16. Chapter 16 - Layrin
Chapter 16
T he boys were acting weird. Usually, we all had breakfast together then split off to whatever we had to do for the day, but this morning was different. Roux was already at the door when I woke up. He nodded and said goodbye, so I waved at him since I was half awake. It was a little cold, even for him, but he was also a weirdo, so I let it go. That was until an iron set of arms surprised me, wrapping around me like his life depended on it. Giving me a kiss on my head, he sighed, then left without a word. The whole thing happened so fast I was left reeling, scratching my head as I went to the kitchen.
Rion was at his fancy coffee maker, and I smiled. At least this was normal. Grabbing a mug, I made my way over to his side when I saw the coffee getting close to the rim. Rion was just standing there, eyes glazed over, staring at nothing.
“Ri,” I called out, and he shook his head, turning toward me in question. I pointed to his cup. “I think you gotta take care of that.”
The rich brown liquid spilled over, and he cursed, turning off the machine. He pulled his overflowing cup out from under it and over to the sink. I set my mug down, collected some paper towels, and caught the spill running down the counter.
“I can get that. It's my damn fault.”
I smiled up at his frowny face. “It's not the end of the world. It's just a little coffee…” I stood up, putting a hand on his forearm. “But are you okay?”
His eyes burrowed into mine, almost like he couldn't believe I was asking him this. I opened my mouth to ask him what was going on, but his hand snaked around the back of my neck and he pulled me into him, his lips devouring me as he held me tight.
I dropped the paper towel, completely captivated by his exploration of my mouth. My body pushed into his, wrapping my hands around his neck as I deepened the kiss. Like that was just the reaction he was waiting for, he lifted me up and set me on the island, fitting himself between my legs. His hands drifted up, leaving my hips to slide up my sides, pulling my shirt up when his hands traveled farther and father.
Just as his fingers cupped my breasts, a throat cleared. We broke apart, gasping for air. “A show and breakfast?! Wow, this is amazing service.”
I chuckled, but Rion glared at him over my shoulder. His hands left my sides, making me wish he’d kept going, then he bent down and picked up the paper towel, throwing it in the trash before looking over the coffee machine. Is he going to pretend that nothing happened just now?
Hopping off the island, I was primed to march over to Rion and demand to know what the hell was up with the attitude. Ravi grabbed my hand before I could. “Hey, love. Are you ready?” Yesterday, he had told me we’d be getting an early start today.
Glaring at Rion’s back, I shook my head. “Let me just change my clothes.”
Although Ravi kept that smile on his face as I passed him, something was off about it. He was less expressive, less lively. Something was going on. They were keeping something from me, but instead of the skilled liars they usually were, the cracks were showing. I didn't know if I should be mad or happy about this new development.
Taking off my pajamas and sliding on a pair of jeans, I thought about it. This was the exact reason why I hadn’t been able to give them any answers about the future. Pulling a v-neck t-shirt over my head, a dull pain came from my heart. I clutched my hand over my chest. No, you can’t let yourself get hurt again.
We were having fun, and they were helping me get into this new stage of my unpredictable life. Sure, I knew their wants and desires for me were deeper and all consuming, but just like Rion had said, it wasn't love.
I paused, thinking more about how they made me feel. It was something so much more than love. Darker. Hypnotizing. Painful. Exciting. The three of them pushed back against the insidious voice inside me, the one that reminded me over and over that I was meant to be alone in this world. They were the only ones to stand firm and claim it was a falsehood.
The longer I was with them, the more I learned about them, the more my mind kept drifting into the future. It constantly circled with thoughts of those boys. I was trying to keep this relationship casual, like it could end at any time, but I was stuck in their sand trap, sinking further and further. I thought back on some of the spicier sides of our time together and smirked. At least I was going down with a smile on my face.
With my mind all messed up, half sure of them and half not, I shook my head. I wasn't going to keep my mouth shut like before. I was going to treat this situation differently. I was going to confront Ravi first. He would be the easier one to break. Plus, we had our outing today, so we would be separate from the others.
In the past two weeks, I’d been taking my time with him, but I wouldn't really call what we did training. Since it was a mental test, he claimed I needed to strengthen my mind. First thing in the morning, we did an hour of silent meditation, which, for a normal person, was hard. The first day, I couldn't silence my mind at all, overwhelmed by the random thoughts constantly running through my head.
Ravi had taught me a neat trick that day. It was to accept the thought then immediately release it. I worked on doing that for the next six days, and once we reached week two, I was able to clear my mind without having the thoughts overwhelm me.
After meditation, we would walk around the forest while he gave me no-win scenarios. I had to explain how I would respond to the situation, and sometimes we would debate my answers. Other times, he was silent, thinking over what I’d said before we talked about the consequences of those choices.
Seeing this philosophical side of Ravi was shocking. He was my silly one, the one that didn't take anything too seriously, so it was interesting to see this side of him that I wasn’t used to.
I had to admit, at first, his Layrin shrine had been shocking, even odd, but he never stepped over the line. He was like a puppy, patiently waiting at the line for his master to cross over, then he would jump up and lick them all over. Instead of his closet reminding me of some psycho killer, it blended more into the realm of a teenage fangirl, and I thought that was adorable—even the life-sized Layrin pillow was growing on me.
Leaving my room, I found Ravi waiting outside my door. I should have been used to it by now, but the sight of his raw beauty made me pause. Full head of light brown hair, blond streaks shining like rays of sunlight. Those magnetic swirling hazel eyes that changed with his mood and the light. Partner all that with his tight black shirt and pants, the only flash of color coming from his chrome Nike tennis shoes, and he was gorgeous.
“Let's go. I have some stuff to show you, and it will take a three-hour drive just to get to it.”
I nodded, not letting him know that I was surprised it would take that long, but I wasn't going to complain. It only gave me more time to bug him about what they were keeping from me.
When I looked around, Rion was nowhere to be found, and that just confirmed my suspicion. Something was definitely up.
At the door, Ravi stuck his hand out, motioning for me to wait. “It's going to be chilly, and I don’t want you to be uncomfortable.” He grabbed a lightweight fleece jacket and helped me put it on. I kept my head down, smiling at his thoughtfulness. I’d never had someone do that for me before.
We got into the car and made our way down the secluded road. Both of us were silent as he drove. Once he turned onto the freeway, I let it loose. “So, what are you three hiding from me?”
Ravi’s eyes went wide, looking at me then back at the road. “What do you—”
“Cut the shit, Rav. I know something’s up. Both Roux and Rion were the opposite of how they normally are.” When I saw him still being tight lipped, I explained. “Roux gave me a sweet and gentle kiss on my head, and he even hugged me before he left! Rion was so spaced out that his coffee overflowed, then he attacked me like it was my last day on Earth.”
Ravi’s hands gripped the wheel as he mumbled, “Fucking idiots. I told them not to be weird. I shouldn't have told them anything in advance.”
I bit my lip, waiting for more, but he didn’t say anything. Fine, then I needed to bring out the big guns. “Ravi, I thought we had gotten past this. You told me that you wouldn't lie to me anymore.” Shaking my head, I looked out the window, making a show of pouting.
“W-w-what? No. No , Rin. It's not what you think.” He stumbled over his words, his hands stretched out to touch me, but I moved my shoulder away. Out of the corner of my eye, I watched how his face fell. His whole body caved in on itself before he took a deep breath.
“Layrin, I'm not lying to you. At least not how you think. It's about part of your training for today… and my brothers are just… worried.”
It’s for our training? That explained the secrecy, but not everything. “I don't understand. What are they worried for? Do they think I can’t succeed?”
Ravi was quiet for a moment, inhaling deeply like it was giving him strength. “No. They’re afraid of what you will be like after you succeed.”
Well, that was ominous, but the more I badgered Ravi, the less he would tell me. It became his mantra to say that I would witness it all soon enough. He kept insisting that I had to trust him, and surprisingly, against my better judgment, I did.
Three hours blew by in a flash. We drove into Rochester, NY in the late afternoon. Ravi made it a big deal that he was taking me to lunch/dinner. We went to some fancy white tablecloth restaurant that I was severely underdressed for, but Ravi waved my concerns away, telling me that no one would dare turn him away. He was R. Ambros, after all.
Afterwards, he took me around the city, showing me some of the lesser-known places. It wasn't until it got dark that he started to show me the seedier parts of town. We ventured into back alleys and dark corners, which was very different for me.
These were the exact places that I’d always avoided, so while it was exciting and I felt safe with Ravi, my heart pumped hard and a thin sheen of sweat built across my brow. My survival instincts told me that this was a bad idea and I would regret it.
Ravi kept me close, always next to me, my dark angel. People would look at us, but they quickly looked away when their eyes met his. His aura gave off don’t-fuck-with-me-or-I’ll-kill-you vibes, and wisely, no one wanted to test him.
We finally found ourselves stopped in front of a clean-looking strip mall. Most of the spaces were vacant, all except one that had a banner up with the words, “Star Finder.”
Ravi stood on the sidewalk, just watching that shop, but I still didn’t understand. “Ravi, what are we doing here?”
He didn't say anything at first, just motioned for me to watch. It was a pretty barren location, with no clues to tell me about what the hell was going on. The darker it became, the more the temperature dropped, and I was getting cold.
Turning to tell Ravi that I wanted to go back to the car, he put his finger to his lips and pointed. “There he is.”
I swung around, squinting to make out a thin sickly-looking man in slacks and a white button down. He took out his keys and opened the door to Star Finder. He went in for a second before coming back out, blue puffer jacket on. He lit up a cigarette and smoked out front.
Something about his mannerisms and the way he stood were familiar. A tingle in the back of my head was telling me I needed to remember because I knew this person—or at least I used to know this person.
I took a step closer, but Ravi’s hand snapped out. Grabbing my arm, he shook his head. I rolled my eyes. “I think I know him, but I can't tell from this far away.”
His grip tightened, the thin line of his mouth showing me that he wasn’t budging on this. I knew that I had seen this person before, and I just needed to get a closer look. Maybe a different approach would work. I came up to his side and stuck out my lip. “Can I please get a closer look?”
Smiling back at me with a jackal’s grin, he bent down, grabbing the back of my head, bringing his forehead to mine. “I don't like you being interested in other men in front of me.” His eyes traveled down to my mouth, his own parted in anticipation. My tongue swiped out along my lower lip, and his eyes flared.
The sound of a car passing us had us both looking towards it, bursting our little bubble. Reality came back, and he let go of my head, taking my hand and bringing it up to his lips. He whispered along my knuckles, “It's Gabe.”
My brain took a second to catch up to what he’d said, but once I did, my eyes snapped back to the man leaning against the wall, smoking his second cigarette. What?! What was he doing here? This was far away from the orphanage in Virginia.
Ravi's voice sailed over my shoulder, his lips just a breath away from my ears as his hushed tone followed. “He came out here with a culinary dream. He got a scholarship for his first semester, but when he didn't keep his grades up, the scholarship didn’t renew for the second. He ended up dropping out.” I watched Gabe while Ravi told me the story, trying to match the sweet yet cowardly boy I’d known to the twitchy cigarette smoker in front of me.
Before I could ask for more information, Gabe looked at his clock, put out the bud in his hand and walked back into the shop. Not five minutes later did a pretty, young blonde girl in a crop top and mini skirt click her way up to the door in high heels. She stumbled, then righted herself before opening the door. I looked at my clock, knowing it was quite late for a girl her age to come to a shop like this, meeting with a man on her own.
That only ever spelled trouble.
This icky feeling in the pit of my stomach grew, but I ignored it. “What are they doing?”
Shadows flew across his face, hiding his expression until he walked to the side, waving for me to follow him. We went around the back of the building and hid behind a large garbage can, watching a blacked-out SUV pull up.
When I tried to ask Ravi again, he held up his finger and pointed back to the scene. Grumbling under my breath, I did as he said and watched. Something was off about the two men in the car. They looked too big for their seats, and their black sunglasses were completely out of place in the growing darkness of the evening.
The one in the passenger seat popped out and threw open the door to the car. He had a gun in the back of his pants, so I figured he was bad news. What the hell did Gabe get himself into?
Before I could think more on it, that girl came out the back, Gabe beside her, holding her up. Her eyes were shut, and she was fumbling around even worse than before, looking drunk. She was immediately shoved into the back of the SUV by the guy who’d opened the door.
“What the fuck?” I said before I thought about keeping my mouth shut.
The man passed something over into Gabe’s waiting hands, and he greedily shoved it into his pocket as the guy got back in the car and drove away. This felt wrong. So incredibly wrong.
As they drove past us, I heard a click. Ravi had his phone out and was typing away. “What’s going on, Ravi? What the fuck is Gabe into? Where are they taking that girl?”
He got up, motioning for me to follow him as he shoved his hands into his jacket pockets, his face giving away nothing. No frown, no smile. Just blank. Seeing Ravi like this made me hesitate, but I wouldn’t get answers if I hesitated, so I followed.
We walked to the car, got in, and he drove us down the street to another seedy-looking part of town. The car was quiet, and Ravi’s face grew darker as we parked on an abandoned street. Looking around, the houses were all boarded up, the yards a mess of weeds and unkept shrubbery. If you were going to do something criminal, this would be the place to do it.
“What are we doing here?”
Ravi glanced over his shoulder and pointed to a two-story tagged-up house. “We’re going in there.” I stared at him, my gaze demanding that he tell me more, but he kept his head straight.
What the fuck are we doing?
With all the things adding up, my stomach rolled and my mouth went dry. I knew in my soul that he wouldn't hurt me. Even facing all of this, I trusted him to keep me safe… but why were we here?
Before I could ask, he whispered, “Look,” and I saw the shadow of a person quickly slinking around the corner and disappearing into the house.
Ravi got out and, always being the gentleman, came over to my side to open my door. He shut it quietly. “Let's go.” He started toward the house, and for the first time I noticed that his steps were light, almost like he was trying to sneak in.
I’d had about enough of this, so before we went through the door, I pulled on his jacket. “Tell me right now what’s going on.”
He hung his head as he sighed, mumbling, “I knew it wasn't going to be this easy.” He turned around, eyes searching our surroundings before he clutched my shoulders, his tone sharp. “Rin, I need to show you something, explain something to you, then you will have a choice to make. That's all I can say right now.” He stepped closer, cupping my face, his tone going low and pleading. “Trust me, please.”
Staring into those gorgeous eyes, I saw the hints of blue and green sparkle. A calmness came over me, easing my fears as I soaked up his presence. Nodding, he gave me the barest of smiles before grabbing my hand and pulling me through the door.
I immediately recoiled. A sour, putrid smell filled the space, choking me as Ravi pulled me forward. Inside, the house was worse than its outward appearance. Dirt and grime covered every surface, and everything looked broken or half used and splayed out. The inside was tagged up worse than the outside. Walls looked like they were decaying before my eyes.
My breath hitched when he guided me up the broken stairs, my heart pounding in my ears as we walked down a disgusting stain-filled hallway. At the end of the hallway was a closed door, and Ravi stopped, whispering, “Forgive me.” Before I could ask him for what, he opened the door and pulled me in.
The room looked barren, and the crunch of glass beneath my shoes made me want to get out of here as soon as possible, but as soon as I heard a pleased sigh, I turned around. A dark lump sat in the corner of the room.
My feet moved on their own as I let go of Ravi’s hand to creep closer. Dread filled me when Ravi spoke. “After culinary school, he tried to keep a few odd jobs but always got fired for stealing.” Looking down, I saw a blissed out Gabe, eyes closed and a smile on his face. He was slumped against the wall, a needle in his other hand.
“He hooked up with some mid-tier thieves, and they went after the wrong mark. A major skin-trade dealer lying low here. He killed all the crew except for Gabe, telling him that he would need to pay for trying to rob him. After that, he set up shop in that building we were at before.”
I grimaced, not wanting to hear more about the boy who was occasionally kind to me. I didn’t want to know more about how he’d grown up to become… this .
Ravi came up to my side, his voice making me shiver as he glared down at Gabe. “You see, the routine is that Gabe here gets young girls to sign up for a modeling contract, making sure they’re freshly eighteen so they don't need parental consent. He says all the right things, has a professional website and references, and when they come in for their last interview, he drugs their drink and hands them off to the men you saw.”
Bile rose up in my throat, and my hands clenched as I looked down at the man he had become. I was sickened. To take advantage of girls who were already growing up in poor neighborhoods with shitty futures on the horizon… They were just looking for one lucky break to get them out, and he was selling them a dream while delivering a nightmare.
“You want to know the worst thing?” I didn't. I really didn't, but I couldn’t tell him to stop. “He does all of this for heroin. Each girl he brings, he gets enough for a couple days. This makes it so he’s on the hunt the next day for another girl. Wouldn’t want his supply to ever run out.”
Rage filled my veins. How long had he been doing this? How many girls had he sold? The boy I'd known was no longer inside of him. All that was left was this vile creature that preyed on others to fulfill his selfish desires. I felt sick just being in his presence.
I had turned to tell Ravi that I wanted to go home, but the cool touch of metal met my fingers, stopping all thought. A gun was clutched in Ravi’s hand, and he was handing it to me. Looking up at him with wide eyes, both sorrow and unyielding determination reflected on his face.
“This is your test, Rin. You know this man, you’ve known him since your youth, but what he’s done, what he’s still doing is vile and needs to be eradicated. You need to do this.” Pulling my fingers open, he placed the gun in my hand.
It wasn't my first time with a gun, but I shook all over. During my time with Roux, he’d given me basic training on how to clean and use a gun. I had okay accuracy, which he planned to work on after the test was over. For now, he’d explained, I just needed to know to shoot it without being scared.
I was scared now.
My gaze bounced between Gabe and Ravi until I settled on the latter, about to beg him not to make me do this. Ravi beat me to it, grabbing me with hands, and desperation filled his voice.
“You need to do this, Rin.” He turned me around to face Gabe. “He hands over girls to be sold to the highest bidder. Do you know what kind of men purchase them? The ones that want to do unexplainable, unspeakable things to them, things they would normally get in trouble for. Do you know what happens to each and every one of those girls?” I flinched, wanting to know just as much as I didn't want to hear it. “They die , Rin. They die horrible deaths and are thrown away, discarded. Alone.”
My whole body clenched. Alone. They die alone.
The words kept circling around in my brain, and that door I kept locked moved the barest of an inch. Its contents began to seep out the cracks. They’re just like you. Alone. Always alone. Never knowing love… but we can save others…
Looking at the gun in my hand, I knew what the voice wanted me to do, what Ravi wanted me to do, but could I?
I lifted the gun and pointed it at Gabe’s head, trusting that there was a reason I had to do this. Maybe Foedus had told him this was part of the test. Maybe this was their way of breaking me down in order to piece me back together the way they wanted.
I knew the boys had killed people before, I could guess that Elio, Luca, and Cin had done the same, but that was the world they’d grown up in. I wasn’t part of their world. I was an outsider. The failure. The loner.
Gabe’s eyes cracked open for a second, his brows furrowed in confusion. “Layrin?”
His eyes closed, and he slumped back down. I lowered the gun, shaking my head. “I can’t. I can’t .”
Out of nowhere, Rion’s voice came from behind. “Yes, you can.” I swiveled around and saw all three of them. My men. Rion looked like a hobo with his beanie and dirty, oversized clothes. A mask covered his mouth, but his eyes were the man I knew. Next to him, on my left, was Roux, but he had several facial piercings, black hair, and tattoos down his arms. Neither of them looked anything like themselves, but those eyes couldn't fool me. All three of them were looking down at me with love… and regret.
“Wha—” I started, but Ravi cut me off in a hurry.
“They can't be here for long, but we knew you would need help with this part.” His hand reached up to tuck a strand of my hair back.
Roux nodded to me, his silent support speaking volumes, then Rion spoke.
“We didn't want to tell you this unless it was necessary.” He looked to his brothers, who nodded. “You need to do this, or our uncle is going to retaliate. I don’t know what he’ll do or how bad it will be, but I bet he’ll deem us unfit to train you. He’ll take you away with him, and Rin, we can’t let that happen.”
The raw urgency in his voice told me he was scared. He was scared that I would get taken away, and he couldn't prevent it. Glancing at the others, they were giving me the same pleading looks. I was compelled to turn around and face Gabe.
As I looked down at him, a myriad of emotions ran rampant, bouncing me in different directions. My soul and mind battled for clarity until a single determined, steely thought sliced through all the mess and confusion. They will not be taken from me. They’re mine.
Three sets of hands landed on my back, not pushing me, just lying there in support. Their weight reminded me that I would never be alone with them at my back.
I need to do this.
Lifting the gun again, I pointed and kept it steady.
I need to do this.
I took a breath, trying to calm my pounding heart.
I need to do this.
This was for me and the guys. I could do this.
Looking at Gabe, I noticed a piece of hair had fallen down, making him look so at peace along with the drugged up smile on his face. This was the boy who’d risked beatings and food deprivation to help me.
That darkness inside crept up, coaxing me. Open the door. I can help. You won’t do this alone.
Yes. I didn't want to do this on my own. I needed the strength I’d always leaned on when I needed to survive. I needed the darkness to do this.
Closing my eyes, I pictured the door that I locked all those thoughts and feelings behind, all the things that made me feel like I wasn't like the others. I only ever let wisps of it out when I needed to, and I needed it now.
Twisting the knob of the door in my mind, it flung open, and the darkness took over, clearing everything from my mind.
My sense of self, morality, guilt, past trauma, all of it was wiped away when the shot echoed into the night.