Chapter 4
4
The sun is bright in a cloudless sky. Leafy trees sway in a gentle breeze. I can hear the trickle of water and feel the warmth of a palm in my hand.
I turn to look at the person beside me and try to focus, really focus, on his face. But, as always, all I can make out is a scribble, like a simple line drawing where none of the features are finished. I sigh heavily.
‘Everything okay?’
‘Yes, I’m fine,’ I say.
As frustrating as it is not being able to make out his face clearly, just being here with him makes me feel happier and more relaxed than I ever do in the real world.
He tugs my hand and leads me towards a bench. We sit, his dog sniffing around our feet. The dog’s features are unclear too, as though the details have been rubbed out.
I lean my head on his shoulder and he rests his hand on my thigh. Despite the smudgy edges, everything about being here makes me feel content, as though the pair of us fit together, like two pieces of a jigsaw puzzle that have finally found their match.
I’ve never felt anything like it before, not even with my ex-husband Nick, who I thought I loved more than I could ever love anyone.
Jay kisses the top of my head and I smile. People stroll past us, some with dogs, some without, but all of them with faces I can see.
‘I love you, Miranda,’ he says, threading his fingers through mine.
‘I love you too,’ I say.
Is it crazy to feel so certain of my feelings, despite not being able to see his face?
Who knows? This whole thing is crazy if you think about it too much. So I’m determined not to overthink it, and just enjoy our time together.
All of a sudden there’s a loud bark and I look down. The ground beneath me is fading away; the trees blurring and flickering, and the solidity of Jay’s shoulder feels more like cloud than real muscle and bone.
I desperately want to stay right here, right now and I grip Jay’s hand more tightly. But I know I’m about to wake up and that there’s nothing I can do about it, and then…
Then I’m staring into the darkness, my heart thumping.
And I’m all alone.