Chapter 10 #2
This is just ridiculous! Two months back, we went at it like bunnies, and now we can’t even sit on the same couch without facing breathing difficulties?
My mom’s right. We definitely need to clear the air, one way or another.
There are too many things unsaid between us, and we need to get answers, the both of us.
I’m glad Richard took the first step, because I don’t know if I’d ever gathered enough courage to do it myself.
So I decided to help him out and take the talk further.
“I’ve been thinking about talking to you too”, I started, and he immediately looked up, surprised.
“Really?”, he asked, and his eagerness, and the slight hint of hope in his voice surprised me. Wait, was my mom right after all? Could it be….oh my God. I decided to test my half-baked theory.
“We need to talk about us”, I breathed out, and I saw the clear relief in his eyes at my words. Fuck, my mom really was right. I wasn’t the only one pining after my ex, after all.
His positive reaction gave me the confidence to say what had been on my mind for the past two months.
“I miss you”, I told him quietly. His reaction was immediate.
“Oh baby, I missed you too. So much. You have no idea”, he practically launched at me, taking me in his big arms, holding me close to his chest, and I just…breathed, taking him all in. It felt like I was finally home, right where I belonged.
“I thought you were angry at me because I kept Connor away from you for so long”, I told him, my words barely above a whisper. I almost hoped he didn’t hear me. I don’t want to talk, and possibly fight, when we could just keep hugging like this.
But I can’t have good things apparently, because he did hear me, and he immediately pulled back, and looked at me in shock.
“Angry? What? Wait, you thought I was angry at you? I thought you were angry at me?”, he exclaimed, and his eyes told me that he believed his words to be true.
“What?”, I asked, confused. “I mean, after our fight at the hospital, I just thought…”, I trailed off.
“I was ashamed Katie”, he interrupted me. “Not angry, believe me. And I was just grateful that you allowed access to my son after the callous way I treated you before”.
“But I did keep Connor away from you. Not consciously, at first, but then, after I was financially stable, I had the option of trying to find you, but I just didn’t, you know. I guess I was still angry at you”.
“I know baby…and frankly, I don’t blame you.
What I did to you, what you had to go through because of it…
well, you were just being human, and I’ve made my peace with that.
Connor and I have a great relationship now.
You’ve raised him really well, and I’m so proud of you and everything you’ve achieved.
I’ll never leave your side again, never.
Believe me. If you don’t want me as anything other than Connor’s dad, I’ll respect that, and that’s all I’ll be in your life.
I mean, that’s what I thought you wanted these past two months.
The only thing I regret is leaving you in the first place at all.
I was such a selfish idiot. I’m really sorry”, he looked at me with guilt in his eyes as he finished.
“Why did you?”, I asked him, unable to look him in the eyes while I asked the question that had been eating away at me for the past 5 years.
“We were so good Richard. Everything was going well. It wasn’t like I was looking for a ring after 2 years.
I was young too. I wouldn’t have pushed you into making a commitment you weren’t ready for. You know that right?”, I implored.
“Oh God, please don’t talk to me like that.
It was NOT your fault. Not at all. Of course I knew you wouldn’t push me into making a commitment.
Of course, I knew that. And yes, things were going well.
They were perfect, in fact, and that day, after I got up, I was just looking at your sleeping form, so at peace, a small smile on your face…
you looked like an angel Katie, and that’s when I knew.
I loved you. I was in love with you, and it wasn’t just something you said after 2 years, I knew it was a lot more than that.
My heart knew you were IT for me, and I just…
panicked. I was 25, my dad was breathing down my neck already, urging me to come back home, and I just realized that the girl I was dating was the love of my life, and I really don’t know what came over me.
I acted like an absolute douche, completely out of character.
That night, while you were walking away from me, I was hoping that you would turn back, that you would fight with me for what I was doing, that we could just get past my stupidity like it was a bad dream.
But you didn’t. I mean, of course, you didn’t.
I just broke your heart, and mine by default, all because I didn’t know how to handle an adult relationship.
I did go back to that club, but only because I really, really missed you.
Not because I was looking for women. I was drunk off my ass, and I didn’t even know I was dancing like that until you told me.
I left the country a few days after that.
I mean, I’m not saying I was celibate all these years.
I did try to date after you, but my heart was never in it.
I was comparing every woman I was with to you, and after a while, I just…
stopped. I haven’t been with anyone for more than 3 years now, and I’ve never once felt like I was losing anything.
If it wasn’t you, I just didn’t want anyone else, Katie.
That’s the truth. I tried to look for you, but you’d changed your number, and you’d practically vanished from the face of the Earth.
When I saw you that day at the office, it was like fate was giving me another chance, and I just…
took it, with everything I had. If you give me a second chance at this, I promise you, I’ll never ever make you doubt me, ever again.
I’ll be the best husband and father to both you and Connor”.
“H-Husband?”, I stuttered out. I mean, his confession had already turned me into stone, barely able to move, or even breathe at his words, and now he throws the word ‘husband’ out there like it was natural for him to do so? I was going to faint, and it was going to be his fault.
His eyes widened, and he scratched his neck while sending me a sheepish smile.
“I’m putting the cart before the horse, aren’t I?”, he asked, still smiling, but with a hopeful look in his eyes.
“Big time, buddy”, I laughed at him, and he laughed back, and just like that, everything was fine again.
I looked at him, and maybe the hurt we both faced because of each other’s actions would never completely go away, but we’re past it enough to give us both a second chance, to give our relationship a second chance.
After all, neither of us has been able to move on from each other for 5 long years, and that must only mean that we are meant to be. That we are soulmates.
And now, with our son by our side, we have a chance to be the family we should have been all these years.
“I love you”, I told him like it was the most natural thing for me to say to him at the end of our emotional conversation.
I should be more nervous to confess my feelings to him like this, out of the blue, but I’m not.
I don’t know what shifted between an hour ago and now, but I feel more confident now, in him, and in us.
And he proved that to me when he closed the distance between us and pulled me into his big arms, his head buried in my hair, while he muttered, “I love you too Katie. So much. You have no idea”, with so much emotion that it brought tears to my eyes.
I lifted my head up and looked up at him, my tears unshed but right there, while I said “I’m beginning to”, before I leaned up to catch his lips in a long-overdue kiss.
We’ll be alright.