Chapter 5
Five
S itting on her couch, Jo stared down the hallway toward the closed bathroom door.
The soft sounds of indie music filled her living room, and the fireplace crackled gently, but her mind was elsewhere.
Her stomach clenched with unfamiliar anxiety as minutes ticked by with Evelyn still in the bathroom.
It wasn’t how these nights usually went.
Usually, by now... Jo shook her head, trying to clear the thought.
This isn’t usual. Evelyn isn’t just another conquest .
The realization hit her with surprising force, making her grip the edge of the couch cushion.
“What’s happening to me?” she whispered to the empty room.
The Jo Fuller she knew didn’t get nervous.
She didn’t second-guess herself. And I certainly don’t develop feelings beyond physical attraction .
Yet here she was, palms sweaty, wondering if she had somehow messed everything up by moving too fast.
Her eyes drifted to the motorcycle posters on her walls, then to the wildlife photography prints beside them.
The contrast made her smile despite her nerves.
They shouldn’t work together, but somehow they did.
Exactly like me and Evelyn , she thought.
So different, yet there is something there. But am I really ready to explore that?
When Evelyn did not return, Jo stood, pacing the length of her living room.
Should I check on her? she wondered. Knock on the door?
She shook her head. No . Better to give her space .
Still, worry gnawed at her. Did I come on too strong?
Did I misread the signals? Their kisses replayed in her mind.
The tenderness, the passion, the way Evelyn had melted against her, but there had been something else too.
A vulnerability in Evelyn’s eyes that made Jo want to protect her, not only desire her.
Running a hand through her hair, Jo made a decision.
When Evelyn came out, she would tell her they should slow things down.
The thought was foreign. Me suggesting we not sleep together ?
Mica will never believe it . But it felt right.
“I’ll just tell her,” Jo practiced quietly, rehearsing the words.
“Evelyn, I really like you. And because I like you, I don’t want to rush this.
I want to get to know you better first.” The words felt strange on her tongue, but they were true.
For the first time in her life, Jo wanted more than simply physical intimacy.
She wanted more. The thought should have terrified her.
Instead, it filled her with an unexpected warmth.
The bathroom door opening snapped Jo from her thoughts.
She turned, the words she had practiced ready on her lips, but they died instantly at the look on Evelyn’s face.
“I need to go,” Evelyn said, her voice tight. “I’ve called an Uber.”
Jo blinked. “What?”
“It’s waiting outside,” Evelyn continued, already moving to gather her things. “I’m sorry, I can’t do this.”
The world seemed to tilt on its axis. Jo’s chest tightened as she watched Evelyn slip off her motorcycle jacket and lay it on a chair near the door. “Evelyn, wait,” Jo managed. “Did I do something wrong? If I moved too fast—”
“No, it’s not you,” Evelyn cut her off, not meeting her eyes. “It’s me. I’m just not ready for this.”
Jo stood frozen, her mind racing. She should say something. Stop her. Ask for her phone number at least, but the words wouldn’t come. For once, the normally smooth-talking mechanic was speechless, watching as something precious slipped through her fingers.
“I’m sorry.” Evelyn reached for the door. The apology felt final as the woman slipped outside.
“Evelyn...” Jo started, but the door was already closing.
Through her front window, she watched as Evelyn hurried to the waiting Uber.
She didn’t look back as she got in, and seconds later, the car pulled away.
Wrapped in confusion, Jo made her way to the bathroom where Evelyn had hidden.
She moved to the counter and looked in the mirror.
Searching her face, she couldn’t see any noticeable change, but inside, she knew she was.
I should have stopped her. I should have said something, anything, to make her stay , she thought, then groaned.
I should have at least gotten her number .
But she hadn’t. For the first time in her life, Jo Fuller had been too afraid of rejection to act.
The irony wasn’t lost on her. So many times had she been the one leaving, offering casual goodbyes and vague promises to call.
Tonight she knew how it felt to be on the other side.
Pushing off the counter, Jo walked back to the fireplace and stared into the flames.
A cold emptiness she didn’t recognize replaced the warmth that filled her earlier when she decided to take things slow with Evelyn.
“What just happened?” she asked the empty room, but the only answer was the soft crackle of embers and the fading notes of music.
The Uber pulled away from the curb, leaving Evelyn standing alone in front of her apartment building.
The night air felt heavy around her, or maybe it was simply the weight of what she had done settling onto her shoulders.
Her hands trembled as she fumbled with her keys to open the building’s front door, and she still felt the ghost of Jo’s touch on her skin.
Jo . The thought of her name alone made Evelyn’s chest tighten.
What have I done? The confused look on Jo’s face as Evelyn fled played over and over in her mind like a torturous film reel.
Taking a deep breath, Evelyn pushed through the door and turned toward the stairs.
Sometimes, when she was tired, going three flights felt daunting, but tonight she hoped the physical exertion would help clear her head.
Or at least tire me out enough that I won’t lie awake all night thinking about what I just threw away .
As she climbed, each step seemed to bring forth a new memory of the evening.
First floor was the way Jo had looked at her across the crowded bar at Sapphire , that confident smile that had made Evelyn’s heart skip a beat.
Second floor was the exhilarating feeling of being pressed against Jo on the motorcycle, the wind whipping past them as they rode through the city.
Third floor was their kisses on the couch, each one more intoxicating than the last. “Stop it,” Evelyn muttered to herself, her voice echoing slightly in the empty stairwell. “It’s better this way.”
But is it ? she wondered, finally at her floor.
The question nagged at her. Everything had been perfect until she had let her fears take over.
Jo had been so gentle, so patient. The way she held Evelyn, the soft looks she gave her, and the careful way she checked to make sure Evelyn was comfortable.
Reaching her hallway, Evelyn paused with her hand resting on the wall.
She still felt the phantom pressure of Jo’s lips against hers, still smelled the lingering scent of leather and something uniquely Jo.
The memory of how safe she had felt in the woman’s strong arms contrasted sharply with the panic that had overwhelmed her in the bathroom.
“She probably thinks I’m some sort of weirdo now,” Evelyn whispered, closing her eyes against the wave of embarrassment that washed over her.
“I ran away without any real explanation.” The image was mortifying.
Shaking her head to hopefully clear her thoughts, Evelyn’s hands shook as she inserted her key into her apartment door.
Inside, her usually comforting space, her refuge, felt emptier and less welcoming.
Dropping her bag on the couch, she considered having wine to help numb her nerves, but somehow that felt cowardly.
A part of her wanted to keep feeling the emotions, even the ones that hurt.
As she fled to her bedroom, her eyes fell on the romance novel on her nightstand, the spine well-worn from countless readings.
How many times have I lost myself in stories of passion and courage, of people taking chances on love?
she wondered. Yet when faced with the real thing, I ran away .
“It’s different in real life,” she told herself.
“Real life is messy and complicated and... and...” And exactly what I always dreamed of .
Evelyn groaned, sinking onto the end of her bed.
“It was only supposed to be a fun birthday night,” she murmured, as if saying the words might make them true.
“That’s all. I wasn’t supposed to meet a tall, sexy butch who carried me away on her motorcycle like some knight in shining armor. ”
Evelyn stood and walked to her window, looking at the city lights.
Somewhere out there, Jo was probably still in her house, probably confused and hurt by Evelyn’s sudden departure.
Or maybe she isn’t hurt at all, she thought .
Maybe this is only another Friday night for her, another almost-connection that didn’t pan out .
The thought shouldn’t have hurt as much as it did, but Evelyn’s heart ached a little at the idea she was nothing more than a conquest. A car horn honked somewhere in the distance, jolting Evelyn from her thoughts.
She realized she had been standing at the window for some time, lost in thoughts of what might have been, instead of facing reality.
She didn’t have Jo’s last name or phone number, and she certainly wouldn’t dare step foot in Sapphire again.
“Since I won’t see her again anyway,” she said.
“It doesn’t really matter.” The mantra felt hollow even as she said it.