3. Chapter 3 - Ravi
Chapter 3
B link. Spin. Blink. Spin.
It didn't register that I’d spent all night watching the fan go round and round until the sun tried to peek its way around my blackout curtains.
I couldn't sleep. Even with my body drained of energy from the past twenty-four hours, my mind wouldn't stop. The whole night, my mind switched between debilitating soul-crushing despair and trying to walk myself off a ledge with logic.
She’d found out, and now she hated us. Was she going to leave? What if she got hurt? We still hadn’t figured out who was after her. Now that we’d confirmed Foedus knew about her, didn’t we need to claim her fast just to get them to back off? If it was life or death, she would choose us over death, right?
My heart squeezed at that thought. It was just as bad as thinking that she would never want to see us again… which would mean we would have to go back to watching her. Go back to being invisible.
My hands tightened into fists, squeezing so hard they started to shake. I don't want to go back!
Now that I’d tasted the sweetest fruit alive, I couldn't go back to cardboard, to that nothingness we had lived with for years. Life without Rin felt empty, meaningless. No direction. Just watching and wanting. The only thing left was to use this body to follow my uncle's orders and wait until the day I could end it all. A life without Rin wasn't a life. It was a death sentence!
With each second that ticked away, the urge to wake her up and tell her that I would quit and runaway with her was becoming harder and harder to resist. My mind ran off down the crazy train… and I didn't hate it. We could leave this all behind and start a new life somewhere. Take on a new identity far away from here. We wouldn't be the Ambros heir. We wouldn't be anyone important. In fact, I wouldn't mind taking her name.
My heart pounded at playing up the fantasy in my head. The thought of her walking down an aisle, my brothers beside me, took my breath away. We could make it work. Rion and I on each side of her with Roux behind. We could let him have the first kiss, but I would for sure fight for the second kiss. Knowing Rion, he would be fine with the last because he could make it the longest. Maybe I wanted the last kiss?
The reality of our situation came crashing down, and I landed my forearm on top of my eyes, groaning at myself. I was dreaming again. Her look of betrayal flashed in my mind, and it made me want to bang my head into the wall until it bled. I knew that we had a long, hard road if we wanted to get her back to the idea of a forever with us.
A light knock came at my door, and I huffed. My body creaked, the stiffness in my legs causing me to take longer to get up. My soul felt heavy and dark, like it just wanted to curl up and never be seen again, but that wasn’t the answer to our problems. Even I knew that.
Yanking open the door, I found Roux and Rion, both of them looking me up and down with eyes that saw far too much—not that I was capable of hiding shit at the moment. “Wow. I’ve never seen you look so haggard.” Roux laughed before he added, “Not even after weeks of torture training did you look this bad.”
Scrunching my nose, I growled, “What do you want? If it's just to insult me, you can leave.”
Rion raised a hand in surrender. “We just wanted to talk before we went down to figure out breakfast. Make sure we’re all on the same page.”
Opening my door wider, I leaned back, waving them in with a lazy flick. “Sure. Why not? It's been working for us soooo well so far.”
Rion glared as he shoved his way past me, but I was having a hard time caring. If this was how it was going to feel to have her hate me, then I would’ve fought for telling her about us immediately, working on getting her to accept us that first night. Hindsight was a bitch like that.
“This isn't the worst-case scenario,” Rion started, and I rolled my eyes. “Foedus hasn't killed her or taken her from us, so we still have time.” His hands were out as he walked from one side of my room to the next. I mean, sure, it was better than that , but our situation still felt pretty shitty.
Roux sidled up next to me, leaning against my wall with his arms folded. He stayed quiet, letting Rion get it all out like always.
“I’ve already drafted a letter of intent about making her our externus . This way they can all back off while we repair everything with Rin.” He opened his mouth to keep going, but I couldn't stop from inserting myself.
“Sure, yeah, whatever. That takes care of outside forces… but what about on the inside?” Rion’s brow lifted in confusion. Sighing, I straightened up. “Did you not notice how last night went? How can she stand the sight of us, let alone agree to be our outsider? There’s no way she’s going to just sit there and let that happen. We have to fix our relationship with her first.” I looked at Roux for support, but he just shrugged. Fucking useless brother.
Rion flicked his fingers like I was an annoying gnat. “She’s a smart girl. This is all for her betterment. She will get on board.”
“I agree she’s smart. That's the only reason she’s still here,” I said, trying to reason with him. He needed to see her point of view instead of getting lost in the bigger picture. “But even with all the smarts in the world, she’s still human and has feelings.” With my own insecurities getting the best of me, it was easier to stare down at my feet. “If we make her stay, I’m afraid that the hurt on her face last night will change into resentment. She’ll grow to despise us, and I can’t bear to see that happen.”
Rion’s attention was all on me as he growled, “Isn't that why we have you? You're the one we send to smooth things over with people and make alliances. Isn't that your job?”
My head slowly rose, my teeth clenched, really trying hard to rein in my emotions before I answered. “Sure. That’s my role when we’re playing R. Ambros, when we’re one person, but with Rin, we’ll always be individuals. So, no, just slapping a Ravi band-aid on the situation won't work.” Asshole . I said that last part in my mind, so it should be fine.
I didn't think my super planner brother could be this dense, but here we were, arguing about how to handle Rin in the best way possible. He was thinking about Foedus and her life, while I was thinking about Rin and her heart, and Roux on the sidelines, just waiting to see who won so he’d know what he needed to do.
This was why it would never work with only one of us. We were too focused, too trained in our own ways of thinking, leaving us unable to see the other side. It was why we made a great team. I needed to remember that.
Rubbing my hands over my face, I took a deep breath. “Look, at this very moment, we need to worry about breakfast and Layrin. No one wants to have conversations like this on an empty stomach.” I eyed them until they nodded, and the tension in my body drained out of me.
“Alright. We need to pull out all the stops.” Turning to Roux, I switched on my inner bossy Rion side. “You're on sausage and bacon duty.” Swiveling over to Rion, I exclaimed, “And you're on waffles.” My muscles tightened as my tired body perked up now that we had a plan. “And I’ll be on eggs and drinks. If we do this quickly, we might beat her to getting up first.”
My lips tugged up to the side as my brothers nodded, taking me seriously for once.
All three of us quietly made our way down the stairs. I noticed a bundle peeking over the couch, so I quickly made my way to the kitchen. The wind was knocked out of me when I saw Rin sitting at the table in the seat facing us, staring down at her hands curled around a steaming mug.
She looked up, and it was like a punch to the gut. She was wearing the t-shirt and jeans combo I’d gotten her at the mall, which squeezed my heart. She was wearing my gift. Her eyes had bags under them, and I knew she had gotten as little sleep as I did, which made me feel worse. She didn't smile or joke. Her usual calm and happy demeanor was sucked out as she straightened in her chair, looking at us with sharp, unyielding pools of molten steel.
“Good morning, boys. Let's continue our conversation now that we're rested .” Her pointed gaze and tone, both directed at Rion, were palpable. I did not want to be in his shoes right now, but he took it like a champ, moving into the seat directly across from her.
Roux and I sat down, waiting for her to freak out on us, but that didn’t happen. No, Rin calmly took another sip of her drink before she spoke.
“I had some time to think about everything, and I came to a conclusion. I realized that I don’t really care that much about what you do for this organization. In a way…” A small sad smile flashed across her face. “You're like the soldiers in the street gangs, but, you know, more like a mega corporation.” Rion’s eyebrow lifted toward her, but he didn’t correct her. I had to admit, it wasn't the worst analogy.
Her cheeks bloomed a rosy red before she shook her head. “I mean, the concept isn’t foreign to me. It's the way of the world, so I… get it.” She looked up and around at the house, shrugging to herself. “Plus, I should’ve figured a place like this came with strings.”
The two halves of me battled within my chest. One side hated the fact that she’d experienced situations that made her accept people who did bad things, while the other side was thrilled that she didn’t see us as killers to be afraid of. Maybe there was some hope for us.
“What I’m really bothered about…” Her fingers curled around the mug as her eyes narrowed. “What I really hate are all the lies you three have told me.” Her head lifted, those gorgeous silver eyes hardening. “From the second I got here, and even before then, you lied and kept secrets from me.” She pointed to each of us, making sure we knew how serious she was before she sighed. It was this cold, dark sound that you make when you’ve given up. “It was naive of me to think you were the boys that I once knew.” Her sad eyes turned away from us, looking down at her cup. Brick by invisible brick, I felt her building a wall to create distance between us.
I wanted to tell her she was wrong, that we were who she knew. That she had always known the real us and that's what made us cling to her. She was the only one who saw us as a whole as well as individuals. The only one that made us work toward a goal in life.
“I don’t think you really want the truth. I don’t know why you don’t just let us handle everything so you can live a happy life. Better than the one you’d been living.” Rion’s no-nonsense voice rang out before we all turned to him with various degrees of shock.
What the fuck? I palmed my face. Did he seriously just say that?!
My logical brother's eyes twitched as she looked at him like she had just been slapped. His jaw clenched, and I realized where this little attitude was coming from. He could feel it just like I could. She was taking the long way around in trying to tell us that she was going to leave, and he didn't like her throwing that massive wrench in his plans. While my brother was technically a genius, he was also socially and emotionally stupid, so he didn’t see that he was taking the completely wrong approach to change her mind.
Her whole body shook, her eyes telling me she was gearing up for a fight, and I needed to turn this around. I waved my hand in front of her face with a strained giggle. “He didn't mean that, Layrin. He’s just getting a little pissy. Don’t mind him and his mood swings.”
She looked at me, the edges of her eyes softening, and I knew I just needed to coax her some more. She would settle down and retract those claws that were ready to sink into some flesh.
My idiot brother had other ideas, of course.
Rion leaned forward, his face covered in the false bravado he liked to use when he was feeling too much. He laughed up into the air and settled back into his chair like he didn’t have a care in the world. “No. I’m serious. If we told you the truth from the get-go, you would’ve run out that door and tried to hide as fast as you could. We chose the safest route for you.”
Roux’s eyes flicked to Rin, and a smug smile crossed his lips as he settled back into his chair. If Roux was smiling, that meant only one thing. Shit was going to escalate. He had a sixth sense about these things.
Rin pushed her mug aside, folding her hands and leaning onto the table like this was any old conversation, but when her eyes flicked up, a shudder ran up my spine. I didn’t know how he could stand to have her look at him like that, but I would like to not be in the crosshairs.
In a scarily calm tone, she answered, “Safety, huh? In the last couple of weeks, I have almost been crushed by a bookshelf, run over by an SUV, and kidnapped by a rival family. What about any of that screams safety to you?” Rion opened his mouth, but before he could say anything, she cut us down with just one sentence. “If safety was the goal, why did you come back into my life?”
The temperature of the room dropped. A cold, dead kind of loneliness skittered across my skin, and I closed my eyes, trying to shove it away from me. The deep, dark desires I had for her came to the forefront. My short nails dug into my forearm so hard they started to bleed, but it felt good to have the release. Something needed to keep me grounded, keep me sane enough not to scoop her up and lock her down in that basement. That would be a bad thing… a very bad thing.
But would it, though?
Biting my lip to bring me back to the present, I cut through the tension. “Rin, what if I told you we would answer any of your questions now, truthfully, good or bad?”
I could feel my brothers’ eyes boring holes into my head, but I needed to do something, which was why I kept facing her, waiting for her answer.
She took a few deep breaths, the anger slipping from her eyes. It was replaced with hurt as she whispered, “Everything. I want to know everything you lied to me about.”
“Even if it hurts you more? Sometimes the truth is not a happy thing.” Roux’s rough voice rang out clear as he glared at Rin. Why the fuck did my brothers keep pushing her?
Rin glared up at Roux. “While the truth might not make me happy, might actually make me hurt worse than I am now, at least I won’t be made a fool. At least I’ll know what's real . That's more important to me than the lies your happiness goes hand in hand with.”
Before I could come up with a strategy of what we were going to tell her, Rion blurted out, “Since you already know about our passionate personal secrets, I guess I should tell you that the scholarship you received does not exist. We pay for your tuition, books, housing, and the AMEX that you barely use. That was all a ruse to get you here.”
I could see her wheels turning in her eyes, like she was cataloging all the instances she could pinpoint up until now. After a few seconds, her whole face relaxed, her shoulders and neck released their tension, and those eyes began to droop. Her aura changed from red-hot anger to sad and somber disappointment. It was worse than having her venomous tongue pointed in our direction and it had me wishing we could go back in time.
An eerie silence took over the room until her quiet voice asked, “So you knew about Vivian? A-about what happened that night?” Her body trembled, and an immediate need to take care of her rose in my chest. Should I turn up the heat? Should I get her a blanket?
“Who do you think got you out of there?”
Roux’s words had her snapping her head to him, wide eyes filled with unspilled tears. I glared at Rion, hating that they were trying to push her to prove a point. He looked unfazed as he stared her down like he had known this was going to happen and was just waiting for her to realize he was right. I bet his crazy mind thought she’d stay with us and choose to be blissfully ignorant if only he could prove her wrong. I almost laughed at that thought.
Did he not remember the fierce young girl that went against all odds to do what she thought was right all those years ago?
One tear fell down her cheek before she closed her eyes for a second. Rion shifted in his seat, crossing his legs as he looked at her, his lips twitched as he suppressed a smile. He had opened his mouth, probably going to gloat about how he was right, when a sharp snort came from Rin.
Her hand violently swiped at the tear’s track, exhaling before she lifted her head, eyes clear and determined. “Got it. I’m going to skip out on the thank you for obvious reasons.” She shot up out of her seat, looking down at him like a boss. “I will pay you back for the tuition and what little money I spent.”
No, no, no. This was going in the wrong direction!
“I’m not good at the ‘sit and look pretty’ role, so you might as well cut your losses here.” She stepped back as Rion leaned forward, his eyes wide as if he’d just now realized that he was pushing the wrong buttons. Even Roux was struggling to keep his breathing in check, his chest rising and falling at a rapid pace.
Since they just looked stunned, I took action. Shooting up out of my seat, I went to grab her arm, but she yanked away. “Don’t worry about seeing me ou—”
Just as panic set in, my mind running with the millions of things I could say or do to get her to stay, Rion’s Foedus phone chimed. A hush fell over the room, and even Rin stood quietly, taking our cue as we waited for him to read the message.
His whole face darkened, and he slammed the phone onto the table as he tilted his head toward Rin. “Looks like you can’t leave us just yet.” When she opened her mouth, he raised his hand. “Foedus has taken an interest in you and wants a formal meeting. There is no way to get out of this. It's either go to this meeting or die trying to run. What do you want to do?”
Couldn’t we just fucking catch a break? Our whole world was about to be turned upside down, and now those Foedus jackoffs wanted to take her from us too? I’d bet it was the Riccis’ fault.
I started cursing at them in my head until I heard Rin’s sigh. Her head was back and her whole body slumped like she was giving up. This might just be our saving grace, our moment to prove to her how much we cared, but on the same side of that coin, this could be a disaster for her. Even worse, what if they liked her?
“Fine, I’ll meet with the heads of your killing enterprise.” Her silent words, and then I’m leaving for good , hung in the air between us.
Our list of problems had just gotten worse. Our woman wanted to leave us, and we were no closer to finding out who was trying to harm her. Rion stood up, motioning for her to sit back down in her chair, and she rolled her eyes as she complied.
“Let's plan how we’re going to handle this impromptu meeting.” Rion’s words were supposed to instill confidence and strengthen our resolve, but when Roux and I looked at Rin and Rion’s unhappy faces, we knew we were fucked.