49. Chapter Forty-Nine
As I lie on the grass, I casually cross my legs at the ankles and simply relax, taking in the breathtaking view of the stars above.
I’ve heard in this part of the world, the stars are bigger and more breathtaking, and the view certainly lives up to all the hype. This is my one and only chance to escape and enjoy some alone time before the crazy schedule of upcoming shows and the tour bus ride across Australia.
I just need a moment to sit, think, and calm my racing thoughts.
I know that the minute I step back into the hotel, Reg will completely lose his shit. It’s always the same whenever I do something like this. He’ll demand to know where I’ve been. And as always, I’ll respond like I always do, by telling him to fuck off.
Raising my hand, I scratch underneath the blonde wig. I know it must look completely ridiculous, this unconventional choice of a blonde wig. However, I always bring it along during tours as it grants me the precious opportunity to escape and enjoy some alone time. It’s the only time when I can think freely, without the relentless pressure of meeting everyone’s expectations.
Whenever we go touring, I never fail to stumble upon places like this, where I can truly indulge in deep reflection. It brings back memories of the moments when I would sit on the rock, pondering life’s mysteries, and reminiscing about my dear mother.
Suddenly, a voice breaks through my thoughts.
“Hey.”
My heart races as I recognize the voice. I turn my head to see Poppy standing just a few feet away.
“It is you?” she says, a smile spreading across her beautiful face as if she has caught onto my secret.
I remain silent, simply watching her as she comes over and sits beside me.
“Nice cap and wig, by the way. You had me fooled,” she says. “But Neil knew it was you.”
Observing her as she leans back on her elbow, I check out her tits, noticing that they are slightly bigger than before.
“It’s nice out here,” she says, scanning the area.
A strand of hair falls across her face, and as she raises her hand to brush it aside, I catch a glimpse of a tattoo on the inside of her wrist. It reads the name “Alex.”
“Alright, spill it. Why are you out here?” she asks.
I turn my head and gaze up at the stars. Even though I’m not looking at her, I can feel the weight of her stare. I place my hands on my chest, closing my eyes, relishing the comforting sensation of her presence nearby.
“Okay,” she says. “All we need now is a bottle of whisky to complete the night.”
Glancing at her, I glimpse a remorseful expression on her face, as if she instantly regrets her words. Swiftly, she diverts her focus back to the sky above.
“Reg is looking for you,” she casually mentions.
“Yeah, so,” I add, “I don’t care.”
“Well, he certainly seems like a dick,” she says.
“You nailed it, Princess. He is a dick.” I”m waiting for her to tell me she”s not my princess like she did the last time I called her that. But she doesn’t.
“You still haven’t answered my question,” she asks, turning her head to look at me. “Why are you here?”
I pause for a moment, then turn my head to meet her gaze. “When I”m on tour, I just need some alone time to gather my thoughts.”
“Sorry, I can go if you”d prefer,” she says.
As she sits up, a desperate longing to keep her close compels me to reach out and gently grasp her wrist. It may seem strange, given that we aren’t on speaking terms, yet having her here is comforting. I can’t bear the thought of her leaving.
“Stay,” I tell her.
“Or I can just wait over with Neil if you’d like.”
If anyone needed to locate me urgently, I knew Neil would be the one to track me down. He understands my need for a peaceful spot where I can be by myself. That”s why I like Neil; he never rats me out, unlike that asshole Trevor who runs to Reg whenever he sees me in my disguise, thinking I”m up to no good.
I choose not to respond to Poppy’s question; instead, I simply grasp her wrist. Whenever I touch her, it’s as if memories from the past blend with the present. I long to return to those days when I was younger. I wish I could go back and tell my foolish, aspiring rockstar self that leaving her behind would be the biggest mistake of my life. If I had the opportunity to redo it all, I would have stayed with her or asked her to come with me. Because all this time, all I’ve ever wanted was to call her and share my success.
The satisfaction of achieving my dreams and growing into the person I am today has never been as fulfilling as it could have been if she had been there with me, celebrating those moments of success together. With every milestone I reached, every chart-topping song, and every sold-out performance, all I wanted was to reach out and find out if she was proud of me, to know if she truly believed that I deserved her love and admiration.
She lays back on the ground, her eyes fixed on the sky overhead. Moments pass before she finally speaks.
“Is it always this hectic, like it was today?” she asks.
“Yeah, pretty much,” I respond.
I can sense her uncertainty as if struggling to find the right words to say. It’s unlike her to be so cautious. I miss the confident, smart-mouthed girl with all her sass. Just like today, I couldn’t help but feel super proud of her when she completely shut Reg down for being an asshole. It’s reassuring to see that her weak-ass boyfriend hasn’t extinguished the fiery spirit inside her yet.
“How did you find me,” I ask to fill in the silence, even though I know the answer to that question. I just want to move on from this tension and talk like we used to.
“Neil.” She props up onto one elbow and looks around the area. “It’s pretty here. I’d love to see it in the day.”
“Yeah, I”m sure it is, but I”ll never get to see that. Sadly, I”ll never get to see it unless I”m looking out the limo’s window.”
She glances in my direction. “Do you ever have any time for yourself?”
“Not really. And even if I did, it’s not like I could simply stroll around like everyone else,” I respond, keeping my eyes on her.
She nods and then lies back down. All I want to do is turn over and bury my face in the curve of her neck, savoring her scent just like I used to enjoy doing when we were younger.
“So that’s the reason for the wig and the cap.”
“Yeah. I know it looks pretty ridiculous, but it’s my go-to move, along with these sunglasses.” I hold them up to show her. “People still stare, amused by how stupid I look, yet they can’t quite pinpoint who’s hiding underneath. So, it works, no matter how ridiculous it may seem.”
“Do you ever get tired of all the fame?” she asks. “I remember that’s what you wanted.”
“Yeah, it’s not exactly what I had in mind. Don’t get me wrong, I”m grateful that I still get to make music and all, but it’s not what I thought it would be.”
“How so?” she asks.
“It’s just that I feel like I have no control over any of it. All we are to the label is a product. In the beginning, it was fine because we were pursuing our passion, chasing our dream, but now it’s lost its allure. Sometimes it seems like the label owns every part of me, and that’s something I can’t handle. It’s like we’re no longer seen as individuals, but merely a money-making machine.”
She keeps quiet for the moment as if considering my comment. She crosses her arms and rests them on her stomach, turning her gaze back to me.
“Regardless of all of that, you still wouldn’t change it, though, right?”
“No, probably not. But if I had known what I know now, maybe things would have turned out differently. I would have made different choices.”
“But you still did it, Xander. You followed through with everything you said you would. I’m sure your mom would be incredibly proud of you,” she remarks.
And at this moment, I find myself unable to speak. Emotion tightens my throat. Since the last time I was with Poppy, I haven’t discussed my mother with anyone. Not being able to talk about her has been difficult for me. But that’s the special thing about Poppy - she understands the loss of losing someone so significant in my life. She turns her head towards me, and I feel the weight of her stare.
“I’m sure your mom would be so proud of the success you’ve achieved. I bet she never imagined that when she gave you your first guitar, you’d become the envy of the world. Now, I”ll say this once, and I won”t say it again because I”m still mad at you for ditching me, but I”ve been keeping up with your success online. I”m super proud of what you”ve done. You did it. You pursued your dream.”
To hear her say that brings an ache to my heart, but I’m glad she has been keeping up with my progress and achievements. There have been countless moments when I achieved milestones and instinctively reached for my phone to call her, only to remember that I didn’t have her number because I threw my phone in the lake. Another regret of my life, and I’ve been annoyed at myself for years for another foolish mistake.
“So, will you tell me now why you never pursued your dream? Why were you working at the bar instead?”
Right away, I see her shutting down when I mention it.
“I don’t think it’s any of your business what happens in my life. Especially after you just walked away without ever wanting to know about it before,” she says, sitting up and hugging her legs close to her chest as if protecting herself.
She’s right. I really shouldn’t have asked, especially considering how long it’s been since we last spoke. But as she takes out her phone, I am captivated by her gorgeous face, illuminated by the screen. I quickly glance down and notice that she’s texting Ace.
Poppy: I found him. He’s okay.
It’s frustrating that Ace knows her number, but not me. I should be the one who has her number. A small voice in my head reminds me that I messed up by throwing it away. I’ll ask him for her number later; it’s the least he can do after all the crap he’s been pulling lately.
Poppy’s gaze remains fixated on her screen, clearly anticipating Ace’s response.
In a matter of seconds, it finally arrives.
Ace: Where is he?
I watch, curious to see if she will disclose my current location. I hope she doesn’t, as I can do without the chaos of the media, exposing my ridiculous disguise all because Reg wants to forcefully return me to the hotel, just like he did in the past when he contacted Neil.
Poppy’s fingers glide effortlessly across the screen, and I observe as she composes the following message.
Poppy: It’s under control. He’s fine. I’ll text you when he’s back at the hotel.
I smile, seeing that she hasn”t changed a bit. She remains loyal, steadfast and doesn”t let others sway her.
She locks her phone and places it face down on the ground next to her. After taking a moment to observe the peaceful surroundings of the park, the tranquility is abruptly shattered by the loud ring of her phone. She wastes no time and flips the phone over, and there it is. That asshole Reg calling her. Taking in a deep breath, she answers the call.
“Hello,” Poppy says.
“Where the fuck is he?” Reg’s voice roars through the phone, reaching my ears. I make a mental note to give him a piece of my mind when I get back.
Poppy moves the phone away from her ear, abruptly ending the call. Once more, she switches it off and is about to place it face down on the ground next to her. However, just as she’s about to do so, the phone suddenly lights up again, accompanied by her distinctive ringtone.
“Reg, just listen,” she says, her voice filled with frustration.
“Don’t you dare tell me to fucking listen. You had one job.”
Poppy disconnects the call once more, but this time she grips the phone, anticipating another incoming call. Without delay, the phone rings again, and she answers it. “If you persist in yelling at me, I’ll simply keep ending the conversation. However, if you’re open to having a respectful discussion, I’m willing to talk to you.”
I’m on the verge of bursting into laughter, as I can’t help but be in awe of her sassy attitude. Even someone as infuriating as Reg, a man who has intimidated countless others with his rage, is completely powerless against the feisty sass of my princess. Having her around will be entertaining, just to witness how she toys with Reg.
His booming voice is noticeably absent from the phone, implying that he might have to control himself this time. Instead, it is Poppy’s voice that I hear.
“Yes, he’s fine. And no, I won’t tell you where he is. You’re paying me to handle this, so please allow me the freedom to do just that.”
”Tell me right now where the hell he is,” Reg”s voice booms through the phone.
“I don”t remember any part of the contract saying I have to keep you updated on everything.”
“For fuck sake, we’re paying you for-”
Poppy ends the call and turns off her phone.
Spontaneous laughter bursts out of me, a liberating sensation that has been absent from my life for so many years.
“Don’t laugh,” she says, playfully slapping my arm. “I could totally get my ass handed to me when I go back to the hotel, or worse, get sent packing.”
“Don’t worry. No one is going to make you leave.”
“How can you be so sure about that, especially when dealing with Reg? That man’s temper is off the charts. When I first met him, he was good at hiding his hot temper.”
“Yeah, he acts all professional when he”s in the spotlight. But in private, he becomes a total asshole, spewing a bunch of crap.”
A ringing phone grabs our attention, causing us to turn our heads to see Neil answer his phone.
“What’s up?” Neil greets, his deep voice resonating.
”That”s probably Reg,” Poppy says. “He’s probably asking Neil the same question.”
“No, Sir. I haven’t seen Xander,” Neil replies. “But if I do, I’ll keep you updated.”
Poppy giggles, her shoulders shaking with laughter. “Why am I suddenly having so much fun annoying Reg?”
I know I should head back to the hotel because Reg can be a real pain and he won”t quit searching. But screw it, all I want is more time with Poppy. I love when she lets her guard down and talks with no animosity. I”ve been dying to kiss her ever since I saw her at the bar that night.
Damn, I’m already back to that with her. She”s the only one I”ve locked lips with. Many have tried, but I’ve never felt such a strong desire to be close to someone like I do with her. The urge to lean in and kiss her is undeniable, even though she has made it clear that she wants nothing to do with me now. But you know what? I don’t care. So fuck it. I won’t let that stop me from trying. Holding back has never been my style, and this is a chance to find out if she truly hates me.
I sit up, fixing my wig so I don’t blow my cover and ruin this moment of kissing her. The last thing I want is some groupie barging in and wrecking the moment. As I move closer to her, I see this confused look on her face, like she”s trying to figure out what I”m doing.
I seize the chance and make my move.
As I hold the side of her face, our lips meet, igniting a powerful surge of desire within me. For a brief moment, she hesitates, her body tensing before completely surrendering. The warmth of her lips against mine triggers a rush of familiarity, and I cherish the soft moan as I tenderly explore her mouth with my tongue. As the kiss deepens, she matches my passion, and at that moment, I find my answer. She still desires me just as strongly as I desire her. Despite her outward demeanor suggesting otherwise, her actions unveil the truth.
As my hand moves over her body, I can feel the warmth radiating from her skin through the thin fabric of her shirt. The thought of undressing her consumes my mind, as I yearn to relive the fervor of our past encounters. But as quickly as that thought enters my head, her hands come in between us and she forcefully pushes me away.
“God, what am I doing? This can’t be happening again,” she says, her face displaying complete disbelief at her own behavior. Her expression swiftly shifts from shock to anger. With a stern look, she fixes me with a serious glare.
”You can pretend all you want, Princess,” I say, smirking. “I can see through your act. Quit playing games and be real.”
“An act? You honestly think this is all an act?” Her voice escalates, and I can tell she’s struggling to find the right words.
It’s a little disappointing because I was hoping for her usual sassy comeback. However, she shakes her head, trying to regain control of her emotions. I’m still in disbelief that she kissed me back. I can’t help but smirk, knowing that if she felt nothing for me, she would have reacted angrily and left. Yet, here she is, still sitting beside me. It gives me all the answers I need and makes me realize that there’s still a chance for a fresh start with her. This time, there is no way I’m going to fuck it up.
“Stop staring at me like that,” she snaps back, her irritation prompting a reaction.
”Enough of this crap already,” I respond.
”You”re the one talking crap,” she replies, crossing her arms, clearly annoyed.
I lean forward, closing the gap between us until our faces are almost touching.
She takes a sharp inhale in response to my close proximity.
“Yeah, that’s what I thought, Princess. You can pretend all you want, but there’s no denying it.” I lean in and press a kiss to the side of her face. “Let me know when you’re ready to admit the truth. Goodnight, Princess. Get some rest; we have a busy day tomorrow.” I get up and leave her there alone on the grass as I make my way over to Neil.
“Asshole!” Poppy says, letting me know I’ve hit a nerve.
I can’t help but grin, relishing in the impact of the truth now that it’s out there.
I stop in front of Neil. “I”ll be good getting back to the hotel. Stay with Poppy and please let me know when she is back safe in her room.”
“Yes, Sir,” Neil says, acknowledging my request with a nod.
I continue walking past him and navigate my way through the park. Retrieving my phone from my pocket, I swiftly check the time. It’s getting late, much later than I had initially planned to be out.