside her, pulling her ass and hips back so there’s no way it’s going anywhere except inside her. Deep inside her. She screams out in pleasure as her orgasm hits at the same time—the waves rocking her and wrapping around me over and over.
“Oh my god,” I exclaim when words fail me. I can’t catch my breath. Nothing else makes sense. This might as well have been my first time fucking for how different it was. I hate to compare, but truly there is no comparison to Margo. On her hands and knees, she stays still. “I want to stay inside you,” I say.
Margo rocks back, careful not to disconnect us as I lay down, and spins so she’s on top again, just how we started. “Stay inside me,” she breathes, a tinge of sweat making her body shine like a perfect marble statue or some angel, untouchable. “How was that?”
“Better than my wildest dreams. No lie. I don’t even know what to say except can I have that every day of my life?” I rub her clit, and she rocks back and forth on my dick.
She giggles. “That sounded like a proposal, Tommy. While you’re inside me, it seems a little suspect, I might add.”
I shake my head. “Inside you, outside you, I’ll always feel the same about you.”
She stops breathing for a beat, so I continue. “I won’t propose while I’m in you, but you have to promise to say yes when I’m not in you.” I jut my cock up, and she moans, even though it’s softening.
“Okay,” she agrees softly. “Promise me something.”
“Anything,” I reply, realizing I’m going to be ready for round two quickly if she keeps bouncing on my dick. “I mean it, anything.”
“That you won’t hurt me.”
At first glance that seems an easy promise. “I promise I won’t hurt you.” Can I be making these promises though?
Margo raises herself almost all the way off me, leaving the head in as my cum drips down my shaft. She takes two fingers to catch it and slides them into her mouth, sucking it. “In that case, I’d really like to play some more.”
“I feel like I’m in my dream fantasy right now.”
“Maybe you are,” Margo replies.
Then she starts riding again, bucking her hips in a new way that has my fucking eyes rolling into the back of my head.