Chapter 4 #2
Before she could finish her thought, Evelyn set her wine on the coffee table and closed the distance between them, pressing her lips to Jo’s in a kiss that was both soft and urgent.
Jo responded instinctively, her hand coming to rest on Evelyn’s waist, pulling her closer.
The kiss deepened, and Jo felt herself getting lost in the sensation.
As Evelyn’s fingers tangled in her hair, Jo felt a surge of something that went beyond physical attraction.
Pulling back slightly, Jo rested her forehead against Evelyn’s, both of them breathing heavily. “Damn you’re a good kisser,” she murmured, a smile tugging at her lips.
Evelyn laughed softly, her breath warm against Jo’s skin. “Am I really?” she asked, her voice barely above a whisper. “I haven’t had much practice.”
Jo’s mind raced, conflicting emotions warring within her.
The part of her that had always kept things casual, that had avoided emotional entanglements, wanted to push forward, to lose herself in the physical pleasure she knew awaited them, and yet another part wanted to explore this connection to see where it might lead.
She pulled Evelyn closer, intensifying the kiss, pouring all the conflicting emotions she was feeling into it.
Evelyn responded eagerly, her body melting against Jo’s.
As the kiss grew hotter, Jo felt the familiar stirrings of hunger, but there was something else too.
It was an unexpected tenderness she hadn’t ever felt before.
Slowly, Jo pulled back, her breath coming in short gasps.
Evelyn’s blue eyes were dark with desire, her lips swollen from their kisses.
It took every ounce of willpower Jo possessed not to give in to the urge to carry her to the bedroom right in that moment.
She found herself at a crossroads. The chemistry between them was undeniable, but there was also this new, fragile connection that she was afraid of rushing.
She wanted to do this right, to give whatever was growing between them a real chance, but her body seemed to have a mind of its own.
Unable to resist, she kissed Evelyn harder.
Flickers of firelight danced across Jo’s living room, and soft music played in the background, but all Evelyn could think about was Jo.
They sat on the couch, Evelyn’s body pressed so close to Jo’s she was nearly in her lap, while the woman kissed her.
For a moment, everything else in the world fell away.
Her hands had somehow found their way into Jo’s hair, and Jo’s strong, steady hands had slid tighter around her waist, increasing the intensity of their kiss.
The insistent press of their bodies sent heat coursing through Evelyn, solidifying the attraction she had felt since seeing Jo at the bar.
Yet, as intense as it was, a creeping sensation started working its way through Evelyn’s chest. Jo’s hands moved upward now, exploring further, more intimately.
Evelyn’s stomach twisted, her heart slamming inside her chest. The closeness was suddenly too much.
Without thinking, she stiffened, her breath catching in her throat. Jo immediately responded to the shift.
Slowing her movements, Jo pulled back enough to search her eyes. “Are you okay?” Jo’s voice was soft but concerned too.
Evelyn nodded automatically, panic bubbling inside her.
She felt Jo’s gaze on her, clearly trying to understand, to make sure everything was all right.
Jo , she thought. So different from anyone else .
Sweet and caring, even though I know she wants me .
And I want her… but can I really have sex with her already?
“I need to use the bathroom,” Evelyn blurted out, barely managing to hide the slight tremor in her voice. “Where is it?”
“In the hall, second door to the right,” Jo answered, sounding a little confused.
“Thank you,” Evelyn said as she slipped off the couch before Jo had a chance to say another word and nearly ran to the bathroom, her legs unsteady beneath her.
Once inside, she shut the door with more force than necessary and pressed her back against it with her pulse thundering in her ears.
She squeezed her eyes shut, trying to still herself, trying to push back the flood of panic that threatened to demolish her.
Breathe , she silently commanded herself.
Just breathe . Moving to stand in front of the sink, she gripped its edges like a lifeline.
Her reflection in the mirror stared back at her, wide-eyed and flushed.
She looked wild and nothing like the Evelyn Barkley, Research Assistant, who had it all together.
“What’s wrong with me?” she muttered to her reflection.
She really liked Jo. That wasn’t the issue.
God, that isn’t the issue at all , she thought.
Her lips tingled from their kiss, the way Jo’s soft but confident manner had settled into her bones since they met.
She wanted this. The excitement, the connection, Jo’s touch.
But then why can’t I do it? Why can’t I take the next step?
Why is my brain flooding with doubts and fears the moment things matter?
Evelyn groaned, trying to collect herself.
“You can do this,” she whispered firmly, as if saying it would make it true.
“Jo’s great. She’s not going to hurt you.
Just go back out there and… just…” Her own voice trailed off in a futile attempt to convince herself that she could do it, that it wasn’t too much, too soon.
But the truth swirled around her like a storm cloud.
No matter how incredible Jo was, no matter how easy things had seemed, Evelyn wasn’t ready.
I can’t go back out there , she thought.
Not like this . Evelyn took her phone from her pocket.
Anything was better than facing Jo. She was not ready for an intense conversation about all her insecurities.
Without any more hesitation, she opened the Uber app. As she fumbled to press the ‘current location’ option, her heart pounded with each second as she anxiously waited for the screen to load the availability of nearby cars.
Three minutes away.
A wave of relief hit her. Three minutes.
She had an out. If she could simply wait in the bathroom and not face the churning confusion inside her, it would all be okay.
She would leave, go home, and text Jo later to apologize and make some excuse.
After she figured out what she was feeling.
Biting her lip, she tapped her foot nervously against the bathroom’s tiled floor.
It felt like a betrayal with her brain and her body fighting each other.
I like Jo. A lot , she thought. But I just can’t do something so unfamiliar.
Checking her phone again, she saw there was one minute left before the Uber would arrive. Her chest squeezed tight. She had to go. It was time to leave, because if she stayed, she didn’t know how she could explain.