50. Chapter Fifty
In the aftermath of that lingering kiss, I find it difficult to maintain eye contact with Xander the following day. Yet, I can feel his presence close by.
Reluctantly, I join the band at sound check the next day, even though I can’t understand why I have to go. But Reg made a big deal about it. So here I am. Sitting in the stands of the venue, I am completely captivated by Xander’s powerful voice as he sings. The band’s undeniable collective talent and captivating stage presence are evident, but my focus remains unwaveringly on Xander throughout it all.
As he belts out their greatest hit, the very song he sang to me on that unforgettable night on the rock, my tears threaten to spill. A whirlwind of emotions and memories wash over me, transporting me back to the carefree moments we once shared. The way he opened up to me, sharing personal things, I believe only Ace was aware of.
How did we go from that profound connection to our current predicament? My longing for him intensifies even more after our recent kiss, and I struggle to suppress this overpowering attraction. These feelings for him have been with me since I was fourteen, and I cannot simply switch them off because of what has happened between us. I just need to get better at not letting him see how I really feel.
Kit takes a seat beside me, her eyes captivated by the band as they deliver another powerful song.
“This is why they’re the best,” she comments, turning her head and smiling. As soon as her eyes meet mine, her smile falters. “Are you alright?” she asks, lightly rubbing my arm.
“Yeah,” I sniffle, swiping a finger under my eye to stop a stray tear from falling. “Just memories.”
“I’ve heard some rumors about you and Xander having a past. Well, that’s what people are saying. It’s nothing scandalous, if that’s what you were expecting. It’s just this rumor going around that you and Xander were involved, and apparently, he hasn’t been the same since you two broke up.”
I can’t help but burst into laughter at how ridiculous these speculations are.
Kit smiles at me and asks, “So, I take it there’s absolutely no truth to those rumors?”
“No, not at all.” I quickly reply.
The song comes to an end and we redirect our attention back to the stage.
Xander walks over to the half stage where Nate’s drums are placed, picking up the half-empty bottle of water. After chugging it down, he grabs a stool and returns to the microphone, but not before he gives a look in my direction.
Kit settles back in her seat, getting comfortable as if she plans to stay for a while. “I absolutely adore the way he sings this song.”
As the music begins, my throat tightens upon hearing the opening notes, especially when Xander’s eyes shift toward me, and he starts singing the first line of Creep.
He keeps eye contact with me the whole time during the first verse.
The rush of emotions overwhelms me as I recall all the times we sang that song together. I remember that day on the street when he first spoke to me, and the time we performed it on the rock for his mother’s birthday. There were countless other moments in my room when he would grab my guitar and play it. It’s all too much, these intense memories flooding back. I have to leave before I completely break down and he realizes the power he still has over me.
In one swift motion, I snatch my bag and get to my feet, fully prepared to make a quick exit.
Just then, Kit’s voice pierces through the music, shouting from behind, “Where are you going?”
With tears welling up, I press on, navigating through the rows of seats, my pace quickening as I make my way towards the exit, a sense of urgency propelling me forward.
Xander’s eyes track my every step, intensifying my awareness of his gaze. Despite knowing that the band’s sign-off song was coming, hearing it live, and locking eyes with him as he sings it, brings back the memories I cannot brush aside.
Out of nowhere, the song comes to an abrupt halt, causing me to quickly turn my head in Xander’s direction. He gets up from the stool and makes his way towards the side of the stage.
Oh my god. That’s the last thing I wanted to happen.
In a hurry, I rush into the large foyer, ready to bury my head in shame. I can’t understand why I ever thought I could handle any of this. I should be back home with my son, not here, where every memory painfully tugs at my heart. Maybe I should just go find Ace and confess that I can’t bear this any longer because it’s too agonizing. I”m freaking out because I don”t know where I”m going, and I can”t believe I messed up sound check.
As I turn the corner, I abruptly halt upon seeing Reg. He”s on his phone, but we lock eyes when he sees me there. His gaze narrows, studying me as he comes forward. I quickly turn, discreetly wiping away the tears streaming down my face. I can’t afford to let him witness my vulnerability; undoubtedly, things will take a turn for the worse once he discovers that I’ve ruined sound check. It’s just one more issue to add to the lengthy list of problems he has with me. It’s only been three days, yet I already feel like I’m crumbling from within.
”We need to discuss what happened last night,” he tells me as he ends the call.
Shit. I had successfully avoided him last night and this morning at the hotel, and now he wants to bring it up when I’m feeling my worst.
“I never should have come. I just want to go home,” I blurt out before he can even begin to criticize me.
The expression on his face says it all. His jaw tightens, his lips narrow. “You must be joking. After all the arrangements that have been made, you choose to bail now. Just three days into it,” he responds, clearly frustrated. “You’ve already been paid the ten thousand dollars, Poppy. If you leave now, you’ll have to pay it all back, and you’ll also have to find your own way home. The label won’t be providing any money for your return trip. Ace said you were tough, but clearly, he didn’t know you at all. So why don’t you just go back to your insignificant life that means nothing to anyone? After what you did last night, I’m better off without you,” he says.
The term “insignificant” evokes a strong reaction in me. Just because I’m not a wealthy rockstar doesn’t mean I’m a nobody. It fuels a fire within me, similar to when Jade used to constantly target me with hurtful comments about my weight. Screw him. He has no right to speak to me like that. Sure, I may have broken down and shown vulnerability in the face of overwhelming emotions, but I need to toughen up and confront this jerk who won’t stop yelling at me.
“Fuck you. If you want me to do this job, then you need to stop being so demanding and let me do it. You can’t scream at me down the phone just because I won’t give in to your demands like everyone else.”
Footsteps sound on the hard cement floor, prompting Reg to turn around to see who’s approaching. I cast a glance over Reg’s shoulder to see Xander. His gaze meets mine, then shifts to Reg, as if he yearns to find out what’s going on.
Reg glances at his watch. “You haven’t finished sound check yet,” he says, eyeing Xander.
“I’m done,” Xander says, his eyes locked on me as he approaches. Reg opens his mouth to protest, but Xander beats him to it. “Don’t say a fucking word, I swear to god, Reg.”
Reg takes a step back, watching as Xander grabs my hand and pulls me forward.
As we make our way down the long corridor, he finally spots a restroom and quickly ushers me inside, locking the door behind us.
Leaning against the door, he watches me for a moment before he speaks. “What’s wrong, Princess?”
”Don”t worry about it,” I mutter, keeping my head down, feeling embarrassed for letting myself fall apart.
“It’s the song, right?” he says.
I lift my head in response to his words, but I find it difficult to articulate my feelings. Hearing him sing that song hurts me deeply. It feels like our special song, or at least it was to me.
“Singing that song hurts me too,” he admits.
I get it. The pain of losing his mother is just as intense as my longing for my father.
“You didn’t have to come after me,” I say, trying to divert the conversation. “You could have continued with sound check. Now I’ll be blamed for messing that up.”
“You’re not to blame,” he says, pushing off the door, coming towards me. “I canceled sound check because I wanted to, and believe me, no one will say a fucking word about it.” He walks over and positions himself directly in front of me. His eyes scan my face, as if examining every tiny feature.
He raises his hand and gently caresses the side of my face.
“I can’t do this, Xander.”
“If you want me to stop, just say the word,” he says.
I swallow, not wanting to say those words but knowing that I have to. I can”t just be his convenient hookup for the next month or two. Allowing that to happen would shatter my heart beyond repair.
He leans in, running his nose over the shell of my ear. I close my eyes at the sensation of feeling him again—the smell of him, the touch of him. His other hand rests gently on my hip. “I want you, Princess,” he whispers close to my ear. “I want you in every way possible. Not just you coming on my cock, but everything. And when you’re ready to forgive me for what I’ve done, we need to talk.” He plants a soft kiss on my cheek and turns away, unlocking the door and stepping outside.
I recognize that move. It’s the one I’ve witnessed countless times for years when I watched him. He did it with Jade, Savannah, and all the other girls he hooked up with.
I make my way over to the sink, place my palms on the counter, and fix my gaze on my reflection in the mirror. Through my tear-stained eyes, I notice my mascara has smudged. Flicking on the tap, I cup my hands and let the water cascade over my face. Get your shit together, Poppy. You’re tougher than this.
Three days later, the crowd’s roar pulsates in my ears as I watch Xander move around the stage. The dazzling lights cast a radiant glow on his figure, and despite the scorching heat surrounding me, a chill runs down my spine.
It’s been over two hours, yet he continues to pour his heart and soul into his performance. It is both mesmerizing and intimidating to witness how effortlessly he commands the attention of over eighty thousand people. He”s in his element as if he was born to thrive in this very moment.
“I love you, Xander,” someone shouts from the crowd.
“I want to have your babies.”
“I’ll let you stick it anywhere,” another woman at the front of the crowd yells.
I can’t help but roll my eyes when he gives her a panty-melting smile.
He grabs the mic in a crude gesture and the crowd cheers get even louder. And he just stands there - like some important world figure. Absorbing the energy, biding his time until the tension, the anticipation becomes so intense that you can hear the rapid beating of hearts belonging to every girl in the crowd.
Another moment slips away. Electricity surges through me like a live wire. Quietly, I scold myself for the way my body reacts to him.
With a sudden turn of his head, he catches sight of me standing there. Our eyes lock, and he playfully runs his tongue over his bottom lip in a suggestive manner, igniting a surge of desire within me. Memories flood back of that skilled tongue and all the pleasurable things it can do. His eyes narrow, and he gives me a self-satisfied smile, while Nate sets a slow beat on the drums, followed by Theo on bass and Ace on the guitar. Yet, his gaze remains fixed on me, his seductive, sexy lopsided grin never wavering. Cocky asshole.
I used to adore the way he was - unapologetic and unaffected by others’ opinions. His rawness and that dirty way of speaking captivated me. Oh, that mouth. The very thought of it would invade my thoughts as I lay alone in bed at night. And even though he projected toughness, he slowly let me in to see the tender parts that had caused his scars.
What the hell was I thinking when I said yes to Theo’s request to watch the show? I should have stayed in the green room like I have every other night.
I’ve been avoiding Xander at all costs ever since he dragged me into the restroom. It took every ounce of strength to resist the temptation of indulging in him and using him the way he used me. But I couldn’t, as it would only reopen old wounds and painful memories.
My phone suddenly vibrates in my pocket, prompting me to quickly pull it out. To my surprise, the caller ID displays my mother’s name. This is unusual since she never calls me. It’s always me calling her to check on Alex.
A rush of anxiety courses through me, wondering if something is wrong. As I glance up, I notice that Xander’s gaze is still fixed on me. The only noticeable change is the concern etched on his face, replacing his previous smug expression.
I quickly distance myself, sprinting away from the stage so I can answer my phone and listen to my mother amidst the deafening music.
“Hold on!” I shout, plugging my other ear with my finger and racing towards the green room to ensure I can hear her. “Is everything okay?”
“Yes, but try not to panic when I tell you this,” she says, her words instantly sending waves of panic through my body. My heart beats loudly, like it’s about to hammer its way out of my chest.
“Just tell me, Mom,” I demand.
“We’re at the hospital. But don’t worry, Alex is okay. He had an accident when he fell off his bike on the sidewalk. The doctors said he needs surgery and they need your insurance information.”
“A bike? But he doesn”t even have one, let alone know how to ride it. How did he even get on a bike?”
I’m rambling, unable to fully grasp how this situation even happened. Tears fill my eyes as I agonize over my son’s injuries. In all the chaos of getting everything ready, I forgot to give my mother the insurance details. How could I have overlooked such an important thing? However, the greater worry lingers: why was my son riding a bike? What other secrets has my mother been keeping from me?
“Hang on, Mom. I’ll get them,” I say, realizing that all our bags from the hotel are now loaded on the tour bus.
With my phone pressed to my ear, I quickly approach Robbo, one of the many friendly Australian security guards the band has hired while here in Australia.
“Hey Robbo, it’s an emergency. I need to get to the bus right away.”
Noticing my distress, he pivots and guides me towards a locked door, leading us through a narrow, fenced-off section to reach the bus waiting at the back of the building.
“Alex has been asking for you,” my mother mentions, adding yet another layer of pain.
Great mom. Push the knife a little deeper into my heart. “Can I talk to him?”
“No, they’re preparing him for surgery.”
In a rush, I board the bus and find our luggage already placed at the front of the bus.
There I see a well-equipped kitchenette with a spacious dining area. Next to that, is a cozy sitting area with two inviting couches, accompanied by a television and an Xbox console.
“What? He’s going into surgery now?”
“Soon. That’s why I’m calling you.”
I reach into my bag, searching for my wallet to locate my insurance card. “Alright, I found it,” I say as I pull it out.
“Just a moment, I’ll pass you over to the nurse.”
“Hello,” a high-pitched voice greets me on the other end of the phone. Once I’ve provided the necessary information, I ask the questions my mother refuses to answer. “Is Alex okay?”
“Yes, Alex is all set for surgery. He has what we call a displaced fracture. Which means that Alex’s bone in his arm needs to be realigned.”
Right then, Xander rushes onto the bus and stops, his eyes fixed on me as I keep listening to the nurse on the phone, silent tears rolling down my cheeks.
“Is he in pain?” I ask.
“No, not at the moment. We have made him comfortable, so he isn’t feeling any pain. He should be going into surgery within the next twenty minutes.”
“Okay, thank you,” I reply, as a wave of relief washes over me.
“I’ll hand you back to your mom now,” the nurse says.
Waiting on the line for my mum’s voice, I’m met with nothing but silence.
“Mom...” I say, waiting for a response. But when I pull the phone away from my ear to look at the screen, I see the call has been disconnected. I can’t understand why my mother would do such a thing to me.
With Xander observing me, I dial her number. It goes straight to voicemail. It’s clear now that she has intentionally turned off her phone.
Feeling frustrated and angry, I collapse onto the lounge, burying my head in my hands and sobbing. I can’t help but wonder why she’s using this situation to retaliate against me. Just because I went against her wishes of coming here doesn’t justify her actions. As I’m lost in my thoughts, I feel the couch shift beside me, letting me know Xander has taken a seat.
To create a sense of distance and regain control of my emotions, I stand up. How can I possibly discuss our son without completely falling apart in front of him? Just as I’m trying to gather my thoughts, Xander’s hand gently wraps around my wrist, offering support.
“Talk to me, Princess,” he says, standing up and lifting my chin to meet his gaze. His calloused fingertips gently wipe away my tears. “Please talk to me.”
“It’s... my son,” I confess, my voice trembling. “He’s injured. His arm is broken, and he needs surgery to realign it. As for my mother... well she was never in favor of me coming here, and now...” I pause, sniffling. “Now she refuses to share any information with me about what’s going on. It was the nurse who let me know Alex is about to go into surgery when I gave her my insurance details.”
“When is he having surgery?” Xander asks.
“She said in twenty minutes. My mother called only because I forgot to leave my insurance details and...” Tears well up, and I cover my face with my hands. I never thought I would pour my heart out to Xander again, especially not about my little boy. The little boy he continues to never acknowledge.
“Just give me a moment, Princess,” he says, planting a kiss on the top of my head.
As I gaze up at him, he pulls out his phone from his pocket and walks off the bus.
What the fuck? I just poured my heart out to him, and now he’s walking away.
Outside the bus, I hear someone yelling - it’s Reg. “You need to get your ass into that fucking green room right now to greet those VIP Ticket holders.”
“Fuck off. I’m busy,” Xander snaps back.
“Xander, I swear to god, if you don’t go back in there, there will be consequences.”
I glance out the window and see Xander walking alongside the bus, phone pressed to his ear, completely ignoring Reg as he continues his rant.
Annoyed that Xander is ignoring him, Reg storms onto the bus, stopping right in front of me. “You were supposed to be here to address this behavior. Get out and do your job.”
Sniffling, I quickly wipe my eyes, ready to tell him to fuck off as I have urgent matters to attend to. However, before I can utter a word, Xander comes back onto the bus, phone still pressed to his ear. He firmly grabs Reg by the collar and forcefully pulls him back. “If you ever fucking speak to her like that again, it will be the last thing you do,” Xander declares, his voice seething with anger. He then yanks Reg down the front steps of the bus.
“Get your hands off me!” Reg demands, struggling against Xander’s grip. “I fucking mean it, Xander.”
Peering through the side window, I watch Xander forcefully shove Reg against the bus. He keeps him pinned there momentarily, engrossed in the phone conversation while giving Reg an intense glare. Eventually, Xander releases his grip and proceeds along the side of the bus, still holding the phone to his ear.
With a few quick adjustments to his suit, Reg returns to the building.
A wave of urgency washes over me, prompting me to grab my phone and search for information on a displaced fracture. I feel immediate regret when I discover the severity of my son’s injury. While consumed by distressing thoughts, the sound of footsteps makes me lift my head.
”Here,” Xander says, handing me his phone. “A nurse will call you every half hour to give you updates on your son.”
“How...,” I say, staring up at him in disbelief.
”Just grab it, Princess,” he urges, pushing the phone towards me once more.
I reach out and take his phone.
“She”ll call right away when your son goes into surgery. That’s her private number. If you have any questions, just call her.”
“How did you do that? How did you just-”
“Princess, when you’ve got money and fame, you can pretty much get whatever you want. Well, almost anything.”
I can”t even put into words how thankful I am to him for doing this.
“I gotta get back in there before Reg explodes and takes it out on the guys. You gonna be okay?”
I give a nod, overwhelmed by him doing this, helping me to find information about our son.
“I’ll be out as soon as I can. If you need me, text Ace.”
I nod, appreciating what he”s done. Although, I can”t understand why he”s bothering to help when he acts like our son doesn”t exist. That’s something we need to discuss, but that will have to wait.
“Everything will be alright,” he says, moving his thumb across my cheek. “I’ve arranged for the best surgeon to operate.” He leans in and kisses me on my forehead. And then he turns away and rushes off the bus.
I clutch his phone to my chest, collapsing on the couch, not sure what else to do.
I”ve had two conversations with the nurse in the past two hours, her kind words providing comfort during this difficult time.
The first time, I called her in a panic, unable to bear the uncertainty of not knowing what was happening. The second time was when she called me to say Alex was going into surgery.
The whole time, I anxiously waited, my heart pounding with each passing second, my eyes glued to my phone, desperately hoping for my mother”s call with an update on Alex. Sadly, she never does.
While I”m on the phone with Nurse Sally, Xander comes back on the bus. While I listen to what she has to say, my gaze stays on Xander, and I can”t help but notice the way his eyes explore every inch of my face.
When she finally tells me that Alex is fine, I let out a sigh of relief.
“Alex is sleeping now,” she tells me.
“How long will he stay in the hospital?”
“We”ll keep him here overnight and evaluate him in the morning. If everything looks good, he should be able to go home. Do you want me to call you when he wakes up?”
“Would you mind?”
“Not at all. Oh, and before you go, can you please let Mr. Williams know my son is super excited about his guitar lesson?”
It”s in these precious moments when Xander shows such kindness that tears well up in my eyes, my throat tightens with emotion. It’s hard to believe that this man is the same person who has caused me so much pain.
“Okay, I will let him know. Thank you again, Nurse Sally.”
“Don’t worry, Poppy. Alex is in good hands. I promise.”
Taking a deep breath, I finish the call and glance up at Xander.
“Everything’s fine. The surgery was successful. She’ll give me a call when he wakes up.” I get up from the couch and hold his phone out towards him. “Thank you.”
“No, you hold onto it.” He pushes my hand back towards me.
“Are you sure? What if one of your groupies rings for a booty call or something?”
I watch as irritation washes over his face, causing his features to contort, and at that moment, I deeply regret what I said.
”Princess, don”t believe everything you read,” he retorts, his voice filled with frustration and a hint of anger. He strides over to the refrigerator and grabs a bottle of water.
My attention shifts to the three other band members making their way onto the bus, with four excited groupies. I notice their wide-eyed expressions on their faces as they spot Xander, leaning against the kitchen cupboard, gulping down his water.
Suddenly, Reg storms onto the bus.
“No. There are to be no groupies on this bus. Seriously, how many times do I have to say it? Everyone get out now!” He points towards the door, gesturing for them to leave.
A busty blonde groupie looks my way, clearly annoyed. “Why does she get to stay on then?” she says, her tone resembling that of a tantrum-throwing toddler.
Xander tosses the empty bottle into the sink and comes forward. “She’s not some fucking groupie. Get off this bus right now before I kick your skanky ass.”
“Relax, man,” Theo interjects. “They’re leaving, right, baby?” He kisses her and walks her down the steps.
The other three groupies quickly exit the bus the second Xander strides across.
Ace and Nate grab their bags and make their way towards the closed door halfway down the bus.
It’s only a few seconds and then Theo returns.
”You totally killed my vibe, Regie boy,” he says, snatching his bag. Then he throws a smirk Xander”s way. “I might have to find my fun somewhere else.” Then he glances my way. “What about it, Spitfire? Can you handle ten inches?“
I know he’s just messing with me. I”ve already figured out who Theo is. He enjoys messing with people, just like Xander did for his own entertainment.
“Well, Theo, if it’s really that big, you’ll have no problem shoving it up your own ass,” I reply.
He pauses, smirks, and gives Xander a quick look. “I like her. She”s a keeper. For fuck”s sake, don’t screw it up this time.” Moving ahead, he goes through the same door Ace and Nate went through earlier.
Theo”s words won”t leave my head. Does everyone here know what Xander did to me back in the day? Did he blab that I was just a high school fling? Do they actually think I”m crushing on Xander, like Jade does? Yes, I still have feelings for him, but it’s more than that. He shared things with me he told no one else, except for Ace.
“Come on,” Xander says, grabbing our bags. “I’ll show you where your bunk is.”